bichastity4me

Male Submissive, 41, bristol

Male Dominant, 29, hanford, California

Male Switch, 31, San Francisco, California

Well it has been far too long since I have done an entry so I will write one to update where I am in life. I am now single since the long distance relationship with my girlfriend didn't work out. Which is a little sad but I am happier now. Free to pursue other relationships and interests. So I am searching again for a Dom in my area. This time around though I am going to look for something more casual at least to start with and go from there.

A week Well folks today is officially a week since I was last allowed to cum. Needless to say at this point it doesn't take much to excite me. Just talking about it gets me going. This is even more frustrating because I can do nothing about it. I don't dare touch myself for anything when I am hard. Not even to scratch an itch. Any touching while excited could be considered attempting to please myself. I ache for the feeling of something, anything around my cock. I must stop writing now this is too difficult to do. If I play with fire long enough I will get burned.

Free...for now I have been released from my plastic cage for a few days. I am still chaste, as in I cannot touch myself or ejaculate. I can still feel the plastic pressing against me. Confining my cock. It does feel good to have it off. After days of limited sleep I will sleep well tonight. I do feel bad for failing at this. It was too painful and distracting to focus during the day but somehow I just wish it wasn't a problem. That I could do it. I suppose this is just another example of how our everyday lives do not always fit so perfectly with out hidden lives. Just a side note I feel worth mentioning. My girlfriend called me today just to check on me. She was worried for me. It was really nice to just know that she was thinking of me. It is those moments that give me more strength to carry on with this insanity I have chosen to explore. That tenderness through all the pain and frustration. So simple and pure that love.

Too much pain, So today I had to actually get up and leave class today due to the pain from the chastity device. I never had this pain from the ring chaffing hurt so much before. Then again I never wore this small ring for this long before. I tried adjusting but there is no way to keep it comfortable anymore. The pain is so much that it actually makes me break out in a sweat. This is why I had to get up and walk out of class. I am sitting there, not able to focus and sweating from this extremely uncomfortable pain. This can't be the way it is suppose to be. I hope Master will be understanding.

Survived Another Night Well I survived another night albeit another painful night. Manged to double the amount of sleep I got from the night before. Up to a whopping 2 hours. Woke up many many times just raging hard. Just wanted to grab the cage and shatter it or rip it off. Grrrr I just want peace so I can sleep. Well that's it for now got a busy day to get through on little sleep.

The Pain I figured since I was up I might as well do a quick entry sharing how I am feeling on this second night of chastity. I managed to fall asleep for an hour right away tonight which was really nice considering it took me all night and 4 separate times chunks of time to get an hour of sleep last time. So this is a great improvement. I have awoken again as usual though with my balls aching as my cock tries futily to get hard. My cock and balls are swollen and purple and pulling hard against the constraints of the cage. At first i am unable to get it to subside at all. I get up and walk to the bathroom naked except for my device. I hold my genitals up as I walk along the hallway to support the wieght. They feel 10 lbs heavier when they are engorged with blood and aching. I manage to make it to the bathroom and sit down on the toilet. It takes a couple of minutes of trying to pee for the hard-on to subside enough to allow the flow. The relief of pressure goes along way to getting rid of the hard-on. The pain begins to subside as the cock begins to soften. colour returns as blood flow resumes. It feels so good to not be in such pain anymore. And so I sit here waiting for the hard-on to completely pass before returning to bed. I will have to wait awhile since just a quick misplaced thought and the hard-on and pain will return. Hopefully I can get some more sleep tonight.

Frustrated already This is not how I thought I would feel about this. Certainly I knew there would be some pain from erections and frustrated when teased but this is so much more. I am not really enjoying being locked up like this. It is a constant source of discomfort that makes everything more difficult to do. It is only day one and I am committed to give this a real effort and am not in anyway contemplating giving up at this time. I just am surprised at how frustrating and annoying this is. I suppose that is how it is suppose to be though. If I really enjoyed it then it wouldn't be a form of punishment or a way to control my behavior. I do hope in time that I get more used to wearing this device. I do not think it is good how the pain is so strong even when I am flaccid. It distracts me when I am in class and forces me to go to the bathroom to readjust so I can make it through the class. I also hope I build up a tolerance for the pain from erections I get at night because I do not know how long I can run on 1 hour of sleep a night. But we shall see how it goes.

