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About B1gBearC0
I am a High Protocol Dominant who practices a Master/slave lifestyle. You can ask if you don't know what that is. I believe M/s is 95% mental and have spent years practicing and learning the the mental aspects of the lifestyle as well as my own dominance, (not as often done with many). This isn't a game, nor a sexual fantasy and it's more than a lifestyle to me, it's the core of who and what I am. My very nature. Regardless if the dynamic I have with someone is heavily involved in the Public BDSM scene or more subtly expressed in vanilla surrounding, this is who I am 24/7/365. This however doesn't mean I don't want or enjoy joking and laughing as well. There is always life beyond the dungeon, but that doesn't have to mean life beyond the lifestyle we live.
I believe all of these things go into a healthy and happy relationship, as a M/s dynamic may have a clear definition of roles, but it is still a relationship). I have had Daddy/daughter dynamics in the past and can make that a very happy healthy component to my relationships, but only in the right circumstances and I don't do AB.
I am looking for someone with a deep submissive nature who wants to explore these things with me regardless if you ultimately desire a serious long term relationship in a Master/slave dynamic or not. First things first. :O) Please at least have an idea of what it is are looking for, as well as what you need for yourself and if we hit it off we can figure the rest out as things develop. What I look for and need from a slave will not change because it doesn't work for you. This is who I am.
I am a poly Master choosing (in a perfect world) to live in a closed poly triad family. We must all be able to love each other and feel part of a family for these things to work in the end. Please don't contact me thinking that you can run off any other girls or convince me to get rid of anyone who comes along. It's just not going to happen.
Locally, I run a local MAsT Chapter and have been very involved in a few other groups such as a Chapter of the National Leather Association. I'm an writer and have published my first book on High Protocol D/S. (It's called 'The Ritual of Dominance & Submission). Additionally, I'm very involved in the Northern Colorado and the Denver scenes, formerly those plus Colorado Springs groups (all of the above off and on since 2002), and originally the Seattle/Tacoma scene dating back to 2000.
Currently I do have a partner who is dominant, to other women, but submissive to me. She would be fine with someone serving both of us, or just me, either work for both of us. We also have children in the home so anyone interested in something serious in the end would have to have a love for kids and family as well as serving. This does of course mean that I am open to those who have kids of their own. :O)
Welcome to my world...Please feel free to contact me if you find me interesting or have questions. I'd be happy to respond to all legitimate messages. |
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What is true slavery? We talk about it all the time in this lifestyle, many often calling themselves slaves. Do even most of those really understand what it means to be another's property? We say a slave has no choice, that he or she gives that up when they accept the collar. Yet so many define the terms of their servitude before taking that collar, or better yet, will want to discuss and be made to understand why they are asked to do something before doing it by their owners. Asked??? We live in reality in this the 21st century, yet the term slavery is still a simple one. To be one's property, possession, not of free will or choice. There is only two choices a slave ever makes. To accept the collar, and to either continue to wear it, or opt to step back from their servitude and have the collar removed. It really is that simple. In that process the slave should have made sure well in advance of taking the collar that the Master or Mistress the servitude was offered up to we in fact "the" dominant they could faithfully serve, 'NO MATTER WHAT' they are TOLD to do or made to experience. It's no small calling, nor light expectation. Nor can any slave fully grasp how that dominant will grow and mature in their own dominance if you as the slave do a good job and inspire them to be the dominant and often sadistic natured person they are deep down inside.
Will you only serve if your Master or Mistress 'loves' and cherishes you? Will you conditionalize your service if they make you no promises beyond taking you as their possession so long as you are found pleasing to them? Will you obey if their demands shock or scare you? What would you do if you were found displeasing and they announced you were being given away or sold to another Dominant? Raises an eyebrow looking for that answer. :O)
Just more food for thought after a long hiatus. |
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Do we ever stop growing? Does our true nature ever really change even when we do grow as a person as well as a Dominant or submissive?
