Once again...   i must repeat myself and reiterate this simple fact : 

if You choose to write me and are desiring a response,  please DO NOT waste Your time if a photo of Yourself  is not included/attached.  Simple.

-OH!!   -and a picture of Your (or who ever's) cock isn't  gonna subsitute  for Your face and/or  win me over.    - OR   an email telling me what You are going to do to me with Your cock,  blah, blah, blah..  --my response to those?   Simple : BLOCK &DELETE.   next?

Wait, i better cover all angles..   And  PLEASE  do not  bother describing Yourself or giving me an excuse as to why no photo, etc., etc.  C'mon already!  it's 2012..  we have webcams, cell phones,  Facebook,  and a plethora of other sources containing photos of us.  -it's actually quite unnecessary for me to comment any further on this subject.   You'll either get it or You won't.  Simple.

Oh!   BUT  if You're just dropping a line to say "hi"  or comment on my profile, etc., etc, .  -and do not have a photo...  -  No problem!   i thank You for Your well wishes, compliments, kind words,  and more.   i  really do appreciate  You taking out the time to simply acknowledge me.  -and i welcome constructive criticism more than You know.   i do.  :)

thanks for listening!

must take Harry out for a much deserved walk..  will return in a bit!  i have much writing ahead!

hello hello hello,   : )     it's  been a awhile and i must say that i appreciate so many of You taking the time out to acknowledge me, write me, and just make me feel pretty darn special if i may so so. it's true. and once again, i wish i could respond to all of You.  well,  most of You.  there really are good decent souls  on this site; - You just gotta be patient and choosy and careful. -Especially us girls, -or girlie boys for that matter.  Seriously, now.

And i do admit as well as realize that i have probably disappointed a good many of You nice, well intentioned, hopeful, etc. etc., - folks around here.   How so??   - by possibly responding to Your initial email that i felt deserving of my attention as well as time..    then---  NEVER to hear from me again..     please don't take it personal.  i sincerely apologize.  i don't set out to lead any of You on, -shit just happens.  It's usually about timing, mixed with fate, a burning chemistry i 'm feeling..  or think i'm feeling.  There are just too many good ones to choose just one for a decent length of time..  That whole "poly"  lifestyle is sounding better and better to me all the time!  Oh, wait!  i'm thinking of polygamy but with reversed roles,  ha ha ha...    "yes, i have 4  boy slaves.."   ha ha ha..    No, but really, i must sometimes REMEMBER (maybe more often than not) that it is NOT all about me.  Correct?  yes, i continue to learn the hard way ALL THE TIME, -past and present.   i need to grow the fuck up already.  I continue to seek consistency as well as someone who just WILL NOT put up with my many shortcomings.  i sincerely want to be a better woman.  more than i ever have in my life; - before it's simply too late.

OKAY OKAY OKAY!! 

i'm gonna share some much more exciting (and recent!) events that are worth sharing and me being thrilled about.  even if it is/was a  short lived experience. i feel privileged regardless.

( i'm gonna  continue this a bit later on..)

HI AGAIN..   :)    ..just a quick update then i must go to bed.. 

..just wanted to let You all know how fortunate i was/am regarding meeting someone unexpectedly as well as at the spur of the moment just  last  night, - as a matter of fact.  Yep.   :)    ...and  this mesmerizing object of desire isn't just "someone"..     oh,  no, no, No!    He has been my one and only  #1 crush from the very first day i joined this site.    i am not even exaggerating.  and  i'm not one to kiss and tell but i must  share a few details at least..  Like this one : 
Wow.  Wow.  Wow!   -WAY better than his pictures.   too good to be true,   much younger than me,  and his life more on track  than 90 % of the male population.  if only i were 10 years younger..   Oh! and not such a train wreck.  that might be a bonus.   hmmm...   the bottom line is that i left our little "meeting" actually feeling motivated to be so much more.  He makes me want to be a better woman.  Ahhh...   sweet.  Wait!  didn't i just steal that line from Jack Nicolson in "As Good as It Gets"  ??  yes, i'll admit to the plagiarism.  at least i made 1 switch.  "woman"  instead of "man".  Ahhh..  lol    

Good night.
 

hello, once again.. 

i certainly did not intend on the lack of correspondence while away on my little "adventure" these past few days..  it sounded like a grand plan...  But..  NOPE.  My attention was elsewhere due to  the company i've been privileged to share time with..  Yes, it is true..  :)

Hey, Diary..  how are you, my love? 

i must now turn my attention to our subscribers as well as all those nosy fucken perverts.  :)  yep, they're still around..  and not going anywhere anytime soon..  So...

