I require obediant, abject, female slaves. They will be treated as I see fit, objectified, humiliated and used for my pleasure. Or, failing that, any woman with a pulse and incredibly low standards.

Looks are unimportant... if I find your features unattractive, I will keep you hooded. If you're a REAL uggo... I'll be wearing the hood!

Weight is unimportant... if I consider you to be under- or overweight, I will organise your diet in such a way to remedy your abusive of an object designed to give me pleasure. Forget that... weight IS important, and if you weigh double what I do, or less than half of what I weigh, you need help for your eating disorder more than you need a Dom.

Age is unimportant... however, I am initially setting the guidelines as between the ages of 24 and 35. If you are outside this range, but feel you have qualities that will attract me, then you are welcome to try. Did I mention the thing about having a pulse?

Further details are available on request. If and when I can tear myself away from all these hot Nigerian and Russian girls who want to cater to my every sordid whim... on the condition I help them with a visa that mysteriously costs between 10 and 200 times what their governments' own websites say they SHOULD cost.

4/2/2024 6:11:09 PM

Books Doms are supposed to read...


'The Prince', by Machiavelli

'The Art of War' by Sun Tsu

'On War', by Von Clausewitz


I've got all of them, and I've actually READ them as well. Not to take any notes, obviously, just to underline the funny bits.

9/25/2022 4:59:16 PM

And, yes, I am only up at this ungodly hour to watch House of the Dragon.

1/28/2022 9:32:17 PM

She SAID she wanted to feel electricity between us...


... but when I tried shoving the zinc and copper rods up her holes, she freaked.


I suppose I should consider myself fortunate I wasn't charged with 'Battery' {#emotions_dlg.laughing}

12/15/2021 10:53:22 PM

Definition of sadism?

When she tells you she's a three holed slut, but you tell her you're tired and just want a hand job.

10/24/2021 6:11:06 PM

Yay! Journal's are back!


Now, if only I could think of something funny on such short notice...

2/27/2018 2:21:57 PM
Snow... the only thing that can fuck the whole of Britain with only two inches.
8/21/2017 9:22:51 PM
I hope everyone enjoyed their 2-3 minutes of standing there, like they've watched witchcraft, as a lump of rock passed in front of a big ball of gases that smells of rotten eggs in a perfectly natural event that takes place twice a year?

It's 0.015% Sulphur/91.2% Hydrogen... hydrogen sulphide (H2S) is what makes rotten eggs smell bad... trust me, it smells of bad eggs.

7/25/2017 8:03:49 PM
I have a question... what's with this "I used to be a Domme but now I'm broken and just a slave" palaver? How is it possible to go from one to the other? 

I'm a Dominant because that's just how I'm wired. To me, the idea of happily 'switching sides' is akin to being a life long Democrat and waking up one morning and proclaiming "You know, that Donald Trump? He's starting to make a lot of sense!"

Being the dominant part of a relationship is hard work, and there's stress involved, and I've said that a few times, but the rewards are worth it, and I can see why some people are attracted to various levels of submission but that's never held my personal interest. I also know that there ARE people who like to play both sides... and they're called switches... and there's nothing wrong with that, either.

So, come on girls... and a few guys... quit going from one extreme to the other, as if it's the role that's defining you. You define yourself, your roles, and what level of participation you desire. It's OKAY to pick'n'mix if that's what makes you happy. 
5/21/2016 2:44:00 PM
A message to all our vegetarian friends...

My food shits on your food!

Hope that salad tastes yummy :oP
5/2/2016 12:43:00 PM
Questionable morals?

The only question I have about morals is... what are morals?
4/29/2016 11:21:05 PM
Google, however disgusting their tax avoidance strategies may be, have an incredibly useful tool. Using their reverse picture search, you can not only find how many other websites are carrying a copy of suspicious pictures you may be sent, but often even give you a date the web page was created, telling you how old some of the pictures must be.

Quite often, they'll even turn up links to other pictures unknown to the person using them, that give away location details, as well as a date, such as French grocery packaging, and cigarette warning labels in the same language... from people who swear they're from somewhere else.

Sometimes, they'll admit to being fakes... sometimes they'll try to brazen it out.

But you'll know.
4/16/2016 11:34:48 AM
Friends are asking for suggestions for the name of their third child... my choice of "Organbank" hasn't gone down too well.
1/19/2016 5:57:24 AM
When you use a stolen selfie on your faked profile, you really need to pay more attention. For example, nothing dates as fast as the phone used to take the original pic... so a flip-top is a dead giveaway that it's an older pic, probably by 3 years or so.

Car licence plates are another good one. They're not all the same all over the world. When you're claiming to be from New York, or Germany, or the UK... and the pic is of a parking lot full of California plates... people will notice.

And if you were as good at using photoshop as you think you are, you'd have been hired into a job that pays enough that you wouldn't need to hang around a website like this for 18 hours a day. :o)
12/29/2015 4:45:57 PM
Quite chuffed with myself. Managed to lose over a stone this year. Probably undid most of it over Christmas, but what the hell :o)

Update: No effort involved in the weight loss, I wasn't even trying. Just drank water instead of soda all summer. That and avoiding a repeat of the banana milk/coco pops experiment ;o)
12/9/2015 5:27:38 PM
I like my women the way I like my coffee...

... hot & wet!

10/24/2015 3:13:40 PM
Clench your fist... now just uncurl your palm but leave your fingers curled up. See what's left? It's sort of like a paw on a big cat. It won't take much to keep your fingers curled up and useless like that, even a couple of layers of ordinary scotch tape/sellotape will be enough.

Use something waterproof, like electrical tape or duct tape trimmed to size, and it's almost impossible to free your fingers without help. If you use something semi-permanent like super glue or dermabond, you could be like that for weeks.

Something to think about when you're into pet play and want to enforce a no hands situation.
10/23/2015 4:28:36 AM
The WHO wants to classify bacon as a health risk because there's some evidence that eating it increases the risk of bowel cancer.

On that basis, they need to ban Oxygen. The mortality rate amongst "users" 100%, and the withdrawal symptoms of people trying to kick the noxious habit is death within 5 minutes. Users pass on the addiction to their offspring through the placenta, and they're also carriers of every other contagious disease known to science.

Oxygen... just say No!
10/17/2015 11:42:04 PM
Her: I want a guy to beat my ass black and blue

Me: He'll need a lot of stamina to cover all of your arse, you're 300lbs!

Her: Blocked!

Me: Damnit... engage brain before putting mouth into gear!
10/15/2015 7:02:05 PM
Noticing a lot of profiles lately that say they're interested in DD/lg. Hmmm... lemme just fire up the old Demon Translator

Baby girl - An alleged variation on submissive play, where a woman, usually a self-indulgent fattie, tries to get guys to fuss over her needy emotional mess of a life, without even offering them sexual favours in return, simply because they think they're cute and deserve the attention.

See also: Teenage Fin-Dommes, Online Only TPE, and Useless Wastes of Space.
10/8/2015 7:17:24 PM
She said she wanted to experiment in the bedroom... but she was wearing a lab coat and safety goggles at the time.

I made my excuses and left
10/7/2015 2:11:13 PM
Duck Dynasty: The Video Game.

2 Bearded Rednecks and a teenage boy go out into the woods to "hunt ducks" by luring the kid into a camouflaged tent and tell him to put a "duck lure" between his lips and blow it.

I dunno about you, but I find the whole thing quite disturbing. :oD
10/6/2015 11:12:35 PM
After seeing yet another profile complaining about how being sent a picture of a cock is very unsexy, I feel the need to strike a balance.

Girls, I understand and sympathise, but REALLY?

You think I want to see your 300lb snatch held open while some OTHER guys spunk is dripping out of it?!?

Yeah, I really want that kind of pic to greet me when I'm sat here trying to eat my cornflakes!
10/4/2015 7:58:43 PM
Ebooks... some people hate them (because they're snobs) and some people love them (because they're inverted snobs).

I'm not wild about them, but I do own one. I also own a lot of real paper books... a LOT of them. But Ebooks do have their place... for reading porn!

Think about it. You can hold them in one hand, you don't get sticky pages glued together, and some of them are back-lit so you can use them in the dark. There's very little chance of someone noticing what you're perving to, if you leave them lying about the house, and it's easy to dispose of the evidence when you're done.

Yes, once again, technology has allowed me to increase my already prodigious consumption of pornography in all it's lurid forms.
9/21/2015 4:34:05 AM
I'm starting to think I'm living on borrowed time. The number of profiles I read on here where the former Master has died, usually in a car crash, or has cancer or some other unidentified health issues.

