brokenrose on Collarspace


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	Hello to all who read this! i am a sumbissive looking for people to talk to. Nothing serious as i am not ready and have recently been though a break up. i will always respect those who message me, i ask that You/you are respectfull as well. Please NO solicitation! i am here to chat and re-discover myself. Respectfully Broken-Rose

2/27/2008 11:30:46 PM

Todays thoughts have been mostly about being proactive..... what more can i do to be the best me there is.
At this point in time i have no choise but to be in controle of myself and my actions. One thing that i feel that i am good at is being acountable....the only thing wrong with that is usually i am acountable not only for my actions but i take on responsibility for others actions.
Today this changed and i am proud of myself for this one incident. i stood up for myself i did not apologise for something that was not mine to apologise for.... i found my self wanting to do it... and i refrained. So yay me.... LOL i did however feel badly that someone's feelings are hurt and i was able to say "That is too bad that happened to you is there anything i can do to help you through this problem" so that was nice to be able to catch myself before i started into a loop.
i need to remember this in the future.

The other thing that i am happy that i was able to work through a strange mood. i felt myself sinking into a horrible mood... feeling lonely and sad and wanting to .... i'm not sure what i wanted but i wanted more of something that i didn't have. the really great thing is once i started getting grumpy at work i felt like i had no idea who it was sitting in my own head.... it was horrible to feel that way. this is where a more direct aproach to being proactive took place for me. I decided i didn't want to feel that way.... and i wanted to be fun like i usually am at work.... and instead i engaged my customers and started having fun, i would even go so far as to say that i was flirting with them. it may not have been very professional.. but i was having fun and my customers were responding more positively to this. it felt nice for a change. my mode felt better and cheerful.

i wish i could figure out how to be that pleased with myself and how i relate to others on a day to day basis.

2/24/2008 5:40:07 PM

It never fails to amaze me when you think there is the darkest day in the world, life can stop for just a moment and you feel a brief moment of peace. These moments have been coming more and more lately. i have been without a Dominant for 2 months now and have been without his strict direction for longer. There comes a time when there is an empty feeling between a couple that never goes away no matter how much the other person tries to cling to that last shred of belonging. Today i feel quiet in my heart for the first time in a long time but that lonelyness never seems to leave. The really interesting part is that eventhough part of me is really sad about it.... i am very settled about it to and the day seems to be a bit better for it.
i learned something new about myself today.... no matter how much further down i seem to get i seem to find the means to get up and take even one more step forward. i realized that even though it gives others the opportunity to knock me over again. i am tired of being knocked over or walked on.... i want to be able to be submissive (because i don't know anyother way, i'm alson not a very good Dominant. Its like wearing a left runner on a right foot just feels wrong) but still stand tall, proud and never lose my sence of self again.
I just need to figure out how to get there. Some people seem to take great pleasure out of telling me the journey is the best part. Well the journey is tireing me out right now and i wish the lessons were a bit easier, oh hell i wish i had the manuel/walk through whatever it is out there that could help me through this.

2/22/2008 11:39:11 AM

Today i want to work on feeling stronger. Somehow in the mix of things i became unable to be strong about the things that matter to me. i realized that my artwork spent countless hours being unfinished, i no longer went out with friends and enjoyable tasks that i had taken on became dull. i know life is not always excitement and fun, life is a series of moments and what we take from thoes moments is what we have to offer the world before us. i feel i nolonger have my own individuality to offer the world. a Dominant once told me being an individual is not being a submissive or slave like.
i greatly dissagree with this if all of us submissives were not individual and thought the same or had no differences. what sence of accomplishment would a Dominant have in helping us to see and achive our true potential. i will never be a drone.... well maybe in a role play situation... but i enjoy my mind and i value my oppinions and experiences. i enjoy having the direction and training of a Dominant, however i do not feel that in their teachings and in their love that my essence should change. i am still who i am in my core, they are meerly facilitating my submissive nature to bring out the best in me.
i know there are going to be those that will dissagree with this and by all means feel free to discuss this with me. i enjoy theological discussions on D/s. i have enough conviction in my understanding that truly stand behind my points of views, but i also know when presented the right type of information my learning always begins again.

2/18/2008 10:41:30 PM

Hello to Everyone out there.

i suppose this is my first entry into this journal online. i just returned from Edmonton and had an amazing time at Lupercalia. my congratulations to the organizers who did an amazing job with the event. It was my first time out and i certainly learned a lot, and met some truly wonderful and warm hearted people there. If i didn't say it enough to those that were there thank you for the best time i have had in a long time.

Now down to an actual journal entry. This weekend has given me the privilege of learning about the different types of Dominants out there. i have had the pleasure of learning about the culture of D/s in many different ways and somehow i seem to give my submission to others that truly do not appreciate it as it is meant to be. The people that i spent the weekend with truly showed me a truly caring and supportive M/s relationship where they bring out the best in each other. For this i am truly grateful. They honored me with the privilege of spending the weekend with them, and in His collar. To me it is the most precious gift anyone could have given me. This past while has been difficult for me and i have had a horrendous time being able to keep myself in a decent enough head space that i can function. Without a Master i am without direction, without hope, and am completely and utterly unable to think clearly. i am trying to be strong for myself and every day is a struggle. This past weekend has been a blessing and i have been able to learn about myself and how others see me. i honestly did not know the value that others have in me.

Thank you both for this it is the best gift that any submissive could have received.

brokeny2k	BromasterN	brooklyn
BrokenRema	Bron4	brokey187
Bro	broooke	bronzehors
brooke	BrownSugar	Brownwolf


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