Welcome!!  -  my new journal subscribers!    -how kind of You to acknowledge me let alone join me!  -makes me feel kinda special..   :)   And hugs and kisses to my few other special subscribers.. thanks for hangin' in there.  :) 

So,  what is new?  oh, plenty, actually.   i am going on a road trip (early tomorrow morning) in a very rare and special automobile for the weekend.  (do not ask the details re" vehicle, please..  thank you..  :) 

i'm assuming  i'll have many hours of driving time (in the passenger seat) so i promise to  fill You all in on my latest shenanigans and hopefully entertain You at the same time.  And just clear my head as well as conscious..  Yep..

All kidding aside, i have some MAJOR confessions i must share. i speak about honesty and the importance of it but yet i feel i've been a bit hypocritical. - not by lying but leaving some things out that define who i really am.  not the entire truth at all.. 

tall to You all soon..

May 15th, 2012 

duh.   

i just discovered "bulk mail"..  i have 30 pages @ 20 emails per page..  -which equals 600 unopened emails going back to the end of February of this year..  Wow..  so i have some serious reading/writing ahead of me..  Fun.

as far as everything else goes, i'd have to admit that life is treating me better than i deserve or could hope for.. BUT---  at the same time it is rather difficult for me to accept.  -go figure.

i got a job!  and an excellent one at that...  it's all about taking great dick-tation...  and boy i believe i've got that skill  licked!   ha ha ha..

no, really. -it's regarding precious metals. i'll leave it at that. -don't want any stalkers at the work place...    :)    i'll be back soon..    -don't give up on me just yet.

I'm finished here for an undetermined amount of time.  Save Your emails or thoughts for someone who might care.  Clearly, I am not that one.

April 09, 2012 UPDATE :   (not YET complete)

RE : wanna-be DOMS/MASTERS/SIR's/DADDY's/etc..

you know who you are : i'm not capitalizing any sort of 'titles' (that are related to and/or deserve/demand due respect) while referring to you fucking LOSER MORONS. Yes, you; - all you 18 to mid/late 20 somethings.. Oh, Wait... - it doesn't just relate to that age group.. (i'm just pointing out the most obvious ones first..)

Do you really expect to be taken seriously? Do you think you have actually earned the right to claim to be a true MASTER or true DOM, etc, etc.?? i realize that there are a very SELECT few exceptions...-like those that have been in the scene since like 5th grade... (ha ha)

-BUT.. -to those that this applies to.. -i understand that you have never had any luck with females, gettin' a piece of ass, gettin' ANY attention at all and you're just sick of it!!      Sick of it!!       Sick of It!!!       -wah!!     wah!!       :(

And then,   (you lucky bastard)  -you come across AFF or like E-harmony.. (ha ha)  -still NO action being the reject you are..... and then... eventually... you stumble onto a site like this, or ALT or BDSM, etc. etc.,  -kind of check it out and finally feel some hope!!!   -OOPS!  NOW would be the time to refer to you as a lucky bastard,; -guess i jumped the gun..      Anyhow, where was  i ?    Oh, yeah.. 

- Maybe now, after all these years, or more realistically probably since you got your first pubes, - you can finally   have a little control  in your life,  feel like a man, baby!  -some payback to all the cunts and bitches who would never give you the time of day let alone crawl on their hands and knees for you and be treated like the doormat that you have always related to..   Yey!!     Hooray!!      I've seen it repeatedly and first hand myself. let me elaborate;  -this is funny shit..   :) 

Okay, i'm not proud to admit it, but i've been  on AFF for over 4 years and  met a few nice boys, needy boys, a sociopath (no joke-i learned that "evil has no boundaries" -his last parting words in a lovely email...yep..) and actually a couple of really cool friends but nothing beyond that. If chemistry isn't mutual then no go.    Oh, yeah!    Okay, after 4 + years one gets familiar with a variety of characters and their persona, character traits, etc. etc.  -mostly based on their profiles, emails to me, etc. etc.

So, this has happened repeatedly.  -  The same dorks that were begging for some action on AFF, kissing my ass and i'm positive countless other's asses, bombarding me with emails, or just simple guys (alot pretty passive) -waiting for me to say when, just hopin to get an email from me..  -or even a wink, (duh!)   -are NOW  all of a sudden claiming to be some fucking DOMINANT MASTER of the UNIVERSE.  WHAT THE FUCK???

----and yet another update re: this journal entry.

okay, i just read a few emails and was given some advice to just read my emails from these "kiddie doms"/fakes/posers/etc., -and then to  "just let it go", -not to let them upset me, blah blah blah..    Well, let me clear something up: -i  hardly let these lames upset me.  -i've got my own variety of issues that are upsetting enough, i mean, c'mon now, seriously..

