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I've been interested in the lifestyle for 6'ish years now and it's taken me nearly as long to attempt to step out from behind this computer screen and experience things physically.
The truth is that once I discovered the lifestyle I realized that I've been a submissive all my life. In fact that is what has destroyed most of my past relationships. I always defered to "his" thoughts and wishes, I was seen as indecisive and co-dependant. Now though I realize that I have always just been a submissive with a burning desire to please the one she is with.
I have been to Paddles in NYC and enjoyed it very much. However, I am still extremely limited in actual experience. When I say limited, I truely mean limited. I've only really had one private lifestyle encounter and a few at Paddles. So I am physically new to all things lifestyle and need to discover my likes, dislikes, and limits.
I also must be 100% honest though, I don't know exactly what I'm looking for. I need to discover my true self as a submissive before I can choose a full time D/s relationship. Therefore my search is focused on a trainer. I do not foresee my relationship with my trainer to be a LTR in the traditional sense. I expect it will last some time but is not meant to be full time. My trainer will be a part of my lifestyle but not my vanilla life. And once the training is complete I expect to move on and then begin looking for the lifestyle relationship that will transend into the vanilla.
Many have already asked me about relocating so I thought it only appropriate to let you all know now that I am not able nor willing to relocate at this time. If there is even a chance of anything more then a friendship you will need to be in the tri-state area. Those outside that area, I am always looking for new friends but that is all it will be able to be.
Thank you.
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