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i have been away for a while (again), but i hope to be able to earn my online time back from Master now. There are few things that get to me mentally, and being removed from the phone, puter, etc is one of them. When i disappointed Master repeatedly over the holidays, He removed my access to my online world and made me interact only in the real world for a few months as punishment. i'll try not to make the same mistakes again that make Him punish me like that. :( |
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Just finished cleaning up from a small holiday gathering tonight with training exercises thrown in by Master of course. Being the "hostess", i was busy running around getting drinks, desserts, etc. ready for others all night...but it seemed that every time i was sent to the kitchen by Master for something, someone was there with a "gift" for me. It wasn't until halfway through my "gifts" that i realized there was a theme. It started out with 12 "drummers" drumming on my behind (actually just 12 swats with a drumstick), then 11 strokes i had to "pipe" on a fully erect "pipe", and so on until i had a pear eaten from my "partridge". It was kind of kitchy, but it was fun and the others had fun with it, and thats what Master had in mind. i enjoyed serving Master, and tried to be a dutiful slave the whole night. |
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The last couple of days Master has been depriving me of sleep and keeping me chained when i am allowed to sleep. i made the mistake of opening my mouth and saying how tired i was from a little bit of housework, after He had been up for over 30 hours doing needed things for His home. i'm sorry Master. i look forward to when You allow me to sleep at your side again. |
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Latest training exercise was in proper holiday baking so to speak. Master provided me with recipies from His childhood that He enjoyed, a professional pastrychef who was a Domme, and a cute holiday themed outfit for the kitchen. Long story short, Master and some of the people on His gift list have several dozen cookies, i have a sore ass from a wooden spoon (among other objects), and i've learned to put a little "love" in my baking. |
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Master compiled a complete daily schedule for me last night while i slept, and handed it to me this morning (reminding me that EVERYTHING was to be done as i've been taught). The day started out with coffee served properly (and on my knees until He finished it), progressed to doing all my gameday rituals (including shopping for "game food" in a skirt and no undies), then posing for some photos that a friend of His wanted to shoot (for his Xmas cards), then ended with me sleeping at the foot of the bed here in a couple minutes (nude and chained to the footboard). Tomorrow i'm sure there will be another list, and more chances to show Master my grateful servitude to Him. |
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i know i have gotten several requests to go into more detail about my training and what Master is allowing me to experience, but its just that my time allowed online is very limited and i have to write in snippets. i was wondering why Master came home the other night with a bag full of Christmas candles (or so i thought)...turns out that He had a Domme friend of His provide me with a little lesson in "wax", while He and others enjoyed some warm drinks and my "pain". |
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Master put a little twist to my training Saturday afternoon. Since there was no football game on that He was interested in on Sunday, He arranged His training around the Buckeye's victory on Saturday. THE Game became a game of sorts, with me having to perform certain acts for His guests when points were scored or bad things happened. (i'm not great with the football terminology) Needless to say by the end of the afternoon i was sore on some spots and barely dressed. :) |
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The weekend was full of training exercises. i was re-trained in my proper role at a fancy restaurant, was given a litlle "sharps" training by a close friend of Master's, and was utilized as a server at another gathering. These were all pretty much "refresher courses" for me, because Master wants me in perfect form and behavior for the holidays. |
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My season of new training begins as of tomorrow. Master has plans for me to be up at 6:00am to greet Him when He gets home, and it begins. The temperature is expected to be around 45 degrees then, but i am expected to be on the front porch nude and bowing to Him. (not having many neighbors has its advantages at times) |
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The Halloween events went well for the most part. i was only punished a few times for misbehavior or forgetting my protocol. Master said that i served adequately in some new situations, but far from perfect or what He expects of me. The things that i failed to do properly He said we will repeat un til i get them to His liking (or His guests liking). |
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The Halloween plans that Master has for me begin tomorrow. i hope that i am up to the task(s). i have been practicing my posture, balance, and protocol all week. |
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i recently celebrated my 30th. birthday, and the anniversary of my 7th. year in Master's home. Biblically, Master says that there are rituals that coincide with 7 years of ownership of a slave, and if i intend to remain here, that he intends to follow them. i am soon to be pierced (in an undecided portion of my body) according to this. Master has the whole thing planned out down to the smallest detail as usual...but also says i am on a need-to-know basis for the time being. i am looking forward to whatever lessons this provides. :) |
