Carnal Clandestine
Carnal define:
1. Relating to the physical and especially sexual appetites: carnal desire.
2. Worldly or earthly; temporal: the carnal world.
3. Of or relating to the body or flesh; bodily: carnal remains.
Clandestine define:
Kept or done in secret, often in order to conceal an illicit or improper purpose
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“Even in ordinary life you feel the futility of words. And if you don’t feel the futility of words, that shows that you have not been alive at all, that shows that you have lived very superficially. If whatsoever you have been living can be conveyed by words, that means you have not lived at all. When for the first time something starts happening which is beyond words, life has happened to you, life has knocked at your door. And when the ultimate knocks at your door, you have simply gone beyond words.”
~ Osho, Tantra: The Supreme Understanding
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The words he read to me that came into clear understanding. Was I sane or morally incorrect for selecting such a abnormal lifestyle? Obviously, I kept this well hidden from my surroundings. Innocent persona, frail physique, genuine smile.. anyone would assume I was a merely playful femme that focused on her studies.
It's different, and I've told few, but everyone should be different, hence we incorporate the word "Individual", right? ..
Like few people, but many dominants, I enjoy taking over any situation, being in control of my feelings, my attitude, and most of all, the other person's behavior. I enjoy this power, even if it be slight, hence I like to manage my things in accordance to my liking. But even though my attitude is like this, many of us women, if not the majority, enjoy intimidation. We've read countless novels basing on 'perfection' and the ideal man: a witty bastard, cunning portrayal, defined charm, appealing looks, and economically stable. If I missed something, add it to the list. Even the most prominent women that sustain dominant lifestyles like this challenge, encountering someone that makes us rethink out steps. Women, are like maps.. You tend to get lost in them. But men, atleast the ideal ones, are like a GPS for women. When you're lost, you'll want them.
This will be my personal story, accurate to the actual life, or portions of my life I've experienced. This is, after all, merely a carnal clandestine.
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Chapter 1: *Cheating:
a. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, esp. in a game or examination
b. deceive or trick
Large biceps, copper tan, ruffled hair. It's the benefit of knowing Abercrombie&Fitch models in college. He has this cheeky smile I've seen too often but it never gets old. Crap he's hot. I mean, how many of us get to experience obscure bronze eyes, defined chin, broad arms, built abs, oh the list could go on.
Pushing me against the wall behind college corridors, I feel his breath against my ear, tantalizing the outer edge. Such heaty breath brushing lower against my neck with an additional wet muscle escalating back up until encountering my jawline. Wait, wait.. yes.. He grips my hips with one hand as the other entangled each and every digit in my hair pulling my head back forcing me to face him.
Lily chewed on her supple pout, eager as ever for the husky scented man to merely brush his lips across hers. She waited, focusing deeply in his eyes but the anticipation was killing her. Taking initiative, she urged herself closer, leaning up a bit to bite along his lower lip as if daring him to proceed. Abruptly interrupted, the man rammed his weight against hers urging for her thick lips, keeping her pinned against the wall. An excitement arose in her core as her nails scratched along his clothed back, pulling him closer to her frame. Her breath reminisced with his, tongues fully encompassing eachother deeply, the perfect combination of creamy filled lips with aggressiveness.
Pulling back slightly, feeling her mind go into a subtle daze she reconnected their fixated eyes and quickly thought of those abnormal questions only idiots get at a time like this:
"You don't have a girlfriend, do you?" she asked almost teasingly but testing him as well.
Oh crap, please don't have a girlfriend, please don't have a-
"Um.Yeah, yeah I do"...
.....
So that's how it started. Dashing debonair your expecting to have as our ideal Mr.Christian Grey ruined. Fml. He gave the most pathetic 'I thought you knew' face I had ever seen, but what was I expecting? This was college. In college there are idiots. Now, I'm obviously no Anastasia Steele but I can definitely grasp a few potential men at my time, potentially attractive for the most part but lacking a brain and morals. So much for good looks.
Lily gave a minor glare hoping he was bluffing but after an unusual moment of awkward silence she gently withtook her hands from his physique and chuckled stupidly as if she had landed on MTV's Disaster Date spontaneously.
"You're kidding." she replied.
But he widened his eyes and shook his head childishly as if she were going to scold him like a mother.
"Well. It's been nice but I'm going to go that way-" she pointed to her left along the stairs.
"-and you're going to stay here while I walk away and pretend this didn't just happen" she added with a minor laugh of disbelief as she leaned down to grab her bag from the ground, a minor excuse not to look at the guy hovering over her. Once she leaned up she sighed.
"Don't you feel bad? You should try to respect your relationship. If I were you I'd be going through a guilt trip by now"
He looked at her again with that cheeky, now seeming stupid, smile and shrugged. "I guess we are a little different then" he remarked with a grin. Lily gave a small yet slow nod as if to state 'Yes. You are dumb. Hot but dumb nonetheless'.
"Well I'm going to go" she answered walking for the stairs.
That's how it basically started with the guy you imagine as the prince charming turning out to be the douchebag that cheated on his girlfriend to hook up with other girls just because he thought they were pretty. Not that I consider myself pretty, but that was his legit excuse.
No offense, but I have a better chance winning the lotto two times in one day than finding a single yet attractive billionaire in midst of loneliness searching for a bdsm relationship, hence that goes for the 50SOG novel, currently the most controversial erotic novel to meet the earth. Oh and being an awkward girl definitely won't land you the hottest guy in class, twilight lovers. Obviously the reason why these novels are fiction based is to stimulate our imagination, which sucks because we clearly will be wandering mindlessly searching for this non-existent men during the course of our lifetime, forgetting the fact that there are plenty of other types.
Due to the fact that we visualize having ethereal guys we kind if lose perception towards the actuality of it all. Not all men will turn out to be models that cheat on their girlfriend, but neither will they all be handsome, intellectual and wealthy beyond belief altogether. Society may have to undergo a reality check.
