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Male Submissive, 20
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Female Dominant, 25, Chicao, Minnesota
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About ashhouck
I'm a Dominant/Top/Master who has been active in the Burlington Vermont scene for years. It would be nice to find a Best Friend For Life; if not that, perhaps some good friends with whom I can be open about my proclivities. I'm intelligent, insightful, funny, strict, silly, compassionate, cruel, affectionate, and experienced.
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I am a compulsively creative person. My range of interests is broad, from photography to software to music to sculpture. I've written software from encryption to image processing to music/video players to games. If I don't have a problem to solve, I make one up. Thus, I just completed making an iPod for my parrots, and am re-writing a text editor that I first wrote 20 years ago. I thrive on challenges, and am rarely idle or bored.
I have been a sadist all of my life, but have been conflicted about it most of that time. As much as I want to force a girl to endure an ordeal that leaves her exhausted, bruised, tear-soaked, and sore, I also find that the kinder side of me is often uncomfortable with the sadist in me. Too sensitive? Too much guilt? Who knows. If you choose to engage with me, you will encounter both sides of me, and we will have to deal with the conflicts.
I've spent enough time in The Scene to feel a bit jaded. I watch "submissives" and "slaves" carefully selecting the person whom they will obey, and then announce that there will be no safe words and no limits. That's easy to say when you have ensured, in advance, that you will not be required to do anything you wish to avoid. While I'm sure there are many "real" subs and slaves out there, I remain cynical. Where's the beef?
To me, an act of submission has to involve the sub doing things that they truly do not wish to do. Ordering a sub to eat an ice cream cone does not involve submission. Does life have to be hell for a sub all of the time? Of course not. But there have to be moments where the submission is real, and the reticence is palpable.
As exciting as punishment fantasies may be, I have never found punishment to be an effective way of relating to another person. If you want me to beat you, I will oblige; but if you require that I beat you in order for you to behave, one of us will have to find a different path. Perhaps I can be convinced. Try me.
I've read about many couples on who seem to have real M/s relationships; I'm a tad jealous. I have to say that I've seen few successful BDSM relationships in my neck of the woods. The turnover is astonishing and sad, unless you see short-term serial monogamy as a success story. And most of the successful relationships are more successful vanilla relationships than successful BDSM relationships. But we persist in the illusion. I suppose that so long as you are happy, it should not matter how you got there.
I would love to meet a girl who hates pain but submits to it to please me. Having tried that recently, I can say that I'm less optimistic about that being a realistic long-term approach to relationships. Perhaps with another girl.
Second best might be a girl who requires daily doses of pain to "settle" her, or to focus her. I've been with a girl like that, and it was a wonderful, albeit scary, ride. How to find the middle ground between boredom and terror?
My preferred scenes are intense and painful, and fear is an important part of those scenes. I'm not a sensual Dom by nature, but I can provide a sensual scene if you prove to me that you deserve that reward. That doesn't mean that I can't be friends with, or even play with, someone with different tastes. And I try to never say "never". But my preferences are clear.
I believe that it is my job to eroticize the activities that I desire from you. If I can not motivate you to suffer for me, to crave that suffering, then I have failed. But understand that you just might end up surprising yourself if you were with me. All of us end up being different people in each relationship in which we engage.
I also enjoy humiliation play. What will humiliate one girl may be trivial for another. It is something to explore together.
I would enjoy controlling a girl completely, but have never encountered a girl who was capable of letting go in that way. Finding the balance between real 24/7 slavery and life in the real world seems to be a challenge.
I love to push limits. If you spend time with me, I will try to challenge you. I will try to get you involved with me and with BDSM 24/7. Some people enjoy and can accept this; others find that it interferes with their real lives too much. Again, to find the balance.
I am an intense person, and I will want to know a girl inside and out. I will probe and explore and question. Unlike some Doms who don't really want to know you, I will. For some, that is exhilarating; for others, threatening.
I am not usually a casual player. If you want to play with me, you will have to let me inside your head first.
I can be an insightful sounding-post and mentor. I can help you figure out what you really want and need, and help you find it. And I can do that without requiring that you fuck me or submit to me. I seem to have a gift when it comes to helping others explore themselves. Of course, the doctor has difficult taking his own medicine.
One girl said of me "He is insightful, intelligent, and so perceptive that it took my breath away. Often he realized what my desires and fantasies were about before I did, and led me toward understanding them."
I'm intelligent and do not suffer fools in silence. I'm compassionate, but a life partner will have to be able to keep up with me. You don't need a PhD: you need a quick mind, an undying interest in the world around you, and the ability to be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings. Communication and honesty are very important to me.
I tend to be a loner. Not a particularly good thing. My best partner probably is more social than I am, and may need to help me find a more social path. As good as I am at one-on-one face-to-face encounters, I find parties to be superficial and boring and threatening. A place in me where growth needs to occur.
I am a visual person, and need to find at least some part of my partner that is truly beautiful. Inner beauty is wonderful, but that by itself is likely insufficient for me. Does that make me shallow? Perhaps. But I'm honest about who I am.
I live in a remote area, in a remote home, where tranquility and visual beauty surround me every day. I cannot tolerate the noise, dirty, crime, and traffic of a city.
I have both parrots and cats, which has proven to be a show-stopper for some girls. Thus a non-allergic deaf-girl would be preferred.
I crave a real person in my real life. Email, IM, and phone are good ways to get to know someone, but in the end, I want someone here with me.
I've tried long-distance, and it is challenging. Since I know essentially every scene person within a 3 hour drive, I guess long-distance is unavoidable. Frustrating. But it would be an interim approach, not the ultimate goal.
I react differently to every person whom I meet. I expect that I will not be the same Dom or Master to a new girl as I was to any of the others whom I have met. Thus, I do not meet people with a fixed pre-conception of where things might go, or who I might be with them. I try to be open to the future. Discovering new things in me, through you, is one of the pleasures of meeting new people.
I have been told "you remain one of my favorite people" and "you were always kind and very thoughtful, not to mention of great intelligence and humor" by a woman who wishes to remain "just friends". Now to find someone who wishes to explore beyond that annoying boundary.
Some of my friends will read this and mutter under their breaths "yeah, that's who he wishes he could be". There is some truth to that. I am not the man I yearn to be. Maybe I'll get there some day. Perhaps not. As Jackson Browne said "Don't confront me with my failures: I have not forgotten them." |
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