Who wants a slave that, instead of taking care of their owner, fucks off at the first sign of the snuffles??
9/17/2015 12:58:59 PM
Rant time.

How many profiles do you see with words to the effect of "I want an online Dom to control me, but I refuse to cam or send pics"?


You expect some guy to put in the work to create your schedule, dictate your wardrobe, supervise your daily interactions, and essentially act as your unpaid personal assistant? And all you have to offer in return is vague feelings of self satisfaction?

A Dominant is never going to agree to that. There's no exchange at all. A controller expects to see evidence of the control they're exerting. Why else do you think people play The Sims, and not some arcane text-only adventure game? We demand feedback, and that feedback must be as visceral as possible. If real-life is ruled out, then distance domination mandates some sort of audio-visual return.

Men, and it usually is men, are visual creatures. We fuck with the lights on for a reason. We want to see and hear what we're doing. We demand that immediacy. It's hardwired into our make-up. Women can "get by" on only nebulous emotions, but men want something more tangible.

If you insist that you will only offer your gift of submission on your own terms, that's fine. Just don't complain that there are no "real" Doms when they decide your terms don't suit them. A Dominant works on the terms of the Dominant... that's WHY they're Dominant.

And stop calling it a gift. A gift is a one-way transaction with no expectations made. What you ACTUALLY want is an exchange... your submission, or whatever it is you wish to give up, for their dominance, however they wish to exert it.
4/22/2015 3:45:46 PM
MTV2 has commissioned more episodes of Celebrity Death Match... and I'm the Producer.

I've already filmed the first 5 episodes...

Ep#1 Justin Beiber, beaten to death with the freeze dried husk of Piers Morgans corpse...
#2 Same scenario, but filmed from a different angle...
#3 Same scenario, but slightly sped up and with Benny Hill music dubbed over the top...
#4 Same scenario, but in super-slo-mo...
#5 Same scenario, but this time it's "The Dierector's Cut" including a close up of the moment Bieber's left eyeball pops out of his eyesocket from a blow to the back of the head so forceful that Morgan's head snaps off...

...and I still have enough footage and ideas for the other 8 episodes, including the season finale where, at the moment of death, the cameras we've borrowed from those supernatural ghost hunter shows, demonstrate that Beiber, on expiration, has no immortal soul, having already traded it to Satan for his fleeting moment of "fame".

I've also submitted a draft for the Season #2 opener... Lady Gaga vs a Cheese grater! A simple demonstration of how she could have gotten the exact same "look" as wearing that 'Meat Dress', except this time only ONE dumb animal has to die to accomplish it.
4/13/2015 4:31:23 PM
Note to self... you know WAY too many Madonna songs for a straight guy.
11/27/2014 11:58:40 AM
Sometimes, this site is like whack-a-mole. I spend more time hiding profiles than I do reading them...

Too old... <THONK>
Too young... <THONK>
Too married... <THONK>
Too obviously fake... <THONK>
Too fat... <THONK>
Too skinny... <THONK>
Sub-Saharan Africa... <THONK>
South East Asia... <THONK>
Trannies and TGs... while I applaud your efforts at self determination, there's a category for you, so if you create a profile claiming to be female... especially BEFORE the op... <THONK>
"Fallen" Dommes... <THONK>
Husbands and boyfriends "creating this profile for insert the relationship of the woman who doesn't know what you're trying to do to her"... <THONK>
Online only but you won't cam or trade pics... because you're not who you claim to be, you wanker, and don't want anyone knowing it... <THONK>

... and after all that, I can only see 3 profiles, and two of them don't even like me!

I'm saving that last profile. One day, she'll get a message from me... about 20 minutes before the profile goes inactive :o/
6/30/2014 9:07:54 PM
Saw a profile...

... it said "naked pics for those that get to know me"...

... the clothed pic on the profile made me think this...

... "She's ain't gonna get very far threatening people like that!"
6/30/2014 7:04:56 AM
You hold out an Olive Branch... and a bird is going to shit on it >.<
6/26/2014 6:30:58 AM
I'm the face you hoped, you'd never see,
but always knew you would

I'm the one thing you knew you shouldn't do,
but did because you could.
3/12/2014 5:31:15 AM

More mixed messages...


If you have a "lucky rabbit foot" on a keychain, apparently that's fine. (Just don't ask the rabbit how lucky it was for HIM!).


If, however, you have a necklace of human ears, trophies of your victories in single combat...


... no, because it's scaring the kids, and will get you thrown out and barred from McDonalds.


C'mon, people, make your minds up and let me know which severed appendages are socially acceptable!!!11oneone

2/22/2014 6:09:16 PM

Hang on one second while I polish my leather jackboots, it's Grammar Nazi time...


... or I could ask you to "bear with me".


I wouldn't ask you to "bare with me", not unless I knew you quite well ;o)


Can you see how they're different?


When you're asking someone to wait while you attend to something else, you're asking them to accept a burden on their patience. That's patience, the ability to wait for something, not patients, who are the people in a hospital. I know they sound the same, but they don't READ the same.


When you're writing, the difference matters... A LOT. This website is supposed to be about communicating. Doesn't matter if it's the introduction you've written on your profile, or the red hawt cyborz you're having with the guy who swears he's a six foot tall millionaire named Clint, with a six-pack you could bounce quarters off... even though you suspect his real name is Bubba, and the only connection to a six-pack he's ever had is the one he drank for breakfast at 3:30 this afternoon... you want to maintain the suspension of disbelief, and that's difficult when you have to stop and think every time an unexpected or inappropriate word pops up, and the last thing you actually want to be doing right this second is thinking, because the fantasy will start to unravel >.<

2/21/2014 3:38:24 PM

Is it that time again already? Oh, well...


After reviewing the curling for the Vancouver games, it's now time for The Demon to take a look at what's on offer at Sochi this year.


Now, Freestyle Skiing Aerials... or as I like to call it, Airborne Mincing. I could be mistaken, but it appears that every competitor is named something butch like Renato, Timofei (isn't that a shampoo?!) or Travis... they aim themselves at a very small pile of snow... launch themselves into the air and frantically Vogue for the judges in mid air.


You can practically hear them shouting "Wendy, I can FLY!"


Not to worry, though... I achieved a personal best for these Olympics. Seven and a half boxes of Kleenex were consumed during my viewing of the Womens Luge. (Scroll back 4 years to see why) ;o)


12/20/2013 4:34:49 PM

I'm not acting like an idiot..


... it's one of the few things about me that's NOT an act!

10/15/2013 11:16:31 AM

One line messages. Everybody gets them. Everybody sends them. Sometimes, it only takes a single line to get your message across. It could be a joke, an observation, or an answer to a question.


Journal entries are an open letter to whoever might read it. That's why the journals here are public, and displayed as part of your profile. By writing them, you're the one initiating a conversation. To then use your journal to decry single line messages, often generated in response to your other journal entries, is the worst form of egotism I can contemplate.


Language can be a scalpel, cutting to the heart of an idea. If someone can wield that scalpel with enough precision to get a concept across in just a single line of succinct text, then shouldn't you be a little more grateful?

9/4/2013 4:29:51 AM

After seeing various adverts on TV about how wholegrain goodness in a childs breakfast will "see them through 'til lunchtime" I decided to conduct some research of my own.


At 7:30am this morning, I had a bowl of ice cold banana flavoured milk poured over Coco Pops.


It's now nearly 12:30, and I haven't stopped twitching yet. Obviously, artificially coloured and sweetened cereals are what you need to "see you through until lunchtime".


Conclusive evidence, I think you'll agree.

7/6/2013 12:32:48 AM

Just noticed... I've been writing this crap for nearly SEVEN years now.


Fuck, I feel old >.<

6/25/2013 8:41:54 PM

Why do girls call themselves Bambi?


I haven't seen the film in maybe 40 years, but I'm pretty sure Bambi was a GUY!

6/24/2013 4:49:48 AM

How do you set your Spam Filter if you actually ARE a Nigerian General?


I mean, Nigeria's a real country... it really has an army... so there must be real Nigerian Generals. Poor bastards are probably sat in their offices wondering why their orders are being ignored and everybody hates them.

6/8/2013 7:20:00 AM

I never said I was going to ruin your DAY...


... I was going to wait for nightfall.

4/29/2013 3:22:24 PM

Another double standard...


Who else, here, has been given the trite old message "you must stand up to bullies, and they'll leave you alone"...


... and then spent a month in detention for fighting in school? >.<

1/21/2013 11:45:47 PM

Society is built on double standards...


