crimsonmouth


CrimsonRedChee Male Dominant, 37	crimsonrear Male Switch, 43, Charlotte, North Carolina	crimsommaster Male Dominant, 33, kernersville, North Carolina

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	About crimsonmouth UPDATE! 9--14-09 I know who I am pretty much now. I know why earlier i didn't know why I was here. I didn't like what i saw usually. You can find me on .com as Sylvia Santanaii. Here I am only looking for friends otherwise is better place to contact me. I actually forgot about this account. I expect respect whether i am sub or dom. I am very powerful in either station and in my own personal life. I am kind to those who deserve it. Otherwise I am a fun-life loving womane-childe. Who loves my self and uses love in most of my intentions. I love learning and teaching. Kisses Crimsonmouth i am seeking healing for my submissive past. i do not think i willever reconcile my submissive side. i crave to be loved and conquered but i also resist. i am at this time not able to be live in. i question whether i even can do this. i seek a strong male. but i an confused. looking for guidance and safe and sane answers. i like to submit but only sexually. i am very complex and tend to lose myself. with the right person i can really let go. but usually i am pissy or scared. i know that i am submissive sexually but not in the rest of my life. i don't even know why i am here. i am seeking something i just do not know what it is.

I didn't come here this time to delete my profile. Since my last post I have accomplished much. I identify as Switch if people have to know if I am subby or Domme. It depends on the person. Otherwise I am just kinky and fetishist. My two most favourite fetishes are bloodplay-which I am not actively seeking for right now. I like ageplay. I already have a Daddy. I am polyamourous and that means love not sex. I am always open to friends perhaps playmates according to what Daddy says. Right now I am still in recovery from a very hardcore surgery.

I decided to see who or what was here and see if anyone was worth my time.

