bitchatheart

Ahhhhhh..... what a great day!!!  Even though i did not sleep well last night.... and work absolutely SUCKED.... today was a GREAT day!  I am looking forward to more of those...... Thanks, You.

i love my job..... i love my kids... i finally love myself....i feel imcomplete... something is missing... i  hate feeling so freaking incomplete most of the time.....i need something... i need something more.. i need something more soon.....patience is a virtue... patience is a virtue... damn a bunch of virtue!!!!AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

I am a little melancholy today.  It's just hard to believe that my Mom has been gone for 5 years.  I know that she is in Heaven... and is no longer suffering.... but the selfish part of me misses her so much.  However... i don't miss her enough to want her back here in that condition, so i just remember the good times and all the love. 

OK... i'm kinda worried.  I think i may be turning into a prude.  I have a new pet peeve.  When i log into my account here... i do NOT like the first thing i see to be the cock of a 65 yr old man.  I'm not being mean... but seriously... if Your profile says male... then that makes me know that you are equipped with male parts.  I'd much rather see some wide shoulders... or some deep eyes.  The crotch shot pretty much takes all the anticipation out of the equation.  *Steps off soapbox*  Going back to my corner now!! 

Let's see... how to describe today... hmmm.  I can think of a few words.... long.... aggravating... chaotic... lonely.  I actually got some stuff done... but for some reason i just could not get my mind to settle down today.  I know that there are going to be days like that... and i know that they will pass.  Sometimes, just blogging a little helps. 

Today was an interesting day.  A day that consisted of putting out little fires all day long.... sometimes more than one fire at the time!  The best part of the day was the drive home... time to just put the day to rest... to just drive on auto-pilot to a degree.. and just let the tension from the day melt away.  Relaxing now in front of the fire is pretty darn good, as well!  Just happy to be... 

  Today... was a very good day. 

Happy New Year!!  i'm not making resolutions.. i'm making plans.  i'm planning to be happier... i'm planning to hold my head high, i'm planning to stop settling.  i'm planning to find where i belong.. and stop wasting time and emotion on things that are truly trivial.  This is going to be my year.  Hide and watch.  Enuff said. 

I suppose my screen name and initial post have made People get the wrong impression of me.  I'm truly NOT a bitch.  I'm just sick and tired of being taken for granted... of being an option... of being in last place above everything and everyone.  I have a heart of gold.. and i am sick of that being perceived as my biggest flaw.  I have plenty of flaws.. much bigger than that!  Stay tuned... this could get interesting!!!

Merry Christmas!!