While it's prefectly fine for people to 'euthanise' dumb animals to "end their suffering", when I try euthanising dumb people to end MY suffering, I get arrested!


I'm a victim of mixed messages, here >.<

1/11/2013 11:05:07 PM

I took a girl home from a club last night... you're going to be walking funny in the morning, I told her.


She smiled and asked me if I was that good in bed?


As I locked the door behind us I just smiled and said...


"Naah, it's because I'm gonna chop your feet off!"

7/8/2012 4:02:47 PM

What? I thought EVERY woman was horny for 50 shades of grey??


Fucking hell... you can't win, can you?

5/30/2012 8:25:39 AM

Haven't done one of these in a while, so here goes...


I fully support same-sex marriages. Not for any ethical or moral reason, because I've never been troubled with either of those in the past. No, I support same-sex marriages purely on the basis that it'll cause life-threatening rises in blood pressure and potentially fatal aneurisms in exactly the sort of bigotted half-wits I most despise.


It's a public service I'm providing, that could benefit the whole of civilisation! :oD


3/14/2012 3:57:39 AM

Beware the ATAs of March!


(award yourself 5 Nerd Points if you got that one :oD)

2/21/2012 2:28:10 AM

Daily Mail readers should be subjected to a course of electric shock therapy.


It's not going to CURE them... I just want to see them twitching helplessly and defecating themselves.

1/4/2012 5:13:24 PM

I just love the great outdoors... I could watch it for hours on TV

11/11/2011 5:17:06 PM

Alright, time for the Demon's critique of this years Big Brother.


In 4th place... a stunningly good looking young model, whose dating history must make even some of the people on here scratch their heads in confusion, bearing in mind what kind of things she's recently described as attractive to her (a guy beating the shit out of a seat cushion) and romantic (same guy, wiping his arse on her pillow!!!).


In 3rd place... bizzarely, the last survivor of the "genuine" people who try every year to get into the house, and one of the few people I thought should have won, is a young woman with self confidence issues, a bit clumsy, a choclate addict, and no airs or graces. Star in the making, if there's any justice.


In 2nd place, the borderline psychotic with anger-management issues. Given to outbursts of violence, thinks its funny to wipe his arse on his girlfriend's pillow, and sees no problem with making threats against fellow housemates he falls out with.


And the winner is...


... a passive aggressive control freak, who also has anger management issues, but at least this one turns his moodiness inwards and only emotionally tortures his girlfriend.



Sometimes, I despair.

10/23/2011 7:58:18 AM

I'm dreaming...



SIX - ONE!!!!



Somebody pinch me!

9/15/2011 3:29:18 AM

Okay, so they think they've discovered a planet that could support human life. I have just one question for them...


Does that mean we can go back to trashing THIS one, safe in the knowledge there's a spare?


I mean, I'm pretty sick of sorting my household rubbish into 17 different types for recycling. I LIKE leaving the light on in rooms I'm not using, just in case I want to go back into them without stubbing my toe in the dark. When I walk past the Toyota showroom, I'm always going to be looking at the Landcruisers, and not the Prius. And as for "Bag For Life"... I've got about 30 of those bastard things. Whatever happened to conscience-free plastic carrier bags??

9/2/2011 8:52:55 AM

Saw another classic today... profile claiming to be of a British female, tho clearly English isn't their first language...


... but the gold plated cherry on the top, was the pic. Whoever set up the profile only saw as far as the close-up of the lacy panties with the words "lil bitch" written across the belly above them... without noticing how far up the torso the pubes had to be (badly) shaved, and the 'two lumps' bulge inside the panties that indicate, not a cameltoe, but a 'tuck-back'.


Moron posted a GUY pic on his female profile :oDDDD

8/16/2011 6:16:39 PM

Keep getting fan mail for the cock shot... good to know there are folks out there with the same warped sense of humour as mine ;o)


You're all DAFT, but the world needs you :oD

8/13/2011 2:11:26 PM

By popular demand... alright, one person... the 'cock shot' is available again

6/10/2011 9:41:14 PM

Sometimes, it's good to vent. It let's you release pent up feelings, and a certain catharsis...


I'm not going to name names, but there used to be someone I was pretty close to. She turned out to be another lying whore. But the time between meeting her... and finding OUT she was a lying whore, were pretty fun.


It's such a shame she's settling for such an abusive waster, instead of sticking to her promises and fulfilling her commitments. She has the potential to make a terrific slave.


But, I guess it's better for all concerned.


She's going to suffer, but not in the ways that turn her on...

He gets as much pussy as he wants... until she cuts him off and starts sleeping on the couch...


And I dodged a bullet! :oD

6/4/2011 11:41:03 AM

Good men don't NEED rules... and now would not be a good time to find out why I have so many!

5/8/2011 1:18:29 AM

That's it, I've had enough of being the only one with any sense of honour, a willingness to live up to a promise, or stand by my words.


You can all fuck off. I'm done

5/3/2011 7:14:25 PM


I thought EVERYBODY was putting "cock pics" on their profiles these days?!?!

5/1/2011 5:06:22 PM

I love it when someone posts a profile with a huge contradiction written right in at the start, and when you point it out, they panic :oD

4/29/2011 2:57:29 PM

To the idiot saying that anyone with a @yahoo or @hotmail email addy is false... read this and learn, little boy.


Now, my personal email address (which I'm NOT giving out, so don't bother) is a yahoo... and I've maintained it now since February 1997. Back then, when I first got online, I went through all those old cover-disk 30 day free trials for ISPs... because back then, they all charged a monthly fee on TOP of per-minute connection charges.


One of them, a French company called Liberty Online, actually acknowledged people were only going to use them for the 30 day freebie period, and would move on to another ISP... and they gave out the advice to set up an email addy, that was independant of ISPs... just so that I wouldn't have to change it every time I swapped ISPs.


The same holds true today. People shop around for the best deals, the fastest connections, the largest monthly bandwidth allowances... and it makes sense to carry at least one email address that you won't lose access to swapping from one provider to another.


So if anyone's ever emailed me at...


... or any of the other ISPs or Usenet Service providers I've had an account with in the past decade and a half... you've wasted your time. I never checked the inboxes there even once.



4/16/2011 11:49:59 AM

Blue moon... you saw me standing alone...

Without a dream in my heart...

Without a love of my own...


Blue moon... You know just what I was there for...

You heard me saying a prayer for...

Someone I really could care for...


Thank you Manchester City... it always feels better after 30 years of pain :oD

4/7/2011 12:57:10 AM

Okay, NOW I'm wondering why this profile's suddenly getting views from Dommes... I'm pretty sure the settings haven't changed :o\

3/28/2011 12:41:03 AM

A collar of protection is a serious responsibility that should never be taken advantage of. To do so violates every principle of trust and honour. Without that trust and honour, we're no better than animals.


This lifestyle is built on trust, and those who abuse that trust are nothing more than predators using bdsm for their own twisted abusive ends. Do not allow it, do not tolerate it.


To offer such a collar, you are making yourself responsible for the safety and wellbeing of another, without any of the fringe benefits normally associated with a Master-slave relationship. You do this expecting no reward, or even recognition. You do not brag, you do not boast, you do this because it is noble and honourable.

3/25/2011 1:27:43 AM

It's nerd out time again...


I recently spoke with a submissive that wanted to lose some weight and was keen to go on an Atkins diet... my gut reaction to hearing that sort of thing is "you're not dieting, you're just making yourself feel so miserable it just FEELS like you're dieting". Slow release carbohydrates are an essential part of your diet!


Those SRCs... which you can get from eating whole grains, oats, etc... are essential because without them, you can't process Tryptophan (an amino acid) which is the source of Seratonin (the misnamed "Happiness Hormone"). Ever wondered why so called "Comfort Foods" have an unusually high starch/dairy content?


While Seratonin at extremely high levels is toxic, it's almost impossible to achieve those levels without encountering an artificial source of it, such as scorpion venom and other natural poisons that rely on similar effects.


There's even recent data to suggest that abnormally low levels of Seratonin might inhibit sexual desire and drive... the Chinese Gay Mice studies.


For people where emotions and sensations are such a supposedly important part of our community, we know precious little about the mechanics of how we can do the things we hope to do.

3/21/2011 3:10:06 AM

SelfLoathingMum... no point hiding your profile or blocking people... we know who you are!

3/16/2011 8:37:57 PM

Okay, here I go again...


Your profile says you're owned/under consideration/what-the-fuck-ever...


You snottily declare you will refuse to read unsolicited mails from males...


