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Got to thinking the other day about leadership vs being a dominant. The two are not all that disimilar outside of the context used in a vanilla sense.
A good dom is a leader. But is a leader a good dom? No, or at least I don't think so. The difference is humility. A leader may not need a sense of humility but a good dom does. Why...because he needs to know that a mistake can hurt someone badly. A leader may know that but can't let that stop them from the task at hand. The best example of that is General George S Patton. He was willing to ride the blood of his men to glory even though he knew they suffered for him.
I know I'm a capable dom. I hope I'm never in the position he was in...
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Tonight I got to listen to the reasons why its hard to train a sub. Maybe it was the semantics of the discussion but I felt that the main point was missed. Teaching a sub is easy if viewed as an exercise in broadening your relationship with her. One very clear point was made in that no two ways work the same for all subs. Time will tell if those points were understood
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I got asked by a dom the other day where I was going in this lifestyle. Took me a second to find a clear answer. Looking back now at what I said, maybe not so clear. Or rather more like me blowing smoke and not being completely honest. I can't even paraphrase the dumb answer I gave. Now I have a better one thats honest and clear. I want a knock down drag out fullblown romantic relationship with my sub. I want her to give herself to me, because thats what she wants, not because I demand. I want to view her submission to me as a gift, of her to me.
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At work today a vanilla co-worker (well I thought she was) expressed that she is very much incharge of her marriage. The hints she dropped led me to believe that she may not be as vanilla as I thought. While I know I don't know everyone active in the local scene, I would have recognized her if I saw her at a function. Her description of her relationship with her husband is out and out femdom and male sub. She didn't include any bedroom activity reports but I have to wonder...
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Stumped myself today. The question was, "Why do I want a sub in my life?" I can get most of what I want in the bedroom from most vanilla women. Oh sh*t, now what. Is this one of those re-evaluating yourself moments? No its a moment of clarity. I want a sub because I want a woman who wants me in control of our life togther. A woman who walks beside me not concerned about equality in life but rather about our quality of life.
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I got asked a question today that stopped me. "What is a healthy sub?" The size of the answer boggled my mind. I realized then as now I would have to write an encyclopedia to cover it all and then it wouldn't cover everyones version. I think the short answer is one who's happy and healthy in her relationship with her dom. Simple, but open to so much stuff to be added to that.
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Kicked back enjoying the start of the weekend. Got Mike McClure playing on the cd player, Everything Upside down, one of my all time favorites....party tonight!
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The cold out side has me pondering the fire inside us. This thing we persue is like dancing with a devil you know in some ways. Or maybe its better compared to a forbidden fruit thats to sweet to leave alone. Going back to be vanilla feels like the cold outside, hard, icy and forboding. In short I'm a pervert and I like it. Pervert positive...a new marketing campaign?
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So tonight I'm thinking about happiness. How does a master and sub bring each other that? Is it more important for one or the other? The biggest thing for me is that it seems like a lot of subs look for it and many dom's ignore it. Does this mean the dom has stopped trying? A femdom said,"What can you do for me?" regarding what a sub can do to get her attention. Its a great question that should be asked at the beginning of the relationship, must be asked then if it will grow into anything sustaining. But. But, what does the sub ask the dom? As a dom I cannot create happiness where none was intially. I can only add to the light that is in her heart. If it truly is black, then I am blind to a direction to lead her.
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So someone asked me about responsibities that are assumed. Here's a common one, what does she wear in public? Would/should I chose everything all the time? What about work wear for her job. What I would use (supposition because I have no one) is a system of threes. Go pick out 3 outfits to wear and I'll choose one of them. Since I'll have already gone through the closet and rearranged the bad clothes, it won't be quite the russian roulette it might seem. For work attire then I would leave it up to her to choose as long as it was professional and made her look good. That means that while she's free to choose I can critique those choices if I need to.
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I was asked the other day about my likes by a vanilla person. Still thinking about telling the truth.
On a strange note I've been getting a lot of attention from men lately. Sorry guys I don't go that way.
A different question about the subs vs slaves. If a master allows a slave to think and make decisions does that mean the slave is less a slave and more a sub? To me, if that slave is doing things to move the relationship forward in a positive way with those actions, then that makes the slave no less a slave, just more valued.
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Slave or submissive. On the surface it looks like an easy question, just define the differences and your good to go, right? Oh the joy of semantics. To me the two are much closer related than they different. Would I take a slave over a sub? Would I refuse to have a slave? What it came down to for me was the understanding that as a dom or owner you MUST assume certain responsibilties for the other person. And funnily enough they are the same across the board no matter which you choose. From a different perspective, a subs view, they also get to make a property claim, "Thats my Master"... |
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Got to work out today. Damn it felt good. Lost another 4 pounds over christmas. So my goal is an even 200-210. At 210 I'm half way to my goal. So I admit that right now I'm a fat ass. My life changes to lose the weight are eating better, no not less just less junk. And excerise, I know its better for me and all but I'm starting to really enjoy the workouts.
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Yay I get to start working out again. This should be interesting since I couldn't for about 3 weeks.
Had to explain to a vanilla friend that I was kinky and not a swinger. Big sigh...he doesn't understand the difference. I only want 1 partner not many.
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Well its the new year. I can hope that this year will have less twists and turns in it than last year. On a positive note the weight I lost hasn't come back. It sucks not being able to work out right now but next week I should be back at it.
Favorite line of the week....
He ordered a very rare prime rib but what he got was browned nicely and well fried. The waitress said," It looked a little too rare so we fried it before serving you."
Hoping you get yours as you want it
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