|
|
|  | |
|
|
|
|
|
hello everyone, I don't know if i should say i am new to this or not, I guess i am, i met someone a few years ago that got me involved lightly in the lifestyle, but i haven't seen her for awhile, and now i am re exploring things and hoping to met new people and continue my journey. I'm not sure which part of this life i fit into but i;m willing to explore and learn if people are willing to teach and have some patience. I am recovering from a severe work injury to my knee, so there are alot of things i can't do just yet, but I hope that will not prevent me from getting to know some people and exploring some into what to me is a fascinating and exciting way to live. So don't be afraid to contact me, and please forgive me in advance for any breech of protocol I might make, as i am still learning.
|
|
|
|
|
Yay for me, I think my webcam is finally working |
|
|
|
|
I am curious as to when the title Sadist, and Asshole, became sononimous. Hiding behind the title of sadist does not give you the right or justifaction to just be a plain dick, weather you're male or female. And then you self professed Dom/me "Sadists" whine about no one being for real. How pathetic. Submission comes through trust, trust is not a given, it must NEVER be a given...it must be earned from both Dominant and submissive, only then does the relationship achieve it's true potential...anything else is just abuse. |
|
|
|
|
Now I begin to see the frustration and disdain expressed by people who are searching here in a better light. I should have caught it, I'm smarter than that. Three different profiles with the almost exact same description, same age, same ethnicity, even similar sounding screen names. I should have caught it and I didn't...until today. I got my hopes up and now they are dashed once more. It's sad really, to think that people do that, and string others along for thier own amuesement. I could type out the screen names, but i am not going to stoop to that level. write me and ask if you want them, good luck in everyone's continuing quests for fulfillment, just make sure to be careful who you turn to for it. |
|
|
|
|
I have to wonder why it is that people have to resort to name calling and claiming that others are fakes or not "For Real" when they are turned down by said people. The situation doesn't matter, Dom/mes turning down subs or vice versa, it doesn't mean that the person who rejected you is a fake or a fraud or not for real, whatever the hell that is supposed to even mean. Grow up and accept that they simply were not interested in what you had to offer, it's not personal, hell they don't even know you aside from a profile on CM. |
|
|
|
|
thinking of going out to the BDSM shop today and having a look around, maybe picking up a book or two, or some toys, any reccomendations? |
|
|
|
|
Made it through winter quarter with solid grades again, but had some issues that forced me to take spring quarter off. Looking forward to summer when I can go back to class. In the meantime, concentrating on losing more weight and trying to get back into shape despite the bad knee...any trainers want to help? |
|
|
|
|
THank God finals week is OVER, no more classes till January, Hope everyone has a good christmas and New Years. |
|
|
|
|
If you'e going to post fake pictures on your profile, at least have the good sense to crop out the copywriting at the bottom or on the side. It's called photo shop idiots. Bad enough you insult our intelligence with web pics to begin with, but at least act like you really want to fool someone. |
|
|
|
|
People are unworthy of trust |
|
|
|
|
How is it that so many of the tops and Dommes i see here have so many complaints about no one real, and yet when a polite, inquisitive ,honest person sends a note or mail they can't even respond, even to say no thank you? They think They are jaded, try it from this side. |
|
|
|
|
How i wish I could find someone in columbus i could have for a mentor into this lifestyle... i'm still trying to discover how i fit in...i know it's how i want to love, but the details and the connection is what i really need. |
|
|
|
|
ever had a week where your life just sucked? |
|
|
|
|
Straight A's my first quarter back...guess the only cerbrum is still functional afterall. Here's another musing from me on the subject of "ProDommes" again. Men men men, when the hell are you going to wake up and realize that in the United states, women outnumber us by a minimum of 3 to 1 in every state in the union? In many states that number is significantly higher, and yet I see men fall into the con of tributing for time. WTF is wrong with you? In some european contries that ratio is higher than 10 to 1, and yet still you fall for this. Wake up. |
|
|
|
|
Ok all you "Professional Dominants"... whare's your license certifying you as a professional? I am a professional HVAC technician...I have a dozen certifications and licenses...I have a license to drive...a license to carry a firearm... where's your professional license to Dom/me? Don't try to extort money from me without showing me some proof of your so-called professional status. |
|
|
|
|
Finals next week... my first quarter back to school is almost in the bag... hard part's done, bow it's just maintaining. |
|
|
|
|
Almost through my first quarter back in school, it's been alot better than i expected, and i am registered for my next quarter already as well. I have my ticket for COPE but still no one to go with, but I think i will go anyway. I was looking through profiles today as i am getting ready for class and stumbled across something i thought i should write about. I saw a profile of a couple searching for a live in and they requested height weight proportionate, and yet the picture they posted showed each of them to be significantly out of shape. Then they were wondering why they hadn't met anyone after their long search... Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that people are seeing their hypocrisy and aren't responding. |
