bluejaysfeather

EXTRA SPRINKLES PLEASE

The Conditions to my Submission

What is below of who I am looking for is what I have had on other “vanilla” dating sites and I just copied it here.  I find it amusing now that I have been learning about D/s; I think I was describing a Dom without even knowing it………

Someone who works hard and plays harder and not afraid of either one…..

Someone who is spontaneous and adventurous but loyal to their love and beliefs……

Someone who is confident but not arrogant……

Someone who takes pride in themselves and surroundings and does what they can to take care of them, but not to the point of OCD…..

Someone who know how to feel compassion and consideration for those around them, and stands up for what they believe in…..

I don’t like being around negative people who holds grudges or always have a chip on their shoulder, are always depressed, angry, lazy, or condescending, although we all have our moments…..

I am attracted to strong personalities and can overlook most any differences in people I like as long as they have individuality and purpose…..

I would like someone I can communicate to with words, a touch, or a look….

It would be great if they liked to ride motorcycles, but if not, that’s ok as long as they don’t try to stop me from riding mine!

After a year of learning more of the “lifestyle” I realized that I need to embellish more to what exactly I want and need.....and as I grow and evolve so too will this list....

I want someone who:

*is able to stimulate me (in this order) intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically

*is not intimidated by my strong personality but actually finds it sexy and stimulating

*cherishes my free spirit and strives to make it flourish, not break it

*shares my sense of adventure in life, not just the bedroom

*lets me express my individuality and interest even if not shared by him

*values my opinions and realizes that I have his best interest at heart

*does not want to share me with others or I be one of many (not to say after immense trust there could not be extenuating circumstances)

*realizes that subtle innuendos is a form of foreplay...having nothing to do with sex

*does not demand that I ask permission for day to day doings, but trust that I have enough sense, pride, and common courtesy to do what is right

*gives me the freedom to ask questions so that I can better understand and learn

*can control me while also coddling me

*accepts me as a strong minded individual and yet able to make me feel weak with desire and lust

*wants a real woman, not just a barbie doll-size 10 is fine with me...size 2 I will never be!

*thinks my bare feet and levis are just as sexy as my high heels and dresses

*does not want to change me...just make me better

*makes me feel beautiful in the ugliest of moments

*appreciates that trust, honesty, and communication is imperative and must be maintained

*considers me his best friend and confidant as I will him

*sometimes, just do something you know make me happy (even if you hate it)

*understands all it takes is a look, a touch, or a smile from across the room to melt my heart

*knows how to spark my mind and sting my butt

*knows how to be the man I need him to be and make me feel like the woman (and slut) I want to be

*recognizes that calling me "baby girl" makes me feel loved and special

*says what he means and means what he says

*walks the walk not just talk the talk...

*wants and needs the responsibility of the power that I so desperately need to relinquish

*realizes I need chores and tasks, rituals and routines to feel valued, important, needed and secure (more than just in the bedroom)

*holds me accountable when I fail my responsibilities and duties

*walks in front of me to break the path

*stands beside me when I face life challenges (as I will him)

*wraps himself around me to make me feel safe

*pulls me forward when I am scared

*pushes me past my comfort zones

*holds my hand when I shake and stumble

*picks me up when I fail and fall

*loves me no matter what happens along the way

*realizes that the grass is greener where ever you water and fertilize it at…although it may look better on the other side of the fence…it to will fade and wither if walked all over and not maintained

*understands that I need him to help me to unleash all the dreams and desires I have suppressed for so long

*feels our "vanilla" life is the cake, the D/s dynamic is icing on the cake, and the kink is the sprinkles on the icing……….

Submission is Subjective

Understanding a sub with a strong personality

After this past year and discovering that I truly am submissive, I have been questioned by many to the fact if I am really submissive because of my strong personality.  I began to wonder, am I using the proper term to describe myself?

I know that I am not a switch, that thought does not appeal to me in the slightest to be dominant over a man, except when required in the vanilla world or the job calls for it.  I know this because most of my life, I have attracted men who always gave me complete control of the relationship….and I was always so frustrated, bored and miserable.

Am I a bottom?  No, I do not desire to be in that position with just anyone….only “the One”.  Many on some sites keep telling me that I need to do this so that I learn what it is that I like and dislike.  Well, I know that I will dislike someone controlling or dominating me for the mere sensations….I have been known to go after the “bad boy” type, who would be very domineering….that too left me feeling empty and frustrated. 

That’s not to say that  until “the One” comes along that I may develop a real friend whom I may experiment with…but for me to experience my submission to the fullest…it will have to be with someone very special to me.

