I need to be someone's devoted, worshipful property. I wish I'd understood this sooner. I wish that I'd learned to communicate this need better since I've lost opportunities by untintentionally letting myself seem a flake I fear.
Honestly at this point I'm fatalistic about my chances. But there is no harm in presenting a profile and seeing what time and luck bring.
I hesitate to call myself a slave: people attach such specific meanings to the word. Instead I prefer to say that enslavement is something I aspire to.
Within D/s I'm happiest when my own volition seems to vanish, obedience is instant and effortless.
I'm a physical and emotional masochist a need for pain, degradation and misery is part of my sexual orientation.
I feel a need to become an inferior controlled creature; to worship a master as my god. Deifying people is nothing new. I see myself kneeling in humility and thankfulness.
I seek a M/s relationship. Someone to engage in TPE sessions with. Perhaps more: depends on the mysteries of interpersonal chemistry. What about 24/7/365? It is hard for vanilla people to find life-partners. I don't rule fulltime M/s out but figure it unlikely.
Without the sadist's pleasure in my pain and suffering I might as well stump my toe.
My ideal master knows that even with the best intentions the slave state isn't always easily reached. I tend to see him as manipulative, using rules, ritualized humiliations, conditioning to help me find and stay in humble, grateful, worshipful slave emotional space.
A bottom that is verbal and has opinions doesn't threaten him. He is confident of his control. And doesn't feel knowing his slave's kinks and fetishes obliges him to make them happen but may provide him with keys to get the responses he wants.
I desire to experience his wrath and be punished. Not that I'd ever intentionally anger him or do something wrong. That would be cheating. But I do crave this sort of dark surrender. To be treated as worthless: kicked and slapped on. But not all the time.
Some of what I'm seeking could be thought of abuse but it isn't that simple.
I also relish the role of human pet. Not the faux dog fetish. But acting as a domesticated human being that comports itself as a pet when eating, moving about, happy to be at its owner's feet.
Perhaps it will all be impersonal. Not that there is necessarily a contradiction between servility and masochism and affection and companionship. M/s relationships vary. I can't predict what might happen with a man who is currently a stranger.
Jut because I'm seeking someone to hit and mock me doesn't mean I don't appreciate other qualities. Like humor, compassion, individuality, originality.
Kinks and fetishes include: Abrasion, awkward bondage. begging, Boot/foot worship, Canes, whips & quirts. confinement, depersonalization, face slapping, genitorment, hair pulling, hoods, human furniture, leash & collar, objectification, orgasm denial, restrictions, testicle bondage.
Hard Limits: C/capitalization protocol. Blood, breath play, feminization (verbal okay), fisting, scat, tickling. Public scenes or involving third parties. Soft Limits: anal insertables, enemas, plastic wrap and wax. I know safewords disappoint but being prepared for unforeseen emergencies seems wise. I don?t think of my submissive orientation as making me part of a lifestyle or subculture and have no interest in fetish venues.
I don't cyber or role-play online. Nor do BDSM at a distance. I just don?t have the capacity. I resist chatting because of my long-standing repetitive stressed out fingers. Emails are responded to honestly and in depth.
CAVEAT: I'm fat. I walk around my house with a breathing tube attached to my nose. But my limitation doesn't limit me as much as you might think.
