AspX

Ay yi ya yi... I am the fritos bandito...

In my experience, men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.

So, the best advice I can give to women is to look for an erection and if you don't see one then make him a sandwich.

Funny... when I tried to sell my old underwear... the ones with the hole in the left butt cheek... Not one bid, yet I see women make money on it all the time. 

I figure, I must just not be marketing them right.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I don't feel bad at all celebrating the death of an asshole who wanted to kill me because I am an American. 

Yes we can?... No, YES WE DID!!!!

I wish there was someplace that I could go to and celebrate like they are doing in Washington DC, New York and on college campuses all across the nation but I am just giddy that Bin Laden died in a hail of gunfire at the hands of our special forces, just as it should be.

I see it here in journals all the time and know it is just normal human psychology, but why is it that we want most what we cannot have?

Why is it when someone rejects us, we need those people, the people who should matter least, to validate us in some way that others who do not reject us can't?

Why is it that if something must be difficult or painful in order for us to appreciate it, when we take the easy joys for granted?

Why do we ignore those that are here in order to mourn for those that are not?

I don't have the answers to these questions... But, I do try to understand them and how they affect both how I feel and my actions towards others. 

Advice for the day

When trying to heal the hurt and to push something from your heart to your memory... Don't spend hours re-reading e-mail that reminds you of exactly how great it was.

This is known in the business world as counterproductive and in the real world as dumbassedness...

OK... so I am watching the NFL draft and having a good time because it is football.  It is fun... that is what it is supposed to be... an entertaining diversion from real life.  Simple.

So, why the fuck do I have to hear some dumbfuck running back from Cleveland pushing his fucking religion on me instead of just announcing the Browns draft pick.  Fuck, you are only out there in order to push a videogame that you will be on the cover of. 

OK... get past that... Oh look, let's trot out members of all the US armed services in the middle of the draft because "the real heroes are out there giving their lives and this is just football"... WELL FUCK YOU, YOU CORPORATE HYPOCRITICAL SLUTS!!!

If this is so unimportant and we need to be made to feel like we are just wasting our time watching YOUR FUCKING TELECAST about something so unimportant, then why the fuck don't you become the military channel and tell the real stories of the sacrifices of our men and women in the military.  Talk about how those that live the rest of their lives in pain (mental or physical) because of what they did in sacrifice to our country are thrown away... Talk about how we spend trillions of dollars on weapon systems, but military hospitals are outdated and underequipped.  Talk about the reality of heroes sleeping with their eyes open twenty years after they are home. 

This is not a rant about the military or the importance of what they do and their sacrifice.  This is a rant about how you don't really give two shits YOU FUCKING WHORES, but instead of just allowing us to enjoy a welcome diversion (which is what the entire point of your network is) you put on a dog and pony show.  Fine... even that's OK... but, don't start waxing about how unimportant something that I am choosing to spend my time on, and your entire job is fucking about, is in the larger picture.

I know that... but, I have made a decision to spend my time on it and the last fucking thing I need to feel is judged by your dumbass.  Sometimes life is about just shutting down you brain and enjoying yourself.  So, shut the fuck up and talk about the offensive need for the Seattle Seahawks and how many times he benched 225 times at the combine because that is why I am watching... in fact, to specifically forget about tornadoes and wars based on religions.

Hello Wall... I would like to introduce you to Head...

Head meet Wall...

*Thunk*

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My... what pretty bursts of color...

Random Sunday Observations

I understand why I see many people saying that they are attracted to intelligence but intelligence and being an intellectual are too completely different things. There are a lot of intellectuals who are truly clueless about life or the basic way that people interact. The smartest and most intelligent (they are two different things) people I know are not intellectuals and some of the dumbest are.

I am also surprised at how few mention creativity as something that they want. Again, being creative doesn't mean you are an artist but creativity is one of the keys to keeping life interesting for your partners and friends.

I am not sure why so many of the females on here are young yet so many of the males are my age (40s). Not a scientific observation, just what I have seen while seeing who is online.