I actually appreciate a few of these losers simply for the entertainment and amusement value  alone. classic stuff!  -for shits and giggles!  some of their screen names alone just ruin it for them right off the bat.  no need having to read the nonsense spewed from their silly   mouths..  

Happy belated Easter Everyone..

hope all  Yours were  happy as mine. i couldn't have asked for a better one and that was EVERYTHING to do with my company...  -aka- my companion/my friend/my life coach/my teacher/my savior/and more...   -i'm referring to ONE individual.  All those beautiful qualities wrapped into One.

good evening freaks,

yep, it's me, bouunded and i'm just a bit frustrated..  yes, it's true. let me elaborate or rather get straight to the point..  :

#1) I need a job that requires physical exertion meaning : not sitting on my ass  in a chair behind a desk. - preferably one that provides fresh air and a variety of tasks. - one that may even cause me to break a sweat.  hmmm...    Your gardener?  pool girl? caretaker?  personal assistant?   personal shopper?  dog walker?-i'm excellent with dogs...  fluff and folder?      uhhhh...and the list goes on..

#2) I need some cock...  or even a hot female with a strap on who also loves to cuddle..  ha ha..  enough for now.

Hello there..

writing to you all from my cold and lonely bed..   :(   

i'm quite rested and renewed and refreshed and missing the One who brings my unworthy crazy ass some purpose. yes, much purpose.

it's late.. will write more manana.

Here's some truth:  I am a total dork and I embrace that  fact.  You will see that if You do not already..  I'll give You credit and assume You were/are aware.

 I'm ready to share some pretty entertaining events that have occurred since my last day on the job.  Actually, the ball started rolling on my last day itself . - (last Friday, the 16th of march, 2012)

Here's the scoop : I started conversing with one particular individual since BEFORE my arrival to CM.  It was actually me being a bit disobedient which led me to this site.  - And that was because I was left with no leash  or guidance from anyone in authority..  just left on my own..  repeatedly.  for a couple of or few days at a time in which I would experience No communication.    Bullshit. 

 So, after what seemed like an eternity,  I finally had a time and place to go meet my "Dom" face to face, in the flesh..  The body behind this amazingly deep commanding, authoritative hypnotizing  voice.   How so very exciting!

Wrong! How very very disappointing! Mainly because...  guess!   Oh, Yeah!  "that is me in those TWO pictures.."  -15 years ago.... Shhhh!  Shut the f..ront door!  That equals to the obvious!  You are deceptive and misleading which in return equals

blatant dishonesty.  Simpler terms??   

LIAR.    bye-bye.

(thanks for wasting over a month of my time; - can you give me back my time?  yeah, thought so.)

to be continued..

Hello again, Diary, 

it's just me again, home all by myself  on a Friday night..  Well, not anymore!  I always forget just how much I enjoy having you around, just being an attentive ear;  -never  interrupting, and NEVER any uncomfortable or awkward silences.  Now, that's invaluable; -being content with just ourselves AS WE ARE.  But that's because it's just US.  I wish I was as comfortable in my own skin outside these walls..Yeah, sure, -I'm sure I'll never see that  happening;- not in this lifetime.

And the funny thing is, -I have MANY options.  Here is the BEST ONE  :  I could be a couple of hours away at a beach house right off ofPCH with an amazing man..  I mean,  FUCKING AMAZING.  -he even KNOWS most of my lil'  secrets  as well as a couple of HUGE DESPICABLE ones..  Secrets I told him to let him understand just how UNWORTHY I in fact am.  -Because I AM.  YET, the fucking idiot still wants me, wants to love me, wants to ..   just simply too... much..  BUT...   I'm confused and way too indecisive.  But not when it comes to YOU.  I promise to always choose YOU;  -my lovely DIARY.   I will try my best to not keep you hanging too long between our encounters from here on forward.  I can commit to once a week. Yes, Diary..  I said YES!!!   I understand ALL about YOUR  lifelong abandonment issues; -and with good reason,

hello diary..  it's soo nice to have someone listen to me without having me to tell them to shut the fuck up.   -as it always is...    and as I'm always used to; -  YES, -having my own way.  I've gotten sooo bored with all the pussy men that seem to come into my life.   Weak,  pathetic  men. (if that's what you want to call them..) that have no fucking opinion,  no fucking balls,  and basically will do anything I say because where else are they going to have pussy like this?  Like mine??  Exactly.  And it's getting so incredibly boring..  (putting it nicely..)  Talking down to them doesn't even give me a thrill, or a feeling of superiority anymore.  All these spineless eager-to-please pussies can eat my asshole.  What?  I probably shouldn't say that because all would be glad to.   Hmmmppphhhh...   (big annoyed exaggerated exhale)

Fuck!   Do I always have to wear the pants?  Next thing you know I'll be strapping on a huge dildo and I'll be the one fucking them.  And The bitches that they are would like it or learn to..   Hmmm..  -sounds kinda like a challenge.  That's something I might actually go for if I look at it like that..   What do you think, -my dear faithful diary??   Hmmmm???  I know you have an idea..   (small quiet chuckle..)