It is the natural evolution of life that we all grow even in our moments of weakness, pain and loss. We are after all the sum of our combined experiences. The danger is however that we don't allow that growth to become a tumor on our psychy when we are hurt. Instead striving to find purpose, value and progress within ourselves, growth that will make us a better person, reason to go on in even the worst times of our lives. Allowing ourselves to heal and to ultimately be able to trace a finger over the scar that remains, a reminder of what we learned from that experience and what we will do 'better' as we find purpose in life once more.
I think it especially important to remember who we really are deep within ourselves and to not ignore what we have let ourselves become in the throws of the hardships we've overcome. It doesn't matter if you are a Dom or submissive, we all are subject to our human nature. We are all foulable, we all make mistakes or alter our course to conform to the flow and ebb of the river that carries us through life and our relationships. As Dominants, we often are more steadfast in the direction and path we take, but even we can find ourselves swept away. It is when the waters receed that we must always look within ourselves and determine where we belong, where we've found ourselves and how we best find our way back to the path that best defines our true nature. It is in that moment we prepare ourselves for what comes next in our lives.
I don't believe our nature ever really changes, even if we have altered our course for a time. The question is, can we admit this to ourselves and be true to our nature in the end. Can we put what we may want at that moment aside to give ourselves what we need? Can we open our eyes and know what is right before us, or will we change the rules to fit the situation. Will we find what we need in the end by sticking steadfast to ideals or by opening our mind to what we truly need? Have we been following our nature, or only our wants and desires? Hmmm... I suppose the answer is different for each of us. |
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What is it to Dominate someone? What makes us good at it, or the type of Dominant that a submissive dreams of owning her. What do we possess really in the end, and how much of that submissive have we earned, bullied or simply taken as ours. Does the submissive just hand themselves over without a fight, or is it a slow gradual process of earning their submission? And the biggest question, which 'should' it be, versus how it often is?
So often I see people here seeking one combination or another and seldom do I see them seek out what they need, the wants taking far more priority. How many subs, slaves or masochists seek out a caring Dominant, a person who would place your well being above even their own selfish sadistic tendencies? (inserts a smile as you attempt to lie to yourself).
Now how many of those will wind up hurt because they seek out and find that Bad Boy or Girl who has no qualms about taking what they want regardless of how that effects the submissive? (Adds a wink to the smile as the lie continues). How many seeking that bad boy or girl will be able to see the very thing they seek beneath the surface of one who feels no need or desire to flaunt their darker side to the public openly. Is it necessary to be crude, offensive, arrogant, ride a Harley or have arms covered in tattoos to harbor a dark or sadistic nature? Can that very nature co-exist with the desire to care for and protect the one who serves them? (Ah....the wheels begin to turn, perhaps some of you are with me on this???) Here comes the big one...Can that same dominant both love their submissive and use them to feed their darker nature at the same time? Do these conflict or in fact compliment to create the perfect dominant, not the one you crave, the one you need.
Would I look in the eyes of a submissive and seem simple flesh for my ego to use and feed off of, or do I see deeper, the depths of your very soul, twisted and searching for light and leadership amongst the twisted and confused thoughts swimming in your mind? Do you see a man who will probe no deeper than the flesh he marks for his pleasure, or do you tremble with the feeling of your deepest darkest secrets exposed, your existance bared for his open inspection when he holds your gaze?
Do you fear the welts and use of his flesh or words? Or do you fear more, the walls falling about you as the truth is sucked from your depths of your mind? Where are you truly helpless and when does your surrender really come to him? Where do you stop holding secret hold on the control in your life and offer it up freely on trembling fingers to know it is your's no longer? Whom do you find real trust and submission to? Do you even seek real submission, or is it the fantasy that needs fulfilled before reclaiming your life? Or do you truly crave to know your existance revolves around another? Will you surrender to one who has earned your submission or will you feed the fantasy for instant gratification? Will we dominants rise to the challenge and be that for you, or will we hide within our own walls and resist the true depths of the power exchange with one who too easily surrenders to our guile and the danger we dangle teasingly in your face.
