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Hello there as if anyone truly reads these things.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paMzF1lnwGg wasted i can relate to it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHJ5xnh4zII same here ......
You Scored as Submissive
Masochist
79%
Submissive
79%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
75%
Experimental
68%
Switch
61%
Bondage
50%
Degradation
39%
Sadist
25%
Dominant
18%
Vanilla
18%
bbw female if not into that please do not waste my time nor yours....if your outside the USA do not waste my time as i will not send you no cash or whatever u want got it...if your under age 30 not interested ....just because i may view your profile does not mean is wanting you....looking for play but wanting a long term bdsm and vanilla relationship with the right fit is that you...
i have hard limits ...just because sub does not mean i am a door mat ....and will not be treated as such...also if your rude please do not bother ....
my hard limits are no bodily fluids such as scat piss or blood... no needles...no animals..no kids ....my hard limits stand will not be pushed on at all....
as for my vanilla life i enjoy sports a lot is a big Detroit sports fan love my red wings and tigers as in a big nut for those teams...i love music classic rock 80's (no rap or country ) love the outdoors playing online games ..cooking n baking ...writing poetry.. playing on facebook.. i love football too ,wanna know more hit me up and ask..open book here thank you for taking the time to view me and have enjoyable day or night peace out.....
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-------------------------
Laws of the Natural Universe
-------------------------
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with
grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the
least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get
a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat
tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works
every time)
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone will ring.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you
know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest
from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
someone will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is
cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker
room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly
sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to
the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know
what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it. |
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A very intelligent boy was fortunate enough to be receiving a far better education than his parents had enjoyed, and his vocabulary far outstripped theirs. One day he came home from school and said “Mommy, may I relate to you a narrative?”
“What’s a narrative, Gerald?” she asked.
“A narrative, Mommy, is a tale.”
“Oh, I see,” said his mother nodding, and Gerald told her his story. At bedtime as he was about to go upstairs he said, “Shall I extinguish the light Mommy?”
“What’s extinguish?” she asked.
“Extinguish means to put out, Mommy,” said brainy Gerald
“Oh, I see. Yes, certainly.”
The next day the clergyman came to tea and the family dog began to make a nuisance of himself, as a dog will, by begging for goodies from the table.
“Gerald,” said his mother, trying to impress
“Take that dog by the narrative and extinguish him!” |
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-------------------------
Marylou
-------------------------
A woman came up behind her husband while he was
enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the
back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your
pant pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it,"
she said, furious. "You had better have an
explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last
week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of
the dog I bet on."
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked
him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night." |
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Q. What did the digital clock say to the analog clock?
A. Look, No hands! |
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QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answers:
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective): I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I've not been told!
O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time. |
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------------------------
Two Robins
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Two robins were sitting in a tree.
"I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.
"I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one.
"Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
"O K," said the first.
So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat came up and gobbled them up.
As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."
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Some years ago a local jewelry store donated a set of four time zone clocks to my hometown Police Department in Maywood, NJ.
The first week all four clocks ran fine. On Monday the weekly test of the building generator was conducted.. The eastern, central and western clocks ran perfectly. While the mountain zone clock ran backwards.
The problem continued. Needless to say, "the time" was always in question. |
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Q: Why did the computer lose its trust relationship with the domain?
A: Because it was corrupted in active directory and needed to be removed and re-added again!!!! |
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. What game encourages drinking and driving?
