boundbyductape

Male Submissive, 47, Newcastle

Male Dominant, 39, Gainesville, Florida

Male Submissive, 29, Grand Rapids, Michigan

Today's topic for discussion is anal play. Due to some on going medical issues, it has been a HUGE speedbump for me to get over. But now that I have a reason, a real reason, to get over it, I am downright dumbfounded with what I have been missing. There's no two ways around it: getting fucked in the ass (even if just by toys at this point) ROCKS!! I've just let go and said to hell with it, I'm going for it. And with that release, I no longer have to spend 30 minutes with fingers, tiny toys, and buckets of lube to get anywhere. I just whip out the ol' 7-incher and go to town. It is a bit odd though, that there is one thing I still need to actually get something all the way up there. I need to be crazy horny and to tease the hell out of myself. My new favorite way to to that? Watching double anal penetration videos. I don't know what it is about seeing 2 big cocks pounding someone's ass (guy or girl, doesn't even matter), but it just does it for me. And by the time I'm ready and able to take it home with my own, I can cum in literally seconds with even indirect clitoral stimulation. For those of you that know me and Howard (my beloved Duckie), check this out. Once I'm plowing the south forty, all I have to do is put the tail of the duck on my inner thigh, a whole 6 inches away from the money spot, and I'll be cumming around the mountain in about 14 seconds. Wow.

What a wonderful week. Wednesday and yesterday in particular. Why, you might ask? Something happened to me, mostly inside my head. A realization, you might say. A change. It wasnt a sudden change. And it didn't just happen yesterday. It's been happening all along. And you know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. Make you realize something different in an instant. And while your body, your mind, your soul, your heart, all of you can be changing, evolving so slowly, that one instant revelation makes you see the change that's too slow to see. I see it now. I understand. And the knowledge is intoxicating.

Wow. 4 months and nothing of substance to write about, nothing interesting happening. sex drive has been gone, motivation to and interest in play, vanished. like it just packed up and went on vacation without telling anyone. the desire to please was still there...but hidden underneath this overbearing sense of indifference. and now? well, lets just say its back, revitalized and fully rested, ready to take back the night. but something else is back too. or rather, something new showed up with it. someone new. someone unlike anyone i have ever encountered on here, or anywhere for that matter. How do i know he is different? well to start, normally, i know when people are probing around inside my head, exploring to see what i have hidden in there. and normally i just let it happen. i can feel them walking around in there, almost like something physical happening inside my brain. but with him, i felt nothing. he slipped so quietly, so naturally into my head, i had no idea he was even there until he was, and had been. what's that saying? about change happening so slowly that you dont even know things are different until they are. it's kind of like that, but it wasn't slow. not at all. in fact, it was remarkable how quickly he entered me, my mind, my soul...my heart. and it was how effortlessly he did it that caught me off guard. by the time i knew what was happening, he was a part of me. he is a part of me. i dont know what will become of any of this. i have hopes, some i'm too scared to admit. he has hopes, some he is waiting for me to discover on my own. i have uncertainties, doubts, fears. uncertain if i can be everything he wants me to be. doubts that i am strong enough to see it through. fears, oddly enough, that i will succeed. i know it's cliche and sort of a cop out to use someone else's words to describe how i am feeling, but he makes me want to be something better. what that something is? i don't know and i don't really care because in the end, i know it will be whatever he wants me to be. the lady, the tramp, the virgin, the whore...anything he wants me to be. I will simply be...simply am...his. I am his to mold. I am his to shape, to create what he wants me to be. I am his to play with as he sees fit. I am his to own and to have. I am his to be with. I am his to love. I am...his.

I just spent $125 on duct tape to add to my collection.? If anyone is feeling lucky and wants to try to guess how many DIFFERENT color/style rolls I have, I might see my way to giving a prize to whoevers guesses right.? I hope you have all your fingers and toes...you just might need them to count high enough.? ;)

amazing the transformations people go through. sometimes change happens so slowly, you turn around and youre someone new. you dont notice it happening until it does. but other times, it happens so fast, you dont know what hit you. like with me. it seems like just yesterday i shook i fear of the thought anal play. and now? seems like i cant get it out of my head. just this morning, i was masturbating for what seemed like forever. even with my trusty duck which USUALLY provides good clean and quick fun for the girl on the go, i couldnt get it. so what did i do? i got my plug...not even the smallest one, and i slid it right in. and what do you think happened? WHAM! 15 seconds and i was there. odd....

on the mend, finally. the death of a family member is so hard to get over. but i think im on the mend. the thought of subbing was painful to me a few months ago. i didnt think i could handle it. but im on the mend and the desire to submit grows within me with each passing day. counting the days until He comes is insufferable. dont fight it. it'll get the better of you, if it's really who you are underneath.