Sylvia

I just read my old jounral entries. I almost deleted this account a few months ago. This isn't my most favourite playground. But i needed to reflect on my journey into submission with my Daddy. I am older then i was a few years ago when i started in this place. I am also a bit wiser and still have my battlescars from innapropriate boundaries. I used to really think everyone in this lifestyle was crazy or unhealthy. Well we might all be alittle nuts.lol. But i have realised so many things about myself. The different kind of strengths and weaknesses myself and other people have. "Human" as Daddy says. I realise i'm very human and my fear has mainly been about myself not ever being good enough for anyone. Or being too much of something else. I realise in this moment i deserve good things. I deserve respect and love. But realising it and knowing it are two different things. I am learning so much from my Daddy. Sometimes i feel that i'm too complex for most. And sometimes i make things too complex for myself. It is delicate balance. After years of just accepting the slave title and not knowing the difference between sub and slave. I realise i have many choices. All most too many. But i think it's healthier for me at this point in my life to have choices. The choices i find pleasing in my self are the ones wherei am learning real devotiona nd submission to a Dominant that has shown me how much a person can do with positivity in their life. It when the sadness from my hurts that things get me exciteable and i fall back into that old pattern of I'm not worthy. I am. But i do not always feel it. Some one once told me feelings are. Well i really need to accept my feelings in general. I have kept too much resentment and rage. I know i still have alot of baby steps to take>BUt the strength of my Dom has helped me realise the strength is surrendering. I've spent a lot of my life fighting for things that were really important. Like survival,stability and reaching goals. But somewhere in that process I also became out of control with controlling myself my inner self too much. I never realised the many layers of hurt and anger and ibittnerness still lie ther. Every day more and more layers peel off as I speak to Daddy. I guess i've never been able to really belive a person was really strong enough to be my Dom where both could be happy and pleased. Everyday a new layer is unpeeled and i become more at peace. Even when the flare ups of anxiety come from past trust issues. I love my Daddy very much. As i have loved others i have served. But i find that there is a gentleness in his approach and yet i know that i am getting to the point where I would do just about anything he asks of me. Because i may have had love before but not Respect. How could i know what respect is when i didn't respect myself. This is where daddy helps gently to guide me to think for myself. It's hard at first for i always immidiately respond slave like at first, Maybe i'm still trying to understnad the difference of being and owned slave and being a Sub to a Dom. In love i am slave like i was that way in vanilla relationships as well. I put up with a lot and stillloved them and complied becasue of that. As a sub now i feel a new kind of submission I admit is more difficult but i like it. Because i get to make choices a lot. I enjoy my choices that make my Daddy happy. I always dreamed of being someone littlegirl where i felt special and safe. But never thought i would ever find it ever. I just about lost my littel girlself and it's in her i find the most peace for now. The owman is a little more pig headed and stubborn in her trust issues. But i know if he were stnading in the room with me rightn ow i would give my self 100 percent to please him. To make him proud. To also feel worthy of his Control and love. The only way i truly feel femenine is when iam submissive,. Yes in dress i can come off Dominant and do have few Dominant desires but to me that is more male thinking for me. I feel like when i am domiannt no matter how femme fatalle i am i still feel masculine in my thoughts. AS a sub and exspecially as a littlgirl to my Daddy i feel like i found something that was taken from me years ago. Perhaps why i sought out ageplay in the first place. Being alittelgirl i am more vulnerable but also more open and more fearless. I don't have to role up my sleeves like male and start a fight to defend myself. I get to feel the power of being free in bonds i have agreed to. I just am. which is zen state i rarely get to experince with all my complexities. I feel more whole even if split in two with my feelings at times. between coonfidence and insecurity, But no matter what I am still his littlegirl no matter what.Fault and all. It makes me proud to be his. It makes me stronger against other more unethical Tops who would try to seduce me. Because my heart lies with him. My loyalty and my even awe or fear. But healtly fear of the unknown. To live life to the fullest and to try my best to not take anything for granted. I need help in forgiving myself when ia m toohard on me. Then after it reaches through my thick skull, it's not about me anymore. It's about service to someone who makesme happy. Who i strive to everyday to bring joy ito his life as well. It's not easy but i don't think it would mean as much if it were easy. Relationships take time and foundation to build. It used be that i used to losem yself everyday to a Dom or Master. Now i seem to gain more by letting go and leading with my heart not my head. I know that days even hours i will panic. But His strength even when he is away keeps me strong. I keep my eyes lowered and my heart open. I find myself getting away form the selfishness i may have had once to protect myself. But now i feel liberated in a whole new different way. No one has really been able to open my eyes like this before. It is respect where my love grew for Daddy. This is a Dom i find myself wanting to give more and more of myself everyday completely. I would fight for him. I would defend him. I would do almost anything for him at this stage. The gifts he gives me can not be bought in stores or measuredin in wealth. It is passifying peace of being well my Father figure and a Man to be reckoned with for his wisdom and in his ability to be human as well. Like the stars i feell myself lining up in straight row like the moon or sun would in and eclipse. The more i let go and give to him the freer i am. ANd for once I enjoy obeying.Because he has been The most woenderful person I have ever met. He's My Dominant and mY Daddy and I'm his littlgirl submissive. I would want it no other way but to be his and to obey out of love trust and respect and a great friendship.

Crimsonmouth

I have learned so much this last weekend about the Dominance my Daddy has over me. His guidance and suggestions help encourage me every day to be better at the things I do in my life. It's amazing how even the little things motivate me to things i might put off or procrastinate on. i think I am finally learning what a positive it is to Be guided by a Strong and Caring Dominant Daddy. I am grateful for every moment we share.

Daddy's lil red riding hood

we interupt your regularly scheduled programming to anounce that this adult little girl has a new Daddy Dom (WolfandEagle)to answer to.

and this this little gurl is in fact very happy about it. and has the giggles and tingles all through out her body. and intends to do something about it just like she was told to do.

I do so like being treated like good girl when i in fact am.

Thank you and goodnight ladies and gentlemen

little red riding hood

First lessons of Dominance and ageplay as a spankee for Lisa

so when one thinks about firsts we ususally think of how we got to where we are now.