|
|
|
|
Another "Professional female dominant" lol Ever notice no man ever claims that title? Or has the gall to charge for his services, You so called pro dommes are pathetic. I have zero respect for you personally or "Professionally". It's quite sad actually, that you feel you have to extorte men to make yourself feel better, and the idiots that pay you are just as sad. |
|
|
|
|
Came through my first day at class alot better than i expected to, instructor is great, not one of those math snobs like i was afraid of, i'm actually looking forward to continuing now. |
|
|
|
|
Finally, after 3 years of arguing, pleading, fighting, cajoling, lawyers, and court hearings paperwork and grief, classes start monday. Back to school, and finally forward with life. Yay me! lol |
|
|
|
|
Bought my ticket for COPE in September, don't know if i will work up the courag to play or not, but at least it's progress. |
|
|
|
|
Well, here i am again, summer is upon me once more, and at least this time things seem to be moving in the right direction. I am finally registered for my first quarter of classes at college to start learning a new set of job skills. Who knows, maybe i will make some new friends at school. I feel my injury getting stronger, it's easier to walk, it's easier to do some of the things i couldn't do as little as 3 months ago, so another positive sign. I am even considering getting a ticket for COPE this year. It would be my first event, but i'd end up going alone likely as not. I guess i will think about it for awhile and see. Anyone have any thoughts about weather or not i should go? |
|
|
|
|
I find myself somewhat confused again about life in general. Things personally have turned some, and though there is still a long road ahead of me, at least i feel like i am moving forward on it finally, instead of just staring at it, lol. I still don't feel like a normal person yet, i'm still forced to live at home with mom, as the money from disability hasn't allowed me to be fully independant yet. And i haven't really been able to persue my exploration deeper into this lifestyle, because i am not sure exactly what i am. I am trying to reach out to people once more, and re-discover the connections that can exsist between people in a solid healthy relationship. i admit up front that i am slightly limited physically, and i am honest about my curiosity and confusion, as well as my inexperience, apparently that's not enough anymore, so what does it take? |
|
|
|
|
Ah well, here it is...Spring has sprung in ohio it seems, the air is warmer, the sun is bright, all things renewing...it's a season that still gives me hope, despite the mess my life has been. Maybe more so now than anything, as i FINALLY recieved the good news. My disability from social security was approved, so my financial worries have eased considerably, and more than that, with them on board, the vocational re-training company i have been working with will fund my college 100% minus my grant and scholarship, so i don't need to take any loans if i choose not to. Happy days. I admit to being somewhat nervous about going back to school again, perhaps more so than the last time, last time i was essentially studying things i already knew, now it is a whole new course. I guess i will see where this takes me. My knee feels better than it has in quite awhile, I may even be ready to tackle the gym again and shed some of this weight. Wish me luck, I am starting again. |
|
|
|
|
Another quiet weekend... i barely left the house. i did have a nice solo dinner sunday afternoon.... i love sushi, but i ate too much with no one to share it with. This mess with worker's comp and now BVR that i am embrolied in is making me tired... i have done all the things i am supposed to do on my end and then some, and STILL they argue and delay and are generally unhelpful. i haven't even been to a local gathering in months... i don't socalize much... i feel cut off and alone and i don't know how to change it anymore... ah well, back to the gym again i guess. |
|
|
|
|
I guess I am still having problems coming to terms with this whole Pro Domme thing. Pampering a woman is of course a natural and expected thing from a male sub or slave, but demanding money merely to be in her presence? Maybe I am too independant for my own good, but it's something I can't understand. I would think that a male sub who is willing to surrender that sense of control and to give completely of himself would be something to be treasured and cherished, not just a atm machine with feet. Given the patriarchial society we live in... finding submissive males who go against the grain so to speak isn't as easy as one might think. I don't know... maybe it's just me, maybe I just can't get my head around the idea... ah well, it's just another of lifes mysteries for me to explore and hopefully unravel. Merry CHristmas to everyone, and a Happy Kinky New Year as well. |
|
|
|
|
Tuesday... another day, another workout... at least it seems to be finally showing. |
|
|
|
|
Another Monday...another week begun... off to the gym i go again. HAve a great week all. |
|
|
|
|
Ok then, my curiosity and puzzlement aout something have led me to decide to post a comment about it that will likely see me bombasted by hateful responses from the few that choose to read my journals, but i can't remain silent about it anymore.