First night, So as I said in my last entry I was locked in my chastity device last night. It was not a pleasant night. I think in total I may have slept a total of an hour in about 4, 15 minute increments. The rest of the time I was basically hard and in pain. This ring is far smaller than the one I am used to and is causing alot more pain. The first pain is the balls aching from the strain of my cock trying to get hard in its cage and pulling them away from my body cutting off circulation in the process. This is to be expected with all of the rings. The pain that is most concerning to me is the pain from the ring chaffing on the bottom side of my scrotum. This was not a problem with the larger ring at all. I am hoping this doesn't cause any rashes or other similar skin issues. Will have to wait and see. The day should be ok as long as I can keep myself focused on my schoolwork. I am dreading another night in this cage though. I don't know if it will ever get easier since just thinking about it makes me hard and in pain. It is very hard to forget about it when you constantly feel it. I am hoping that since I got basically no actual sleep last night, tonight will be easier to sleep through. Only time will tell.

Locked up, Today is certainly an interesting day. I have been locked in my Chastity belt and have no idea when it is coming off. The key is locked in ice although i suppose it could be right next to me or not exist at all since it is not mine to use unless I am told I am allowed to. Master has not yet accepted me as his slave since I am not fully ready to submit fully yet the fear of failure is still too great. But I think the constant reminder of the device locked around my genitals will help me to beat the nasty habit of smoking I so desperately must quit to fully submit to his will. At this moment I feel so many emotions. Fear, of not being able to ejaculate for so long, of the pain the device will cause me, of failing. Excitement, for what this is a step towards, for what fun and new experience it will bring, for how much this will please those that I love and respect. Nervousness, of the unknown. It is all overwhelming and I will need time to settle down before I will be able to sleep. Right now all I want to do is call my dearest Sarah and express all these feelings to her. To tell her what has happened. But that cannot be tonight. She is getting sick and has gone to bed early and I do not want to wake her. Tomorrow it will have to wait until. So for now I am left alone with my thoughts.

Well not too much to say at this point that hasn't already been said but figured I would type up a quick entry. All is set up for what could be an excellent experience and I am very excited for it. That being said I am also very nervous about all this. I have tied a lot to this by including my girlfriend so intimately to it. To be the boyfriend that she wants I must succeed at being a good sub. That entails doing well in school, getting healthy by losing weight and quiting smoking. If I am able to succeed in this endevour I will basically succeed at life. I will be healthier happier, financially successful and have a beautiful girlfriend that is kinky and madly in love with me. I am not saying that this is my only chance at a good happy life but it certainly is a shot at that and I am feeling the pressure. It can be very scary to have so much on the line. So it is scary and exciting all at the same time. Anyways sorry for the boring entry but thats where I am at. Cheers

A merging of worlds Today was a really really great and interesting day. Today I told my girlfriend everything. She already knew most of it but I told her about a particular Dom that is considering me and we talked about how it could work for her, for me and for the Dom. It is all very exciting because this will now bring absolutely everything out into the open. I longer have anything to hide at all but also have nothing to hide behind. I stand her naked to the world. Scared...yes. Excited....yes. Where will this go what will happen? The road to self discovery is wide open. I love you Sarah with all my heart and cant believe how lucky I am to have found someone that not only will let me indulge in my kinky fetishes but wants to be a part of it. There will never be another like you. You are everything to me.

First doubts. Today I am starting to have my first real doubts about this. I am not really sure why that it is coming about now but I can not ignore it. I spoke with my girlfriend back east yesterday and although she said she was supportive of my kinks and all I did not really believe her. Although she said the words there was also suddenly this change in attitude from her with regards to actually being my Domme herself. She was much more open to the idea all of a sudden. Things I had thought were just not possible, based on her previous actions and thoughts, I was now a little ridiculous for assuming that. To be honest I really am not sure how to take it and get this feeling that she is silently trying to tell me no now. I suppose this is something that I should clarify with her but I am not sure how to bring it up. I love her dearly and want her to be happy. I do not want to it to be as if I am pressuring her into this because I have other options. That would not be a true D/s relationship and she would in the end not be happy with it. And this I would most certainly never be ok with. All this is so confusing to me. What is a boy to do..........

Plucking away Tonight definitely warrants a journal entry. I have been instructed by a certain Dom to do two things tonight. The first was easy. He wanted me to take a bunch of pictures of me naked and send them to him. This pictures are to serve as a point of reference. Pictures of me before my transformation into a proper slave. The second task for more challenging and rewarding is to pluck all the hair from my genitals with tweezers. This is taking a long time a few hours already and I have still much to do. It is a little painful but certainly bearable. It is like i am plucking away my manhood one hair at a time. Another couple hours and my cock and balls should be smooth and ready to be locked up in its cage where it belongs. I can't wait for that day when it is locked up. My thumb is also beginning to hurt from using the tweezers so much. It really is a lot of work to do this but I do it happily knowing it will please who I hope will be my Master one day soon. It looks a lot smoother already. I really hope he is pleased.

