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Astarielle - photo 1
Astarielle - photo 2
Astarielle - photo 3

I figure being blunt and completely honest is better than any thing else. I consider myself a submissive, not a slave. I'm sarcastic, a little bit of a smart ass, and I love to laugh and have a good time. I'm very random sometimes. I tend to swing from one topic or thought to the next without warning, on occasion. I'm shy, quiet, unassuming, and am more of a watcher, than a doer if left to my own devices. I love to read, play MMOs, listen to music, and watch movies. I'm fairly open minded, and I try to be understanding and not judgemental. I'm a BBW. Call it fat, fluffy, overweight, puffy, etc. It's important that you know that, if you wish to talk to me. I don't want you to be surprized by it if we do meet. What am I looing for? Well, I want someone who is naturally dominant, but doesn't have to prove it or doesn't go out of their way to show that they are. It just comes with the territory. I prefer someone who is older than I. Ideally, I'd say thirties to forties. Age is simply a number, I know, but, I certainly don't want someone old enough to be my grandfather. I prefer tall men, with deep, smooth, authoritative voices. Being single is a great, important thing. Distance doesn't mean too much. I'd like it if you lived within the country or Canada. I'm not into rushing things or meeting right at first. I need to be comfortable with you and I need to feel safe. I don't want to say too much here, because what would that leave for you to talk to me about?
I've gotten a few messages on this site but none have caught my interest really.

I want more than a simple "hi, how are you" message. I can't really respond to much more than that, other than commenting on your profile.  Yes D/s is important to me in any relationship I will have, but, there is more to me than just that.

So the real point of this message is that I'm losing faith that I will ever find anyone who will be what I need and I be what they need, anywhere on this planet.


A recent disappointment has left me a tad bit jaded toward relationships.

If you lose interest in someone, simply speak up and say so. Don't ignore them for whatever reason you make up, because you think it's easier. It isn't.

Yea it's a girl thing this "closure" bit, but at least have the balls to man up and say "hey, it's not working" rather than ignoring them.

I respect honesty. Don't try to spare my feelings. Trust me, I won't fall to your feet, weep myself silly, and cry you a river simply because you decided I wasn't worth your time.

slightly annoyed.
The Quest

The Raging Storm,
Explosive as the Sun,
Simple pure beauty of a Daisy,
The vast expanse of an unlimited sky,
Like the soft resilent fur of a lioness,
An endless well,

The Needs and Desires of the Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul,


Why should Tiger Woods have to apologize to anyone for what he does in his private time? Many people cheat and lie about it, does that mean they all need to call press conferences to confess the sins and try to win back public opinion? I don't care what he does in his private life, or anyone else for that matter. His cheating does not affect me and my life, nor did it affect anyone elses other than those related to him. Pretty stuck up of most of the world to expect an apology for a private matter.

So the topic of obesity came up today, and that got me thinking about airlines, and seats on airplanes.

I was reading a report done by someone at CNN and read some of the posts that users posted. Most people agreed with the policy of making overweight passengers pay for an extra seat. Their reasons mostly were "fat people weigh more, so charge them more" "fat people need extra water and food, so it makes sense to charge them for space" "fat people have bad hygiene, so charge them more".

Ok first off.... I know plenty of skinny people who eat WAY more than I do. I eat maybe 2 times a day, with small snacks. Yet I'm overweight. I deal with it. So saying fat people eat more and need more water, and have bad hygiene is really frickin stupid. That's like saying because I'm white I'll need sunblock because I'll burn.

I could careless about this 2 seat policy, whatever. My issue is with people saying things like those said in response to this report. Just goes to show you how stupid people really are.

I really HATE when people brag. I don't give a shit if you had the best sex of your life last night, or met the most wonderful person in the world.

An important thing to add here... If I meet someone online, and we connect, I want to go to real life. Meet in person, have a relationship.. etc.. I don't want it to stay online. That is not my thing.

However, I am not against meeting someone online and taking the time to get to know them, being personal or attached. If that is not your thing, then it simply isn't. Please don't judge me based on my views.

Distance is something to get over. If you truly like someone, enjoy them, want to be with them, distance matters very little to someone YOU want to be with. Don't close yourself off to possibilities because you think online means fake.

I happen to be a real person.

An important thing to note here is that I don't want to be degraded. I don't like or want to be made out to be or  made to feel like less than a human, that I am less than you simply because I choose to submit and be submissive. 

Someone being Dominant doesn't make them an inherently better person than myself. It's easy to be in control, and enforce your will, what isn't easy is to allow someone else to control yours, to give yourself up to them and let go. Being submissive isn't for the weak minded.

There are things I enjoy and things I don't. Being called a whore, slut, cunt by the one I'm submitting to isn't humiliation to me, or degradation, being belittled or made to feel like utter crap is and I don't respond to it. Making me cry and wonder why you feel the need to make me worthless scum in your eyes does not engender you to my heart and make me want to beg for your attention and for you to be more pleasant toward me. It will make me close myself off to you and back away. I do NOT respond to things such as that in a good way.