When I take you, will I smile and simply take what my flesh desires? Will I feed my ego and my sadistic nature with your suffering? Will I care what remains of you when I'm done? Will I pick you up and put you back on your feet and safely within your walls or will I leave you laying in your sweat and tears grasping for the darkness to hide you once more? Will I take pleasure in what lays before me used, spent and vulnerable? Will I want you any longer having taken all you have to give? Will I love you for what you are, or what I can take from you? Will I only truly love you when you have surrendered everything to me? When you lay there broken, bared and defenseless waiting with wanting eyes to be kept or disgarded? Will I know how broken I will leave you if I turn away to find another? Will I care? ...Or, will I smile upon your exposed and broken flesh and reach down with the hands that bruised and tortured your body and gently gather you into my arms? Will I offer shallow words, or reach even deeper into your mind and claim all you are? Molding the raw clay into the beauty only I could see under the hardened shell that was presented to the world, my firm hand breaking it from your flesh, peeling it one broken chip at a time till you are displayed proudly, naked, pure and whole. Possessed, owned, mine...to the deepest parts of your soul.
Are these dreams, fantasies, unreachable desires, or does the reality really exist?
In the end, truth is all that is real, all that we will ever find. The question is, can we open our eyes wide enough to admit the truth to ourselves, and can we allow ourselves to see it? Do we have the patience to wait it out or will we close our eyes once more and rush into the darkness unready, unworthy and seeking our own destruction?
The light of truth always shines through the darkness in the end. I wonder then, if this is so, why we spend so much time trying to hide from it. Why do so many of us fear it so?
Can the pain of truth ever surpass the pain of lies and denial? Can we ever find real pleasure in the darkness without the truth to expose us? Can we really find our way wearing blinders or does it simply make the journey seem more pleasant? And I personally am curious to know...where will you be when the blinders come off and bright light of reality and truth fill your gaze? |
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I've posted before on here (and now retracted), that I don't expect to find the someone I seek from this site. In a sense, that is still true, but not for the reasons I stated or felt once. I've made some friends on here recently and encountered some who are as genuine as they come. Even mentor one or two that crave the reality of a D/s lifestyle in their own lives as they like many of us wade through the games and deception that the Internet has made so easy for so many. For those of you who genuinely crave to find what you claim to seek here one day yourself, be cautious, make others show you their true nature before you make yourself vulnerable, but hang on to the fact that what you seek does exist. Predominantly it is those who venture into the public scene or convince thier current partner to embrace this life that find what they seek, but that does not mean it can't be found here. I know many who are real and are here just like me. I now even more who I've never met, but are just as real and want what we all want just as badly. For you preditors, con artists, game players seeking a sexual fantasy and can't grasp that the people you play with have feelings and have trusted you, Let your concious be your guide. If you don't have one of those, your day will come. How sad it must be to live your life knowing you can never trust anyone since you can't even trust yourself. ;O)
For the rest of us....have faith and patience, when the time is right, and you are ready, all you seek will find you. |
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What is it about our selves that makes us make the decisions we do? Do we follow our true nature, or do we do what those close to us convince us we should? What is the difference between our fantasies we so boldly declair we want to fulfill and the true nature of our psychy that we may struggle so hard to deny? Is it wrong to do things for those we care about, even if it diverts us from our true nature? Is it wrong to say no, this is not who and what I am? How many of us really have looked a loved one in the face and said, I'm sorry, but I am not the person you want me to be. How many struggle every day wanting to, but never taking that life and often relationship defining step? Even here on this site, how many of you are brave enough to step through the looking glass and leave vanilla values behind while you embrace your true nature? ...or do you instead find a fantasy that falls close to what you need, but gives you a safe out to walk away from the that one place that truly leaves you vulnerable. That one place that there is no coming back from. ...and how many really have no desire to step through the looking glass, instead simply wanting some kinky distractions from your normal day to day life?