Caged for Fun So today I am feeling particularly aware of my submissive feelings. I have decided to wear my cage for the day and get used to this tighter ring. The old one I was using was much more comfortable but i was easily able to pull out of it which kind of defeats the purpose. So i will have to get used to this one. At least it will help me to learn to control my erections faster lol. I have pulled out the 4L jug of ice that i have frozen the key into. I am looking at it watching it sweat as the thought of not having access to the key makes me hard and in turn sweat a little as well from the pain in my groin. I look back and forth between the cage encasing my swollen now purple genitals and the key frozen in ice. I am tempted to snap the lock shut. This would keep me in chastity for at least 24 hours if I started to let the jug thaw now. To torture myself or not. The thought makes me even harder and hurt even more. I better stop typing now its hurting a lot and this isn't helping. bichastity4me

A Day of New Options Today was certainly an interesting day. A day that made my decision much more difficult. First a new option of a Domme who is located much closer to me than anyone else. And now I hear this evening from the couple that was looking for a sub. I hadn't talked to them in a few days and was beginning to wonder if they simply had been not interested. That certainly wasn't the case. Talked to the husband tonight that turned out to be a very funny fellow. I really liked him and his interests are really in tune with what I am looking for. He is really into chastity which is a must for me and has some very interesting ideas as to how I could be of service to him and his wife. There was even a proposal of some sort of sharing arrangement with another Dom. This sounds like a very exciting idea. I do not know how it will work out however. As exciting as it sounds to me there could be all kinds of problems with 2 Dom's sharing one sub. Especially since they do not know each other. So I will curb my enthusiasm for now. I am still no closer to selecting a Dom as I was at the start of the day. But I am that much more determined to find one and that much more determined to become a good servant, sub and maybe even a proper slave one day. bichasitty4me

This site really is fantastic. I can't believe how many possible Dom/mes there are out there close to me. I had been under the impression for years that all of the good ones lived far far away. And now within a few days I have already discovered many near me and even a few that require very careful consideration. Today another came out of the woodworks. This one is a particularly interesting prospect since it is the first of the female persuasion that has showed any real interest. In addition to that there is a possibility down the road of it evolving into more possibly even a polygamous household. I don't have the desire at least at this point to get myself into a live in situation or anything but the possibilities with this most recent option could be endless. It is certainly something worth some thought and I will be taking the time to get to know the possible Domme as best I can so as to make the most educated decision possible. It's all very exciting. Stay tuned to see what happens next! :)

Another night another entry It seems that I have found a Dom. I will not make that decision quite as of yet since there are still others to talk to but the more I speak with this Dom the more I think this one will truly be able to dominate me. He is kind and understanding when I ask questions or do not understand things but is firm with his rules and is quick to remind me what decisions are not mine to make. All this is very exciting and makes me want to jump right into it but I must wait. I must quit my filthy smoking habit before he will even consider taking me as a slave. This is very frustrating to me since I am willing to quit and want to succeed but I have done it before and know it is not easy and will take time. And even more time to be sure that have quit. I don't dare go to him early and say I am done with it only to slip up. This would be the fastest way to end any chance of a working D/s relationship. So I will work hard at this starting now and will try to fast track it as much as I can but I will have to be patient and do this right. Because this wait will be frustrating and seem to take forever but if I rush it and screw up I will have lost the opportunity forever. This I cannot live with and will not do. And so I wait, my unused chastity device a reminder of how much I want to be controlled and how much I want to be over smoking so that I can continue with that road. It is hard to say what is more frustrating. Being locked up and kept chaste or wanting to be locked up and not able to yet. For now I say waiting to be locked up but my tune may change after being locked up for a long time.