It has come to my attention that more than 75% of all the FemDommes on here list themselves as Pro or financial... why is it so out of proportion? I have yet to see or meet a single male Dom who charges lol. Are male subs that stupid? or desperate? Or are female Dommes of this nature just so arrogant that they assume men will do anyhting for a moment of their time? Including drain their wallets and bank accounts dry? That's not D/s, that's money grubbing and gold digging... and that's pretty sad. Using your so called station as a DOmme, or hiding your greed and desperation for money behind that title gets you zero respect from me, and zero dollars too. I have yet to see a male Dominant who feels it neccessary to charge an hourly... that's prostitution without the sex. I will admit that there are rare situations where the power exchange dynamic may be enhanced by that sort of play... but not at the onset of the relationship. I guess I chalk it up as one thing more about people that I can't get my head around. I don't know who i have more sympathy for... the poor dumb schmucks who fall for this sort of crap, or the wanna be pathetic Dommes who are so arrogant as to feel that this is the only way they can feel good about themselves. |
|
|
|
|
Off to Outland tonight... everyone be safe and have a good weekend. |
|
|
|
|
Somedays i really hate my life... then there's the few days that aren't so bad... |
|
|
|
|
Ok, now i'm kind of curious... if a peron presents themselves as potentially submissive to another, and that other seems interested in persuing that dynamic, does that mean that the potential sub is supposed to become a mind reader? Oh yeah, and i missed going out on Halloween cause my injured knee gave out on me at the gym... ah well, maybe next year. |
|
|
|
|
Remember remember, the fifth of November... any other history people out there know why? Some movie fans might know too lol. |
|
|
|
|
Off to the gym... I hate having a permenant injury, this sucks lol. Ah well, as i work and the sweat flows, it helps me forget, and it helps me remember... i reforge my physical and mental selves in the fire of my own willpower... so off the the races again. |
|
|
|
|
Now i begin to understand the lack of honesty that i find prevelant on this site. Meet someone, check. Establish communications, check. Develop a mutual interest, check. Open up and express interests and uncertainties honestly to that person, che- hey wait that's not what they wanted, so instead of an honest response, and a possible learning and growing experience, all communications are severed. i don't and won't ever name names, because that sort of finger pointing and outing is uncouth and childish, it's the 3 year old throwing a tantrum, or the 16 year old high schooler telling lies to salvage their pride after a break up, it is beneath me as an adult and a person. i guess my continued progress into this lifestyle is bound to run into these sort of situations, and i hope that i can maintain the dignity and poise to simply move on. Again i wish everyone good luck and success in their respective searches. |
|
|
|
|
Now I know i am new, new to the lifestyle, new to the site, and new to the experiences that this life can pffer, but when did it become acceptable to masqarade being an egotistical self centerd stuck up asshole behind the title of Dom/me? Yes that applies to females too, bitch is too common a turn, and can actually have a positive connotation among the people in this lifestyle. Professing your complete lack of caring about anything a person says or does and how much better than them you are does NOT make you dominant in my mind, it makes you an egotistical prick that i wouldn't trust with my t.v. remote, let alone my flesh and life. athis sorry state of affairs has clearly led to the downfall of this lifestyle, what happened to power exchange? mental bondage?, being able to win someones mind and having their flesh willingly follow? I think some of these self styled Dom/mes didn't get enough love as children, and now are determined to repay it in kind to unsuspecting subs and slaves. Do they honestly think that sadist is an excuse to simply abuse? Pain for pain's sake is abuse, not submission, and any Dom/me who believes otherwise is a fool not worthy of the title or the respect it should carry, which is I suppose why it carries FAR less weight than it once might have, particularly on this site. I scroll through these profiles of hate and self loathing and i feel honestly scared for the people who respond to them. Don't let a mask of twisted belief and an attempt at written prose throw aside your own instinct for self preservation. These people are not Dominants, they are abusers and thieves, and the thing they want is your dignity and self respect as a submissive, don't give it them out of a sense of loneliness or desperation, be patient and find your match, and they will never ever put their desires above the saftey of their cherished pet... after all, who would they control if we didn't exsist? |
|
|
|
|
I am So jazzed, outland is open again!! YAY!!! lol, i made my first trip to the new location tonight, what a great time, the new place is awesome, the music is great, and the people are way cool as always. If your in COlumbus, it's worth a saturday night to go check it out. |