Why do we confuse the two or try to fit in some sort of click that conveniently describes us? Why if we have taken such large steps to find ourselves and share that persona with the world in our day to day lives or on a site like this do we still care about who sees us for who we really are or really want from life?
Why if we want something so hard to find, do we limit our tollerance and circumstances to a nearly impossible reality? Is it a last grasp at control over something we feel we are loosing control over?
....Just a few Why's to get the mind working.
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What drives your search on a site such as this? What do you search for? Is it a Dom, a Master, a Husband? ...or just a kinky boyfriend for fun times in the bedroom? Is this fantasy or do you really understand about the lifestyle so many seek out from this and other sites like it? Have you taken the time to really learn what it is, or did you learn a few buz words and find a fantasy or two, then dove right in with your lists of what you're seeking?
There is a place mentally and psychologically that transends the black and white definitions, that goes way beyond the kinky sex to someplace that will free you from the things most of us define our life and relationships by. A place where you can find your true nature. If you call yourself a Dom, find the Dom within you before you demean this lifestyle with your reckless demands and ego. If you are a submissive or even a slave at heart, find that nature as well so your eyes are open wide enough to tell the real thing from the fantasies and games so many love to play. If you are only here for kinky sex and living out fantasies before returning to your normally scheduled vanilla life, then just be honest enough to say so and save the rest of us the trouble of trying to weed you out from the real thing. |
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I've come to realize that some may think me not genuine as so many others are not on this site. If those thoughts enter your mind, then consider this: I am well known in the Colorado scene, (Denver or Colorado Springs), by any who have been there any amount of time as 'BigBear'. Conact any of the better known and respected Dominants and if they don't know my name, or me personally, they know someone who does and my reputation as a high protocol dominant. I have and am willing to utilize phone, webcam and yes, dare I say, personal meetings in a public place to verify my identity and sincerity should you become someone who I seriously want to consider for some sort of D/s or M/s relationship, or even if I simply find I like you enough that I want to make you one of my RT friends. I also have had limited exposure to the groups in Tacoma, WA. as well as more limited exposure on a national level back from my days as a BDSM vendor and owner of what used to be known as LockedCollar.com, although I don't see how those people can vouch for my skills as a Dominant. I'm real and I don't play games.
None of this raises my expectations from this site, but credibility seems to be the most questioned item here and I felt the need to put mine on the table once and for all.
Why do I bother with all this? Simple, I don't live in the ciy anymore, instead choosing a quieter life in a small town high in the mountains. This kind of limits my ability to meet and get to know others who share my lifestyle choices. If you are real too and find me interesting, I might want to get to know you as well. |
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What does it mean to be a dominant in the BDSM lifestyle today? This life is so crowded with new people everyday, preditors seeking their next victim, and domineering men seeking a fantasy, that it becomes hard for even the dominant to know how to distinguise himself from one of the above catagories. Many see this life as playtime or something that is done when they make their appearance at the local dungeon. Some want to and do live it 24/7, but keep it mostly in the bedroom or as the mood suits them. Few I think really understand the true depth and responsibility of being a dominant. Few understand the cost, and what is required of them. Instead keeping their focus on themselves and what they hope to get from it. I think that's where poly dynamics get their bad name for the most part. Too many of my peers out there are so focused on the fantasy that they create a dynamic that is bound to self destruct. I don't know how many dominants may read this entry, and there is probably a better place to share these thoughts, but this will have to do for now. I find I encounter many who simply move on because I am a poly master who has a dominant partner. I've heard all the stories and fears about jealousy, bad experiences where the submissive was pitted against the other girl in the home, etc. etc. I've seen many practice poly in name and use it to cover for the fact that they are swingers or simply just want to have two women in bed at once who are focused on all their sexual fantasies. Mostly I've seen couples who are serious about the lifestyle, but just want to experience sexual playtime or non-sexual scenes with any and all who catch their fancy instead of keeping their focus on their partner. Most of the above usually wind up in failure in the end, or at least a grand emotional seperation between the two. What you don't see often is a dominant that looks at each girl (or guy depending on your tastes), individually in terms of what that person can bring to the dynamic and what they as the dominant can give that person. I for one spend far more time telling submissives I am not the one for them than trying to put a collar on their neck. I think there are too few of us doing that as well. If the dominant does not look at the prospect of a collared relationship with concern and responsibiltiy, then he is not thinking with the big brain. The responsibility for owning a submissive or slave is emense. The dominant is taking on responsibility for another human being, their welfare, to know their mind better than they do, to always do what is best for them and to know what is best for them better than they do themselves. To care for them and give them all they need from life emotionally as well as any playtime fantasies. A true 24/7 dynamic has far more to do with mental and emotional needs than it does physical desires. In fact, the bound and serving on their knees thing may constitute only a very small part of every day life, the emotional bonds between carrying far more of the dynamic than anything else. It has been my experience that very few of us really understand the subliminal rituals that can encompass every day life to bring that sense of true 24/7 service without having to dive into one scene or another. It is only after understanding those basic principals and knowing that you the dominant have the ability and desire to take on those exact same responsibilities for a second submissive or slave that you are ready for a poly family. Again, poly being the most abused word in this lifestyle in my opinion. If you want to swing or have a live-in fuck buddy, then just say it. If you want to find someone to play with your submissive, then just say it. But if you think you can meet the needs of two and leave all three fulfulled and happy, then give the words poly family meaning and take words to action. I've met a few who've done it successfully and were blissfully happy. I make no pretense that it is easy, but it can be done. Won't work for just anyone though. So if you are dominant and seeking such or practicing it and finding it's not working the way it should, be dominant enough to say so and correct the problem. They do rely on you to do so you know. ;O)
In my case, I have a dominant partner, who isn't ready to be anyone's dominant right now, but she is still my partner and those rules of emotional responsibility apply in dom/dom relationships as well when a sub or slave is in the family unit. But I find that if any, (sub/slave included) are not treated as an equally important part of that dynamic, then the dynamic isn't family unit, its a couple with a third temporarily attached. Everyone has their role in the family, and are treated accordingly, but none are less valued or have less security than any other. And yes, I have met sub/sub roommates that told Master to take a hike, yet remained together because of their bonds to one another. Why the long drawn out ramblings today? Simple! These are thoughts I felt needed shared that should be common sense, but are far to rarely understood or practiced in reality. Things every dominant should know like the back of their hand and the reason many submissives wind up hurt and emotionally damaged. We all bear responsibility for our choices in life, even the bad ones, but dominants should know and understand that we are relied on in such dynamics to make good decisions and be good to our word. (Opps, did I say that out loud?) Integrity? Honesty? What a concept! Simple words that in action build trust. Trust in action builds reliability and healthy relationship...with one or two. Now for those of you who want three or more...come on now. Have you every really dealth with the responsibility (true responsibility) of even two? The interactions of two, the needs and time requirements two human beings need to fill fulfilled? You either want a harem of play things you will note really care for in an individual basis, or an emotional one, or you are just living in fantasy land. Hmmm.....thinking those are both the same thing. :O) I have done tons of mentoring and training in my day, and I would have to seriously consider the time constraints on myself to even mentor a third if I had two with me 24/7. Take it from me, cause I've done it. It's all a dominant can do to find any personal time for him or her self when you have even two unless all three of you can live as a joined family unit and crave the companionship of both of the others on a regular basis. If you can, its awesome and I can think of nothing better in life, if you can't, be prepared to give each their own time and your own to be the time sacrified, or