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I have nearly three decades of experience as a Dom in the lifestyle. I started doing BDSM before the internet was a way to connect with partners, when meeting people into BDSM was a much more delicate and personal affair than it is today.
I do BDSM because I enjoy the physical control and sexual dominance of the submissive. Being a Dom and Master in control of my sub fills a need in me that nothing in the vanilla world can fill. I enjoy control of my sub with bondage, and especially enjoy bondage sex. I enjoy vanilla sex a lot too, but the most erotic woman for me is a submissive bound hard and completely available for sexual use.
I am looking for a submissive whose desire to yield control mirrors my own desire to have control.
I do not do BDSM to find my vanilla lover, or change my life, or fulfill all my emotional needs. I have a very full life--career, children (adults), social life, etc. BDSM is something unique, my play with my submissive has a special place in my life, not my whole life.
I have an average build, very fit and trim. I keep my BDSM activities private and discrete. I am not a group or party player. After over two decades I have tried a lot of activities, but not everything. Some things I've not done because they never were to my taste. Other things I've stopped doing because they no longer are a thrill for me. I know what I like.
If you have read this far, then you should be a submissive who craves to be controlled by a strong Dominant and wants to find pleasure in serving him. My ideal submissive wants a Dominant who will make her do his will, taking away her choice and responsibility; she wants to be controlled, by the right Dom and Master, it makes her feel in the right place. She has thoughts of being physically overpowered by her Dominant, of being taken by force.
I have a high libido and very large appetite for sex; my sub should want a lot too. Submissives looking for someone younger than me should consider me again; I have the energy of a much younger man and will not disappoint you. I give much pleasure as well as take it.
I am very fit and trim, and prefer a sub that is the same, but attitude is more important to me than physical type or appearance. I want a submissive who is honest, is capable of trusting me, and who has a strong desire for power exchange. I have had submissives with all levels of experience, including subs that I trained starting as novices and also including a 24/7 live-in slave for many years. Attitude is more important to me than experience.
In my Fetish List if is says I am "into" it, that means I've done it, I like it, and I want to do it some more. It doesn't mean I have to do all of those things to you. As the saying goes, "your mileage may differ." Some things are open to negotiation. If we both like or are interested in trying the really important things, then we may be compatible and have a basis to begin M/s.
There is no recognizable photo in my profile. Photos on the internet can go anywhere. I am in no hurry to see your pic, or to send you mine. My privacy is more important than a pic; I'm sure you understand. [If you don't understand, then you are not the sub for me. Don't bother to read any more.] As I've said, attitude, honesty and the capability to trust in me as a Dom is more important than appearance. We need to be sexually attracted to each other. But before that you need to be attracted to me as a Dominant, and I need to be attracted to you as a submissive. I am a handsome and trim middle-aged man. If you get to see me, you will not be disappointed.
I like the rougher types of BDSM play. I have a sadistic streak for discipline; I like lots of impact instruments (whips, crops, canes), and I like to see my sub made helpless by hard bondage including gags, hoods, steel, etc. I enjoy sex with all three holes of a sub. I demand a great deal from my submissive and push hard. I have never made my sub do something she was not capable of doing, nor failed to give her what she needed to get through a session.
The Dom/sub relationship is built on trust. Trust develops over time and through experience with each other. I do not expect to do hard BDSM with a new sub in the first session. The type of physical control and the "hardness" of our BDSM activities would develop as I become more familiar with my sub and our trust in each other grows.
I do not subscribe to “SSC” or “Safe, Sane, and Consensual.” This phrase, “SSC,” has become formulaic in the BDSM world, a kind of mantra that people use to bless whatever it is that prefer to do, or in its inverse to criticize whatever they don’t like that someone else does. I don’t think “SSC” means much. “Consensual” is the only word in this mantra that has an objective meaning. But do you seriously think most of this community agrees on what is “safe”? Is it “safe” to tie up a submissive, gag her, blindfold her, and then whip her into subspace where she often cannot speak coherently? Safe? Really? Objectively? Or is it just safe because you think you are safe when you do it? Safe to set people on fire (albeit temporarily)? Safe to choke them? Safe to electroshock them? [Just where on the body are you doing that?] All these are common BDSM practices, and I could mention many more, with "safety" mainly in the mind of the practitioner. And is most of what this community does objectively “sane”? The label “sane” is purely subjective. What is “sane” in one person’s opinion is wildly insane in another’s. More accurately, actions are neither sane nor insane. The sanity, or insanity, is in the person doing them. I agree one should play with sane people. Finding them requires looking for more than “SSC” on a profile. Some of the persons practicing BDSM have some serious mental problems—independent of their interest in BDSM, BDSM is not a mental problem, nevertheless we must recognize that some of the people doing it are quite a mess for other reasons—yet they dutifully repeat that they practice “SSC,” which shows the emptiness of the label “SSC” and its uselessness as a guide to who you should play with.
I follow a somewhat different standard. I follow RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink. The name is self explanatory. Both partners understand the risks of what they are doing. They consent to doing it, knowing the risks. They take whatever precautions they think are appropriate. This recognizes the subjective element of judgment in what we are doing; it doesn’t try to hide it behind objective-sounding words like “safe” or “sane.”
I also don’t practice “safe sex,” but my sexual behavior is quite safe. I don’t use condoms (“safe sex” is a euphemism for using condoms). I am disease-free and don’t engage in behaviors at-risk for getting an STD: I am not promiscuous, I am not bisexual and I don’t use drugs. I have one submissive at a time. I choose my sex partner very carefully. I make sure she is disease-free, doesn’t engage in any STD-risky behaviors and is not promiscuous. Then I am monogamous, and I demand that my partner is also. Within the monogamous M/s relationship I do not practice “safe sex,” I have as much “unprotected” sex as I want. The M/s relationship is built on trust. If you know enough about me to be my submissive, trust me to keep you healthy when I make you completely helpless in bondage and then do whatever I want with you for as long as I want (within whatever limits we negotiated), and trust me to end the scene when you call your safeword, then you will know enough about me to know I will stay monogamous as your Dominant, stay clean, and not screw every cute piece of ass I meet, and I will know enough about you to know if you are monogamous as my submissive and are staying clean.
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