so i thought back through time when i was younger and remember my first time when i discovered some key elements to my sexuality that are being redifined this very momet as i sit and ponder my present and possible future. i was my father precious first born one and only daughter. He was damn proud and he was very strong and protector of the innocent. i had been an inquisitive a social girl and met people randomly wanting playmates for adventure. i ended meeting and older girl names Lisa. She was scary smart and of course older and I thought wiser.lol we of course clicked and she seemed kind of bored and like she needed a family to hang with. so we eneded up clicking and i invited her to dinner. Soon we hung out all the time and watched many horror flicks and even made a few. My father took her in as she practically started to live with us. Now i was usually quite used to being Daddy's only little girl. But i so loved my new sister Lisa that i rarely felt that jeaulous. I'm not saying never though. But it was all pretty much goos. as we could tell each other our fantasies about our future romances when we were older. of course i was a bit jeaulous she would be older two and half years sooner than i. of course i "older" really meant when we can heave without worry about dad telling us what to do. precious little girls we were. I remeber oursensuousnous as she had decent bra and i was too poor to have one and being late bloomer did not enough bumps to fill real bra other than an a. i got to wear camisoles. i so wanted to wear bra's. in my dreams i wanted wear bra's like Syd Charisse wore in Silk stockings well along with stockings too. BUT THAT IS A WHOLE NOTHER CHAPTER AND CATEGORY:FETISHES. (SMILES EVIL GRIN)

ahem

so she one day after we did varipous types of roleplay surprised me with a bra and a slip. i felt so girly and not so tomboyish. as my father a great moutnain man not so great on fashion for girls.

i was so enthralled espically when she planted a kiss on my cheek and snuck me some red lipstick too. we often kissed each other on the cheek and soon to mouth but later we agreed we didn't like frenching. it was too confusing as to who would be in fact the "guy". giggles

well that is what we were doing most of the time laughing and blushing. there one day i was having moody. those things do happen in a young woman's life. and my older friend that i looked up gave me sucha warm hug and let me cry. and she said you just need a big mommy hug. Now i knew my heart belonged to Daddy but... it did feel warm and squishy to have a sweeter cuddly femenine arm around me. and i noticed a strnager sensation going on inside of me too.... admiration and respect for her kindness. so i offerred her a proposition which i had no idea would open in me some of the most enjoyable aspects i have found in my budding sexuality as older younger womane.

iasked Miss Lisa if you please will you be my Mommy? i felt so much love for her and so much warm fuzzies i almost couldn't believe i was asking that. well I did indeed blush. but was thrilled when she calmly accepted yes. and then she told me to go to bed. I admit i was tired but i couldn't sleep to well because i was too excited to have this bnew figure in my life. and this new secret between us. We often would retreat for daily "how is has your day been" cheack -up and one day i was bit jeaulous of how much time she had spent with my dad i wasn't really spoiled but i did feel like she was indeed moving in on my Daddy Daughter time.So one day at check up i refused to speak to her. and i didn't tell her why. and she was pissed too. at this point i really grew out of her being the mommy. She simply had become MOM. i started to storm out of the room and she said "you are beiing a brat." (looking back i really was not i was just adjusting the realities of the woman's game. sigh how we all learn.lol.) She grabbed me by the arms and immediatley gave me an OTK spanking. I was so pissed and embarassed and defiant. And it did sting a litttle. I was even chastised. I'm sure i looked like deer in the headlights as she left the room. then suddenly something amazing happened. I was horny. and i relaised i liked the spanking even from my "MOM" of all people. Now i was still barely a virgin then and really didn't get this whole relationship to spankings and arousal. But it made me start to purposely act out to actively seek out the spankings and of course the dominance. Trouble was she never really did more than once. I lost track of Lisa and i always wondered if she had a little secret once i had grown to understand my relationship to my sexuality and the D/s world and proclivities related to it.

But here is to you "Miss Lisa" or Mommy or even "MOM". Thank you for letting me know that i was indeed a budding "super spanky slut"

thank you ladies and gentlemen
Crimsonmouth
Journal written at the request of WolfandEagle

Next Installment

other Dommes girls firsts

just a lil sidenote:

oh boy oh boy oh boy or should i say

gurl.

methinkso definately.

my lil ole heart is just jumpim for joy with lots a lil ole thoughts. but that is for another date. but alil girl like me just cannot hide her bluswhing anticipation

when we hear the words from a lovely
Masculine voice "goodnite little girl"

oh that is the most. but you will all just have to wait fo that chapter to unfold. but i just couldn't contain my little ole self.

or my squishy knees.