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Over the week, Master has had me training on my posture, and ignoring outside influences that may distract me. Each day this week has been in the middle to high 90s with loads of humidity. Each night when Master has arrived hoime from work, i have fed Him as is my duty, and He has dressed me in various outfits from fishnet bodysuits to see-through clear plastic dresses and taken me for car rides with the top down on the convertible. He has been driving roads that He knew were frequented by truckers, and farmboys with jacked-up trucks intentionally. When its evident that i can be seen by them, or that they are taking pics/vids on their phones, i am to remain face-forward, sitting nice and straight, and obeying only Master's words to me. Its very hard to ignore them, and i want to cower or hide at times, but i proudly put myself on display as Master's property and am learning my lesson by this exercise. |
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To those of you who "reminded" me that i should be more current in my profile here, my apologies. Master agreed with many of you, and reprimanded me accordingly. So here, in a nutshell, is what i've been doing lately as far as training and experiences.:
i have had some nitely "visitors" to my bed and elsewhere to teach me the value of locking the door before being allowed to sleep. Sometimes the visits aren't all that nice and i'm learning to be more careful. When i fail to dress properly for bed, they strip me and i'm forced to sleep on the floor. When i fail to go to bed and fall asleep on the couch, i get a visitor as well. They often leave me with visual reminders on my body that my place is in the bed that Master provides for me. Within Master's circle of friends, i'm often checked in on secretly to make sure i am living up to my vows even when He is at work or elsewhere late at night. |
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For those of you who have asked:
Somehow in the change from collarme to collarspace, a couple years of my journal entries have been lost. I will get back to them when Master allows me the time. As far as the recent past, there are very few changes. I am still very happily owned by my One, I continue on the path He trains me, and my vows to Him are a 24/7 way of life. |
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Im depressed, angry, and upset at myself. I keep starting shit and I cant break my bad habits, that its prob going to ruin me and my Master's relationship. |
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IDk what I feel.. I am more less unsure I am making Master happy. I feel like I am not and that I anger him the most.. I know I have my lazy times... But I do try..I think the more I think of the question , am I making him happy the more pissy and depressed I get.. I am happy where I am at.. I just dont feel like I am bringing happy to him which makes my insides feel dark and gloomy all over. If that even makes sense.. Maybe its a bad week.. Maybe its just the change..But whatever it is, I hope it goes away real fast because I feel its eating me alive inside.. |
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I am SORRY Master.I have not fulfilled my promises to you as your slave. I hope to correct my attitude to better serve you Master. I am not pleased with myself and I am asking for your forgiveness Master.
sugar |
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Master, I will focus on Your expectations, rules, desires and wants through the actions I take. I bow down to worship You and surrender myself willingly without force.I will tend to Your needs and wants without hesitation and give You my all. I will achieve these goals by the actions of my words, through my commitment and obedience I will present to You. My desires and wants in life are to show You my devotion and full surrender to You as I walk under the path of Your training Master. For the hands of Your guidance and the lessons that are brought forth I intend to read carefully and take everything to heart in what You teach me Master. I promised to give You my full self and I intend to do so , by showing my obedience, eagerness to learn, respect, and honor Your name at all times Master, thank You Master,
Sugar |
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A note for myself to remember...
Listening and reading avoids mistakes.
Avoiding mistakes avoids arguments
avoiding arguments avoids punishments
Punishment takes time and energy
and isnt our time and your energy limited?
Not listening wastes your time and energy
Wouldnt a good tool to learn be how to pay attention and obey?
or taking effective notes when I speak ... ?
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Another saying.
Not only do I want a quality sub @ my feet, but I want a quality woman on my arm. |
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another saying from the same wise person.
Not all of yer lessons R in how 2 endure pain and how 2 serve... Many of em R 4 yer betterment as a woman. Jealousy and the distrust it brings kills yer spirit. |
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A few sayings that came from a wise person of mine.:)
Words R what other Doms use 2 lure U away. What other subs use 2 make U feel inferior and what jealous ppl do 2 cast doubt. Actions speak much louder than words. |
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quote on quote saying from my One. He sent this in a card for me the other day and thought I would share it with all.
...& when U sacrifice yer inner self, yer past self & yer fearful self 2 Me, then U can truly B mine 2 mold. I will refuse yer money, but accept yer soul. I will Dny yer past Masters, but use their hurt 2wards U 2 strengthen yer obedience 2 Me. I want all that U R & have been, so that I might create from U a new Bin bathed in lite & trained 2 serve Me alone. Sacrifice yerself, & accept My hand. |
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