Bigkev

Thinking about that and Jeremy Clarkson spooning Heston Blumenthal in bed most folk feel that they would want to explore it safely without the interference from family or shocking them too much that they don't want to speak to them, basically coming out with a kinky sex life to your family can be as bad (depending on your family reaction) as coming out as gay as some of us have found out to our costs, basically your family aren't interested in your sex life nor what you do as long as it isn't in their house or bed, even though they do sometimes like to interfere.

So how do you manage your own fetishes in your everyday life?

Well the answer is quite simple, just take it step by step. By that I mean think it through a lot before you explore it or plan to explore it, sometimes things will get in the way, like if you have family/work that take up 80% of your weekly time, ask yourself if you have the time that week or whether another week or so time is best.

Enjoy every moment of it when you do get a chance, explain to not only yourself but also the person you are exploring with your plans and how often you are hoping to explore your kinky side. Remember this is your fetish so take your time to enjoy it, if you have a particular fantasy that has been at the back of your mind that you would love to explore then do it, whether you like dressing up whilst being spanked or pretending to be a puppy or a pony go for it, find someone on your fetish level and with experience and explore it.

Be realistic about your fetishes, if there is something you want to explore and are not sure about it then research it, if it's a curious fetish you have then look at how you want to explore it and with whom and set yourself realistic goals that you feel you can achieve without your 80% Vanilla life pulling you back, sometimes they can delay you like if your planned partner is busy and you both have to find another time but as long as your goal is realistic sometimes it is good to have a backup in case there is a delay or alteration.

With my own lifestyle I have many things I have to balance it with, home/work life, fetish photography and play/mentor sessions. With my own fetish lifestyle I do not mix my play sessions with photography sessions as it causes me mental confusion, also I like to show a bit more respect to my photography clients than I would with play sessions although those who know me would say that they are pretty much the same, apart from me being a bit more professional with my photography than with sessions.

But never-the-less respect is the key to it all, if someone doesn't show you respect during a session then your first 'special moment' has gone and will put you off doing any more with others.

As sad as that seems sometimes we do need to take a step back and view our past experiences, this is why I always ask people I talk to what theirs was, giving me an idea where it went wrong and how it has changed them so that they know not all of us are the same. The best way to find out if the person you are speaking to will give you respect is to scout them, ask them about previous sessions they have had, ask them to give you an account of how it went. If their play session they describe sounds like something fun or interesting ask them more about it, if not then it is a case that the person you are talking to will not be that fun to play with.

From my point of view, I have had a few that one minute have said they don't like the sound of it but upon telling them how it went, blow by blow, they have changed their minds others have still not liked the sound of it and from my point of view if a person doesn't like the sound of one of my previous sessions then I am very much unlikely want to play with them but understand why they don't like it. So in all if the session you plan doesn't sound like something you would want to try then tell the person and they should understand.

So in conclusion, I would say don't be worried about not fitting kinky things into your vanilla lifestyle, sometimes things will get in the way but as long as you plan things ahead then it will be more simpler in the future.

Ok after while thinking last night, I got thinking about all the questions I keep getting asked about mentoring and what it involves, and as I thought that I already had something up it looks like I don't so I thought it was about time I had something up to explain it all.

So what is Mentoring?

For me mentoring is where you teach others new skills, in the BDSM lifestyle it can be anything from learning how to take pain to learning more about new fetishes you once thought you would like to do but didn't feel confident enough to try out.

What happens when you Mentor someone?

When I mentor someone I like to get to know them and their fetishes, most of the time the person I am mentoring doesn't know what fetishes they like so it makes it that much harder to find out how you can help them. Sometimes they tell me that they have a thing for pain or orgasm control or just want to understand how to fit a fetish kink around their everyday lifestyle, so if for instance they have a thing for pain I inform them about the way I would do it and if that is the way they think they could go about it. So if they like the idea of being spanked or having their breasts flogged then that is something that I would introduce. So with mentoring I would help them build up their pain threshold so that they learn to take harder pain punishments or help them balance out their pain threshold. The same can be said for orgasm control.

How long does your mentoring last?

That depends on the person I am mentoring and how much time they have free, but most mentoring sessions last around 2 hours, sometimes more depending on the mentoring in question. So if a mentoring session is based around females chastity then a session could last up to 24 hours depending on the person and what is agreed at the time. But with mentoring you learn after a few mentoring sessions (over time) how you can endure and manage your fetishes.

What differs from a normal play session to a mentoring session?

Well for me a normal play session is a one off session whilst a mentoring session is a session where you learn your own fetish kinks with someone experience over a period of time, that can be anything from 2 mentoring sessions a month for 2 months to just learning more about your fetishes in just 2 mentoring sessions.

So is mentoring a relationship or a session?

That is down to the person viewing it, for me it is a short term relationship based around teaching you about your own fetishes, like what you would do at college or uni, though think of these as kinky lessons rather than just regular play sessions.

How does mentoring differ from a relationship?

With mentoring you are not committed to any sexual obligations like you would feel under a relationship, fetish or otherwise, that means that depending on your fetishes you are wanting to learn and explore more about it is more about the teaching and learning environment and treating it like a learning experience without that sexual commitment. Some see it as a stepping stone to going into a D/s style relationship, others see it as a stepping stone to exploring more private/public play sessions but with more confidences. For me mentoring is in-between them two.

What do you get out of it?

Depending on how long you would want your mentoring to last, what you get out of it is a better understanding about your fetishes, whether that be understanding where you can take it next to understanding how to manage it yourself or when you are in a D/s relationship. You also get to find out your own limits body and mind, by that I mean you get to understand how your body copes under the stress and how to enhance your mind as that is your key to how to mange your fetish kinks in your lifestyle.

So the key questions you need to ask yourself are:

• Do I need to understand the fetish lifestyle more better?
• Am I unsure as to what direction I want to take?
• Am I confident enough to ask people for help in understanding my own fetishes?
• Do I feel the need to learn more about my fetishes privately?
• Is mentoring something that I would look into?
• Do I feel that I would benefit from mentoring or am I curious about being mentored?

If the answer is yes to all then I would say mentoring is something that would benefit you, if at least one of them is no then I would say you either need to talk it over with yourself or talk it over with someone else.

What do I get out of it?

For me it is about passing on my experience to others, as much as I like the visual look of BDSM I do enjoy giving information and experience to others who are dipping their feet into an unknown world. In my mentoring sessions I never include any sexual activity unless it is something the person I am mentoring wants. But again mentoring for me is basically helping people choose what path they would like to go down whether it is just a brief encounter or a fully understanding on how the fetish lifestyle works.