BSublime

I just got back from my first trip to a predominantly Muslim country.  It was an interesting experience.  Needless to say I really stood out.  I know a lot of people feel like this every day in America, but it was odd to walk around and be stared at all the time.  I don’t think most of the people I met had ever seen a tall blond woman in real life before.  I certainly didn’t see any the whole time I was there.

What I did see was a lot of women in Burkas.  They of course never went out in public without a man at their side.  It got me thinking about the D/s component of that way of life.  I feel like many of the people I saw were in a Master / slave relationship.  I guess for me, the issue is that the women had no choice in the matter.  They didn’t choose to submit, that life was chosen for them.  That really turns my stomach and makes me want to fight to free these women who never had a choice to be independent; to get an education; to have any independence. 

I feel like freedom should be a right.  I am OK with people who choose to give up some of their rights to make decisions.  I get choosing to live in a Master / slave relationship.  But I think that is always a choice and one that can be revoked at any time.  I know people sign contracts and make promises.  But in the end, the law in America says you are free to walk away at any time and that contract wouldn’t mean a thing. 

It is weird to have been in a country where that wasn’t necessarily the case.  A married woman didn’t have those rights.  Her husband had more control over her than she did of herself.  So I wonder, if it isn’t a choice, is it actually submission?

I love talking to people and learning about what their Lifestyle philosophy is.  I firmly believe that there is no such thing as the “One True Way”.  We are all unique individuals with our own set of needs, and yes, our own damages.

I have found that in talking to many of the men that refer to themselves as being "Dominant" really their needs translate to just being selfish.   I don’t think these men are really dominant.  To me, there is a really big difference between selfish and Dominant

To me, a good D/s relationship is just the opposite. What appeals to me is how much a Dom pays attention to his subs needs. Not always giving her what she wants, but what she needs. There is a level of attention and commitment and connection that you don’t find in the Vanilla world too often.

Part of it is also the completely open dialog. No lies, no games, no avoiding difficult conversations. There is a commitment for both partners (and I do think it is a partnership) to constantly work and put effort into the relationship.

I think so often Vanilla relationships don’t work because both partners are unwilling to put in that effort.  They start telling little lies and untruths because it is easier than having a difficult discussion and easier than opening up and being vulnerable to your partner.  Little lies turn in to big lies and suddenly you wake up and realize you are sharing a bed with a stranger.

I am not interested in being under full 24/7 control.  I feel that if a Dom controls everything, then his sub doesn't have a chance to show him how much she loves him. I like to show I care. I like to be able show some initiative. So always telling me what to wear means I can't ever just dress nice to show you I want to look pleasing.  I like to be able to plan a special night, or be able to ask you if I can suck your cock while you watch the game.  Just to make you happy and show how I feel. 

I can see how being in control of everything would be appealing to a Dom.  But it is also sort of one of those “be careful what you wish for” things.  That is a huge amount of responsibility.  But also part of the appeal for me, and anyone who would be my Dom would have to be the struggle.  He would have to enjoy watching me struggle with myself.  Enjoy pushing me.  If I just did everything he asked without even thinking, it just seems pretty boring to me.

I want a Dom who watches me and who can tell when I am struggling with anything in my life and is there to support me and help me work through it.  Maybe that is something sexual, maybe it isn’t.  But I want someone who isn’t going to let me wiggle my way out of a fear I don’t want to face;  A truth about myself that I have been hiding from. 

These things might not be what everyone wants or thinks works, but I have a very inventive brain, it seems like a waste to restrain it completely.  Maybe just confine it a little, and push it in the right direction.

Again these thoughts are compiled from a number of conversations I have had recently.

In one on them I made the comment that I am a “Praise Whore”.  This is a term I have jokingly used to describe myself in my Vanilla life for years.  I don’t think I was even aware of the full implications of it when I first started using it.  I just meant it as funny way of saying I will do anything if you praise me enough.

I have always been a pleaser and get that warm glow inside whenever I am recognized for working hard at something.  Interesting, praise the feels false to me or is for something I didn’t even try at is rather annoying or embarrassing.

I was very involved in sports as a kid.  I found that coaches seemed to fall into two camps:  The ones who humiliated and the ones who praise.  The humiliation coaches all told you that you weren’t trying, that you were a disgrace to your uniform and so forth.  I think the idea being that it would make you try harder in the vein of “I’ll show him.  Who does he think he is telling me I don’t belong here.”  This kind of coaching was totally ineffective with me.  It inspired me to give up.  If coach thought I sucked, he must be right. 

On the flip side there are the nurturing coaches.  They watch you give it 110% and then praise you for it.  They tell you they are proud of your effort and reward you for a job well done.  I loved these coaches and they always got the most out of me.  They made me want to work harder to make them prouder.  They made me want to be better and achieve more.

I think Doms fall into the same categories.  Humiliators, and nurturers.  Just read the profiles.  They all say either something like, “You need a firm hand to show you who is boss.  Now suck my cock like the slut you are”  or they say something like “I want to train you to be something better than you ever dreamed possible.  My firm hand will guide you and teach you . . .”

Me, I am a Praise Whore.  You can call me a slut, as long as it is your slut and said with pride in your voice because you know just how far I will go to make you happy.  Call me a slut with acid and disdain dripping from your voice, and I am likely to safe-word and leave.  I might be a submissive, but I am not trash.  I am proud of who I am and I want a Master who is proud of me too.

Politically I am a liberal.  Very left of center.  I love big government.  I would love to have socialized health care and think the Affordable Care Act didn’t go far enough.  The other day I was talking to a Libertarian Dom on here and I had this interesting thought.

I am a sub (no, that wasn’t the interesting thought )

I am a sub, and part of my nature is wanted to be protected.  I am used to the idea of there being some restrictions on my freedoms for the greater good.  So it is natural that I should trust in the Government to do what is right for me.  I am OK with having to pay the price (taxes) to get the reward (services) that I need.

My friend the Dom is a Libertarian.  As a Dom he likes to be in charge and doesn’t want anyone telling him what to do.  He believes he can take care of himself and his own.  He wants small government and doesn’t want lots of laws telling him what he can and can’t do.  He is the best judge of that.  If services are needed, he will provide for them.  He can pay for his healthcare and for those whom he cares for.  He doesn’t want to be responsible for paying for everyone else or for their poor choices.

So there is my thesis for the day.  Subs are natural liberal, while Doms are natural libertarians.  Love to hear your thoughts.

It's been a while.  I tried this site a few years back.  Met some nice people, but not the one, so I gave up looking.  But try as I might, that urge just won't go away.  So I am back.