... and yet, you're STILL showing up on my search as Seeking Dominant Males???


I just can't work out who this is reflecting badly on. Is it you, for being a lazy disorganised waste of space that you can't edit your profile accurately? Is it your owner/dom/whatever is just a dickhead who can't exercise even that amount of supervisory ability?


Sometimes, I just despair. It's like getting broadband or an Iphone knocks 50 IQ points of some people.

7/5/2010 8:29:58 AM
"Come to the edge" he said. "I'm afraid"she replied. "Come to the edge" he said. "I'll fall" she replied. "Come to the edge", he said. So she came. And he pushed her. ... And she plunged to her death!

7/3/2010 9:42:34 AM
Here's one you should think about...

"Authority is not a quality one person "has," in the sense that he has property or physical qualities. Authority refers to an interpersonal relation in which one person looks upon another as somebody superior to him."
Eric Fromm

6/27/2010 10:02:33 AM
John Terry should be horse-whipped... and it's not like I don't know where to come to find the volunteers >.<
5/14/2010 6:24:03 PM
Waving hello to the Evony guys coming to check this out
4/26/2010 10:41:46 AM
Take a look at collarmefakewatch next time you have a chance. Looks promising.
4/7/2010 5:15:00 PM
It's that time of year again...

... this time, it's Bayern Munich putting the smile on my face :oD
3/28/2010 4:40:42 AM
Do you want my presence or need my help?
Who knows where that might lead?
3/24/2010 4:23:40 AM
The Delicious Miss Dahl... licence fee payers money well spent. I, for one, couldn't have gone another day without knowing how to cook a cheese omlette or fudge.

What next, BBC? Kate Moss teaching us, step by step, how to make toast??

Victoria Beckham guiding us through the complex and difficult maneuver that is pouring hot water on a Pot Noodle??

And to think, people were complaining about Nigela Lawson making cinder toffee.
3/16/2010 8:10:18 AM

Seems like that guy from November is back... this time with a new profile NiceTitsUglyFace.

Add that to his previous profiles...


... only this time he's hiding the profiles after he checks them, trying to obscure the fact that they're appearing in groups.

Add BrokenMummy and BlondeAmbition to that list

Also WillBegForAMan, StepMum and CoucilEstateMum

2/20/2010 6:48:27 PM
Uncle Demon's Relationship Counselling Service

Have you ever been subjected to the line... "It's not you, it's me"?
Translation: I'm a selfish cunt who's not about to put in the effort required to make this relationship work.

Just ask them if it IS you, and I'm otherwise perfect, then get your arse into gear and start paying back some of the commitment I've shown YOU, you greedy, self absorbed, whore!
2/18/2010 6:40:37 PM
What is the attraction of watching some guy sliding a big lump of stone veerrrrryyyyyy slooooowly along some ice... while 2 other guys frantically scrub away with brushes?

Skiing, I can understand... there's some skill and grace demonstrated there... Speed-skating, wow those outfits leave VERY little to the imagination... but Curling?

I guess you have to be a Domme to appreciate something that combines men performing housework at manic speeds and that get shouted at a lot, with painstaking attention to detail and super-human self-control all performed in a twisted body shape that most contortionists would blanche at.

I suppose I should just stick to watching the Ladies Luge... spandex camel-toes flying down the hill at 50 miles per hour!
2/17/2010 7:46:11 PM

Apparently, claiming to be able to speak 3 languages doesn't count if those languages are English, Gibberish and Rubbish.

Guess I'll have to edit my CV again :o(

2/15/2010 3:04:05 PM
I'm sorry, but...

... the only place you're going to find a forehead big enough to fit in all the letters of "mistresses silly cunt" is on the planet Tefal!

What? I'm the only one who remembers those adverts? Sheesh, go google it!
2/3/2010 8:30:58 AM
Physics for Dribbling Idiots

Physics can basically be broken down into three areas.

#1) The stuff you can see happening (aka Newtonian Physics) around you. Can be distilled into the phrase "What goes up, must come down."

#2) The stuff you can't see because it either happens too fast, or too far away (aka Einsteinian Physics). Can be distilled into the phrase "What goes up, comes down younger!"

#3) The stuff you can't see because it's way too tiny or happened right at the beginning of The Universe (aka Quantum Physics). Can be distilled down into the phrase "What goes up, comes down tasting of peppermint!".

None of these are to be confused with Chaos Theory, which is just a fancy way of shrugging your shoulders and saying "We haven't got a clue, it's all just far too complicated!"
1/4/2010 5:38:13 PM

Catch #23

The only people who can SPELL "dyslexic"...

... aren't!

12/29/2009 3:00:06 AM
Examples of "Failing to Engage Brain before putting Mouth into Gear" #3,712

Commentator for the Stoke vs Birmingham match, Dec 28th 2009: "And there's Gordon Banks in the stand, a former Stoke City player. I bet he'll be keeping an eye on young Joe Hart's performance"

Since his road accident in 1972, Gordon Banks only has vision in the one eye, his left!
12/19/2009 8:00:35 AM
Things that piss me off #2,007,958

You get into a cab, and look up...

... to find the meter's already running and the engine isn't.
12/15/2009 11:17:51 PM
In English, we don't go "seeking for"... not since the 17th Century when we were hunting Snarks!

It's either just plain "seeking a master" or looking for a master"... not some Alta Vista mis-translation.

And while we're on the subject of language.

Picture the scene... you're naked, kneeling before your Lord and Owner, and he's just asked you wether you want to worship his cock, or feel his whip accross your back.

Would you answer him with "Lol... I r ure slut, mastah". It's funny in a cat photo, it's just sad when the whole profile's written like that.
12/12/2009 5:31:32 PM

If you're going to include fake pics on your fake UK profile... make sure the pictures don't contain images of products or brands that aren't even available in this country...

... also try to ensure that posters on the bedroom walls of all these hot little bitches are in English...

... take a quick look at some of the other profiles on this site, and try to avoid using the same pics as 30 other wankers are using on THEIR fake profiles.
11/4/2009 1:26:36 AM
Now, you won''t see the following profiles that often, because the guy running them keeps hiding them as soon as someone points out the startling similarities in each one...


... they''re often seen in pairs, but rarely the same two at a time because this guy likes to shuffle them about. They''re all pretty much along the same lines... 40-ish... usually married to a guy that either beats them or neglects them... if he beats them, they secretly love it and want more... if he neglects them, they''re looking for a chav to abuse them.

Sometimes, the story''s just the pressure of unattractiveness, either natural or through mid-life crisis, driving them to be so desperate they''ll "promise to do anything just to feel wanted"

Pretty sad, really.
11/3/2009 2:50:38 AM
There's going to be bookies from Aigbuth out to St Helens screaming blue bloody murder this morning...

"Kai"?!?! Good job Rooney can afford to send it to private school. If the poor little sod had to go to the same school his dad did, he'd get the snot kicked out of him every day with a name like that
11/1/2009 1:57:26 PM
Uncle Demon's Translation Service
If the profile says...

"Immediate relocation": It's a scammer, hoping you're going to send cash without asking too many questions

"My owner controls this account": It's some guy with a fake profile, covering his arse in case he slips out of character when chatting, and then claim he's just checking mail

"No pic, No reply" or "send me pics of what you will do to me": It's a pic collector, and he's too lazy to google for himself

"I don't cam, ever": Fake trying to avoid verification.

"I only want to relocate abroad": Fake trying to avoid face-to-face verification and meets.

Any profile with a zip code instead of a City: Identity thief hoping you're going to message him saying something like 'Hey, we live in the same postal district'... you just gave him YOUR zip code, doofus.

Any mention of 'gas money': Scammer

"Must be local": Hooker trying to drum up some business

"married, husband doesn't know": Cheating, and not to be trusted

"married, husband is aware": already preparing to disappear claiming they've 'discovered' a shared interest in bdsm

"my kids come first": built in excuse for acting flakey and vanishing

"breed me": I'm too fat and ugly to get a guy, and can't afford a sperm donor

Any couples profile with a 20-something fsub and a 50-something Mdom, looking for sisters: Only the 50-something guy exists

Any profile from a 30-something fsub that uses txt-spk: It's some 13yo kid lifting pics off a MILF site

10/17/2009 7:12:44 PM
To whom it may concern... you know who you are...

D is too much of a nice girl to say this, but I'm under no such inhibitions.

You're a twat. Plain and simple. Not only do you shag around with your ex behind her back, you take her to the places you took her.

