blueyedevil5880

Male Submissive, 46, visalia, California

Switch Couple, 33, Northern, Michigan

Male Dominant, 35

The "I Never List" We all know what it is... right? I may have something that I may want to cross of it... a 24/7 relationship. The idea and possibility has been going through my mind more and more latley and I was never open to it, until the past few weeks... hmmm.. just felt like getting it out there.

Top Drop: Yes I'm alive! After an extended sickness (which I'm still dealing with) and me moving I finally have enough time to blog again! There is a lot that has been going on with me vanilla or otherwise that I would love to talk about but there is one thing that is sticking out in my mind that I feel the need to share. Top Drop For those of you who don't know I started off in the lifstyle as a bottom-heavy switch, however just recently I have discovered my true calling as a Dom and I have never looked back. As a submissive I rarely had sub-drop... oh it came up every now and then but it was a rare event that I suffered from it. I've been seeing a wonderful sub and we have a few wonderful sessions together, however Top Drop has reared it's ugly head both times. Honestly I hadn't thought about it until it happened.. I truly thought that Top Drop would be even less of a factor than sub drop but it's stronger... much stronger. I find myself sad and lonley a day or two after a session when I have nothing to be sad about. Honestly I'm at a loss and don't know what to say about it, sometimes these are things we have to deal with in this wonderful psychological world of BDSM but I felt like getting it off my chest because the last few days have been rough because of Top Drop... maybe I need to start thinking about a 24/7 lifestyle... ha-ha.... Blue Eyes?

Giving the gift of acceptance to yourself and to your Dominant Read past the first two paragraphs... I promise I get too the good stuff! I've been thinking of my ex lately... The last thing I wanted was our friendship to become a casualty of our failed relationship... Regrettably it seems it was too hard for her and it has. e will see each other we have many of the same friends and the same hangouts within the community but we will never be the same again... that sucks. We had something very special once, then everything changed... I started to change. In the not so long span since we have split I have become a different person, that change started when we were together.. it wasn't the only thing that ended us but it didn't help. Anyway, I bring this up because I have been thinking about her the past few days but in the past few hours I've been looking back on our wonderful play and how much I've changed since she was my one and only "Domina." As great as Domina and I were as friends we were just as good play partners! I had played with many more experienced Tops in my days but we just clicked, there was so much chemistry it was impossible to deny. Two or three sessions stick out the most though... at this moment, one in particular... I was tied down to Domina's bed and blindfolded, mid session she started using something on me that created a sensation that I had never felt before. Quickly though I recognized what it was, it was a pinwheel. She ran in all over my body, I quickly found that I enjoyed it immensely in areas which I normally don't find sexually stimulating and found it annoying even painful in areas where I normally would. (nipples, neck etc.) After getting me quite worked up over a period of time with it, imagine my horror as she slowly made her way down to my cock with it! I didn't want the pinwheel there... she had other ideas! She started rolling up the base... slowly... I couldn't take it and shouted out. She started again, got a little higher, with the same result. She shushed me in a wonderfully gentle way, I knew she wanted me to take this, to push this limit and I WANTED to give it to her. The next time she started I could only think about making her proud and how happy she would be if I could do this for her.. she started upwards, made it all the way to my head and to the very top. As the pinwheel rolled off the tip of my cock I yelled out in pain but not in pain. I yelled out because it was the best orgasm I have ever had.. and no.. I did not have a physical one. It was one of the most profound and powerful SM experiences of my life. I took it for her, made her so happy and proud. In knowing that I brought myself a pleasure that I never had known possible. I still think about that moment all the time. Since she has been on my mind the past few days, this has popped in my mind as well. Every time I think about it I get excited ... come on can you blame me?! I used to think about this and wish to God that I could get there with her or anyone again and damn would I get off just thinking about it! Then I started to change... I tasted the power of Dominating another, I got hooked. Now I identify as a male Dom... I AM a male Dom. There is a well of confidence and energy in me that comes from deep inside that I never knew existed and never thought I could feel. Honestly in the few days since I have come to terms with this, it feels like I've been walking around in someones body... someone besides me. I even mentioned to my friend AK that Monday (my first day back in my vanilla world since my "rebirth") felt like the first day of the rest of my life. Imagine my surprise when I was in the shower a half hour ago, thought of that session and got excited.... But not in the same way I used to get... I'm not that person anymore nor do I think I ever will be capable of being him again. (though my #1 rule is never say never) That makes part of me a bit sad, it's like an old friend is gone and I may never see him again.. but still I'm excited... Because now I get to GIVE that experience to someone and receive their acceptance in return! That session was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received as a submissive and the greatest gift I have ever given to any Domme. Now I get to experience this all over again, for the first time... from the other side! Someday when I have reached a level of trust and love with a submissive that something like this is possible, I'm going to look back and smile because I'll finally know what it felt like for her... I can't wait for that day... Until then I'm going to have some more fun showers by myself! Damn... I need to get a pinwheel!

