asandlps

Journal Time, whoo!

Earlier I was thinking (always a dangerous proposition, I know) about what I am really looking for. I mean, come on, Man, what do you want out of life? You know? Like, where does this all lead to?

(Hell in a hand basket? Sentences that end in prepositions?)

I was thinking about the funnest, most radicalest times I have ever had with special friends of the opposite sex. I was on the train. I was wearing gym shorts. I have mastered the art of the quick mental-censor, the cerebral equivalent of the black box over an offending image, lest something starts to come up. You now what I mean...(jebus; I am a goddamn perv.)

After that initial flurry of naughty thoughts, though, I started to think about moments that made me laugh. Things that people have pointed out that have stayed with me, things communicated through smiles and knowing looks. Inside jokes in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Suggestions commonly arrived at, needs wordlessly anticipated. The more you open up the stronger the bond becomes.

The faces on the train are aloof, sometimes hostile. It is war paint and animal masks. You get someone alone, though, you talk to them--it is amazing. We are all hiding the same thing.

I like waking up next to someone and rubbing her back. I like talking to her afterwards over the shower curtain while she brushes her teeth. (Yes, I let her go first, even if it means she uses all the hot water. It is just a risk I am willing to take.) I like the companionship of someone I do not have to explain myself to, she sees that even though I can be twisted, viciously and sadistically cruel, underneath it all I mean well.

The devil always knows his own kind.