Cecillia

I keep getting asked why I don?t show my face, why I hide, why I don?t give people more specific details about my life... Well... the reason is that I?m really a 63 year old balding half Black half Eskimo man, who gets his kicks out of trolling for innocent transsexual virgins.... Actually the real reason is that it?s just like my hometown of Nunnya.... It?s Nunnya Business. 

Hey everyone out in BDSM land, yes I am still here, I was away from the internet for quite a while, and just got back. I've been looking for a good bdsm topic to blog about, something that really catches my interest, maybe something along the lines of how to train a good dominant. I know, I know, as a submissive I?m the one who should be doing the training, and believe you me I can not wait till My love puts me though a lovely kind of hell, all for his personal amusement. Before that can happen he needs to have more knowledge on how to be a good dom, to not feel guilty for causing me pain, and keep me safe while making me beg like a good little fuck toy. He was taught to always treat his partner with equality and gentleness. Those are very good traits in a man, in any lifestyle, BDSM, Vanilla, Strawberry with little rainbow sprinkles, for our feminine brothers out there. The problem is trying to find the balance of gentle caring sole and ruthless punishing dom.  We really don?t have the option of going to any BDSM clubs or anything like that , he has a job where it would be bad if someone he knew saw him going into a sex shop, never mind a leather club. (Ah teaching, the wonderful profession where you are some of the lowest paid professional people around but held to the Highest moral standards.) Wouldn?t it be a scandal if Little Jonny?s Father went to his favorite strip club and saw his son?s English teacher getting a lap dance from Bella Domma, while a cute little redhead stuffed singles down her corset. He would be out on his ear before you could say private life. 

So I?m in the process of looking for some good instructive literature on the psychology of the lifestyle and good ways to start to delve a little deeper into it. I find the selection of sex books in the local book store a little frustrating as well as fascinating look at the psychology of our society. The sex section is usually broken up into two sections. The instructional books and the erotica. In the instructional section there are tons of instruction books on Vanilla sex, a million different Kama Sutra?s, Joy of Sex, and She Comes First, etc... and very few books on the nitty gritty of BDSM. While in the Erotica section the books are almost exclusively BDSM related. The specific store I was in was even Fem Dom heavy. Now does this seem like a slight imbalance to you? So I?m stuck on ordering books online, but the trouble with that is you really can?t leaf through the book and get a good idea on what it?s about. I know the basics of BDSM, I need good clear specifics now. I already know it?s sexy to tie someone up with silk scarves and spank them... I?m ready to move on now.  

BTW... my computer does not have video capabilities so it?s fruitless to try and get me to video chat, even if I wanted to.  

Actively Seeking:  Friends Only.  Ok, it does state that in my profile, but maybe I haven?t made that clear enough.  I am not interested in making any kind of physical connection to anyone on this site.  I keep reading pleas for real people, and I even got a very caustic message telling me that if I?m a game player to pass him by... of course I?m a game player... every one this site is... and if your not, you?re doing it wrong.  I love to play games.  I love rules and breaking them.  I love a good mind fuck.  Games are made to play and have a good time, flirting is a game, and sex is a game.  It?s how adults play with themselves.   

Everyone should keep in mind that one attracts what one is sending out.  The more ?real? you are, the more real everyone around you will seem.  Hell, I don?t even know what this whole ?real? thing is.  I just see tons of people out there whining that there is no one ?real? on this site.  I have yet to find someone who I have chosen to correspond with not be ?real? or as ?real? as anyone ever gets on a bdsm sex site on the internet. 

I don?t want to sound like I don?t understand how confusing it can be looking for a partner... especially if you want something long term, but really, the best way to go about it, is trying to cultivate the kinds of qualities you enjoy being around.  If you want someone sincere, then work at being sincere yourself, if you want someone with a great body... work out at the gym... and really work out, don?t just go their trolling for chicks/guys.  Find something to be passionate about... outside the bed room.  Make your self in to a person that you, yourself would want to hang around.

I went through a period in my life where all I was managing to attract to me were weird co-dependent personalities with stalker tendencies.  Instead of wondering what was wrong with everyone else, I took some time off of dating, and took a good long hard look at myself.  What kind of energy was I giving off that was attracting these kinds of people in my life?  I read books about relationships and seduction.  I looked it up on the net. I researched it like I would have researched a subject for a paper I was writing.  I took responsibility for my own life.  Don?t get me wrong, it was one of the harder things I have ever done in my life, but the hardest part was accepting that I had power over my life, and I didn?t have to give it away to someone else.

What is really ironic, was that before I was very dominant in relationships.  I was scared to let go of control.  I got no satisfaction from it, but it gave me a false sense of security.  I learned that being dominant didn?t necessarily mean being strong.  Learning to let go to the right man was a very satisfying discovery.  This is probably why I don?t see enjoying being a submissive for a man as being weak.

I want to reiterate that I am not looking for a man or woman or couple on this site.  I am on this site for self discovery and friends only.  In fact I already have a boyfriend.  I know I haven?t mentioned him before, but I feel it?s not necessary to use my relationship with him to define who I am... in my life or on this site.  We are exploring the exciting world of bdsm together and having one hell of a time.  And yes... we play games.              

So I?ve been thinking more about this whole ?tribute? thing, (dangerous pastime thinking... I know.)  Why not set up a page that demands tributes by donating to breast cancer research.  *shakes fist in the air*  TRIBUTE THE TATA?s... I would encourage any domme or even dom out there to accept tributes in this way... (after all, breast cancer doesn't just affect women) why not use your sexual dominance to truly leave your mark on the world.  Have them tribute in your name... and GIVE!  GIVE till it hurts!  And remember folks... it is tax deductible.         

I?ve been amusing myself by pursuing profiles, and I?ve noticed a fascinating idiosyncrasy; the approach to money.  Dom?s tend to want total surrender... no safe words and 24/7 slave type of thing... Yes, I know I?m generalizing... so don?t bother writing me pointing this out.  Anyway, while dom?s tend to demand total surrender, no safe words and the whole 24/7 thing... they very rarely mention anything about money, where as, it is very common to see demands for ?tribute? on a domme?s profile.  So I have been wondering... do subs really send women money because they demand it... and does it work the other way?  Do Dom?s also demand and receive tribute?

I guess my real question is.... Do people out there really send strangers money with no hope of ever getting anything in return but scorn or rejection? 

If so... SEND ME MONEY BEEOTCH!

Hey, if you do, I?ll send you a nice hand written thank you note... that I shit on... Hahahahahah......