crimsonvampyrss

This is a fucking sick thing to say on today of all days. For those who don't know 185 people died in my city on that horrible day!

Slavery

I never liked the term "slave" but I never really understood it either. I thought it was too much of a risk, to put everything on the line, to have that last shred of control taken away. But since last weekend, I see it very differently now. Its a term of endearment and love.

I have always thought i was submissive but it never really fit well enough but i didn't like being called a slave since i didnt see myself as that persons property. A slave is something I could become, its deep inside of me. The word disappointment makes me shudder, and to have someone say it to me and mean it, makes me feel physically sick. But to hear that they are proud, gives me a feeling that i can't even describe, its perfect.

Slave does not mean push over, i give that gift to someone because i trust that they won't push me in a direction that i either don't want to go in, or is not beneficial to us both. My hard limits are respected but they no longer are limits, there are no limits. But i will have that trust and loyalty to that person that it wont worry me. I won't just be their slave from the beginning, its something that il progress into as we go along.

Some people have a very different view as to what a slave is, but this is what it is to me. If they don't agree, and wish to just use me with no concern on what it would actually do to me, then i will never grow into their slave. It is something that i am deep within myself, but it wont emerge for just anyone.

I look forward to learning more about who i am, and learning about the people around me. One day, i will be a slave and i love the wait. I will wait for that right person, and then i will fully be everything i can be, with their love and guidance.

I am a slave, but im not someones just yet, i'm just me.

New pictures from recent play party, 42lashes from a small single tail, first time trying a whip. Pretty pretty marks :D Its a few days later and im still bruised but already i want more, i want that sting, i want that battle of wills to keep taking more, i want to scream and cry in pain. I feel this is the real step towards being the pain slut i want to be, i ache for more! But it takes a special person to keep me floating, keep me taking more. Plays with friends keeps the urges at bay but i want to find my sadist, i want that urge to please them through my screams. I will find Him, or Her, and i don't mind waiting, but god i want for more. I don't care that im not healed yet, i want that sting. A love/ hate relationship, i need more. I think the next thing i try and take a decent beating of is the wicked cane. Just watching others take it makes me hot.

Totaly wanting to be gagged right about now, sweet surrender is a mild escape.

"We must break the body to win the mind", Alan Rickman as the torturer in Closet Land

Abduction

It started off as a nightmare, only problem was I woke up....

I don't know what I had been dreaming about but I suddenly noticed I couldn't move my legs, when I wiggled, my arms wouldn't work either. I was suddenly awake and at the same moment a hand was clamped firmly over my mouth, my eyes were open but all I saw was black.  There was two of them, one had my feet and the other my upper body. I don't remember the car ride but when I was awake next, I wasn't home. I was dumped on what I later found out to be an old mattress, suddenly I was blinded by light. They had taken the hood off me but before my eyes could adjust they had turned off the light and locked the door behind them. What was the point? I was tied up still. I felt numb, curled into a little ball, sobbing, no voice to call out for help.

In the morning I woke up to the light, and I could see my new prison. A small empty room, single mattress with a flat pillow and moth eaten blanket. I straightened up and realized at some point in the night I had urinated where I lay. I heard the lock and saw them for the first time. Tall, dressed in black, masks on but piercing eyes. I tried to beg them to let me go but they ignored me while they cut my bonds. One held me down as the other slowly cut my clothes off me. They were going to rape me... well thats what I thought. But no, this was the beginning of something that was going to be much worse.

They dragged me by the wrist down a corridor to an open shower area. Shoving me into a corner and throwing a bar of soap at me. I tried to cover myself with my hands but I was hit with a blast of ice cold water from a pressure hose. I screamed as it felt like red hot needles against my bare flesh. I was soaked to the bone. They stopped the hose and waited. I picked up the bar of soap and started to wash myself. One of them reached over and turned the shower on, it was right next to me but I hadn't seen it. I washed myself in the warm water then turned it off. Waiting for them to show me what they wanted next.

The taller one came over to me, wrapped me in a towel and held me, like a fragile doll being held together simply by his arms. He never said a word, His eyes told me everything. He was in charge, and this was His game. I was just His toy and if I didn't do what He wanted of me, then that hose was going to be the lest of my worries.

I was led back to my prison, where there was food and water set out for me, locked in as before A new mattress had replaced the old, but the linen was the same. He wasn't going to let me forget and he wasn't going to let me get comfortable. I ate and drank, then curled up and fell asleep.

I woke to darkness, and His favorite time to play....

the bonds are tight, every breath i take they tighten
the restriction around me
filling my head with a lull of security
then i feel it
white hot, searing pain
a flood of emotions hit me
i cry out as the pain starts again
i smile, i love this feeling, pure agony then sweet surrender
i need more, harder and hotter
a sting now, making me gasp for breath
then more and more in quick successions
tears spring from my eyes but this is only the beginning
i crave more, push me as far as i can go and then further til i break
i can feel myself getting damp, but its not from my sweat
a sudden thud, then more and more
my fists close tighter as i hold on, trying to stay steady
endure, i must endure, i want to do this for Him
i am His and He keeps me safe
suddenly nothing, my breathing becomes regular as i can feel my body start to ache
my hair is pulled back, harshly
my head is against his shoulder, body pressed against mine
excitement surges through me, making my knees tremble as he whispers in my ear
He wants to know if ive had enough, if i want Him to stop
i simply say no
i feel his teeth sink into my neck
His hand holding my waist, keeping me from moving, a tight grip on his prize
it slides up my breasts to my throat
in a quick movement He has me up against the wall
tight grip on my throat
the other hand playing with me
im embarrassed, but the tighter he grips and the more He plays
makes me moan out loud
im trying to stop the noises im making but he grips tighter and plays faster
i dont know if i can hold off any longer
i cant
i shudder and shiver against the wall, fighting to catch my breath as the waves of pleasure crash over me
His face is close to mine and He grins His evil grin
i know im in trouble
i know its what He wanted
i'm turned around and the pain starts again
rushes of deep pain
the noises of things hitting my skin, like music
and we start our dance again.......

I'm standing naked in the middle of a room. Its time for inspection. I feel scared today and I don't know why. I'm trying to cover myself with my hands and I'm looking at the ground. He finds it amusing, that I feel so vulnerable today. He is slowly walking around me, hitting His cane against the palm of His hand, just enough to make a noise. I can feel the warmth increasing between my legs as He slowly walks around me, the sound of the cane hitting flesh in time with His footsteps. Erotic music in my ears. He stops in front of me and presses the tip of the cane under my chin, making me lift my head to look Him in the eyes. He moves the cane to His side and steps in very close to me. I can see the smile in His eyes as I sharply breathe in as His face is so close to mine. I stay where I am, my body is pleading for me to move in closer and kiss Him, but this isn't what this is about. I can feel myself getting wet at the sheer closeness of our bodies. He leans in so His lips brush against mine as he speaks.

"Breathe pet"

I moan slightly as I let the air out of my lungs. I can feel where it was burning in my chest from the lack of oxygen. I'm still looking into His eyes, losing myself inside of them. He knows what He is doing to me and smiles one of His most wickedest grins. He steps away and starts to circle me once more. Taping the cane against the palm of His hand. I let my hands drop so He can see all of me, keep my chin up but close my eyes. Listening to the erotic music of His footsteps and cane hitting flesh.

I cherish these moments with my Master and am thankful He rewards me with them.