|
|
|
|
i love the fake profiles and scammers... god are they entertaining... white girls pictures trying to pass off as native american, asain, and black... e-mails with false flag yahoo names that lead to bots... it's so much fun to see how much effort they put in to trying to get your credit card numbers, but how little they put in to the fake profile that is supposed to get you to give it up in the first place. Do these really think we are that dumb? or desperate? I've been witn a minimum of human contact for almost 2 years now and I see throught this stuff in an instant... |
|
|
|
|
Yay physical therapy in an hour... not. Only one more week until my functional capacity eval... then i guess i find out if any of this work has been worth the effort |
|
|
|
|
There are some very odd people in this world...there truly are. I wonder at someone who claims several years in this lifestyle, from whatever perspective they may be, and has someone "under consideration" after being on the site for less than 24 hours... this smacks of unsafe to me. I would never consider myself under consideration in such a short length of time, no matter how desperate. Let me repeat that... Desperate. TO consider giving yourself to that extent to someone you have known for an hour or two? How insane is that? When the police have to dumpster dive to retreive your body, i hope that someone somewhere learns a lesson from it. I have never even bought a car in that space of time... or a major home applicance. And you want to surrender your control of your life to someone in that space of time? There are some things I just can't understand. |
|
|
|
|
Happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me, lol who am i kidding |
|
|
|
|
 Bad day today... can't really say why though. Listless, down, just generally not enjoying life. Tried to go to the gym, as that usually helps, barely got through the doors. My birthday is tommorrow and i am dreading it... another year gone to this mess my life has been since my injury. I so thought i would be past this thing by now. None of my so called friends even remember it either, man this sucks. |
|
|
|
|
been browsing profiles today, some very interesting ones that i have seen too. I guess mine isn't so interesting because i never get any mail, unless it's a bot or a scam pretty much, or unless i send it out first, then occasionally i get a reply. How depressing that is to me anymore, to think that i get no validation even here. I don't thinki'm a bad guy, i'm new to the scene, yes, but everyone was once, i am uinsure of my place as well, which i tend to think puts me in the switch/sub/slave catagories someplace, as every dominate i have ever spoken to or met has never really displayed doubt as to thier position. i'm willing to learn and explore, if someone has the patience to give me an opportunity, so i wonder why no one seems even remotely interested, maybe time will tell. |
|
|
|
|
well hello again to all who have read this, it has been a few months since i last wrote anything in this journal, and a few months since i visited this site, which hasn't been the norm for me. I have not involved myself in any lifestyle activities, or even been to a simple mixer since then. I have, been searching. For what? I'm not sure, because i haven't found it yet, so the search continues, i have found a small measure of tranquility in my turmoil, and a bit of renewed determination to rebuild my life, but still I find myself without direction or goal. At least goal beyond the obvious one of getting clear of this injury with as much of my old self back as i can find. Physically as well as every other way. I find it odd that I can confess these things among strangers, and yet most of the people that are supposed to be close to me either don't know, or don't care that I have been and am going through this difficulty of adjustment in my life. I sometimes feel like a ghost walking through the world, or it's as if I exsist in some kind of vacum, or bubble that prevents me fom being seen or heard by those around me. Perhaps this will change in time, or perhaps i need a new direction and focus. Maybe involviong myself deeper into this lifestyle will be it, but I do know now that i cannot know unless i try, and I must remain open to new possibilities and opportunities, so that is the effort i intend to make. Good luck to all, and enjoy your journies. |
|
|
|
|
I have done alot of stupid things in my life.... but I've never been a thief or a Liar or a coward, there's nothing I couldn't face, nothing I couldn't handle... until now. The injury I suffered in 2007 continues to linger... pain, loss of strength, lack of mobility, sleepless nights rage, fear, anxiety, I never looked at myself prior to this without respect. The same respect I gave to myself I was always willing to give to others that earned it. Simply calling yourself a Master or Mistress is in no way earning it... word and deed are what earn these things, These days however I tend to look at myself with anger and pity, mixed with a large amount of self loathing for what I have become. I am afraid... afraid of myself, afraid to live, afraid to be.... I think my journey to self rediscovery is not one that can be made under the guidance of another... advice, or even a small bit of encouragment, absolutely... but ultimately this is a new journey I must take alone... I need to rediscover myself and my own inner peace and joy. To anyone who has or may write to me, thank you for your words, good or bad, as they prove that i don't exsist in a vacum. Good luck to all. |
