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A brief (?) bit about me:
i'm blond, submissive, and sort of a brat, i'm in search of inspiration and maybe the guiding hand of a woman a bit more in control than i can be. i have always been submissive to my past girlfriends. Most were not lifestyle relationships, however most did involve BDSM play on some level.. (i really really like being tied up and tend to be a service subbie with a slight bit of brat too). i would be at my best with a woman who is mildly a sadist as well.. while i'm not a masochist, sometimes i do need a good spanking to remind me i'm loved. i "grew up" in the USA, so i speak American, not English. i'm an American lesbian with a weakness for British Dommes :)
i used to think i was a brat, until i saw some brats in action and realized that's way more extreme than anything i would pull. You won't see me intentionally acting out to get punished except in the mildest ways. You will occasionally catch me talking back thinking i was being witty, or getting in over my head because i'll often assume i know how to do something better then the rest of the people in the room. Even on those occasions that i do, intellectually i know i should bite my tongue, the problem is i don't often think before opening my mouth in those situations.. i once tried to instruct someone on tying a proper knot while she was tying me up. i really was trying to help, however she was NOT amused..(she was teaching others how to use rope, i forgot that as the test subject i was not a teacher lol) I have too many interests to list. My favorite music is almost any music, i love being mischievous, inspiring a reaction, computers (yes, i'm a geekgrrl professionally), reading everything, musicals, plays, movies, seeing and trying new things.... If I ever write a book or if anyone writes a book on my life, I honestly think it will sound like a fantasy. Jane of all trades, a flirt, a humanitarian, an animal lover, a bitch, a show off, an exotic car nut, a basket case, a professional work-a-holic, an explorer of lands, cultures & deeper meaning (as long as i can bring my teddybear), a conqueror of fears, a vagabond story, a wanton women, a weirdo, a wannabe, a geek, an immature brat & someone who suffers from Peter Pan syndrome (a child who saw the light and than decided sin was much more fun?). A misunderstood loner and terminally unique. To the outside professional and even social world i pretty much appear to be an Alpha Woman. i am in a supervisory role in my profession and will challenge people in meetings. i'm 5'8" and in heels all the time, a lot of my peers have said i am really intimidating at work. i am a bit of a conundrum for most people as i will shock everyone at the things i have done or can do. i can and have restored a car, driven a motorcycle, jumped out of a plane, can figure out how to fix or build almost anything i put my mind into, etc.. Generally when faced with something that i have never done and i'm alone to sort it out i will take the leap to prove to myself i can do it. One of my former bosses "joked" at work at that i had to be a spy. He really wouldn't let it go and i added to it from time to time talking about picking a lock, being better with a throwing knife than darts, or that while in the Marines i qualified as a rifle and pistol expert. i'm equally at home arranging flowers, at an art opening, a auto racing track or show (i can polish the car, fill in for a member of the crew, or turn a few reasonable laps), in a biker bar, at a political fundraiser, on horseback, or at a cubs game. However, there's the other side of me... in other settings i'm very much like Kenzie in "Lost Girl" or Gabrielle was in Xena.. a bit lost, needing someone looking out for me, reminding me to look both ways before crossing, someone noticing that while i'm distracted by something shiny while scuba diving there's a shark circling.. My best friend tells everyone that, like Einstein i am really smart at some things, but need someone to make me remember to eat every couple days or put on a jacket when it's snowing. i want to protest that, but it's true.. i am so much better when i have a smart, strong woman as a check on my impulses. Left to my own devices i don't do nearly as well, and have been known to end up in over my head.
That almost sums me up. : ) Looking For:
i'm most likely to fall for smart, young femme women with a bit of alpha girl in them.. can you say Bo from Lost Girl or Lara Croft? i am not against the idea of a couple. Generally i prefer women younger than me, but in control enough to take on a role of Domme, big sister, or Mom with me. not necessarily treating me as a baby, just i guess someone unafraid to make me start over and relearn what i think is normal.
i love the idea of being your little girl or even pup/kitten etc. too - and have had a couple fun weekends as babygirl or wearing paws, ears and tailplug and would love to commit to that longer term as well. i always sleep with a teddy bear and pacifier, so i definitely love to cuddle too.
i'm looking for a woman who recognizes the brat in me.. and knows how to handle her. someone who understands the nature of the beast... and who knows all i really want is someone who will be my everything, someone to talk to, to listen to, who can take me by the hand and lead me to the discovery of my true potential. i would prefer someone with style, who won't hesitate to tell me to turn around and change clothes when i try to leave the house all in black the 4th time this week. Someone who dreams, has a wonderful sense of humor, and the ability to truly make me dance..
i am also open to TS and should clarify that I really am just referring to a fulltime, post surgery, passable TS. As i said, i'm lesbian, so sorry TV/CD's but in that category i really would only be open to someone committed and currently living as women. i have no interest in helping a CD dress up, but am open minded enough to not hold an accident of birth against a TS Men:
i am NOT here looking for men at all. i don't hate men, have many male friends, but i am not attracted to them and trusting them in a more intimate setting is NOT possible. I'm lesbian, and usually attracted only to women. Men, there is zero chance you're actually one of the few fictional men i ever crushed on in a movie, (because they were FICTIONAL) it's NOT going to happen, so please leave me be, i'm sure there are plenty of straight or bi girls out there who would love to hear from you. A final note to the guys that insist on this nonsense, i am not against men as friends, however if you write, please be polite, and if the only thing good you have to show in a photo is your penis, don't bother. i find the whole person much more inspiring.
Day 5 home and stuck in bed with the flu.. yes, that's why i'm finally catching up on some e-mails 