I?m one flattered Dom! A few weeks ago I blogged about a wonderful experience with my friends pet at my favorite dungeon. Today I was on myspace and for some reason I never noticed she had blogged about it too! What I read gave me goosebumps and flattered me to no end. With her permission I want to share her blog, it's a great read with a very good lesson embedded in it... and hey... I want to show off! Not only is she a wonderful girl but she is also a very experienced sub who is notoriously hard to get to sub-space? it?s hard for this newborn Top to stay humble after reading something like this! Oh? and my name is Rich.. That might help you out reading this. ------------------------------------------------- From the blog of pet: Thursday, January 03, 2008 i surrendered to my desires! =} Current mood: grateful Surrender to your desires! Went to Dungeon Servitus on Saturday with Rich It was a pretty interesting night. It was a big deal because it was Rich's first time out as a Top. We got there, I don't even remember what time, it was a little different for me because I didn't recognize most of the people that were there. Luckily I didn't have to do any of the talking. i just had to be a good pet. I ended up on the cross. It was one of the most amazing experiences for me. Ive had multiple people Top me before 3, 4..probably even more (at least twice that i can think of offhand), and Ive even gone into subspace from some of those experiences. But I always remembered what was going on and, I definitely felt it! The coolest thing happened that night. I remember Rich was in front of me. I could feel everything he was doing to me.... the clamps, the bites....everything. What really surprised me, was that I don't even remember what was going on behind me. I have marks on me to prove I was being flogged on my back. I don't remember any of it... I didn't feel any of it! I remember talking to Domina Angelina about going so far into subspace that you don't feel pain, I never thought I would go there...been pretty close to it, but never actually been to the point of not feeling it. I cant even explain how exciting that was. I know I want to experience that again, theres nothing like it! After that, a little more socializing, then a corset piercing! All I could think of was how badly I wish it would have been me getting pierced. It turned out beautiful. I'm hoping to get one soon. Watching that made me want to play a little more! I had to ask if Rich was in a Topping mood, (He had been a little back and forth most of the night). Luckily he was feeling Toppy. yipppeeee! Decided on slapping/spanking (my favorite!!) After about the third slap on my chest I was gone! To be totally honest I don't remember much after that. I remember kissing his hand, then i was sitting on the floor hugging him. Amazing, I went into subspace twice that night!!!...thats never happened to me before. And i have to thank Rich.. i'll never say another word about you not leaving any marks on me! You more than made up for it that night! Very impressed with the handprint on my hip! Thank You! I'm surprised at myself. to think even a year ago how much I struggled to let go, just to let myself enjoy what was going on around me. Its always been a big struggle for me. Its weird how I dont have to lead a "double life". (Most of the people I work with dont care, I mean I never take my tag off, and almost everyone there has read it. My mom knows what I do, she doesnt care as long as im happy and safe) and i still struggle with being involved in the lifestyle. I think its finally sinking in that its ok to be who I am. and like i've said before i have so many people in my life now who know everything about me and they love me just the way i am. I'm very lucky. Looking forward to letting go and really enjoying whatever comes my way. ------------------------------------------ Hard not to be flattered after reading that! I've been to the "don't feel pain" place once before too and it is to this day one of my best experiences I've ever had as a sub ... funny thing is it was on that very cross! So happy I could be a part of that with her, that night meant so much to me it truly was the night that I became a Dom, (and another week to realize it) it makes it so much more powerful to me that it was that special for her as well! Also I love that she remembered kissing my hand, that was my favorite part of the whole session... been thinking about it since! ... Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go enjoy my "Top-high" already in progress!