I believe that FinDomme is a real fetish (although I am not into it) and I know some women who actually do it properly. However, based on the posts/profiles I have seen, there are too many scammers who are just trying to get money for nothing to be able to trust that anyone on here that claims to be a FinDomme is not really just a prostitute.

That is not meant to confuse FinDommes with ProDommes or real FinDommes with prostitutes. They are completely different things. However, I find most of the FinDomme profiles on here to be disgusting.

I love woman... all kinds of women... however, like the FinDommes, I can't stand the Female Superiority crowd. I understand why women on here are sick of guys who are just trying to get kinky sex with disgusting and one line messages, but I am just as sick of seeing profiles where "Dommes" extoll how they are so superior to the men who serve them. Humiliation/Degradation may be part of BDSM play for some, but BDSM play is just the sexual part of D/s... not the whole thing.

She said that she loved pain and he was happy to oblige.  She told of beatings and milking… of being humiliated and degraded… but of never being made to submit or to call one “Master”.  He smiled his own wicked thoughts at where he would take her and how he would break down her barriers until she would fully submit to him in a way that no other had made her do before. 

He knew that the other Doms she had been with had been extremely sadistic.  Probably much more so than he ever wished to be, but that is what she loved and he was willing to play to that need in order to get her to commit fully to him.  Although the others enjoyed the delivery of pain, he understood the body in a way that most men didn’t and wanted her enough that he would use that knowledge to completely break her.

So, it came to pass that they met.  He smiled at the way she dropped to her knees at his command and she looked up into his eyes when he lifted her chin.  He told her that she was beautiful but that he needed to begin by cleansing and preparing her for service.  He reached down to the back of her neck and wrapped his right hand around it, pressing his thumb and forefinger deeply into the pressure points on either side and sending a jolt of anguish through her as he willed her to her feet.

He directed her towards the bathroom with subtle twisting of his grip on her neck and she lurched towards the destination as the rushes of pain filled her head.  She felt his power through his hands and totally controlled as he moved her to his will.  Once inside the doorway, she felt suddenly lightheaded as he let go and a rush of blood washed over the pain but the loss of his direct control delivered its own disappointment as well.  A subtle throbbing still pounded in her skull from his release as he ordered her to strip naked for him and reached into the shower to turn the hot water on. 

She did as ordered, stripping away the clothes that she had chosen to wear for him.  She understood that those had been her choices to try to please him, but that he was in charge of her body for now.  The small room began to fill with the wet heat of the steam coming from the shower as she laid her clothes neatly on top of the toilet and stood fully naked before him, noticing the appreciative smile he had at the revealing of her body.

He told her to get into the shower and handed her a long handled brush to scrub herself clean.  The hot water burned her skin a little as she stepped in and then she poured the liquid soap onto the brush and began to wash.  The harsh bristles and the hot water quickly combining to turn her smooth white skin a bright red as he watched through the glass, all the time directing her to make sure to get every part of her body with the brush. 

When she was finished, he opened the door and turned off the water then enveloped her in a fluffy white towel.  The raw heat of her skin being turned inwards as his arms wrap the towel around her back and across her front then deeper as he squeezes and holds her back against his chest with only the towel in between.  It seems like she can barely catch her breath at the closeness of the embrace and a small whimper escapes her as he finally lets go.

He tells her to take the towel and bend over to dry her legs as he steps away.  She complies then feels something being pushed at her cunt from behind.  She straightens her legs and bends over more deeply while slowly exhaling to make the insertion easier.  She has no idea what it is but wants to take whatever he wishes to offer.  Quickly the object is buried deep inside of her and she begins to feel the burning as she straightens back up.

He takes the towel from her and places it over her head, then wraps it around her long hair and twists it into a turban on top of her head before ordering her to turn away from him again.  He smiles at the way her skin has been prepared as he slips the vampire glove onto his hand.  The sharp points of the metal standing wickedly out from the leather of the glove as lays it onto the warm skin. 