sucks being a subbie at times like this cause it's not anyone's job to come make me feel better! 

edit: no, that was not a request for a subbie.. well.. maybe i'd consider a nice subbie girl coming over and looking after me.. :)

another year has passed and the two ladies are still my awesome friends.. and still make me glow.. however it appears i'm under consideration for real.. where i'd have a home with another lovely Domme... April.... we shall see  :)

unusal mood, i'm usually the annoyingly perky optimist, last few days have been off an i'm not sure why, nothing changed. but i find myself playing with the edge of the blade a bit too nostalgically.....more to follow.. unless not


i had a few more turn out to be fakes, a few  more disappear, and due to some personal stuff i even disappeared on a very sweet woman.. no, i haven't talked to her about it yet..yes, i know i have to


Much has changed,  i'm sure more will change.. i have found the perfect Domme in my eyes quite a few times.. unfortunately, thus far reality in the form of a real life in person relationship never seems to happen.. but perhaps someday

friends tell me i'm painfully optimistic, so i'm going to stick with that attitude..


it's amazing to me.. i changed the text to just what is above after yet another fake broke my heart, which even hurt more that the one who physically attacked me. Rather than reducing the mail, i got even more messages from men insisting they would be the one to make me into a straight submissive/slave

it is really frustrating that out of hundreds of people i have written to, chatted with and met from here so far only two have been who they said they were. Well and a third Domme i got confirmation that she was real from one of the other two (Lizy).
 i am happy to provide more pics on request and talk on the phone then meet for lunch to see how we get along, but 90% of the time i can't even get a recent pic from people here. Of the 10% remaining who do give me a requested pic most of them will go no further and the thirty or so times we have arranged to meet only one time has the woman i was talking to actually shown up. Mostly no one showed, but far too often a guy shows up wanting me to top him or claiming he's the Domme's screener. The first one of those to happen physically attacked me so no more people.. sorry, i know a subbie shouldn't be making demands, but for my own safety i am not meeting anyone by proxy and not going to believe anyone is who they say they are without some good faith information sharing to start.
i would think any Domme i would fall for would be confident enough to meet in person, heck, bring a bodyguard along, but at least show up!
There has only been one Domme so far who has openly shared more verification than the basic stuff i am asking for (Brandy) but distance and some dark events in my life lost that connection :(
anyway, will get off my soapbox..
i hope you're all having a wonderful weekend, yes, all of you.. even the fakers

I'm back!!!

Sorry AFL and friends, i haven't been on here about 2-3 weeks as i had to replace laptop and it's my only way to get on here. i'll be tied up the next day or two catching everything up, but wanted to make sure i posted an update.

FYI - i don't use the chat feature here as i can't keep up with that at the same time i'm supposed to be working.

also, a few people have asked why i haven't updated my pic so i added a new one taken with my webcam at the office so there's a newer pic on my profile.