giggles

Lollya

This is a new phase in my life where all stands still. and i take a step in a new direction. where respect is essential not only for those who matter but for for myself and my true natires in their capacities. Tonight was an interesting night. i got a lot accomplished today and i look forward to the future in the new adventures to come.
I am stonger in my new path and i the best part is i am learning tremendously from all of it. I it is no easy path to be compleatly true to one self. In all there capacities. I wonder sometimes how few really come to understand the variables of vulnerability and strength. how such a fine line it is between Dominance and submission. Responsibility for oneself and another, And then the freedom of letting go and growing. All these lesson are blooming like a rosebud, as the wolf howls in the full moon's light. Lover's rosy stain can not be denied in any station.. Except with trust and honour within and without oneself. And that my friends i have learned takes honesty, but for it to just fall upon deaf ears is only a waste in the mind of those not really listening. Not for those who really see what going on around them.

this is the beginning of the new phase of my journey. my memoirs and essays. But i guess sometimes to te get a picture of where your headed one must start at the many begginings. Not neccesarily the roots. But where you started that led you on the New adventure.

Coming up Next Time:

My many first's in Bdsm

Had a night out Dancing. All week has been quite physically exerting but it makes me strong. And I love my art. It's a shame it's wasted on idiots, thinking I am a desperate woman doing it for attention. I enjoy the music and i dance well, and i do it for me and my enjoyment. If i were wearing my danse orientale costume then perhaps I might indeed want some attention. I dance for me to feel the music and fell the new power in my body as it moves the way I discipline it for my enjoyment. It worked out all the kinks from the house redecoration i've done all week. They don't even realise I'm using basic cabaret and tribal fusion techniques. However hats off to the ladies I seemed to pull into my circle. At least they too can enjoy the art that was made for a woman body originally. And kudos to the wide eyed smart asses males who inded thought my large muscular body could do more than juggle.

Now there is a type of attention I do like. surprising people who underestimate me.

Pity they think I'm the needy one. My heart indeed belongs where it does. But as ususual I march to the beat of my own drum. So many warm vibes from all the pleasant women. Most of them lesbian or bi, nice but I i'm not the uhaul type at all. Especially at a bar. I go to the bar to dance not to hookup. I learned that a long time ago.

Besides the main reason i don't even prowl is because none of them interest me on that level.

I have only found one that is strong enough for me. And that one would not be in a bar in my town.

So i sit and wait and see and mostly watch. And see the behaviour of people around me. I beleive my highlight was seeing a sca member dressed in sub-viking outfit, that I got pic with but that was more for history's sake not for him although quite beautiful. But still not my type.

Perhaps as colleague for armour if i decide to fight for my hand as queen by my own right at one of the war's. The trying would be the rush, not the winning.

He thought i was teasing him about the outfit until I told him specific historical period costumes then he smiled and his girlfriend tooka pic with me and him. I just wanted to have pic of the armour.

I am not a purposeful relationship destroyer.

I am famished though. i think I will have some soup for dinner. If i don't crash instead. I think I should sleep pretty well.

the nicest thing about tonight was goign to go dancing and not being drunk. it's so much easier to focus on my art that way. I even saw someone who had hurt a friend of mine and all i did was dance and ignore her and she turned around and left the place,white faced and pale in fear. Quite funny since I was happy and could not care less. Am I really that scary? I guess here I am.

Whatever I set out to do as I wished.
Enjoy and celebrated the coming of the dark of the year.

well i don't update this journal that much. i think i should. i think i should get to knwo more people in the lifestyle. but sometimes i wonder how many doms are really looking for the taken in hand wife. am i up to it? i mean love to be sexually adored. but there has to be more. love. love me unconditionally and i will obey.
i am still interested in ageplay.
but been feeling more teen than abdl or littlegirl. i haven't felt the stirrings of great loving intimate sex acts in so long. i feel as if i am forgetting allmy sexual talents. but i'm also afriad to trust to share and be used in the not so good way.
maybe i should be alone for awhile. maybe i'll never love again. and maybe i will always be at odds with the subsideof me. i gane it away so freely with others that i'm hesitant to share it. i feel damned. becasue i can't feel totally fulfilled in vanilla relationship and i get too scared to giv emy power to someone. event hough my my body and souls yearns it. i would liek my story to be rewritten. i would liek to have a daddy that doesn't toss me.