Dear Journal, This will be a short entry since there is not much new to report. I just felt like putting something down for myself. The more I talk to this Master the more afraid of him I become. As he reveals more and more of his methods or plans to me the more I want to run away. And yet I can't. At the same time as scaring me these things excite me. Something deep inside me screams out YES! This is the part of me that has brought me down this road in the first place. This is what kept bringing me back down this road further each time. As much as I try to push it away it pulls me in again. I am still not sure what it is that makes one submissive in nature. What drives someone like me to want to commit entirely to someone else's will. It could be a need for attention although it is certainly more then that. Maybe it is the need for validation. The need to be told they are doing good. Again it is so much more then that. Certainly there is a certain amount of security. To know all you have to do is do as you are told and everything will be ok. And yet again it is so much more then that. It is all those feelings but multiplied a thousand times over. It is a deep need to prove and feel I am willing to do anything for my Master. The desire to endure pain and humiliation to show to ones Master just how much you are committed to them and how much you want to please them no matter the cost. Paying that cost is not only something I am willing to do but something I want to do. Something I need to do. As my Master put it, it is not my decision to make. He couldn't be more right. It is simply something I just do. Interesting how I am already calling him my Master. I did not think about it, it just flowed naturally out of my mouth. Maybe I have already decided......Or maybe the decision was never mine to make. It simply was just the way it has to be.

Another update on my search for a Master. The field has been narrowed down to two possible choices once again. One of the possible Masters has for all intensive purposes withdrawn his offer. I spoke with him this morning and we briefly discussed if I had made a choice as to who would be the best choice to give myself to. After explaining I had spoken with one of the other options I told him how impressed I was with this particular Masters knowledge of chastity and the commitment of a slave. I do not know if he thought I had already made up my mind or felt that he was just not able to be as good a Master as someone who knew as much as this other person did. Either way he told me I would be better off with this other Master and went offline. I hope I did not disappoint him terribly he seems like he would be a very good Master for someone. It may have worked out but I do feel this other Master would be more compatible with my needs and I will be able to serve him better. Alas the search continues. It is a difficult decision I will have to make soon and I hope I make the right one.

There are now 3 possible Masters that may be interested in dominating me. I have spoken extensively with one of them and am very impressed with what I am hearing from him. The other two I am still waiting to talk to more to see what it is they would expect out of me. The first is the most confident of them all. He has a great grasp on what the commitment of chastity means and how powerful it can be. He really is secure in his role as the dominant one and would be a very strict and demanding master but he is also realistic and would be fair and encourage openness and honesty. I really respect him as a person and a Master. The second is a much older man that lives closer to me. He is a very gentle and understanding type of Master. Maybe too soft. I really do feel I need a strong and strict Master that really knows how to take control. I can have a very strong personality and feel I would run the risk of dominating from the bottom if the Master was not firm enough. I will have to talk to him more to determine exactly what his style and tastes are. The third and possibly most interesting is a couple. They are also looking for a slave that would see to their every need. To pamper them, obey them and do many things such as chores around the house. This is however only based on their profile and I have yet to truly discover what it is they are after. I have spoken with them the least and am really interested to see exactly what it is they would expect to get out of this sort of relationship. And so I get ready for bed thoughts of what could be swirling through my head. I want to commit immediately but know I should weigh my options carefully before committing to anything. This is possibly the most important decision I have ever made. It certainly is the most exciting. I can't wait to be locked up and controlled. Good night A/all. :)

Dear Journal, I may have found myself a Dom. I just started looking on this site today and I can't believe that I had a response so quickly. I am tingling with anticipation. I am nervous and aroused all at the same time. I want to run away but can't. I want to masturbate but I want him to lock my cock up forever. It's such an interesting feeling. Contradicting myself at every turn. Deep down though I know this is what I want. He has already asked me to freeze the key to my chastity device in ice so it will be out of my hands. I wonder when he will ask me to lock myself in the device. I wonder if he even will. He sais he is still deciding on whether to take me as his slave. And so I wait as the ice freezes I sit here and wonder what the future will bring. Will he take me as a slave? Will he lock me up in the device? How long will he keep me locked up? What else will he ask of me? Will I be strong enough to be a good slave? Only time will answer these questions. I hope there is much pain and pleasure in my future. I hope to be the best slave I can be.

I never really have kept a journal but since I am trying to really get involved in this site I am going to try and keep some journal entries I hope people will enjoy and give them a better insight to who I am and what I am all about. I must admit I have had a hard-on since I joined this sight and this is just from filling out my profile and searching other peoples profiles for possible Dom/mmes in my area. The thought of finding some to collar me cage my cock and own me simply excites me to no end. I have long desired to serve someone unquestionably. From exciting things like giving sexual pleasure in whatever way they wish to mundane day to day things like doing housework they should not have to do. I feel that submissives like me were born to serve. We are here to serve those that were created to lead. Those dominant superior beings that are above us slaves and should not have to be bored with remedial tasks like doing the laundry and cleaning the house.Furthermore I feel their pleasure is paramount and I derive my pleasure from serving them and pleasing them. Perhaps not everyone agrees with my assessment but i know deep down inside of me I was meant to serve in this manner.

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