I am a male Dom. If you told me even a month ago that I would be typing those words I would have laughed at you. Part of me still doesn't believe it.... but I KNOW it. I have always identified as a switch but always as a bottom-heavy switch, so much so that the Dom in me was little more than a tiny voice in the back of my head but it was always enough for me to never call myself just a bottom or submissive. When I first came into the scene I was amazed by both sub and Dom roles, yet so overwhelmed with the enormity of it all I decided to dive into the sub side of life? I had enough to think about, the responsibilities of a good Top was something I really didn?t want to have to deal with, I had enough on my psychological plate so to speak. So for three plus years I have lived as a bottom in the scene, very rarely letting my inner Dom out to play. Until now. It?s hard to say when the change began for me, probably right from the beginning deep down but looking back it?s clear that four months ago I started to feel different. I was dating a very wonderful girl who is and always will be the most wonderful Domme I have ever had the honor of knowing and submitting too. Yet one day I just stopped feeling submissive to her? like a switch went off? no pun intended. I had felt like this before, every so often I would feel ?Toppy? for a few weeks or so.. but this time it didn?t go away. Among other reasons our relationship suffered for it and after trying to be ?official? with each other for a short while we split up. Frankly I was devastated even though the break-up was mutual, I knew what a great girl she was and for a time we really had something special... vanilla or otherwise but things weren't right and instead of expressing that I made the mistake of trying to suppress my feelings because I really did love her and part of me always will. Long story short.. things ended a bit ugly, not too bad but not as good as I would have liked. After a few weeks I decided it was time to get together with some of my friends from the scene again, I had been away from them for a long time and missed them. I went to a social, ran into someone I know well and talked to her about the last time a topped and how I really wanted to give it another go. The last time I topped had been her wonderful pet and she offered to let me borrow her so that I might get a chance to let my Dom wings fly, that night was simply amazing and I hit top-space for the first time. (read about it in my very first blog ?Musings of a switch in his expanding world??) Since that night it?s been something constantly on my mind, then last week I got a chance to take my friends pet too my favorite dungeon in San Diego, hit top-space yet again and got many compliments from some very experienced Dommes on my first public scene as a top to my face and more through the grape vine. . (read about it in my last blog ?Upheaval in this switches world? I'm more of a Dom than I ever knew.?) This past weekend I traveled to San Francisco to meet a wonderful Domme that I have been talking too for about a month now. (Thanks AK, ?Reverend? and everyone from Nor Cal room for a wonderful time.) Though I had a great time the entire trip served as confirmation of my feelings that I have grown into a Dom.. There was even an exact moment when it happened that was so special it will be burnt into my memory for the rest of my life, it was like being re-born, like I let a lion out of it?s cage for the first time. Two days later I?m still riding the high, even in my vanilla life people have noticed a difference. Today at work everyone kept asking me what had me in such a great mood and why I had such a different spring in my step? most of them assumed it was because I got laid or something, how far off they are? not that getting laid hurt my mood any! Today really felt like the first day of the rest of my life. I want to write more but I?m exhausted from my trip? tomorrow I work on the profile! I?m so excited I want to do it now but my eyes are closing by themselves. The lion is out of it?s cage. I, Dom