As for all those who offer to help me learn to be submissive….you just don’t get it….submission is not learnt…it is natural….no amount of beating, humiliating, degrading, or manipulation will make me want to submit….only through trust, growth, understanding, compassion, and respect will I ever allow my submission to flow freely. 

So how would I best describe myself; I am a submissive woman with a dominant personality who is searching for that something more…something that completes me….something that feels right!

Generally, in the big scope of life, I am a strong, competent, confident, and capable woman with firm views and beliefs and a clear concept on what I want out of life and a relationship. But I relish the idea to lay it all down, to let go of the frustrations and let someone else take control and be responsible!

I have lived long enough with the tightness in my chest, feeling like I was always going against the current, feeling that something was missing, feelings of emptiness. To me, willingness to submit is not a sign of weakness but more a realization that it is OK to let go of the responsibility, control, independence, and frustration and be free to be me!

Where the conflict in having a dominant personality with submissive tendencies lies within me, is the fact that I cannot have healthy, productive, intimate relations with someone that I can dominate! I have always known it and said it to many times to my friends. So this has always limited my choices. I tried to date men who were not dominant, but inevitably I would run clear over top of them and then my respect and desire for them went straight to zero.

Because I am so outgoing with a strong personality, I have seemed to attract weaker type men who cling to me and allow me to bulldoze them over, but I quickly am bored and frustrated.  I seek to find a union of mind, body and soul. The One who completes me in every way…to whom I would surrender without hesitation. That would be a rare and treasured gift!

I generally end up as a leader in most everything in which I am active in. Whether it be work, social circles, or community organizations. I tend to make suggestions, speak up, promote my point of views, push for my causes, and organize and push the people needed to get the job done. I don’t try to be this way, it just seems to happen. Even when I don’t want it!!! My dominanting personality does get tiring at times, but it is what makes me who I am, and because of the many things I am involved with, it is usually necessary.

Although, a realization hit me not long ago, I was out to lunch with a Dom friend one day, and three times someone came up to me, needing help, advice, or an ear to listen. All of which I promised to call later.  When the luncheon was over, he said to me “You need to get away from these people; they are sucking the life out of you, not allowing you the time or space needed to discover who you are.”  I quickly defended these people, saying that they just needed my help.

Then it hit me….all these years, being in control, spreading myself thin, juggling the many task to do what was asked of me…..I set the situation up…..I am the one who created the scene so that I was needed, so that in the end, everyone was pleased with me, proud of me for what I was able to do for them…not because I wanted to be in control, but I wanted to express my need to be of service ….that is why my favorite jobs were service oriented….bartending, waitressing, catering, event coordinator, house cleaning, organizing….

I have never tried to appear to be something that I am not, or hide who I really am. I will own my dominate personality and now as well of my need and desire to be submissive. My submission is not an admittance of inferiority, but more of a strength and passion to live life to the fullest; to be the “true me!”

In my opinion, true sadness is in the people who can’t or won’t accept those inner callings and feelings or never realize or recognize it, but instead choose to live with the constant turmoil and conflict that eats at their soul, harbors their spirit and damages their well being. This is how I use to be, I realize that I was hiding my submissive desires behind a wall of aggressive, controlling behavior, but now I am willing to let all that negative energy go and be the person I am meant to be.

As for those who continually are blatant about proving their dominance, intelligence,  confidence, value, etc….regardless of sex, orientation, or role, they are truly the weak, insecure individuals who most generally come across with an attitude of bitchiness or arrogance, as a defensive move, which to me, is a huge turnoff. It takes much more strength and style to conduct yourself with poise, grace, dignity, and respect for all.

Just because I voice my opinion doesn’t mean that I am trying to dominate, and just because he listens whole-heartily, doesn’t mean he is being submissive, it means that we are having a discussion like two grown adults. He can then take all knowledge, feelings, and thoughts and make an informed decision best for us and our relationship. I want a partner who enjoys and revels in my strong personality, who finds it challenging, exciting and appealing...but who is also the one willing to take responsibility for my happiness and well-being and take control and be in charge.

I need someone who doesn’t force his opinions on me, who doesn’t make me submit against my will. Rather, I need someone smart enough to sneak up on me, slowly permeating my thoughts just by their natural demeanor. Someone who catches my attention and respect because of who they are at all times, who earns my trust and leaves a trail of breadcrumbs drawing me in closer until I willingly want to  submit my heart, mind, body, and soul completely without them even asking

The Apple Tree

The Journey Begins.....