He begins to trace his hand over the muscles of her back.  Watching as the skin turns from red to white where the metal lightly scrapes the surface.  Letting her relax into the touch then deepening it, the sharp points now digging into and through the skin as she gasps at the scraping touch.  Dragging his hand from the top of her ass up and across her back and then down again.  The red skin raising into long thin lines after he has passed over it with his vicious touch.

Once he is satisfied with the art that he has placed on her back, he removes the vampire glove and replaces it with a blue nitrile one.  She ignores the activity behind her as she absorbs the feel of the raw, scraped skin in the still hot air of the bathroom.  The pain from the treatment making her cunt wet, which has the added effect of helping to activate the burning of the ginger that she feels inside her. 

Taking the oil from where he has placed it on the sink, he pours a little into the palm of the glove and presses it into her shoulder and down her back.  At first, the oil provides relief from the burning pain then the real torture begins.  The oil is not a balm but rather a hot one that penetrates deep into skin through the scrapes.  The burning pain now feels like it is coming from inside of her as he massages it across her back, with only his touch being any relief. 

Finally, even this is taken away as he finishes preparing the skin and steps away to remove the glove.  She feels like her entire body is on fire from the burning on her back.  Sweat begins to bead up on her forehead and drip down her face, her heart is now beating strongly in her chest as she tries to breathe through the pain as she has been taught but her cunt is now nearly dripping from excitement at all that he is doing to her.

His hands grasp her shoulders and he turns her around to face him.  She looks up at him with longing and admiration as he reaches and removes the towel from her head with a twist.  Then a great stinging as her long wet hair falls onto her already burning back.  She complies after he tells her to get down on her knees and to present her left hand to him, wondering what he now has in store for her.

He reaches for a plastic case and extracts something before grasping her ring finger between the bottom edge of the nail and the knuckle.  He looks her in the eye and reminds her that she only has to say no to stop the pain and torture… that he knows that this may be too much for her.  She is smart enough to control her reaction, but her eyes betray her derisive thoughts about how he could never push her farther than she has been pushed before.

An evil smile crosses his lips as he shows her what he has in his hand.  It is a replacement needle for a sewing machine.  It is about one inch in length with a long red tip on one end.  He pulls her finger towards him as he tells her that she can scream if she needs to, but that she cannot move as he is inserting it because that will make it worse.  Suddenly, the bravado that she had a moment ago is gone and replaced with pure fear.

The scream filled and echoed through the bathroom as he inserted the needle below the nail and pushed it deep until only the long red tip extended past the end of her nail.  He was able to keep the finger tightly clamped in between his thumb and finger through the entire insertion even as she twisted involuntarily on her knees from the agony of it. 

For her, the amazingly intense pain completely overwhelmed all other feelings at first then the clutching of her cunt at the burning finger of ginger inside her meshed with the burning pain of her hair striking and sweeping over her back.  Each building on top of each other in a manner that ver, but was actually too quick to even grasp.  Finally, it all ending in an explosive orgasm before she could even mouth a request for his permission. 

Her head and body exploding in the pleasure that had been driven by the pain.  Her only connection with the real world being his fingers holding onto one of hers.  Her head filled with starbursts of light and feel as her body shakes uncontrollably at his feet, then the laughter.  Feeling it inside her but knowing it to be too deep to be coming from her.  The sound bringing her back to reality and to the pain that was now returning to the forefront as she looks and sees the delight coming from him.

He looks down at her and says, “Do you wish to stop or shall I continue?” The tone of the question hitting her in a way that she never expected, she looks at her hand and sees the extension to her ring finger and she knows that he is the one that she has always wanted.   Finally she says what she has always wanted but never thought she would get to say.  “Yes Master, do with me as you please.”

 A smile crosses his face and a small laugh escapes him as he says, “Hmmm… that was easier than I expected… I still have so much more planned”, then he reaches for the next needle in the case…

Things turn so quickly in this world... a month ago, everything was amazing... now, everything has fallen apart.  A year ago... six months ago... no expectations for anything.  Then, several relationships just fall into place... each one unique and different.  None with any problems relating to the others, then each just falls down on its own.

I was happy with nothing... I was ecstatic with what just randomly developed...
but, there is a reason that I don't go there with people.  The pain just isn't worth what you get for your effort.  Better to just keep things at a friends level at all times... I have learned my lesson... again... 

Well, probably not.

I love silence...

Quiet is what you get in a library... Quiet is when someone else is in the room... Quiet is static or waves crashing in the distance or a soft heartbeat...

Silence is different.

But not me... I love Silence.

I was messaging with a submissive that I have been building a friendship with and she asked what I thought was a brilliant question to ask of a Dominant (or in my case, someone who has a Dominant side to them): "Do you find you are capable of finding out what your subs needs are without her even knowing? How do you do that?"

To me understanding what someone else needs, whether they realize it or not, is actually a pretty simple exercise if you pay attention. I believe that the key trait that a good Dominant should have is actually empathy. Many people try to equate that with some sort of submissive or even weak quality, but I feel it is just the opposite. Empathy, to me, means the ability to understand another persons situation and where they are coming from. It does not mean that you put yourself in that other persons shoes or that you have been in the same place, but rather that you see who they are and understand their point of view (regardless of whether you feel they are full of crap or not). I do not feel empathy is a dominant or submissive trait, but rather just a human trait.

In any relationship, whether we are talking friendship or some romantic involvement, each partner takes the time to understand what their partner is going through or dealing with. As a friend or a vanilla partner, you can always see things that the person you are talking to cannot. In those relationships, you give advice or try to cajole or prod your friend or partner into making the right decisions. Sometimes they take your advice and integrate it into their decisions and sometimes they do not (especially when they do not recognize their own need even though it is readily apparent to everyone around them). Once you have tried to help someone in a "normal" relationship, your obligation as a friend or partner has really been fulfilled and pushing them is really just something that will strain that relationship rather than help.

For a Dominant in a D/s relationship their obligations are much different once they recognize their submissives needs. It is their obligation to not only convince the submissive to do something about that issue, but really to require that the sub address these things in a manner that will satisfy that need. This may be done in a straight-forward manner where the need is just directly confronted and the sub knows they are directly addressing an issue or it may be done by requiring that the sub perform certain deeds because that is what the Dominant demands, which in turn addresses the subs needs in a more indirect way.

People always seem to talk about "needs" as a euphemism for sexual things, but in a full D/s relationship it goes much beyond this. If the sub has financial issues, then it is the Doms obligation to look at their bills, limit their spending, set up payment plans for their debt, etc... If the sub is unfulfilled in their work, it is the Doms obligation to figure out whether the sub should just change jobs, switch companies or get whatever education/degrees/certifications are necessary to change careers and then define a plan that the sub must execute. Then there is the whole "getting in shape" thing, which is the 3rd rail of relationships.

If a sub is physically healthy and feels good about themselves, then there is really not a reason to require that they go on a diet or a workout plan. However, if they look in the mirror and do not like what they see then it is the Doms obligation to force them to improve themselves. This is an extremely touchy subject and usually has all kinds of emotional elements involved, which makes it a great example of how a good Dom has to be able to empathize with the sub and understand what buttons to push in order to get the sub to take care of their needs.

If the sub is the type that never wants to be treated as an equal and just wants to be ordered about, then it is as simple as demanding that they eat a specific way and do specific workouts in service to the Dom because the Dom wants them to look a certain way. If the sub wants/needs to be treated with no respect, called names and be humiliated as often as possible, then the Dom just has to insult her body and demand that she do something about it (specifically setting unrealistic and impossible goals so that the Dom can call them lazy or incompetent even when they are making good progress). If the sub is the type that considers themselves to be a partner in the relationship but has just ceded control of their decisions and will to the Dom (which is the majority of the cases from what I have seen), then a more constructive approach must be taken.

A backhanded way to achieve this is to require that the sub perform some general but physically demanding task for the Dom. When they fail at this task because they are out of shape, the Dom can then demand that they begin to workout in order to be able to take care of the Doms needs or desires. This should not be seen as a punishment or addressed as the sub being unattractive/embarassing to the Dom, but rather that the sub needs to improve their physical conditioning to properly perform the tasks that the Dom requires.

If the problem is health related, then a straightforward approach is the Dom sitting down with the sub and explaining that they are concerned about their health and therefore the Dom is going to require changes in their eating and physical conditioning. If the problem is that the sub feels bad about the way they look, then another straightforward approach is to force the sub to look in the mirror and tell the Dom what they see. The Dom can then explain to the sub that they are a part of who the Dom is, and they are not pleasing the Dom and taking care of his needs if the sub has that reaction when they look in the mirror.

Once started with any of these approaches, it is the Doms responsibility to keep up with what the sub is doing in service to the Dom and to push them. A sense of service should be integrated into workouts by making sure that they are difficult enough that at some point during the workout that the sub wants to quit, but must push through in service to the Dom. The Dom must hear about what the sub did for them and pay attention to any journals that they require the sub to keep (food or workout). They also should reinforce the progress by showing pleasure and being appreciative of what the sub is doing for them (except in the case of humiliation subs). They should purchase new clothes for the sub when sizes change and comment on how good they look on the sub (except in the case of humiliation subs). They should require tasks that they know can now be performed successfully, but that were impossible earlier in the journey. Most importantly, they should understand when the sub has achieved the goal of feeling good about themselves then move them into a maintenance phase.

Which approach to take (or whether the sub has this need at all) is all about the Dom understanding what the sub needs as motivation to achieve a goal that betters themselves. The need for empathy and the ability to recognize a subs needs from a sexual viewpoint is also just as easy if you understand what to look for. By having discussions about what a sub enjoys and how different aspects of BDSM effect a sub, you can get a very good picture of what will push a subs buttons. From there, it is a process of paying attention to their reactions as you experiment and try different things. By doing these things, a Dom should be able to pick out themes in what the sub needs to be fully satisfied.

We will take pain as an example. It is obvious that a true masochist will enjoy any pain and usually the more the better. However, most subs are not truly masochists who get pleasure solely from pain and the accompanying releases of brain chemicals like serotonin. So, a sub may list pain as something they do not like when talking with a Dom. However, by discussing how different things make them feel and watching how the sub reacts to different stimuli and approaches, the Dom can come to the understanding that the sub gains pleasure from truly feeling the act of submission. They may also observe that sub feels their submission most when they are forced to endure something they do not enjoy.

It takes empathy to understand that this particular sub has a need to be forced to endure rather than to just serve, especially since the sub themselves will probably not even realize this need. At that point, it is up to the Dom to look back at the kink inventory and see that the sub does not like pain and come up with tortures that are painful enough to fulfill that need to fully feel the act of submission without going past the limits of the sub.

The need to fully feel that submission by being forced to endure is only one possible theme that a Dom can pick out. Other examples are the need to completely please and service another; the need to be completely broken down and then built back up to initiate an emotional release; the need to be forced deep into subspace; the need to be deprived of pleasure for a long enough period of time that they ache for it; the need to be humiliated; and the need to be completely and totally under anothers control. This is certainly not a comprehensive list, but you can see these themes (and others) running through the physical activities and role playing that make up BDSM play.

By recognizing that a sub likes or has a powerful reaction to certain types of activities, a Dom should be able to recognize a theme and define what the subs needs actually are (even if the sub does not realize them). From this, the Dom should be able to pick out activities that also address the subs need from a different perspective. These may be things that the sub has always secretly desired but has never been able to verbalize or it may be things that the sub has always listed as a soft limit, which the Dom can then push.

So, to summarize my long and detailed answer to a very good question... Yes, I can find out what a subs needs are even when she does not know what they are and I do this by paying close attention to her and empathizing with where she is coming from.