What's that flushing noise I hear? It's D, getting rid of the turd.
9/25/2009 6:43:25 PM
The sick freak from my entry of 22nd May is back again, this time claiming to be from Canada.
9/21/2009 4:34:27 AM
Signing in with your multiple "I'm a deaf sub" accounts one after the other, just makes you look like a tosser :o)
9/16/2009 12:22:50 AM
They're on their way there.

8/29/2009 5:39:38 PM
This one's for chardonay...

Standing next to you, I place the palm of my hand in the small of your back and gently pull you closer. Then, softly scratching the skin of your back, my hand slides upwards. After lightly stroking the nape of your neck, I rotate my wrist and grab a fistful of your hair... yank back your head, give it a little shake to show you who's in control, before diving in to bite your neck, just hard enough to leave a mark...
8/26/2009 10:07:26 AM
Big Brother UK has not been renewed, and next year, Series 11, will be its' last on Channel 4, with no other UK broadcaster showing the slightest interest in taking over.

Won't be that sorry to see it go, but it does raise the question of what mindless dross I can watch during the summer when there's no football on :o)
8/25/2009 12:01:04 PM
Kindness cost nothing...

                          ... but cruelty's more fun, and well worth the extra expense! 
8/23/2009 10:02:15 AM
Sometimes, the numpty's on here worry me... who in their right minds sends or accepts Friends requests to a profile that's less than a day old?

Especially a profile claiming to be from UK, when there's clearly posters with Cyrilic writing all over them in the background of the picture!

Numpty... the guy's clearly stolen the pic off a Russian website!
8/22/2009 2:58:22 AM

HahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAAAaaa... fuck, this one's funny.

Some sad little loser has stolen pics from the same place some other dick stole pics from 2 years ago!

SlaveStacey is the same pictured girl as jens1subbie...

... a previously identified fake profile abandoned nearly two and a half years ago.

Remember I warned you morons about waiting a few days before posting that you're now someone's bitch? Couldn't wait, could you?

8/18/2009 12:06:05 AM
How come every profile that mentions they've just got out of a relationship, is always going on about how they're only looking to expand their horizons... or further explore their submission...

... you never see any profiles that read "He's a twat and he dumped me for some cunt half my age!"
8/17/2009 1:06:31 AM
If you're pretending to be sophisticated, don't claim to smoke Gauloises and drink Rodnik's.

Sobranie and Tabu 73 might work, but you'd have to have at least seen an example of either to convince someone who really IS cultured enough to know the difference.
8/17/2009 12:35:02 AM
Man, I love Google Streetview... puts you right on the doorstep of your intended victim!
8/13/2009 3:25:58 PM
It has come to my attention, that there are people on this website, who call themselves Dominants, and who do not like watching cricket!

If you can't watch a sport that takes 5 days to finish, and can still end with no result, how on Earth do you claim to be an expert in Orgasm Denial??

Sheesh... some folks don't know the meaning of the word "thwarted" :oD
8/12/2009 10:57:29 PM
I've said it before... there are some serious pockets of humanity out there, waiting for their opposable thumbs to evolve.
8/3/2009 1:34:53 PM
As an addendum to my last rant about Big Brother UK...

Ladies, if you EVER find yourselves in a relationship with a guy similar to Issac, run away and hide.

For a while, I was wondering how Noirin slipped under my subbie detection gear. Her reaction to Issac was classic "Oh oh, Master's here!" submission... and then I saw how Issac does it.

His first words to her in private were "Daddy's back." followed later by "Are you going to stop the craziness now?"

I shuddered when I realised she's not a subbie at all, just a screwed up little girl who's under the thumb of a raving psychotic.
7/28/2009 8:49:52 PM
I can now announce the result of next years' Britain's Got Talent...


... there isn't any.

Nope, turns out Britain has no talent left whatsoever. My reasoning for this is watching this year's Big Brother.

After 10 years, not only have they scraped out the bottom of the barrel, they've had to lift up the barrel in an attempt to coax whatever's crawled in there back out into the limelight. So far this year (and we've still got 5 weeks left to endure) we've had...

3 people who couldn't last a full 7 days...
2 Guys (one of whom has, since he was evicted, slashed his own wrists, apparently)whose efforts to seduce the only "available" straight woman have been studies in emotional blackmail that will be used as case studies by psycologists for years to come...
The "available" straight woman has, despite declaring there was one housemate she would, and I quote here, "Fuck him every day!" spent her entire stay alternately encouraging the physical advances of, then rapidly distancing herself from, 4 different men in a bizarre attempt to get her "showmance" vote up without jeopardising her chances by incurring the wrath of a "sisterhood backlash" counter-vote, and just made herself look like a tease who can't make up her mind...
A pretty, but desperate C-list 'glamour' model with such a poor self image that the £5000 she spent (and still hasn't paid off) on her boob job from a D to F cup just isn't enough for her, and she's going for something freakishly large next time...

I could go on... but the freakshow housemates are not the end of it.

The producers themselves seem to be on a self destruct mission as well. From a highpoint of between 8 and 9 million viewers a few years back, figures have been steadily in decline for the past 6 years, to the point where last year they were hovering around the 4 million mark.

Dedicated viewers have, in the past, been able to keep up with events in the house through internet feeds and 24 hour Interactive Digital TV coverage. This has led to accusations over the years that producers are biased towards certain housemates by favourably editing them for the nightly highlights show. People who watched the 24hours stuff couldn't believe how radically different some housemates portrayals could be altered, and how blatant some of the editing had become.

So, in their wisdom, the producers have abandoned 24 hours coverage, and apart from a couple of hours live coverage in the deadzone TV slot of 1am through to 4am, have kept viewers largely in the dark. These are the same producers that have...
Lost their temper when confronted by housemates in the Diary Room on more than one occasion...
So badly botched one of the highlight shows that a 15 minute segment was shown twice in the same episode...

Unsuprisingly, viewing figures for this season so far are struggling to reach 2 million.
7/12/2009 9:21:23 AM
Unions representing the cabin crews for Delta/North Western are filing a complaint that the airline does not offer their distinctive uniforms in sizes up to US28...

... I'm sorry, but if Delta are going to charge people $90USD on domestic flights, and $150USD on international flights for people exceeding their 50lb baggage allowance...

... are they going to offer similar sums in refunds because their cabin crew can't squeeze their fat arses into a size US18??
6/18/2009 8:26:36 PM

Is it me, or is there a new Nigerian scammer whose latest brainwave is to use a list of Premier League football team names in their fake profiles to add some kind of verisimilitude?

So far this past week I've seen "Westham", "Hull city" and "Manchester city" (twice).

I'm just waiting for "Wigan Athletic" and "Aston villa" to make their appearances.

Update: 8/8/09

It happened... Real Madrid has just appeared :oDD

5/27/2009 3:39:42 PM
Barca... Barca... 2-0... colour me smug! :o)
5/21/2009 11:09:51 PM
Okay... this one's particulary SICK

There's a profile here... telling the story about how his sister disappeared 2 weeks ago while on a shoot with a bondage photographer, and how he needs help looking for her.

This same profile was floating about LAST YEAR, verbatim.

It's not the same profile, it's a new one. This sick freak is trying to pass off the same story.
5/21/2009 1:47:15 PM
Must remember...

Beziers, 1209... not Avignon 1398.
Cathars, not the Anti-pope.
4/16/2009 6:45:06 PM

If you're going to steal pics... make sure the electrical outlets in the background match the supposed country of origin of the profile.

Anyone who's ever actually travelled beyond the confines of their mums' basement / council flat / trailer park (delete as applicable) knows not every country uses the same plugs and sockets
3/21/2009 5:54:46 AM
You misunderstand... I never said you should pursue a career in Stem Cell Research...

... I said you could make a valuable contribution AS Stem Cell Research.
2/26/2009 10:11:59 PM
She's a real pearl...

... a fragment of crap wrapped in snot.
2/4/2009 6:04:55 AM

No words, today... just emotion.
1/15/2009 9:37:47 PM

Sorry, but I feel the need... the need... to Nerd!

Okay, I'm an utter geek... and proud of it... but I couldn't help but pause when I read that the new Beta release of Windows is being refered to as "Windows 7".

Now, this confused me. I'm running various PCs, for reasons I'd rather not bore you with, and each has a different OS on it... Windows 3.11, '95, '98SE, XP Sp2 and Vista. Five different versions of Windows... and I skipped ME altogether. So wouldn't that make the new one "Windows 9"?

Turns out, I had just fallen for some marketing ploy by Microsoft... '95 was actually Windows 4.0, '98 was only 4.10, and Millenium Edition was 4.90... and we didn't get a "Windows 5" until XP.

