complaisant

if you are looking to destroy something, i am not your destruction. you will build me, structure me, and co-create me. i will be a being independent. but i can bend and meld. you will see.

*****

one strong correlation between spirituality and sexuality (particularly bdsm) is the level of honesty required for the depth of experience. in bdsm, you can't lie about your past, or about who you are. in those circumstances, the person receiving you will find out very quickly where your truth is and where it isn't. dishonesty keeps the experience between those participating from being as deep as possible, it keeps it on a surface level; in spirituality, dishonesty makes the entity stagnate.

i also think one attraction to the lifestyle is that i crave structure to function properly. without it, i eat disgusting amounts of unhealthy food and hate myself and feel horrible and get anxiety. the structure of physical self grows wobbly and the subtle body cannot be engaged properly; i find it hard to function. within those bonds, i feel most liberated. it allows my mind to thrive. the control over the physical self allows the inner person to focus on the development of the mind.. and then could possibly allow for even further transformations of consciousness. the point is that this is not complete obliteration of physical self. it is a bondage over the body, a rigid structure in which a sturdy foundation lies, which acts as a stepping stone for the next movement in consciousness evolution. these acts alone do not have to act as stepping stones, but are also appreciated as they are, as a celebration of life and living.