boyseekstraining

Was having a good day for the most part and now i just feel depressed and upset,

probably wont be chatting tonight now

Spankings

Is something that i hope i can experience sometime soon,something about a Dominant Master and Mistress Bending Me Over a Knee or Table and Punishing My Behind,Keeping it red and welted making it hurt to sit down in a chair for dinner.

Servicing Both of them in and out of a bedroom,being naked at all times to have my body admired and looked at,a Dominant Master who wants to have a boi to teach how to fish and to do things with,A Dominant Mistress to help keep him in line so he doesnt get spoiled or act up just for some attention.

A Bdsm Family.

Sounds wonderful

Sir Has Asked Me To Write a Journal Entry Talking About My life and things and i will do it,my life is hectic and complicated,im dealing with the passing of my father and trying to get my life set up now and its not a easy task,i was so use to keeping a eye on him for 5 years that now he is gone and i dont know what to do,i dont date often mainly cause i really hate fighting over stupid bs or being told by a gf or whatever that i cant do this or i cant go buy something,maybe i just need a full bdsm relationship i dont know,people say cause of my sign that i am a full on submissive but i dont know if believe in astroligy anymore

I was thinking of this in the shower (no i wasnt jerking off) that what it would be like to be in a full bdsm family,or even have bdsm parents who can help keep me in line,they are nice thoughts right now but i have no idea how to go about it and i am way to shy and nervous to attend a munch or something like that alone,so for now i will just write and if something happens it happens,my life has never been perfect or good and i have to accept that some people do not get to find happiness in their life and its no one's fault,some people just are not lucky enough to experience that and it is something that has to be lived with,if it is what it is and i have to live alone and unhappy then i'll do what i can to make it by each day.

QUiet NIght Tonight,

gonna do some gaming,just got done making a early dinner,spagetti with a thing of taco meat that was in the freezer,making checking mail on here later and just taking it easy,wishing that i had someone here with me,a mistress to keep me in line for the night

i guess the quiet is good at least idk

he's officially gone now since the mortuary place called and said they have his ashes there now..

i dont know how to feel now

Today Looks To Be Another Tough Day,Still Dealing with the passing of my father from last week and i am having good and bad days and i just hope it gets better,i really hate this feeling of just i cant describe it.

Sinking Lower and Lower Into Darkness it Seems.

Wish i had someone to talk to about it but i dont,that could be the problem i dont know really,maybe just writing this down will help