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Now it's time to become vulnerable!!
I have been upon this site for many years and I have spoken with many. Some were good conversations and some NOT so good! Due to my relationship I wasn't in a position that allowed me to communicate with other Dom's (NO names given) so I apologize for past behavior.. I learned the hard way there is a difference between abuse and bdsm. For the past seven years I found myself spiraling out of control and I made decisions that now will leave me with years of consequences. If you haven’t walked a path of destruction then you wouldn’t understand where I’ve been.
A long time ago there was a Dom on this site that once sat on the side of my bed and told me as a friend I was heading down a terrible path and of course I didn’t want to hear then but it was so true. I embarrassed Him and myself and understand there is NO way to make it up so I can do is ask for forgiveness. It's been almost a year since this situation played out and I'm thankful I had to lose everything to get where I am. Close to death only to rise up and be accepted by many unconditionally.
Insight into a deviant mind.
Death of a Friendship
I’ve lost a friend it seems. Perhaps I was trying too hard to be the friend I thought they needed. Perhaps I lost sight of what true friendship is, I don’t know. If being honest and telling your friend the truth is not being a friend then I guess I was wrong. If trying to keep them from drowning even if they don’t think they’re drowning isn’t being a friend then I’m wrong again.
The loss of a friend is as bad if not worse then the loss of a love. There is a hole that is not easily filled. There is a morning process for the loss and trust cannot be easily repaired. The friend stated “If you care anything for me you’ll respect my wishes”. I guess this is like the old saying “If you love something set them free, if they love you they’ll come back to you”. Can trust be repaired and forgiveness obtained? Of course.... the very second they come back. I have set them free, will they come back? Only time will tell and hope springs immortal.
Another situation occurred where a submissive on collar me kneeled before me as I sat in a chair and cried. She told me to get out of my present relationship before he killed me. These two experiences never left me and remain very vivid to this day.
Unfortunately over time with outside influences with a lot of lies I am the one kneeling and asking for grace with the understanding that it may not ever come to be but I refuse to give up!
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