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In the literature I?m reading it says that a single heterosexual male interested in the BD/SM Lifestyle has a better chance of finding a vanilla partner and introducing them to the scene. This introduction needs to be slow and catered to the personality of his friend. How does a single heterosexual man who is interested in certain proclivities and with no practical experience introduce a female to BD/SM?? I guess the answer lays in the vanilla coupling. In Vanilla encounters someone always initiates and the other person is receptive to his/her advances. |
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To switch or not to switch that is the question? Some experienced practitioners believe that you have to be either a dominant or a submissive and feel that people who identify themselves as switches are just confused about their personality and/or sexuality. I believe just the opposite, people who believe that they are one or the other are missing the other side of the coin. I agree with Jay Wiseman (SM 101), people in the Lifestyle are not 100% dom or 100% sub they are a combination of the two. The combination can take varying degrees or ratios e.g. 50%D/50%s or 75%D/25%s! How can you be a good dominant without first experiencing being submissive or even visa versa? Each side of a BD/SM persons personality augments the other, given that someone new should be introduced to the lifestyle in which ever personality trait they feel most comfortable. |
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I haven't written in my journal for awhile and I believe I know why. I periodically go through periods in my life where I don't act on my desires either vanilla or Kink! I usually think about what excites me, just don't explore these thoughts. Exploration can take some basic forms; reading liturature about the subject, observing erotic imagery, fantasizing about a particular sexual act, experimenting with a partner or masterbation. All the above can be taken individually or in combination. If feel that this period went on a little longer than usual because of my family issues earlier in the month. I have my head on straighter ( no pun intended ) and am ready to continue my journey! |
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I have been a little apathetic for the past couple of days as to weather or not I will find a dominant lady to help me in my exploration of the lifestyle. This apathy I believe stems from a recent encounter with a family member. Issues that I dealt with many years ago were brought to light again because of this encounter. The resolution I found to these issues became even clearer with my introspection and self actualization. Because I have a more clearer view of myself, my search for what I desire continues with more enthusiasm. |
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Sub fever is the strong physical urge to experience submission without preparing oneself mentally and emotionally for a D/s relationship. The physical urge is still there but the mental (knowledge) and emotional (spiritual) aspects, at least for now, are taking precedent over the physical (libido). |
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Jay Wiseman?s (SM 101) thought is that there maybe a connection between the sexual arousal section and the anger (domination) section and the fear (submission) section of the Limbic system of the brain As a would be scientist I find Mr.Wiseman?s thought intriguing to pounder. The human body is a complex piece of machinery with that being said who is to say that the brains of non-sm people and the brains of sm people are created a little different. |
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Before I started to explore the BD/SM lifestyle I felt that my desires were abnormal and tried to push them back because I was almost horrified that I had thoughts of D/s. I felt like I was so different from everybody else, I thought it was just a phase and I would grow out of it. Well I didn?t (thankfully) and even though I am just beginning my journey I have learned that I am normal, I just have a different way of expressing love! |
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I read without safty there can be no true submission. Without feeling totally safe with a dominant person you wouldn't give your gift of submission at least not fully. If not fully then why, neither will get what they are hoping to find. |
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Thinking how vanilla coupling and Kink coupling can be related and not necessarily exclusive. Each has elements of the other. |
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I wrote this down last night, just wasn't in the internet mood. "Given the varying degrees of kink in relationships, I would always want to involve the Vanilla intimacy. I feel that there needs to be chemistry between two people if a D/s relationship is going to work." To what degree of kink I want in a relationship, the jury is still out. |
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Haven't heard from my mistress friend for a few days, hope she is doing well and there are no problems.
I've been reading about absolute D/s, I guess that is like a 24/7 relationship. I don't want a 24/7 deal but I look foward to reading more about it. |
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Working on my list of desires and wants has helped me start to determine my limits. My list is far from complete. The only thing I am sure about is with experience my list will expand. |
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How can I know my limits without experience; with my high tolerance for pain, it can be hard to determine them. I talked to my mistress friend and the subject came up about bondage furniture. Now I see any piece of vanilla furniture and think how I can best be presented to a mistress. |
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My goal or desire, as a submissive is to be able to give myself over physically and emotionaly to my mistress. The spiritual componant of my submission is still being explored. I hope to one day trust someone enough to give her that gift. |
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Thinking about my choice to explore the lifestyle. I asked myself a ?. Were did my desire to be dominated come from? I think that being introverted for so long I got used to doing as I was told and it made me happy to complete a task for other people especially women.. |
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I talked to a Misstress friend last nite about how to address and ask questions of a Dome. She gave me examples and I repeated them, she asked "what do you say questions". When I answered correctly I felt a since of accomplishment or if i answered incorrectly she continued untill I got it right. This protocal of obedience seems to fit my personality. |
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To submit to someone even if you have the desire to can challenge and streach your belief system. When you relinquish control of your body and mind to a mistress will you loose yourself in her or will she help you on the path to self descovery? |
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I feel that since I am actively pursuing my interests in the lifestyle that I have less stress in my vanilla life. I guess that when you deny your self of what you trully want it will eventually cause problems no matter how subtle. |
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I am a little scared to continue to exlore this lifestyle. I don't know were to begin. It seems I want to try everything but don't even know what my limits are. I have chosen to walk this lifestyle path and there is no turning back. The only thing I know is not wanting to turn back! The dominant woman asked me what most I would like to try first? I had to think a little but it didn't take me very long. I Indicated spanking! |
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I have met a woman who is a subscriber to this site. She is very experienced and has a lot of Knowlege about the lifestyle. I am excited to have found a dominant who is willing to train me! We are just getting to know one another through e-mail and IM, I have my fingers crossed. Our interists in the lifestyle seem to coinside and in the short time we have known each other, I have already embraced some new lifestyle interests. I'm glad she likes to recieve massages. |
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Hello, I am a grad student studying education. I am layed back and enjoy new experiences. I like to travel even though my schedule is quite full. My friends say that I am comical and have a magnetic personality. I like meeting new people and learning about life through their experiences. My phylosophy is that living is to important to take seriously. |
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