Yes I am a submissive, yes I want to submit to someone who is worthy of it, and I worthy of his Domination of me. I am a person and as a person I want to be treated as such. I am very open minded to things, to trying to understand the why's and how come's of things of Dominants.

I don't think being asked to be cherished and valued is too much especially when it will make me be better for you, and make me want to serve you all the more.
You ever opened yourself up to someone, sharing with them something painful you really don't know how to deal with or move past? Telling them isn't necessarily asking for help to get passed whatever you are sharing, but merely a way to show insight into who you are, sharing a bit of yourself with someone you are trying to get closer to.

And in response to you sharing this part of yourself that not alot of people know, maybe you don't think about it very often because of the feelings it causes you, and the person doesn't say anything? They move on to another subject? Sometimes sympathy and an ear are great things. Sometimes you need to say something in response, your thoughts, what have you. I opened myself up to you and.. you kind of left me there.
Apparently finding anyone worth talking to on this site is nearly impossible. It's always about sex or what kind of submissive i am, or what my fantasies are long before ever actually spending time to get to know me.

You will find all of those questions answered if you just bothered to simply TALK to me. Get to know me! How hard is that?

I've come to the conclusion that many "submissives" and "slaves" claim to have some sort or form of mental illness. Now that's not to say that some don't really have an illness, but it's my opinion that many.. MANY use that as a way of excusing their behavior, or saying "that's why i'm a slave".

Apparently it's become fashionable to have a mental illness and be medicated these days. Which i will never understand that to be honest. I took a sleeping pill once because i have a hard time sleeping, and i ended up waking 3 hours later from a nightmare. No pill popping for me thank you.

My point is that i think it's a load of crap. Don't use mental illness or some horrible upbringing, or event in your past as to why act the way you do. Sure experience generally dictates how we evolve and grow as a person, but there has to be a line when claiming a horrible repressing religion has turned you into a mental case with Borderline Personality Disorder, and you occasionally freak out, have a tantrum, get pissed off when someone is trying to tell you... "hey everyone has problems deal with it, you aren't the only one".. and proceed to pee on the bed because you don't like what they said to you. What kind of load of crap is that exactly?

Yes alot of people had an upbringing they want to actively forget with some religious mumbo jumbo spouting crap about going to hell and repressing women.. but when you claim you aren't happy to be a woman but don't want to be a man, and have tantrums when things don't go your way.. yet you claim to be a slave... you wonder why people think you may be 11 1/2 rolls short of a dozen and say way the hell away from you?

I think it's crap that people use stuff like that as a crutch. Stop blaming everyone and everything else for what you do or what's wrong in your life.

What gets me is the men that actually like this stuff. I mean I don't claim to have any mental illness, i don't take pills, and i certainly don't piss in a bed when you've pissed me the hell off. Yet.. i'm single. Am I too together? Sure i have issues that i deal with, a past i sometimes hate, and unresolved issues with family but i don't use that as to why i'm into D/s. I'm here because that's who I am. I mean do i have to suddenly develope into a head case and start playing into the niche of men who want whimpering, weeping, weak willed, bed peeing tantrum throwing toddler-women? If so.. no thanks.. I'm keep right on moving.

So after talking myself into messaging or email a few people for possible interest in seeing where things go.. and striking out, or being outright ignored, I've decided to not do that anymore.

I'm a shy person and it takes alot for me to open up and take a chance and do that. To tell someone I have an interest and want to talk to them.

So if you expect me to message you first, think again, because I won't. I don't like feeling stupid and embarrassed.

I did have pictures up on my profile, but I got tired of people looking at my profile and not messaging me or saying anything. So I figure I must be too ugly for anyone to speak to me, so I'm just going to leave them off.

No I won't send you any.

No I don't think I'm ugly, I think I'm beautiful.

This is important for those who want to get to know me, to read before you send me a message ok?

Yes, I'm a submissive, but I'm not submissive to everyone. My submissive side is special and will not be given out simply because you are a Dominant. Please don't expect me to submit to your every whim and will right away.

I want to get to know you as a person, outside of this. For these relationships to work, there has to be a connection, more than just me submitting and you being a Dom.

I want something long-term. This is for life for me.  And I truly submit when I really care for the person, and want to be with them, and want them to be happy with me, because of me and me giving myself to them. In order for me to do that, I need to know, you. I need to know more than your rules, and what you expect.

To that end, I'm not all into talking about what you expect and your rules when I first get to know you are a person in this world. You wouldn't walk up to someone in real life and start laying down the guidelines  and rules and what you expect of them if you were to date them, would you? I'm going to say no. You would get to know them, find out if you like more than what they look like on the outside.

