7/28/2010 9:54:33 PM: Too much running through my head right now.  Too many deaths at Home.  Too many tragedies to deal with alone.  Seems like yesterday that Lord Dan gave me my first taste of a single tail, telling me how impressed He was that i didn't code out oh Him even when He pulled out the chainmail whip lol.  Feels like He just gave me one of those hugs that only He can give, telling me how nice it is to see me, giving my hair a tug, and commenting on how much He loved the perfumed oil that i always wear.  His smile was infectious, His energy so absorbing, His laughter (even the evil one) always lifted you higher each time you heard it.  He was always willing to give advice, help out anyone who asked/needed it.  He was a beacon in the community, the void that His loss has created is one that will never truly be filled.  Hard to believe these are all memories now, never to be felt or heard again.  John Cougar with His wicked sense of humor, always willing to chat and share the newest evil goodies He was making for all of us to enjoy.  The Lair is going to have an empty spot where His table always stood, with John close by, oh how i will miss His face when i come to the club. Too many senseless deaths, too short a time period.  Packman, John Cougar, Lord Dan, John @ Passive Arts.  i feel so disconnected, so out of touch.  How do you say goodbye from 3000 miles away?  i don't know.  It all feels so surreal, so unbelievable.  i sit and i read all the wonderful posts across all the boards, see how the community is pulling together during this time of such tragedy and i am so proud to call the LA Community my Home.  The memories of these wonderful Men will live on through every life that They touched, whether it be as a Brother, Friend, Master, Mentor, Daddy or just casual acquaintance.  Words escape me, tears flow with no one around to understand.  i'm lost, missing home, feeling helpless.  How can i be of help to those that i know who are surviving these losses?  How do i truly be the friend that a friend needs during these times when i'm so far away?  How do i say goodbye?  i'm rambling, i'm sorry.  i just don't know how to deal with so much by myself.  Had a death here in PA as well.  Learned of it 2 minutes before i learned of Lord Dan.  i'm in a tail spin and this is the only way i know to get some of it out. To all who are suffering from the loss of these dear Men, my heart goes out to you.  Please know that the love and memories along with the help of friends can and will get you through this terrible time.  Each and everyone one of you are in my thoughts and prayers.  i will be lighting candles for each of these Men. Blessed Be

1/23/2010 7:26:48 PM: Well its now 2010 and  things sure have changed since my last journal entry.  We have been living in PA for a little over a year now and STILL haven't made it to any events out here.  Life just gets crazy sometimes.  Mac and i are both working full time, different shifts of course, so we aren't home at the same time much anymore.  Kinda sucks but we try and make the most of the little time we do have together.  We still miss our CA BDSM Family TONS and any of you that read my journal, WE LOVE YOU and MISS YOU all terribly!!  We hope to come visit as soon as we both have vacation time, but i may be able to make it out for a long weekend sometime this spring.  Other than things have been pretty "normal" around here, other than i have spent the majority of 2010 sick LOL  But i'm on the mend and should be back to 100% of my impish self in no time LOL.  i'll try and use this journal more often, but only if there is something fun or worthwhile to talk about.  i hate typing about nothing lolHope everyone has a Blessed 2010 and it brings the best to You and Yours.xoxo   imp

9/26/2008 11:11:51 AM: Well i certainly haven't posted in a while have i? lol  Things have been pretty busy and will be for quite a while.  i have started college and am going for a psychology degree.  It's only my second semester, so i have a ways to go but it's all worth it.                                                                                                                                     Mac and i are making a cross-country move to PA next month, and i am happy to say that darch_chylde is going with us.  Although we will eventually be moving back home to CA, it is going to be several years before that happens.  i am hoping to transfer to Penn State once i am finished with all my gen ed classes and so is Mac.  Once He is finished with school and my youngest is old enough to decide if she wants to move back here with us, we will make the journey home.  i have learned a lot and grown during my time here in CA and i will miss the only true Family i have ever known, but we will be back for visits which will make my time with them even more special.                                                                                                                               Instead of an inspirational story, this time i am going to close this blog with some of my favorite quotes that seem to be fitting for everything that is going on.  i hope you all enjoy.                                                                                                                                                                                                                               "Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal.  My strength lies soley in my tenacity." ~ Louis Pasteur                                                                                                                                                                                               "We find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer or goals to achieve." ~ Maxwell Maltz                                                                                                                                                                                           "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." ~ George Burns                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "Family isn't about whose blood you have.  It's about who you care about." ~ Trey Parker and Matt Stone

8/3/2007 8:09:47 AM: Definitely worth the read....Your Bank Account... A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. 'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. 'Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. 'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.' Remember the five simple rules to be happy:1. Free your heart from hatred.2. Free your mind from worries.3. Live simply.4. Give more.5. Expect less.

7/11/2007 9:40:25 AM: Lift the fog Negative thoughts fog your thinking and your perception. With each doubt, with each frustration, with each fear the fog grows heavier. After a while, it becomes difficult to see how to move forward. And that just makes the fog even thicker. The fog of negative thinking prevents you from seeing and acting on your best possibilities. Instead of focusing on moving forward, you're able only to give your attention to the petty distractions of the moment. There is something, though, that will burn off that fog. It is determined, passionate, meaningful intention. Give your energy to positive purpose, and the fog will begin to lift. Then step confidently through what's left of the fog, and you'll quickly leave it behind. At times it may seem that there's no escaping the fog of your negative thoughts, yet at any time you can choose to be free. Fill your spirit with true purpose, and your best possibilities will come clearly into view. -- Ralph Marston