Yeah... I paid to upgrade from '95 to '98 as well. Bastards.

12/30/2008 4:34:49 PM
I think it's high time we take a good look at our dictionaries, and give them a long overdue update.

Take, for example, the word "Pal".

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word as...

Pal (noun) a friend, brother or mate. From Sanskrit.

Now, I don't know about you, but the last time someone called me "pal" he was about to glass me. Hardly a friendly act likely to cause us to bond. The only bonding likely to happen would have been done in Casualty, where my face would have had to be re-bonded onto my head.
12/30/2008 6:17:44 AM

... we have a new record holder (Translation: halfwit with too much time on his hands). I stopped counting at 20, but there are more popping up every day.

Yes, it's another How-many-fake-profiles-can-I-create? buffoon. Fair play to him, though, as he has at least managed to spell 20+ different city names right, and place them in the correct states and countries.
11/7/2008 6:37:43 PM
She was such a treasure...

... so I buried her on a desert island.
9/1/2008 4:22:42 PM
Some of you know, I'm a big fan of Manchester City (yeah, yeah... even Doms have a masochistic side :oP).

So, imagine my delight to discover we've signed Robinho... somebody pinch me, 2 World Class Brazilians up front!! :oDDDDD

"Blu-ue Mooooon... you saw me standing alooooone..."
7/14/2008 6:27:07 PM
I love watching Big Brother.

Specifically, I love watching the contestants who've read half a psycology book, or maybe watched a couple of episodes of Cracker, and think they're somehow better equipped to deal with their housemates because they "know psycology"

What really gives me the incesant giggles, is watching these half-wits promptly fail to apply anything they might have learned, and almost visibly regress into almost primate-like behaviour. This years crop of dunderheads is a particularly good example of what I mean.

The recently evicted Jennifer spent her 4 weeks in the house acting like a pink bummed chimp, and to extend the analogy, her suitors... the nice-but-dim Dale, and the mascarra'd Stuart... performed what can only be described as "the chest pounding behaviour usually exhibited by juvenile male chimps attempting to impress potential mates". The excuse for their 'threat displays' was the vandalism of a painting of Jennifer's by another housemate. Each of them stormed into the bedroom, demanding an apology... which had already been given, but why spoil a good chance to play the hero?... from the nascent art critic. One of them even admitted later on that he had no real knowledge of what exactly was going on, just that he'd seen "a girl crying" and had leapt to her defense. A couple of days later, a different girl was crying... but she's not physically attractive, so she was left to fester.

To put this artwork into some context, the artist herself compared her work to that of Monet (or maybe Manet, a combination of sniffling and geordie accent made it hard to be sure). In other words, she was claiming to be an Impressionist painter... which, roughly translated means, she has absolutley no real artistic ability, so has to call her daubings 'impressionist' to justify a picture most 5-year-olds would be embarrased by.

Oh, and Dennis... it was Common Assault... not Flamboyant Assault, not Vivascious Assault... not even Talented-but-Deeply-Troubled Assault... just plain old Common Assault.
4/29/2008 7:51:48 AM
Here's a few tips...

If you're going to steal pics off a website, don't choose a model with distinctive tatoos... people remember them more than they remember faces.

If you're going to crop the copyright tag off a pic, crop both sides of the pic equally. A pic with the subject off-centre just cries out "altered".

Don't add your own fake profiles to the Friends list on all your other fake profiles... it's just TOO easy to spot you.

C'mon... make it a challenge!!
4/8/2008 9:09:57 AM
Exercises in Pointlessness #1722: Golf

This weekend, dozens of knitwear victims will spend 4 days wandering around on an overly manicured lawn, and at the end one of them will put on a green sports jacket, as if that'll up his Sartorial Quotient somehow.

And the BBC will show 16 hours of it, and for 12 of those hours the cameras will be pointed up into the sky.

Please... someone explain to me why this attracts people, and why some of the nicest cars built today are ruined because the makers feel the need to include a trunk big enough to hold a sackful of golfbats?
3/28/2008 1:12:36 AM
TunaMayo on wholemeal might not sound like 'comfort food'... but ANYthing is comfort food if you spread it on thick enough
3/18/2008 8:00:34 AM
Sims 3 is coming...

... there goes another six months of my life :D
3/15/2008 7:00:14 AM
Beware the Ides of March
2/25/2008 2:27:48 PM
Looks like Troll Baiting season has opened again. I wish someone would memo me about these things. :o)
2/8/2008 8:49:01 PM
All it will take is ONE good slavegirl... or about two dozen average ones :oD
12/31/2007 7:54:37 PM
Happy Gnu Ears... or something
9/20/2007 11:50:18 AM
Tuesday, one of the lightbulbs in the living room chandelier popped... yesterday, as I was shopping for new ones, I had a brainwave. "Why don't I get some energy saver/long life bulbs?" They're greener, the nights are drawing in so they'd start paying for themselves immeadiately, and I wouldn't have to get the stepladders out every couple of months to replace whichever one of the 3 bulbs pops. I swear, the thing eats lightbulbs.

This chandelier is an old brass thing, and because the bayonet fittings are loose, there's a knack to removing the old bulbs. You have to press down quite firmly before twisting, and the narrow necks of the glass shades makes that a bit tricky. But I've had practice... I figure it'll be no problem.


This morning, I'm there with my steps, 4 shiny new bulbs (3 to go in, plus a spare... I like to cover most contingencies) and I'm removing the old bulbs. First 2 come out fine, but the third slips just as I'm extracting it... as luck would have it, it tumbles and catches the edge of the coffeetable instead of falling into the bin I'd placed carefully in case I dropped anything (I'd really TRIED to cover everything) and shattered. Cursing loudly, I fitted the new bulbs, noting to myself that it couldn't have been the dead bulb I drop, no it has to be one of the live ones. As I'm crawling around on the carpet, picking up glass shards, I noticed that one of them had a pattern. "I don't recall those lightbulbs being patterned!"

I look up... the glass shade has an almost perfect hole in one side, about 2 inches across. As I'd lifted the old bulb out, it obviously hadn't fallen out, it had dropped back into the shade... and punched a neat hole through the side! There's no way I can replace the shade... I'm going to have to replace the whole chandelier. And because I have to replace the whole thing, chances are those new energy bulbs will go to waste as well, because I'll probably end up buying something with LEDs or Halogen lamps, because I'm too Straight to shop for a lamp. I need more Gay friends for that.

The moral of this long and dull story is... no matter how clever you think you are... no matter how well you think you've planned...

... you can still, royally, fuck it up.
8/15/2007 12:16:07 PM

Webcams are cheaper than pizzas. Vodafone are doing a PAYG V3 RAZR for £60 including £10 worth of credit. I picked up a 6.3 mega pixel, x10 Optical Zoom, digital camera from Currys last weekend for under £200 including a 2Gb datacard.

There's absolutely no excuse for being completely unable to provide a picture for verification these days.

Fair enough... you don't want to put a photo on your profile, anybody could see it. There's no photo on MINE for the same reason. But when you've been talking with someone for a couple of months, and you still can't verify that you're who you claim to be, don't be suprised if the other person either loses interest, or outright accuses you of being a fraud.

It's not like it's technologically challenging anymore, either. I still have my first webcam, and it's a piece of crap. The picture's awful, the software hasn't been updated since '01, and it's currently gathering dust in the bottom of a box marked "spares and junk" from when I moved house 6 years ago... but it still works as a Plug'n'Play, even though I'm on my 4th PC since I bought it!!!! Just plug it into the USB port, and if you've got MSN or Yahoo, it'll work. It's still an awful picture, but at least you can see me waving (or, more likely, picking my nose) in Real Time. Okay, I look like I'm sunburnt because the colour balance is so badly shifted toward cyan, but at least it's demonstrably me :o)

8/10/2007 5:37:43 PM

Maybe I've been reading the profiles on here for too long, but I'm starting to recognise a pattern...

... any female sub/slave that includes the words 'lil', 'kitten' or 'dream' in their name are, invariably, grossly overweight? Any combination of two or more compnents, or variations of, and they show up on Google Earth!!

Okay, I'm a little overweight, so I guess you blimps are going to criticise me, but at least I can still SEE MY OWN FEET when I look down, without having to hold great folds of cellulite out of the way with both hands.

8/8/2007 6:46:46 AM
I think I can see the point of people using cut'n'paste emails... on a couple of occasions now, the time it takes ME to write a careful, and thought out reply to someone's who's shown some interest... is often the same amount of time that person needs to make up her mind that she is wholly and irrecoverably owned by some other person, and that I needn't have bothered taking my time after all :o(

C'est la vie.