today there is less of my babyplay. i feel a little older despite my pacifier. either that or a cigarette. and i am working on quitting. so the pacifier will stay in until the normals come over. today i've been thinking about submission. it is a gift i give to someone i trust. i want a daddy. and i also want to learn to be able to be a good girl for a dom i love who loves me and who isn't going to break me then run. i'm through with selling my soul for something that brings me pain.
i may not be ready yet to be a good sub. there are so many aspects to my life that. it would have to be an individual who was very precise. i think to be a better sub. i need to learn safety and trust. no more cheap one time thingies. it is hard to know the value of being a sub when all your previous owners have distroyed trust. no one on here.

i want a daddydom that lovews his little girl or slave even.

i have to go slow. when i find the dream daddy dom i will be such a treasure to share with him. if he is worthy it will be worth all the weight in gold.

to you out there. i'm waiting on my knees.

so i'm really discovering my fetishes. which i am begining to thik has not alot to d and s. although as an adult baby i think i could totally be regressed. i think i might even like locking ab clothes. i know they make lockable panties and lockable mits. but it would totally have to be submission . because i would regress myself helpless. i think i could probably go the whole way with total power exchange. but iam still trying to find suitable kinds sexual play. if any. there woudl have to be platonic or barely there caressing. my fondling fantasy on daddies lap requires me to be older at least 10. like i guess from three to six it would have to be gentle fondling of the breasts. maybe a pat on kitty. but older i would be more open to sneaky fondling. but i think i will have to think on it first.

today i feel yarky. meaning my stomach is all up in knots.

i truly am on a search for a daddy.

i am willing to try complete regression. but i also know that there will be times i must be my own woman.

the child is very special part of me. but i can't always be a littlgurl.

i guess i am looking for more velvet glove. some one more into the love of me as friend and mate. also someone open minded. to try ab,abdl,ageplay.

my sub side seems to get rowdier and brattier as time goes on. i think it is all the broken peices of my heart that i'm picking up.

i want someone affectionate. proud of me. supportive.

if i have that trust. then limits are up for discussion.

i will tolerate no abuse.

this littelgurl inside me needs a friend , daddy, lover, siginificant other and most likely a sub.

i have to have boundaries. with the hope i could find a man that can live with all my little quirks.

but i would hope as time goes on. that i could trust further and further. wheni commit to someone i am very loyal.

i'm not looking for polyamoury at first. becasue i need to be the alpha sub and the most important person in my daddies life.

i do hope to have a child. all though the cards are stacked against me.

i need aman that doesn't mind that i am big. like me now. or don't. i will not lose weight for you.

i will lsoe weight for me. and i have. i have lost about hundred pounds and counting.

i do not wish to be admired simply because i'm fat.

i am very smart. very sompassionate. and have lotso f love to share. but my trust is really on the mend. so i must take it slow.

i am open minded to new things. when the time is right.

i intend to explore my ab side.
i am getting the clothes and the works even soem furniture.

i am a very creative person. and love to do art in all forms.

so many doms come to me that aren't interested in me out of sexual context.

so i need to be loved as a person.

so i bought myself about all together ten pacifiers. all too small. i am so verty enthusisatic part of myself i am discovering. i desperately want to fins a unique man who i could fully trust. who would be worthy to me my friend first. and love second. then the bedroom area would have to be defined.

i believei am looking for daddy. for ab possible abdl.

and ageplay roleplaying from age6 to 16.

i am looking for love. and some one special.

but i still have things to iron out in my own life first.

as for being a sub. i do not think at this time i could be totally a painslut.

in fact dominance and submission is the sore of what i am lookign for.

but i also want to be grown up and be able to be myself.

it's just new phase.

i think it will complicated to find this particular person.

because my fetishes are more involved then sex.

plus i've been burnt a lot.

so there are areas where i wish to be in control of my own self.

so i doubt at first i could really do any 24 seven.

i want to meet a man not out of common sexual interests.

but a man that would like to be af riend firt and see what happens.

well i'll get off my soap box.