You should know every next move of mine, every thought of mine..  I wouldn't expect less.  I love you, diary..  Absolutely love you and I'm so very sorry for neglecting you.  It's actually been several years since we last spoke.  I used to write to you faithfully starting all the way back in 2nd grade, -my very 1st entry re: sharing details on myKoolaid and lemonade  sale profits.  Yes, an  independent,  productive and quite resourceful  little know-it-all (and oh-so-much-more) since age 7..   I have many stories to back up everything I share.  But you don't require that, do you diary?  -You are the one I have and can ALWAYS trust, no matter how ugly or embarrassing or mean or humiliating or disgraceful my truth was.  In all 17 journals that I filled up over the next 20 or so years..   -YOU NEVER betrayed me, never told my secrets and I am realizing as I write these words at this very moment - just how much I've missed you and just how much better I feel having someone who actually matters in my life to truly and sincerely care.   And I can even write long, rambling run-on sentences and you still don't judge me; cuz you understand me and just need me;  -as I need you.  

Can you even believe it's been almost 15 years since I sort of  just abandoned you?  Fuck. That is so not cool and so unacceptable.  How can I ever make it up to you?  I have an idea.  DUH!!!   ha ha ha    You know..   That's another reason I love you.  The fact that Harvard taught you how to detect sarcasm.   HA!  -GOTCHA!!!  -There I go again being sarcastic!  We both only wish we were that focused long enough to actually do something that profound in our lives.  Yeah, in my dreams..  At least my sister turned out to be all she could be.. USC full scholarship,  is now working on Wall Steeet in NYC,  future husband from prominent sports channel, etc. etc.  etc..       --Oh,      fuck talking about her!!     Let me fill you in on ME.  Yes, ME.      Whew!!!   (big exhale..) 

I know you are gonna be a little disgusted with all my slutty self- serving shenanigans  these last 15 or so years..  WAIT!  I'm lying..  -More like since I had my first taste of dick at the tender age of 14.  Unacceptable and shameful.    i believe i prefer writing because I find it to be so  therapeutic and soothing and I believe by doing so I am gonna figure things out .  FINALLY.  And those things are ALL THINGS ME.  And then hopefully I will understand why I have the urge, the desire, the thirst to finally just hand over any little power or control I've pretended to have,- or think I have,  - and be awoken from the sting or lash or pain that I am sooooo overdue for.    I am more than a miserable wreck, oh diary.  Please continue to just be there,  actually BE HERE as you always have. 

Hey, Diary!    -Just so you know,  we are presently  surrounded by A LOT of  

NOSY   fucken people,  perverts,  losers,  fakes, freaks, some normies, some dorks, some individuals way more pathetic than US.   Yes,  US.  -Well you are, diary..  here you sit just listening...   thirsting for my words..  ;)  you know I love you...     

oh, I'm a bit rusty in the writing dept.  I'll get back in the groove in no time.  :)  

Oh I can't believe I've written/talked so much in my first sitting with you..  who would've thunk...??

Okay, okay..back to the topic at hand..    --What transpired over time to have me feel the need to finally realize my biggest gift to myself is soo simple:   Submitting fully and completely to my true nature that I was born for.   The need to serve and be used for  the worthless little fuck toy that I am.   Oh, it feels SO good to say the truth!   I'm a support system for a pussy!  Yes!  It's true!   --James was right.  He told me that like 10 years ago and I didn't believe him.  I thought he was such an ignorant piece of shit.  Oops!!   The one boyfriend I had that actually knew what he was talking about.  Fuck.  Too late to apologize now.  -Oh yeah, Diary, you never got familiar with that one.  One of many.  -But I must give him due credit now.  At least that much.   Thank you, James....  you were ...  RIGHT.  -whew..  that wasn't sooo hard..  probably cuz I get to hide behind you Diary...  -Always lookin' out for me..

Hey!!   I gotta take a break now..  My little fingers are getting a work out!  Until then,  Diary...    

BIG   mmuuuuuaaaaaahhhhh!!!  (that means kiss, silly!)  oh, here!     xoxoxo