|
|
|
|
I wonder when it became the norm to disregard all forms of common courtesy in the world. It seems to be particularly pervalent among lifestyle people i have come to notice. If someone takes the time to write a polite, well phrased, honest, articulate message to someone on site, that expresses some genuine interest or concern, and if you take the time to read said well written message, shouldn't a response be in order? even a brief acknowledgement of it's reception followed by a not interested would be something. Please note that i am not writing this in deferance to the drooling idiotic bow down and whorship my feet letters that apparently get posted to people on here by total strangers, or the please own and beat me even though i don't know your name letters that also seem to be prevelant. But if someone takes the time to be honest polite and sincere don't you owe them a touch of respect in return?, afterall Dom/me or sub, Master or slave, we are all still people. |
|
|
|
|
Yay more physical therapy today... and do i get to come home and relax afterward? Nope... self imposed domestic service this afternoon, laundry, dishes vacuming, and i hafta prep dinner too, busy busy me... i do actually kind of enjoy it though, sorta makes you wonder about my place in the grand scheme of things huh? lol well back to work. |
|
|
|
|
I went and finally talked to a tattoo artist i know today about the design I want... hopefully i will be able to finally get it started next week, other than that a quiet week so far, i was going to go to catacombs tonight, but i missed it so I am going to go saturday I think. |
|
|
|
|
 Yay sunshine, outdoors, warm weather, FISHING SEASON!!!!! Even the sunburn from 3 days on the lake is pleasant Ha Ha, cause it let's me know that the warmth and the light have returned |
|
|
|
|
 I got the most crass e-mail on here today, with no preamble at all, not even a nod in my direction, someone asked me if a friend of mine that was in a photo with me was single, lmao. Can that be believed? no introduction, no hi how are you, not even a excuse me i was wondering, nothing, wtf am I a matchmaking site? I won't post said persones name on this entry, but they were blocked, and the pic was removed, no free gawking at my friends who are better looking than me lol. |
|
|
|
|
Another weekend coming up, what to do what to do. I am so new to this place that I am kind of hesitant to reach out too far and overstep myself, yet no one seems to talk to you unless you make the first move, no one has written to me of their own accord, just responses to my own notes and questions. I wouldn't mind meeting some new people bere but I dont always want to have to make the first contact. Am I so off putting that no one's interested in speaking to me? |
|
|
|
|
sleepless nights, i still got alot of those going on, the pain flares in my damaged knee, and i sit in the dark and wonder at what my future is going to be like. i wish i knew, i'd settle for an idea at this point, the waiting is what kills you. i don't have many friends, they mostly bailed when things went south for me <typical, it seems> so i spend a fair amount of time alone. Music, movies, books, my computer, these are my friends, they are constant, and they are always there. |
|
|
|
|
 Well this is an interesting new place i have found, and it has a rainbows variety in it. I guess yoiu can see that I am new to both the site and the scene, so at the moment I'm really not sure who or what I seek, so I am going to stay as open as possible, people seem to forget that living the life isn't always about sex, so a D/s relationship could be maintained between a gay and straight person of the same sex as long as limits were respected, pushed perhaps, as thats how growth occurs, but always respected in the end. On a different note, my knee is finallt healing, yay me, I have a groovy 14 inch scar from my lower thigh down to my shin, but it's holding my weight and allowing me to walk unaided for the most part these days, and I got fitted for an athletic style knee brace yesterday, so maybe my surgeon/doctor will clear me to go back to the gym soon, that would be sooo awesome. I may not look it, especially these days, but i was a fiend for the weightroom a few years ago befoe this mess all started, and I hope to be one again soon. In the meantime, good luck to all in your searches, and anyone with knowledge to impart or advice to give, please feel free to share it with me, I dont care about oreintation, race or position in the lifestyle,ie: Dom/me, sub, slave, male female, gay straight,bi, lez, trans, I think i am willing to hear and learn from all, so anyone who wants to talk please do, Thanks all. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