so it's been areally long time since i updated. i have discovered some new things about myself. one i love ageplay. and am looking for daddy. more daddy master than master daddy.i think i may have a realm in bdsm that i can actually be able to do. ageplay. i go from 3 to 16. each age different. i am looking for real life daddy. i'm a bit frail as ik. but i so like the idea of having a daddy. dressing up for him. doing homework. pleasing him
and i definately need after care. so i'm not a slave. just a submissive adultlittlegurl needing a loving daddy.they're real good reasons why i am not at this time. i think i may even like to be dry diaper girl. another thing i've delved into abit is wetting oneself. i don't know if i'd like to be wet on or wet on somebody. i just have these great daddy littgurl fetishes.
i've been trying to decide if there is daddy out there for me.
or if i could ever do twenty four seven. i guess liek all people with love i proabably could. so adult littegurl lookind for daddy master. gentle but stern. loving but smart. some who will cherish me as thier princess. and me their humble well sometimes bratty servant.

oh please favourite star bring r/l daddy to me.

i have been struggling to understand my submissive side. a very dominant friend of mine said all my other master were more abusers. so that is why i'm passive agressive. and i guess why i am sub. not a slave. ilike to control things inmy life. but int he bedroom or with amate i like to please them when i most of time able. but sometimes i still need my own space and choices. i can't lose me in d and s relationship. or i become addicted and when they leave like most do after they've broken you and lose interest for a new plaything. there isn't a me left. and i have to start putting up the shelves of my life over again. and i'm sick of doing that. but on the other hand being submisseve in subtle ways really gets my rocks off physically and emotionally. the whoel thing is a conundrum that i hope i can figure out.

right now i a so open. with menses flowing. i feel like i could submit to anybody for at least a day.

still haven't decided who is master and servant in me.

open my legs nad go for the blood flowing through my legs.

kiss it it with your mouth the way he will. i dare you.

today i am sick with the flu. rightnow i am my daddy's little gurl. but he is not here. i'm feeling somewhat masochistic today. i feel as if i will never find safe and sane playmates or partners for my fetishes. old guard doms make me angry. and unfotunately hate is what drivesme to be a domina.

i just don't understand why master has to destroy you then throw you away.

it is a cycle. i've seen it. they break you. then once they have completely broken you down they get tired and go after another ususally younger mor naive and you are left with shardsof apersonality shattered.

i wonder if anyone understands this conundrum.

well i feel some stirrings of my submissive side. someone has enchanted me. and i am hoping he will contact me. i know this is dangerous. but i never could resist a charming devil. although all the things he likes to do i do not. but he reached in and he got a pretty good grasp of me. it feels good. i like being seduced.
and i like seducing. what would i do if i just left everything and went. i know that rightnow i could not do that. but at least it was nice to be charmed and i hope to speak to him again. hail satan!

i realise by signing up here it is allowing me to really be okay with being submissive to men. id o liek it. i've just had bad examples. i do need some training.

i am having a hard time finding a female i can bend to my will.

so i guess thats why i call myself a switch.

i see it is going to be hard to fit in here. i do find myself leaning more toward the submissive. but my problem is i don't trust. given so much of myself already to ingrates. but i like the idea of talking to dom males again. but am i really submissive. yes when i am "used" i tend to relaly react. but mentally i've never been able to have it be stable.

plus tonight i am way too tired to even thinking of serving anyone. and i do have some physical limitations. but just when i say that i tend to try and succeed anyway.

i really liked the idea of being a lolita or little girl.

so i wrote a couple. but i am not into scat or piss.

what exactly am i? there just aren't enough labels
here to really describe all fetishes and bdsm play.

oh well come out come out whoever you are.

i am new here. this is dangerous and i like it. but i know i'm safe. i visited a friend today who is marrying her master. my first master was the mold that helped make me. but now i find myself between control and loss of it. or the choice of giving it up from time to time. there was a time i would jumped at being live in. but i know its not that glamourous. and i had so many cheesy masters. well that is it for now.

crissy214 Transgender Switch, 40, Boston, Massachusetts	Crinklebutt Male Submissive, 39, Mpls, Minnesota	cripping Male Submissive, 28, cincinnati, Ohio	cristlerforced Male Submissive, 45, dallas, Texas
crimini100 Male Submissive, 34, New York	criminal56 Female Submissive, 21	crisis Male Submissive, 42, grand rapids, Michigan	crisis6 Female Submissive, 45, Alberta
CRISSAOR Male Dominant, 40, MADRID	cristofcanada Male Switch, 24, Ontario	crisp4ever88 Female Submissive, 21, Ontario	crinolynne Male Submissive, 49, Montreal

crimsonmouth

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