With that said, please keep that in mind when you message me.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who recently sent me emails of encouragement and understanding with my last entry. I know I haven't responded to a single one of them and for that I fail at life. I know.

I just have no words to say how grateful I am to those of you who sent me those kind words of understanding. It means a great deal to me.


Ok this is the first time I've ever gotten a mail on this site that had someone making fun of me of me because I still live at home with my mother. I clearly stated I lived at home to help take care of my mom.

I didn't plan on explaining openly about it because it never occured to me that someone would make fun of me for being a good daugther and helping to take care of my mom.

So just to be VERY clear so there is no mistake as to WHY I STILL live with my parents...

3 years ago.. my mom had something very similar to a stroke. It's called an Arteovenous Malformation. or AVM for short. If you think I'm making that shit up.. go google it. My mom hasn't fully recovered and I doubt she will. She has very little use of her right side and now uses a scooter to get around. She can't cook for herself or do anything much for herself. She even has problems controlling her bodily functions at times.

Now if any more of you want to talk shit and make fun of me for taking care of my mom while my dad works, because GUESS WHAT.. we can't afford to hire a nurse or someone to come look after my mom so I can work and live on my own, than you can go straight to hell. Besides that's family. I would NEVER not take care of my family. If I choose to put my life on hold for the time being for my family than so be it. I don't regret it.

So we are clear once again.. Do NOT message me to insult, talk down to, or make fun of me for being a good daughter and helping to take care of my disabled mother.

Go screw yourself and go to hell.

I uploaded some new pics that are waiting for approval so, give it a few days. So it's come to my attention that I haven't really put a whole lot about myself in here because, oddly enough, I wanted to talk about those things with someone who wanted to talk to me. So I guess I will just jump right in to give a go at showing who I am.

I'm a romantic. Girly movies and love stories that have happy endings make me cry. I want to be able to look at the guy I'm in love with, who I give myself to, and know by looking at him, he wants me, in every way you can have someone. Not just for sex, or playing, but for life, for a relationship, to wake up next to, to go to sleep next to. When we get into a huge fight and one storms off or doesn't talk to you for a few hours or maybe a day, he will come back and we will work it out because, no matter what, I mean the world to him, just like he would mean the world to me. Showing how you feel or showing emotion and wanting to show you love them in return is not a weakness. Sometimes being romantic and making love as a couple is ok too. Not everything needs to be BDSM all the time.

I don't know if I want kids, I'd much rather have someone have kids, living with them or not either way. But I have the closest thing to a kid. A cat. He is my baby. If I had a kid, it would be him. He knows when to come to me and lay on me and make me forget everything else but him until I feel better.

I like flowers, and butterflies, fairies, the color purple and pink. Pretty much, girl stuff. I'm not all girly girly but it's there.

I've run out of things to put here. When I think of more, I will type more!
Just because I'm a submissive does not mean I don't have the right to voice my opinion or thoughts on anything. I didn't nor am I asking for anyones rude, cruel, crass, or down right uncalled for emails.

Just because a person is submissive DOES NOT mean they are a damned doormat for you to walk on at your leisure. I can be submissive and be Dominanted and at the same time have my own thoughts and my OWN PREFERENCES AND DESIRES in someone I want to spend my life with.

Let me make this clear one LAST damned time...


If you don't like what I've said don't bother messaging me.

So after thinking for a bit on what I like and don't like.. I've come to the conclusion, I can't stand half the people on this site that claim to be Dominants.

For example, if you say you deserve respect right out of the gate because you've been "in the lifestyle" for how ever many years, you are full of yourself. You don't DESERVE the respect of ANYONE just because you've done it for so long. Anywhere around the world, you have to earn it. You have to show your abilities. Respect, for anyone Dominant or submissives is earned. Not freely given based on your damned experience.

Don't get me wrong here, I will be polite and nice. Just don't expect me to call you Sir or Master or anything else because you've spanked ass for 18 damned years. To me at least, you have to show you've got what it takes to be a Master or a Dominant. It's called trust. I'm not going to start calling anyone Sir until I trust them and know they aren't out to use me. I want to know the both of us fit together.

On to another topic that I've put on my profile that seems to be ignored is I DON'T want to talk about sex with you in the first message, the first minute the first hour, or first email i get from you. This isn't just about sex for me. I want a relationship. I don't want a 2 second "Dom" who thinks he can just tell me to kneel and suck him off and be on his way. Hello.. if you are looking for that.. you are lookin at the wrong woman, I can tell you that much.

I want to talk to you as a person, outside of the D/s thing. Even in D's there are people, there are people outside of it. My whole being is not being a submissive. I have a brain that I use. I have opinions and want to have conversations that don't always have a sexual connotation. Sex is great and wonderful, but you know it's not all there is in the world.

If you want to be with me, you have to get to know me, just like I have to get to know you. I want to know that outside of the bedroom that I can like you, and get along with you and be able to stand you long enough to have a relationship.