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| I hunger to belong to only One. To be her owned object. I am a sado-masochist first and a fetishist second. The question I seek to answer is not "What am I?" The question I seek to answer is "Whose am I?" More accurately: In whose service will I exist?"
Sadism is to discipline as diamonds are to coal. Humiliation can be subtle or blatant, private or public. The woman I seek enjoys inflicting pain.
I've sought out, wallowed in fetish all my adult life. I wank to it, mostly. Being bright but nerdy the "mean girls" early took my measure. Teasing from my chums I shrugged off but I gradually discovered I enjoy women humiliating me. My social history is most often being the male confidant but seldom the stud fucking her.
The longing to do, to be her owned object has been there from the beginning. I've had precious few opportunities. I've had years to ponder it. I do know the difference between scripted, play acting sadism and real sadism. Between real sadism and abuse. Thank you LBD.
By owned object I mean honoring my One to the fullest of my ability at all times and in all places. I do not mean only when the weather is fair and the task is fun.
I crave to be in communion with my One. Emotional, intellectual, spiritual. OUt of scene I hope for your respect and love. Will strive to be worthy. Communion precedes real sadism. Real sadism deepens and perfects communion.
Thank you to friends who illuminate my path. The teacher is there when the student is ready to learn.
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