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Male Dominant, 34, Glasgow
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Female Submissive, 23, st.louis, Missouri
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Female Submissive, 29, Savanah, Georgia
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About BadCompany28
Trust From a Masters viewpoint
I often see people referring to the importance of trust and how it is crucial that a Dom/Master earn that before one submits. This is something that I obviously agree with. People who blindly throw their trust around are, at best, foolish and, at worst, putting themselves in a dangerous situation. Since the trust aspect of a Dom/Master is well chronicled, I will not delve into it here.
The topic that I do want to comment upon is the trust that a sub/slave needs to earn from the Dom/Master. This is a subject rarely broached online yet seems to be of utmost importance. For whatever reason, since the online world promotes submission as a "gift", it believes that a sub/slave's perspective is what matter. This is something that I disagree with. The reality of the situation is not exactly what it seems.
To start, there appears to be few "Masters" out there. While the chat rooms are full of people claiming to be them, this is not the case. Few have ever ventured into real time. From my perspective, there seems to be a lot more submissive types than dominant. The numbers in the rooms also reflects this. Thus, online is overrun with "slaves" while being bare on "Masters".
Another issue that I have uncovered is the fact that so few truly have what it takes to live this lifestyle. Trust is an important factor that must be earned. This takes time. It is also a fragile commodity which can be broken rather quickly. Just look at Tiger Woods and his relationship to understand how hard it is to maintain that balance. He torched that bridge with little prospect of rebuilding. The same is true in our way of life.
I find that trust is lost each time I am disobeyed. A true slave will do everything in her power to fulfill my requests. There are times when certain actions cannot be taken for various reasons. When this is legitimate, trust is maintained. However, when manipulation, laziness, defiance, or anything else of that nature enters, the trust level is send sinking.
Many seem to think that one having the desire to submit is all that is required and that a Dom/Master should be in nirvana that she chose him. To me, this is only the starting point. Every aspect of BDSM centers around a relationship of some type. M/s (D/s) are no exception. Many of the same relationship building traits exist. Trust is a long-term endeavor.
So, is a sub/slave worthy of your trust? This is the million dollar question. Will she obey and complete the directives given to her? Is she one who will spend the proper time in reflection and learning to ensure her growth over the long-term? Does this lifestyle appeal to her because she wants to shed responsibility onto someone else because she cannot handle life? And, is she one who really understands what submission is about and that this life has very little to do with sex? Those who buy into the online fallacies are apt to struggle. This will also create major trust issues in your relationship.
Anyone who is seeking a Dom/Master needs to look at his or her ability to earn trust. Believe me when I tell you that someone who is real is seeking a person he or she can have that faith in. Obviously, a submissive needs to be sure the potential Dom or Master is real. But after that, you will see that person is looking for signs that you are worthy. It is a two way street and in true BDSM, the power resides with the other person. Keep this in mind as you are out that interacting with others. |
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Finding a Potential Dom..questions that should be asked:
finding an appropriate Dom is something that should be approached with a great deal of thought. Just because a man is Dominant does not mean he will make a good Dominant for every submissive.
If you are new to submission then you MUST be careful.
A true Dominant says:
"I feel privileged to have gained the prize of your submission. As your Dominant, it is my obligation to guide you, teach you, care for you and do my very best to ensure your overall happiness & well-being. Yes I will make demands on you, both physical and mental. And yes I will also set you tasks, some of which may be mundane; others may challenge and take you out of your comfort zone. But these will only ever be designed to aid your development as my submissive, never simply for my personal gain. And all I ask for in return is your submission, nothing more."
A poor or fake Dominant says:
"I own you. Do as I say"
Note the difference, especially online!!!
There are several things a submissive needs to look for in a potential Dominant.. But before doing that, she needs to first look inside of herself and decide what she wants and needs from such a relationship. Is she looking to be a sub or slave....is the potential Dom looking for a sub or slave.
a submissive needs to then ask her potential Dominant the following questions to see if they would make a good pair. Doing this can make the difference in life and death in some cases. Safety should always be foremost in a submissive's mind when seeking a Dominant partner.
Is he looking for a short term or a long term relationship?
D/s relationships can be anything from occasional play partners to committed lifetime partnerships. It is very important that a submissive is looking for the same kind of relationship as her potential Dom.
What aspects of the scene is a potential dominant into?
Is the potential dominant sadistic?
there are Many things to be taken into consideration and asked.
If in doubt....Ask.
There is much a submissive must consider in choosing a Dominant. It is very easy for a submissive to get swept away under a Dom's control without asking the important questions first. But by asking the questions, she will be saving herself a lot of heartache down the road. She will also increase the odds that she will be entering into a relationship that is safe and consensual in every aspect.
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I am not here to have a long list of friends, just one... I am not here to till you how to be or what to do, just that one person who wants to do as I say. I have a big heart and a open bed and a lot of love to give, and in return I ask her to be submissive and clean my home and bring me her best and put it at my feet. Yes I want to control her in every way she can be controlled, but I also want her to have a mind and to with respect voice it to me when asked. I am not looking a floor mat or a pushover, she needs to be able to stand on her own some times and be able to take charge of the house and the children if there is any. What she and I do in the closed bedroom is just for us to know about and not the children or family and friends. I know there is a submissive out there some where who is real and not here to play a game of try to get money, just need her to come forward and lets talk. |
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