On the upside, I did hear a funny thing today. "If ignorance is bliss, then there are some f**king extatic people on this site" was the reply to my question "Why do so many people just stop chatting without so much as an explanation or an apology?"

Yes... blissfully ignorant, indeed. You know who you are.
8/4/2007 12:19:36 AM
How can I go on living??? She strung me along... promised she'd be mine... then disappeared into the ether!

The lies... the falsehoods... the shame... it's all too much for me... tonight, I will take my life to end the misery I'm suffering.

/yawn... next!
6/20/2007 9:43:25 PM
Get your head out of your ass... you know who you are... it doesn't have to BE about anything.

Take a breath... and then look at how you're treating others. Maybe you're behaving no differently to the ones your bitching about?
6/5/2007 12:46:44 PM
How depressing... turns out I'm over a stone and a half heavier than what I thought my profile had listed...

217lbs = 15 and a half stone = 98.6 Kg

... there, that should help you if you're used to non-US weight measurements :o)

p.s. I've got an opening for a proof-reader slave. :oD
5/26/2007 3:24:26 PM
Scenario Time...

You recieve a phone call... you are given directions to drive to a deserted spot out in the countryside... when you arrive you see an envelope pinned to a nearby tree. You open the envelope and read the following...

"Leave the keys in the ignition. Strip and leave your clothes in the passenger seat. When you are naked, climb into the trunk of the car, pulling it shut after you and wait."

You carry out your orders and lie there, naked and cramped in the dark for an unknown length of time, it feels like forever.

Eventually, you hear noises outside... a person walking towards your car. The drivers' door opens, and the vehicle moves as the person gets in. The engine starts and you begin to bump around in the trunk as the car drives off... you have no idea who the driver is, where you are going, or for how long.
4/22/2007 9:58:21 PM

Looks like the Texan gas-scammer girl is back again...

Unable to stay in my current living arrangments, need out by the first, trying to get some gas funds together currently, may not be able to, looking for a Master who can take this girl in and help her come to him if needed.

... it's the same old thing... "send me gas money and I'll be your slave forever, honest!"... and all I can think is that she must get at least one dumbass every time. We know it IS a "she" because Western Union passed on the details of the ID used to claim the money, and the guy actually posted it on a mock-profile (since deleted... I wonder why?) trying to warn others.

She claims her car is her only possesion, and that she couldn't possibly sell it and buy an air ticket... there's never any explanation as to WHY she's being made homeless... she doesn't reply to overseas profiles at all.

Guys... keep repeating the mantra... "Never send money, no matter how sad the sob story she gives you is"

4/19/2007 4:28:48 PM
I have NO idea what just happened... how is it possible to go from first contact mail, to yahoo, to blocked on both yahoo and here, all in less than 3 minutes?

That's gotta be a new record, even for me :o\
4/8/2007 11:15:02 AM
Strange thing... I was chatting with a sub, who told me I didn't come across as very dominant. I explained, or tried to, that it's because she wasn't "mine" to dominate.

On another occasion, somebody else kept insisting on addressing me as "Master"... even after I tried pointing out that, while I enjoyed the level of deference and respect she was showing, she wasn't MY slave.

When I'm "off duty", for want of a better description, and we're just chatting... then it's 'me' you're talking to, not some Avatar of Domliness. I'm cynical, sarcastic, quick-witted... practically anti-authority. I don't sit here at my keyboard wearing nothing but leather chaps and polishing my handcuffs, ready to spring into 'Dom Mode'. (To those that know me, you can stop laughing at that mental image now).

4/7/2007 6:26:47 AM

After being prodded into writing another entry, and admitting I had so little to write about I was drifting into the forums here... I had one of those happy little convergences of thought.

I'd been wondering about wether to have a sig, if I'm going to hang around in the forums, it seemed like the thing to do... and after chatting about getting older, with the same Naggy Anna that was prodding me to write more here (Thanks D), a spark of inspiration struck...

"Old enough to know better... but still young enough to not care"

Whaddya think? Snappy and to the point? :o)

3/17/2007 12:36:15 PM
Ohhh... I love this... I've been blocked again. Don't know why. Someone, you know who you are, checked out my profile (I like that feature) so I figured I'd return the interest. No biggie.

Interesting profile. Quite verbose, rambled a little, only had one or two points to make and didn't even put them across very clearly... but the person writing it at least sounded fairly intelligent. Not my type, but I don't have to be 'interested' in someone to think they might be worth chatting to... pity she's preemptively blocked me :o(

Do I come across as THAT bad? :o)
3/16/2007 5:56:37 AM
And another dead giveaway... in this case, literally.

When you list your height as 5' 6"... and your weight as 68lbs... you've already starved to death.

Anybody listing their weigh as less than 100lbs, had better also be less than 5' 1" tall. Anything else is indicative of a serious mental or health condition, usually both.

If you're going to fake a profile, do a google search for Body Mass Index calculators or websites, and check you're not advertising yourself as a famine victim.

Healthy is sexy... skeletal is just necrophilia.
2/12/2007 9:21:56 PM
Dude... if you're going to set up a fake profile of some imaginary "totally, like, hawt" 18yo No Limits slavegirl... wait a couple of days... and then edit the profile to make it look like she's unconditionally accepted your collar without even a period of consideration... USE A DIFFERENT FONT TO YOUR OWN PROFILE! At least allow for a little disparity. Make an effort here.

You sad, sad little boy.
2/2/2007 9:33:58 AM
"I get 600 emails a day... aren't I popular?"

Uhmm, no... you're not popular, you're an exagerating ASW
1/29/2007 7:13:43 AM
Hmmm... what's happening in the Demon Realm... not a lot.

Somebody asked me if I was a Satanist, because of my profile name. Sad to say, it's not a very interesting story, and actually quite nerdy.

'Demon' used to be my callsign in an old air combat game... I had a reputation for crashing into the ground at high speeds, quite often, and because it was a game, I always walked away from the crater... without a scratch. A friend joked it was a demon rising from the firey pit, and the nick stuck.

I'm actually a commited Atheist, which is probably a tougher test of faith than the usual 'vaguely Christian' occasional churchgoer most people default to.

That's it... nothing funny to report this time, normal service will be resumed when conditions allow.


As soon as I'd finished writing the above, someone whose profile I had questioned replied with the line "O cynical one"... I like it so much, from now on, that's how I want slaves to address me! :D
1/15/2007 10:55:19 PM
New idea... Veet Bondage!

Take a few boxes of those waxing strips, truss your other half up in it... and let them decide if escape is worth the pain. Real bondage for real masochists!

Hmm... I think I should get out more... spend some time in the fresh air
12/7/2006 2:52:29 AM

Is it just me, or are the photo-shop pics getting worse? I mean, some of these pic fakers don't even TRY to match up the skintones on the face and body anymore.

Fair enough, one profile I saw went to a bit of effort... made up 3 different photos... and it might even have been half convincing if they hadn't ruined it by using THE SAME FACE ON ALL 3 PICS! I swear... 3 different torsos, taken at different distances... and the same sized face on all of them, one of which looks like the poor girl's got a broken neck, the angle is so weird.

So please do us all a favour. If you're going to set up a fake profile, don't bother with photoshop until you've learnt how to use it properly.

11/6/2006 8:50:17 PM
Oh, the bitter irony of it...

Tonight, I was accused of being a fake profile!! :D

Now, what this particularly snotty and illiterate "slave" failed to realise is... that Doms talk to each other too!! Yes that's right folks... Real Men have friends, and we do occasionally communicate on a level higher than the odd grunt or reference to team sports, sex, flattulence or cars. So, when she accused on of my friends of being... and I quote here verbatim... "one sick DOM U R u r not a dom u r a wana be"... he tells me over MSN what just happened. Now, I can understand that kind of mail coming from an 18yo... but this is from a profile that claims to be 30! I know this guy personally... I recently attended his little cermony when he took on his 2nd slave... and he's seriously looking for a 3rd and 4th! (He claims to be a sadist, I swear he's a maso for wanting 4 women under the same roof :D) So I know from first hand he's no wannabe... next thing, he's pasting across to me the reply that bounced because Little Miss Erudite has blocked him. Yeah, yeah... I know you can see where this is now heading...

Well, you guys know my thoughts on piss and run blockers, so I agreed to forward his reply... and the response was that I was obviously the same person who'd mailed her in the first place. Yes, I've now been accused of running the same 'multiple phantom profile' scam I recently demonstrated how to identify.