Upheaval in this switches world? I'm more of a Dom than I ever knew. From my Alt.com blog 12-31-07 I have always identified as a switch. When I first started exploring the lifestyle I read? A LOT. I read more and more and always, I was interested in both ends of this. When I was first introduced to the lifestyle by people that were serious about it they taught me much, before letting me play they made me read, learn and absorb. I remember being in awe of the responsibility that a Top/Dom has during a scene or just in life if taken that far. I was already overwhelmed with what was going through my mind as it was, I grew up in a very conservative household, I had always been a goody-two shoes Italian Catholic school boy? I was shocked at what I was craving, what I wanted deep down inside and had always secretly wanted. Call me lazy but I dove head first into the sub role, already wide eyed and a little bit surprised at myself I figured it would be best to take on a role that didn?t require me to be very responsible for another. (not that a sub doesn?t have responsibilities.) I decided to hold off on the Dom in me until I better understood myself and the lifestyle. That time I feel has finally has come. A few weeks back my friend was kind enough to let me play with her pet. That night I hit Top-space for the first time, a SPECTACULAR experience for me that you can read about it in my very first blog entry ?Musings of a switch in his expanding world?? Since then I have been craving more, yet life and the holidays have been busy and tough. After a long week I happened to be on YIM and started up a conversation with my friend (sweet little pets owner) and she told me that there was a party going on this weekend at my absolute favorite dungeon in San Diego and that I should take pet because she couldn?t make it. I JUMPED at the chance! For the first time I was going out in public? as a Top. The night was spectacular, some of the sub in me was lurking a bit early on but quickly went away during a spanking/slapping session with pet that was to put it simply: amazing. I hit Top-space for the second time and two days later I?m still on the high from it, I?ve never felt empowered like this. The best part came yesterday when she mailed me a picture of the bruises from our session I had left on her breasts and when she told me that I left a hand print on her hip? I hit Top-space again almost immediately. I want more, luckily I have my great friend that let?s me play with her wonderful pet whenever I like. Also I have a very experienced Domme friend that is willing to train me in some things that I very much want to learn. (rope work etc.) I will always crave submission, I don?t want to know me when I don?t. Submission is something that I love and the feeling is like no other? then again there is no other feeling like being on Top either. Over the past month I have gone from identifying as a bottom heavy switch to a Top heavy switch? I could go so far as to say I feel like a Dom that enjoys submitting. I?m even contemplating switching my role on alt to Dominate because that?s what I want to concentrate on right now, I?ve spent plenty of time on the sub side of Blue Eyes I think it may be time to cross the street.

Male Chastity... dismissed too soon? Not sure how much I can say without saying too much but here it goes? I?ll be careful... but I?m compelled to share my thoughts. My last relationship was with a WONDERFUL women and she made an even better Domme. I said it in my last post,? plenty of girls have made me feel like a bottom, only one has made me feel like a submissive. However and it pains me to say: we were not right for each other. How two people can have such a great friendship, damn good play and not be compatible in a relationship is beyond me but are we living, breathing proof of that. Luckily we are still good friends and talk on a daily basis, she is one of my favorite people in this world and thankfully I was smart enough to not screw our friendship up. (though it seems I came close to making that mistake.) Why am I giving you this back story?! Well when her and I were first started playing, she mentioned that her favorite thing in the lifestyle is male chastity and orgasm control? I immediately shot the idea down like Luke blowing up the Death Star and I?m sure she blew up a little inside? kinda like? the Death Star? Why did I? Well I?ve always considered it somewhat of a limit, never really thought of it as something I would ever be interested in. I like to cum? HELL I LOVE TOO CUM! Not to mention that I?m almost always constantly horney!? My ex and I had an inside joke that compared my libido to the undead, unstoppable and impossible to kill!? Sometimes I feel like banging my cock in a car door just to make it go down. No chastity device would ever contain the monster! (no the nickname is between her and I, don?t ask) So it?s never held an appeal to me?. at least I didn?t notice it did. And yet I do know this: The first time I saw a man in a chastity device I got an massive hard-on. The idea of saving an orgasm, saving my cum for my Domme is sexy beyond words! We experimented with that once and I LOVED it. Hate to admit it but I made a rookie mistake. After five years of experiencing and seeing things my old self never DREAMED of seeing or doing I made the simple mistake of not learning about something before passing judgment on it. Lord knows I have been introduced to things that now I couldn't live without, things I never thought I would be up for...? I know that us in the lifestyle all share that on a common level.. If I had only listened to her about it and not shot it down immediately I may have found something extraordinarily beautiful. See she is seeing someone now and we talk, a week ago she told me she already has him locked up and once again, I got REALLY hot thinking about it. What the hell man?! I?m not into that!?! Yet? I kept thinking about it, hell when I went to the social I attended Friday I was talking to a friend who has a new boy toy and she was referring to a new cock toy she bought him and I immediately blurted out: ?Is it a chastity device?!? Tonight my ex and I, IM?d and the subject came up again, I learned a lot more about it and heard from her how great the Chastity/Control is going for them. As we IM?d about it?. I FELL INTO SUB-SPACE! Just hearing about it and I was floating away, down that place we all strive to reach. I could barley type on the keyboard? Without going into too much detail of what her and I talked about, God I need to give this a second thought?. Problem is, I would never do it with someone that I didn?t love and was dedicate too completely. In the mean time I have to remember to listen and learn, something we all seem to need to be reminded of now and then. Until the day I find someone to experience it with?? I?ll just have to masturbate 3 times a day thinking about it? no self control? irony has a new definition. Blueyes