so saturday came and went and He was unable to make it out to see me. bummer, but i understand His situation. the night was a rough one for both of us. i was so mentally prepared for His visit. ready to give myself to Him completely. with how submissive i was feeling, i might even have given Him my ass, had He told me to. who knows. in some ways, though, i am almost glad He couldnt make it. these feelings and needs to submit have grown so fast inside me. exponentially after this weekend. i just know when we finally are able to set something else up, we will both be aching for it...and i will be there for Him to satisfy His needs

work has been stressful lately.  so many things swimming around in my head.  feelings are building up; my need to submit is mounting inside me.  plans to see Him this weekend sare shakey, but i understand life happens.  nevertheless, i hope to god things work out.  i need it, im sure He needs it, and i want to give Him what He needs.  only time well tell if it happens.  just seems a shame to waste a perfectly good hotel room (paid for by my company).  perhaps, even if He can't come, He will make me do something naughty alone.

i find myself alone, thoughts swimming around the topic of anal play. perhaps because my ass still hurts a little from this afternoon with Him. i know i dont like it, but i know even more that i want to like it. but how? the enema went well, borderline enjoyable even. and i did love the feel of the dildo at the opening of my ass, pushing lightly, straining to get in. when it finally did pop in, though, the pain was just as i remembered it from years back: burning and searing. He only left it in for a few seconds because He knows i have to work up to this, but i know i could have taken it longer. even though i know i dont like it, some dark twisted part of me wishes He had left it in longer. i want so badly to enjoy getting fucked in the ass by Him. the mental rush that comes over me, knowing full well that i am His little fucktoy. i know in my heart that i have given up all control. it seems i am full of dark and twisted tonight, because i lie here thinking about the eye contact thing as well. i was well trained to never make eye contact with Him, or any Dom for that matter. i never even raise my head up. being forced to make eye contact with Him is almost as scary if not moreso than anal for me. even when commanded to look Him in the eyes, i cannot and i fight it. every ounce of my being says no, i cant. why cant i do it? perhaps its the fear of letting Him in, letting Him see deep down inside me through the windows of my eyes. yes, thats part of it. but its also the fear of seeing into Him, seeing how He gets off on my pain and submission. He tells me again to look Him in the eye, perhaps grabbing and pulling hard on my hair to let me know He's not backing down on this, and eventually, my need to serve and submit takes over and i do it. and by the time i do, He can see deep into my soul and my complete submission to Him is clearly visible in my eyes. He smiles at seeing me so helpless and i can see in His eyes that i have pleased Him. i find it odd to talk about how much i enjoy something i hate doing. but dark and twisted seem to be the name of the game this evening. i hate having to make eye contact with my Dom, but i love being forced to do it anyway.

It was 9:15am. i had gotten up at 8 to prepare for His arrival at 10:00. He called and said He was close. My heart began to race. i knew i had punishment coming, but what else? I recall a surprise being mentioned...a gift from Him to me. 9:30 rolls around as He pulls into the driveway. Immediately, i assume the position He had told me to be in upon His arrival: naked and on my knees with my head down. He was pleased that i had done what i was told, but i wouldn't have it any other way. He sets his bags down, gets out a blindfold, and puts i on me, then tells me He has something for me. What could it be? A collar is slipped onto my neck. i can hear the dog tag jingling as it moves. He tells me it is my gift, and that from now on, i am to wear this whenever i am with Him. I gladly say, "Yes, Sir." i need not go into detail about what happened over the next few hours, as the images of those goings on are still rolling around in my head. Suffice it to say, holes were penetrated, skin was reddened all over....ass, back, breasts, face, legs. It was wonderful. It was a day of self discovery. The pain from His flogger on my back was so intense, it made me cry several times. But when He reached His hand down to feel how wet i was, i and even He were both amazed and pleased to feel the wetness pouring out. But despite the fun, i have my next challenge to meet, to prove to Him that i am worthy to serve such a great Dom. Here's to progress in the next month.

It's midnight, the night before He comes. A tingly sensation covers my whole body. It knows what's coming tomorrow morning. Preparations have been made. I have been forced to sit here for the past 6 hours, staring at a desk. What's so special about a desk? Nothing is special about the desk. It's what's on that desk that has me dying with anticipation. Like a surgeon's tray before an operation, so is this desk full of tools. Only unlike the purpose of the surgeon's tools, these tools on this desk will be used to inflict pain, many with a heavy, well aimed hand, but many with a light, gentle hand as well. A year has passed since I have last felt the power of His forceful hand on my backside. Tomorrow will indeed be interesting.

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