As I've realized and come to understand that I am bisexual (well bi-curious at least) and submissive I've considered what might have played into it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing nurture vs. nature or saying that being bisexual, gay, transgender or any of that is a choice. I guess I'm just wondering what guide and affected our sexualities as adults.

I tend to overanalyze things and as a feminine, bi-curious, bottom just saying "That's just the way I am" has never seemed quite right.

For me, my interest in men and submitting to them is tied to gender roles and what boys and men deal with every day.

I've always been much closer to women and always connected better with my female friends than male friends. And as a short, skinny, emotional, and in some ways fragile, boy I just kind of aligned a bit more with feminine characteristics and women.

Needless to say, in the competitive world of boys and men this hasn't been a big advantage. Growing up I was an easy target to be made fun of for all the typical reasons. The girls I was attracted to went for the same guys teasing me. In college it was somewhat the same thing. My big crush became my best friend and confided in me later on that she thought I was gay when we met. And the business world seems to be a continuation of the playground where confidence, brashness and other typically masculine traits are rewarded.

I'm not trying to sound like I'm complaining, I've led a pretty great life. However, I do feel like these things have affected my sexuality. I would always have been bisexual, and probably always a bottom. But a lot of what I seek is almost experiencing what a woman does. Feeling what it's like to be penetrated and in a lot of ways understanding what my close female friends have experienced. Beyond my own pleasure it is a way to connect to something very feminine.

And as a bottom/submissive it's almost like I'm no longer trying to compete with the alpha male types who have gotten the better of me for a lot of my life. Instead I'm giving into them, offering myself to them and being a partner instead of a weaker rival. A part of me longs for that peace of just saying "OK, you win. I can't compete with you in a lot of these things. But let me show you what I CAN do." Pleasing them and submitting to them is almost a way of becoming an equal or at least removing the direct comparison.

Anyway, that's a bit of what I've tried to suss out in myself and my own feelings of my sexuality. As someone very new to accepting this and having experienced really none of it I can't say any of this with much authority.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts!