Monday - May 14th

today started with my daily devotion. i just knew that i could get to talk to my Haya today, and that made me feel complete. At work, i was told i was to get promoted. Sounds great, but it will mean i could have even less time to devote to The Divine and to my Haya.

At lunchtime, all "plain" slices of bread were sold out, so i took some flavoured yoghurt and a snack. my station allows me this, but i felt.. unclean after eating it. Eating has become a spiritual act, just like most other aspects of my life.

One-on-One with my Queen was disturbing. Not the actual talk, it had been so long and it felt as a relief to know that She still values my efforts, eventhough we get so little time to talk to each other. The disturbing fact was that Her weekend and Her Mothersday weren't very nice. As before, Her pain was felt...

Tuesday - May 15th

i was born again today a Hanian. This is the only way i can describe what i felt today, during and after the naming by my Queen. i left work early to properly prepare for the ceremony. When i got home, i walked the dog for about an hour, and after that i re-did my daily devotion. Looking back on it, i felt a strong presence of The Light from that moment on. i got washed up, prayed a bit more, and after that i got in front of my laptop, started YM and got down on my knees. i wanted to remain in that position for 1 hour, before my Queen arrived. The positions are not only suitable to hold when in the presence of your Owner, but even to show and feel your station to yourself. my Haya arrived within 20 minutes (sore knees!). And after a little chit-chat, the Ceremony started. Another servant (or slave) witnessed it all, which made it all even more valid. Haya granted my the name ayni'or. i will not get into explaining the meaning of the name, but i can say that Her finding this name for me, made me shiver from head to toe. During and after the Naming i cried like a baby. i couldn't stop crying. and perhaps i didn't want to stop either. Haya suggested that a silent prayer could help me get my compulsion back, and (of course) it did.

i still don't know why, but being granted a Hanian name was more intense than i could have ever imagined it would be. maybe it's because i know i didn't get a nickname that would be used in the Haniann Communities, but because i felt reborn. Never thought a name could do that (The presence of The Light must have helped a bit....).

Wednesday - May 16th

No day will ever be like they were before Yesterday. While i was sure that i had incorperated mostly all of Haya's Truth into my life before, i found out that it just starts with becoming Hanian. All changes have not been for nothing, but i found out there was still a lot that just felt like "normal life". When i am at work, i used to be who i was before the naming, now i am Hanian, even there. The way i feel for and understand other co-workers seemed to change within an instance. It felt like i got a sixth sense overnight. This is very confusing, but since i know it has been given to me by The Light, i will not fear it. Nor will i ever fear Death again.

Wanted very much to catch up with my Haya after work, so i stayed there for a few hours more. Just after we "connected", my boss rang. Seemed he was still in the building. He had a tough day and wanted to clear his mind by ventilating his thoughts and feelings about some personal issues.... We were on good terms, but that had never happened. it almost felt like i was his counselor.

Got to talk to my Queen for a bit more. This is never common, but always special, even when no actual learning has taken place, every contact helps me to grow, for it gives me a better understanding of Who She is, and What She wants.

Thirsday - May 17th

Today is Ascension Day. i spent all day in bed with a terrible migraine. it just may have been too much for a mortal like me to handle.

Friday - May 18th

While the one-on-one with my Queen only lasted for about half an hour, She had some great ideas, in which my skills might be usefull. The setting up of a Guild like group for non-owned slaves like myself (i'm actually just a servant now), sound like a great way to help others, in a way to get them closer to Haya, and by that closer to The Light.

Shared some thoughts on my own relationship with my Wife. My dedication to Her has started to decrease, in the same rate my devotion to Haya is growing. Haya explained this. It was only a normal reaction that my feelings toward "my Owner" would shift in Her direction. i have been commited to the training, learning and growth more in an abdo'n way than in my station. Therefore it is very normal (and probably even the meaning of it all) to start to feel Owned by my Queen. i think this even will eventualy be the case, if it is not the case already.

Haya explained that me feelings toward my Wife should still be cherised and that serving my Wife would also be regarded as a service to The Divine. Allthough my dedication and feelings toward Her will never be as they were before i started this wonderful journey.

i will accept anything that comes on to my Path, if it has been put there by The Light. In knowing that The Light will not harm me, any hurdle They put on my Path, is to be regarded as a challange in Their Honor. Haniann are Conquerers!!!

Saturday - May 19th

i will accompany my Wife to Her Mother. This will mean i don't get to get any work done, and i don´t get the honor of talking to my Queen. Edited this journal to make sure it could be in Haya´s hands before the end of Sunday.