A. Golf
Forward this joke to your friends >> |
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here i am writing my pet peeve and would like comments on it the other day i was reading a local vegas mag called Sunday saying a cop was being a racist mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm interesting to me when i saw it as a vent so does that mean i and others are being the same when we all one our Facebook complained about the Darren Wilson and 2 nypd officers killed in the line of duty and where is it the right for LE or other departments and jobs allowed to fire or suspension for a vent post and how dare they say it a racist post when i myself see it come down to being about race anyhow and the plain simple fact on camera a father (NO StepParent is allowed to say burn it down start what was looting fires and riots ) and those same fools toss rocks and bottles at officers i am a mother of 2 kids in LE it self btw and ex wife of a LE officers and also wanna add next time those are in trouble call ur meth dealer as i will call on my LE and say thank you for servicing those of us that are good and the media i must say takes the blunt of this also ,,,,,sorry for the vent but the article mad me mad thanks Lynn |
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i went out again to day all i wanna do is sleep so sleep in car and i ate a damn salad rose my blood sugar to 250 tonight and that was it damn it what can i eat i am hoping shall go down and thinking going back to dr making sure take right meds with this my chest hurts i sleeping in my computer chair since cant lay and breathe right scared the hella out of room mate last night with my breathing and still not feeling any better and i rather drink coffee and eat ice cream to cool the throat this thing so sucks and most suckie part is my immune system so low right now with this Bronchial Pneumonia |
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-------------------------
Wisdom
-------------------------
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."
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A woman visited a modern-art gallery. One painting was bright blue with vivid orange swirls and the one hanging next to it was black with lime-green splotches.
The artist stood nearby, so as politely as she could, the woman said to him, "I'm sorry, but I just don't understand you paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," the artist replied.
"I see," the woman replied innocently. "Have you tried Alka-Seltzer?" |
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You know you're a senior citizen when every time you leave your house; you have to go back because of something you forget. |
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.•♪ღ♪¸Happy Birthday ♪ღ♪¸•¨¨•.•to me yes yes turning 47 Tuesday interesting |
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-------------------------
King Arthur
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King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer; he would be put to death.
The question? . . . What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with every one, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice, compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered . . . is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self only half-the-time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day . . . or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT . . . make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now . . . what is the moral to this story?
The moral is . . .
If you don't let a woman have her own way . . .
Things are going to get ugly! |
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An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”
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ROASTED GARLIC MUSHROOMS ARE SO POPULAR.
Remember to save it to your timeline for future reference, hit the share button so you'll always have this recipe available!
Ingredients:
16 even-sized open cup mushrooms, stalks cut level
3 tbsp olive or coconut oil
1/4 c unsalted butter, softened
3 cloves garlic, chopped very finely
2 tbsp fresh thyme, chopped
1 1/2 tbsp lemon juice
salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
1/4 c fresh breadcrumbs
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/gas mark 6. Lightly fry the mushrooms, cap-side down, in hot oil for 20 seconds.
Arrange the mushrooms in a shallow roasting tin with the stalks facing upwards.
Mix together the butter, garlic, thyme, lemon juice and seasoning. Spoon a little garlic butter on to each mushroom, then lightly press the breadcrumbs on top. Either refrigerate for later use, or cook immediately in the oven for 10 minutes.
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Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the
door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,
"It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly
this morning on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront
the phamacist and demand an apology. Before he
could say more than a few words, the druggist
told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen
to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so
I was late getting up. I went without breakfast
and hurried out to the car, just to realize that
I locked the house with both house and car keys
inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.
Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding
ticket.
Later, about three blocks from the store, I
had a flat tire. When I got to the store there
was a bunch of people waiting for me to open
up. I opened and started waiting on these people,
and all the time the darn phone was ringing off
the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of
nickels against the cash register drawer to make
change, and they spilled all over the floor.
I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the
nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I
came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer,
which made me stagger back against a showcase
with bunch of perfume bottles on it...all of
them hit the floor and broke.
Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with
no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It
was your wife. She wanted to know how to use
a rectal thermometer...and, honest mister, all
I did was tell her!" |
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for all those i upsetting today yesterday heck when ever please let me know cause I don't know what I did to upset you, but could you please tell me so I can do it again? |
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Cops with a Sense of Humor
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Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here." |
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Japanese sex argument
A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex:
Husband: "Sukitaki. mojitaka!"
Wife replies: "Kowanini! mowi janakpa!"
Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"
Wife on her knees literally begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!"
Husband replies angrily: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!"
I can't believe you just sat and tried to read this-- as if you understand Japanese!
You'll read anything as long as it is about sex.
You need serious help!!! Sometimes I worry about you.
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Life is too short!Be RANDOM,KISS in the RAIN, take a MILLION PICTURES ,DANCE like a FOOL,lay under the STARS, LAUGH OFTEN, be HONEST,love like CRAZY! |
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Q. But I am a Dom and she is a sub, therefore she should immediately submit to me right?
A. No, she is submissive but not your submissive. If she gives you the gift of her submission you will know it.
this is the truth |
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Before you bitch about getting old, consider those who didn't get a chance to. |
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Q. What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
A. You picket! |
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a strong woman
one whom feels deeply
and loves fiercely
her tears flow as abundantly
as her laughter
she is both soft and powerful,
she both practical and spirit-able
in her essence a strong woman
is a gift to the world |
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Ice Cream Parlor
A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream
parlor in Naples , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'hemorrhoids |
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USEFUL WORK PHRASES
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by
your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean
you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet
it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is
purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't
care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young
and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your
mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions
I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of
Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are
largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you
people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being
smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a
message .
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my
toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the
cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my
destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of
strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh
nervously, and change the subject. |
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His father sends a small boy to bed. Five
minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your
chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?" |
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The Chicago Cubs win the World Series. hell will freeze over same as lions winning super bowl LMAO
60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats.
Chicago people sunbathe.
50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicago people plant gardens.
40 above - Italian cars won't start.
Chicago people drive with the windows down.
32 above - Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.
20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.
15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.
0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the
sweatshirt.
20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago people get out their winter coats.
40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.
Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets
cold enough.
80 below - Mount St. Helen's freezes.
Chicago people rent some videos.
100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 below - ALL atomic motion stops.
Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"
500 below - Hell freezes over.
The Chicago Cubs win the World Series. |
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here a pet peeve of mine one if your married its okay but your wife or husband has to know we are playing sorry but i refuse to be someone secret .
second one is i gotta life outside this online thing here so it might take me time to answer okay..
thanks Lynn
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A little Boy was about to eat a plate full of delicious meal for Dinner when his mom notice his urge to eat the food, she quickly ask him "have you said your prayer before eating that meal", The Boy replied "No I won't because I Don't want to give 10% of my Dinner". |
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-------------------------
Old Lady's Phone
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An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found.....
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
.....Which goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning |
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A zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophile, a pyromaniac, a masochist, are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" Asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it" says the sadist. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it and then kill it" shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again" said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with a cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it" said the pyromanic. . . . . . . .
There was silence and then the masochist said: "Meow?" |
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-------------------------
Healthier
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Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the
subject turned to getting older. The first guy said, "Women
have all the luck when it comes to getting older."
"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.
"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last
time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is
healthier than ever!"
"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.
"Well, years ago, when we were younger, almost every night
before bed she'd get these terrible headaches." he answered.
"Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years." |
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picture taken in august 2014 hair growing back btw Vegas summer last year was very hot |
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a vent
sometimes like today i feel like leaving Facebook what the heck wrong with you people have not one bit of a sense of humor what had funny bone removed i think so i been called a so many things i wanna say glad you all know me so well mmmmmmmmmmmm NOT in the least so if you got nothing nice to say or wanna call me names and accuse me of things and have not one bit of sense or a funny bone please remove me delete me block me i do not need or want you on my Facebook and also your not worth my time and space and need to get a real life to and also wanna point out maybe your so unhappy with your own life you think bringing others done will help not in least .... and as for my other face books friends and family whom know really know me i really love and cherish you all and thanks for being my friend on here too and allowing my crazy world on your pages ....too peace out ....btw hoping all has a better news years and awesome weekend
lyn lyn |
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A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door. The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!".
"Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!" |
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| Age: 28 |
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New York |
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