So I guess not that many people read these rants... cuz they sure don't read the rest of the profiles! :D
10/31/2006 12:40:52 PM
Read this passage and see if it looks at all familiar to you...

i am looking for the cruelest, nastiest, evil Mistress i can find, to treat me as you think i deserve, like shit, like nothing, pain and degradation heaped on me, if you are this Mistress please contact me.

Now, I'm trying to trace when this was first written... so far, I think it's from a guys profile, join date of Jan '05

It also appears on a girls profile, part of a much longer profile and with 'Master' replacing 'Misstress'... join date of Feb '06

And another girl, join date of May 13th '06

And another guy again, join date May 18th '06

And on yet another girls profile, who only joined yesterday Oct 30th '06.

So... out of those FIVE profiles... who's the REAL authour? If they're even still ON the site??
10/27/2006 6:52:52 AM
Guess what... another fake seems to have owned up and closed a bunch of accounts.

This morning six... yes, that's right, SIX names have dropped off my watch list all at the same time. No two profiles from the same city... all with a single professional photo... none made use of journal... all had names where each word was capitalised, for example 'IDoWhatYouWant'...

Maybe they had a sudden attack of conscience? Unlikely. Maybe it got to be too much work? Hardly, if you're prepared to post that many fake profiles. Maybe they noticed my name on all of the Admirer lists? I wouldn't be the first person to add a bunch of profiles to my Fave list and never make contact with any of them...

I guess I just don't understand the motivations of someone who can think like that... I mean, why bother?
10/20/2006 11:24:52 AM
Okay... seems my little rant about fakes copying and pasting from other profiles got deleted. I guess naming and shaming profiles of the guilty, with evidence to support it, was considered a 'personal attack'... whatever.

You guys know what to look for, by now...

Paste a bit of the profile into the box marked 'Text or City' and run a search to see how many profiles come up with that same wording. It helps if there's a blatant spelling mistake.

Another trick of Fakers seems to be multiple profile trawling... one person creates 2 or more profiles, and then collects email from them all. What the point of that is, I can't begin to guess.

The best way to spot them is to refresh the main search page a few times over the course of a few minutes... these weirdos log in... glance at the New Mail notification, and if there's none, move straight onto their next profile. After a while you might notice, as I did in an earlier rant, that certain profiles always appear to log in at around the same time.

This in itself isn't a bad thing... I've seen a couple of profiles where the person has stated that for whatever reason, they've got more than one profile... usually because their circumstances have changed or they've forgotten a password... and they make it clear, to avoid confusion, that it's the same person. They're being honest and upfront about the whole deal, and have my respect. Stuff happens... no big deal.

But then there are the cheats... the people that think they're so clever, that we're morons that won't spot them... the floaters that sometimes hang around no matter how often you flush... I guess that was a bit graphic, but it conveys my opinion of them :)

Anyway... naming no names, but I've got another one I'm watching... this one's a peach. So far I've counted 3 profiles... all US based, but with profile text copied from earlier UK profiles. At least this one corrected the spelling mistakes on one of the profiles. Each profile has a single picture. Each picture looks suspiciously professional, as though they might have been lifted from the same website. They're different girls, but the style is pretty much the same in each pic. 2 of these demonstrably fake profiles were even created on the same date.

You know the methods... you've got enough information... see if you can spot them for yourselves ;D
10/19/2006 1:58:33 AM
I want a Germaine... dressed as a Masochist Nurse
10/5/2006 4:52:11 PM
Drive-by flamers... you know the type, the self-righteous buffons that send you something insulting, and then PS it with "I've blocked you so don't bother replying"... some of them make me laugh... some make me wonder... all of them make themselves look like morons :)
10/1/2006 4:29:43 PM
Here's another good one... this isn't the REAL conversation, I'm paraphrasing for comedic effect, but the end result is the same...

Me: "That's strange... your profile only ever shows as logged in within 10 minutes of this other profile"

Them: "I don't know what you mean"

Me: "It's as if this other profile logs in to check mail, then your profile logs in straight afterwards. Wait a second... you're the same person behind BOTH profiles!"

Them: "No I'm not... that's an outrageous accusation. And now I'm going to block you... on BOTH profiles!"
9/26/2006 7:23:32 AM

How can you not admire the chutzpah of a slave who writes a 6 word profile... then 30 words in her journal, bitching about how many one line emails she's getting?

I mean... fair enough, if she'd gone to some trouble to write an interesting, informative profile herself... or even included a picture... THEN I might have some sympathy.

There really are some pockets of humanity out there... I'm going off to hide under the bed and pray for some sort global catastrophe to wipe all these cretins out... let's start over again with this 'civilisation' thing, see if we can't get it right the NEXT time.

8/25/2006 8:59:10 AM
Don't you love it, when a fake has their bluff called, and blocks you? And your buddies as well!

Okay... I've got this mate, and his interests are... a little extreme. Yeah, and that's coming from a guy who wants to hood young women and keep them locked in a closet for days at a time, so you can guess how extreme I'm talking about ;)

Anyways... about a month back, I came across a particular profile... some girl looking for some pretty harsh self-mutilation, allegedly, and so I sent her an email asking if she meant it... her reply was a little... evasive, and I thought "Oh, oh... not just fake, but twisted with it!".

Long story short... I set my buddy on her. He's quite genuine and detailed in what he can do, how he'll do it, and how long each step will take... and she cracks after just 2 emails and blocks him... and he's straight on the phone to me, laughing like a loon. Like a dummy... I then mail her, thanking her for giving us both a laugh... and the bitch blocks me, too!! :D
8/16/2006 1:46:42 AM
Oh, and as a follow up to my rant about email on the site...

You've sent someone an email... but it remains unread, even though you know that person has logged into their account and had an opportuinity to read it. This is due to one of 2 reasons...

#1 You've landed in their Bulk Folder... you've obviously missed something in that persons profile that excludes you from what they're looking for... suck it up, and move on. Don't go pestering them.

#2 They're ignorant, and not worth the effort... again, suck it up and move on... your time's worth more to you than some troll on a dating website.

Either way, you saved yourself some aggravation and maybe made a Genuine persons search a little easier. Congratulations, The World just became a better place to live in.
8/16/2006 1:37:35 AM
Time for another rant... this time, I want to focus on ignorance.

Believe it or not, there are some REAL people on this site, who are prepared to make just a LITTLE effort because they're actually serious about finding someone. To THOSE people, I have nothing but sympathy and encouragement... for each and every single one of you that finds what you're after, you have my undying gratitude for proving this site works. But for the rest of you pig ignorant failures, here's a simple lesson in courtesy and manners.

Try replying to email... that's all, just a REPLY. Now, I know what you're going to say... "Oh, but I have pages and pages of email... I can't possibly answer all of them! Boo Hoo, woe is me!"

Wrong... you're just lazy and in desperate need of a slap.

If you take the time to explore the messaging function here, you'll find that it's actually pretty easy to plow thru a massive stack of mail in just a couple of minutes.

You get an email... whoever sent it is obviously worth a glance, because they didn't end up straight in your bulk folder... you do KNOW how to set your filters to direct inappropriate mail to the Bulk Folder? Whatever... so Person A sends you an email... you read it (it's nice that there's a function telling someone what time their mail is read by the recipient)... if they're not what you're looking for you click on 'Reply', and then on one of the auto response buttons and then 'Send'... it's THAT simple. 3 mouse clicks, and your Kharma just took a boost. If you want to be REALLY efficient, you can also click on Block User and Hide Profile... that way, they'll NEVER bother you again! A grand total of 5 mouseclicks, and you can go about your business.

Is 5 mouseclicks too much to ask?
7/22/2006 3:18:50 AM
You know what pisses me off? The poseurs, that's who.

You know who you are... the people who edit their profiles to say they are "owned and not seeking"... but leave the boxes checked so they leep showing up as actively seeking. Then they have the cheek to complain about the "unwanted" emails... yea, right.

The "slave" who makes a big list of demands on her profile... blah blah blah... you bore me, bitch... where's "hide profile"? If you're that choosey, list yourself as sub, or better yet as a switch... but, no! Listing as a "slave" is "cooler"... fucking idiots.

Slaves whose idea of "getting to know me" is finding out if I'll perform their favourite scene on them. You know what? If you're agreeing to become a 24/7, TPE, or No Limits "slave" then all you need to know about the "scenes" you will be doing is that I will choose what and when you do them.
 Age: 21
 Bronx, New York