simply be prepared to give up. One last thought on this subject... Why do we want more than one in the first place? If the answer is sex, then your taking on more than you can chew. Even if you can keep up with two sexually. If the answer is that the third gives you something the second doesn't, or that the third gives you both something that you don't get from your current partner, (dominant or submissive), then be sure that the thing given by the third is not a shortcoming in the second. That is a recipe for disaster too. Be sure it's something that you both need brought into the dynamic so it completes you, not stacks new issues on an inadequite current relationship. If it's two submissives, be sure both need or want a sister sub. If it's a dominant, be sure they won't be jealous of your new sub/slave or that they do in fact want to co-top and take responsibility of that new sub/slave with you. After all, any D/s, M/s, Gorean or any other type of dom/sub dynamic be it selfless and giving, for the Total Power Exchange to work. That goes for everyone in the dynamic, not just the sub/slave. Okay, think I've stirred the pot enough for today. Feel free to comment back if you think I'm wrong. We are all entitled to our opinions. |
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I fondly recall a conversation I had once with a rather experienced slave (slave, not a submissive), back when I was a new dominant. The slave told me of her initiation into the world of slavery upon her 18th birthday. She had fantasized about it before then, and the dominant she wanted to serve would not take her till she was of age. On this day she recalled kneeling before him, asking for his collar and waiting to be accepted while he queried her about her desire to serve. "What are you limitations of service", he asked her? "I don't know, except oral", she said. "I do it only how I want to and when I want to and I definately don't swallow!" He laughed as he leaned down and placed the collar on her neck, then took her by her hair. "Five minutes later I swallowed", she said...and learned that when a Master asks your limits, he really only wants to know what you think your limitations are at that time. Moral: Know the difference between being submissive and slavery. Slaves make make their last true independent choice when they kneel and ask a dominant for their collar. From there in a true Master/slave dynamic, there is only two choices that ever remain. To remain in the collar or ask it to be removed. |
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What is the difference between fantasy and living a BDSM lifestye? What is a BDSM lifestyle? I would venture to say most who read this are unsure of the answer. Rightfully so, as there isn't much of a difference. I for one do not live a BDSM lifestyle, I am a dominant man who practices a Master/slave lifestyle. I say practices because without a true slave at my feet, I am not a Master. I am just a man with a dominant Alpha personality. When I do have a slave, I become the Master and the submissive woman at my feet becomes the slave. The bond is not a common fantasy, we are not defined by our public personas at the local dungeon, we are Master and slave. We connect at an almost spiritual level that inspires and empowers us to be all that we have within us. Nothing else in our lives does this. If I beat my slave, use her to fill my sexual fantasies, or even degrade her, it is a superficial and sometimes learning lesson to further define her as my slave and myself as Master. Not because we are simply kinky. There needs to be no such connection or dynamic to be kinky. Sorry if I offend, but I can find a submissive any day of the week to strap to a cross, beat then use to exhaustive orgasm. There are no shortage of submissives with deep dark fantasies to rival any of mine. That is not living a lifestyle, its being kinky. We could do that and walk right back into vanilla lives the next day. Why do I bring all this up? Not to further advertise my interests here, but to help any who read this to look deeper in their own minds. To maybe help you find the abiltiy to narrow your own search to what you really want from this site. To help you to only look further in my profile if I've reached something in your that you connected with in this journal entry. Or saved you a lot of time by knowing who you should be searching for now. There is no right or wrong, there is no one that should take offense to my words, there is only what is right for you. This world of kink and alternative lifestyles is huge and growing every day. Search out only the one thing that you need from it. Not what others tell you that you should want. Not what titles presume to lead you into. Nothing wrong with saying I am vanilla and just love the kinky sex on the weekends. Equally nothing wrong with saying, this mind and body are not mine to own Master, but your's to take and own as they are best able to please you. I leave you now with the many thoughts filling your mind after my ramblings. :O) |
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