Musings of a switch in his expanding world... I?m a blog whore? at least in my vanilla Internet travels. Funny that after years of being a member of Alt that I never started a blog here about my favorite subject: BDSM. I am a bottom, I would even go so far as to call myself a submissive if it wasn?t for two reasons. One. Plenty of women have made me feel like a bottom, only one has made me feel like a submissive.... I miss her so much it hurts sometimes and God do I miss our play? Two. Every now and then maybe 3 to 4 times a year at the most, I feel like topping. Nothing particular brings it on, just one day it happens and I feel the need to inflict on another that which I love to receive myself. So I call myself a switch, a sub-heavy switch, for just such occasions. Friday was one of those times. Friday I went to the first social I attended in ages and quickly realized I had been away far too long. It?s easy to forget what a warm and welcoming community the lifestyle seems to attract as I was bombarded by old friends and questions of where I had been for so long. I quickly found my good friend Miss Jeanine and we quickly caught up. Miss Janine has a wonderful pet that the last time I had my Top on, she was kind enough to allow me to borrow. That was the last time I have really been around my kink friends in San Diego and since then I was surprised to learn that my last session with pet has become a bit of urban legend in the last few months. (45 minute blow job while I was flogging her ass from above! She sucks so good! ) As her and I talked about it, the memories of that experience woke my inner Dom that has been stirring for the past month or so unfulfilled. Miss Janine was more than happy to let me top her pet again just as her she was walking over to us, unawares that we were plotting against her. After a little more socializing, it was back to Miss Janine?s and her Daddies for some fun! After some chit-chat, Pet said that she needed a shower, I happily went with her. Once in the shower she started to clean and groom me, taking her time and while she focused all of her attention on my body I felt something stir inside me that I couldn?t identify. She did such a good job I decided to reward her by biting her, HARD, just like she likes it and teased her between her legs? just a bit. After our shower, I began to flog her, spank her, put large clips on her nipples, etc. As we played the feeling that I had in the shower grew and grew yet I still could not identify it, then as I released the clips from her nipples after a good while and I felt waves of pleasure wash over me? then it hit me like a ton of bricks?. I was experiencing Top-Space for the first time in my life! Why now? Why not before when I have Topped? I know I understand more about what I was doing too her and how wonderful it feels more than I ever have because of my own experiences. However, I think it has a lot more to do with the confidence I have in myself and my abilities. I?m not saying I?ve mastered any of them? FAR from it but the belief in myself and my skills relaxed me enough so that I could feel something I never have before and I know I just have reached the beginning of that feeling. I want MORE. I call myself a switch, a sub-heavy switch but suddenly that sub-heavy part seems much lighter than it did just a few days ago. Thanks to my wonderful new friend AK for ?getting me off the pot? on this, me bloging here has been a long time coming. Such a spectacular release it is too share this as opposed to it being just an internal dialogue Blueyes

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