aroseinthesnow

"Approaching a Prospective sub"

Written by Sir Joe

I have been searching on the internet for about a couple of years now and I have had several conversations with multiple submissives. The one thing that they all have in common is the incredible exasperation and frustration they feel regarding the emails and IM's they get from male Dominants.

(I am directing my comments to male Dom's, not Domme's the rules are different for Domme's, and my comments here don't generally apply you.)

Gentlemen, this is after all a fetish website, BUT, if you are really the Dominant you claim to be, and a member of the lifestyle that promotes "Safe", "Sane", and "Consensual" then how is it that so many of you begin an introductory email or instant message with commands you have not been given consent to make?

Hi I'm Dom (whoever) now, "On your knees bitch!" or "I want to stick my dick in your ass!" or my personal favorite "Be a good whore, and reply to me NOW!" are not the kind of phrases that any woman, sub or not will respond to. So Stop It!

I have been in this lifestyle for over 7 years, and I have met every woman I have dated since 2000 (including my last wife) online. Why, because no matter who I am talking to I offer her the same respect I want for myself.

You would no more walk up to a woman at the mall, and tell her to get on her knees, how can you assume that this will be a winning strategy here? Is it because this is a fetish site? Poor assumption, if that's what your thinking.

This is a lifestyle based entirely on trust! Who in their right mind would trust you if your first comment was so derogatory that it was offensive. Don't get me wrong, in a scene, when consent has been gven, you can talk to your sub in whatever way turns you or her on. However, do you expect to get to a point where your having a real time encounter with a sub, if you are so blunt and disrespectful in your initial introduction? Or even before you have established a basis for that kind of discussion, or email.

Like I said, I have been online for about a year this time, (2 years the last time) and recently, I have met several women in person, and am chatting with a few others, whom I expect to meet, and there is no doubt that in their minds, or fannies for that matter that I am Dominant. But I didn't make any overtly sexual or BDSM related comments in my initial introduction. WHY? Because when it comes to female submissives, they are not about to offer trust, or themselves to anyone who can't even respect them enough to introduce themselves in non threatening manner.

It doesn't matter if the sub has said, "write me, and tell me what violent degrading things you want to do to me." why, because unless your writing a letter just to get her off, then odds are your not going to be anything more than the sender of a dirty letter. If you really want to meet her and do those things, you need to understand TRUST! It might work occasionally (1/10,000) but that is pretty poor odds. and it will be (0/1,000,000) if it is a newbie or novice sub, who is nervous to begin with.

If you can't make a vanilla (I use the word to make my point clear) introduction of yourself to a female submissive, and establish that your not some wack job or psycopath, then don't write them at all. It is the conclusion of those of us truely in the lifestyle, that anyone who can't see the reality of trust and consent in the process is nothing more than a wanna-be, who is making the rest of us look bad.

I am personally offended by any man that has no other articulate way to introduce himself to a woman than to say, "get on your knees bitch!".

If that is your standard introduction grow up. If you are offended by what I've said, then you're exactly who I am talking about and guilty of being an a**hole.

DOM doesn't mean DICK. If you can't be Dominant, or assertive without being a dickhead, turn off your computer, jack off an go to sleep, because in the end, that is all your going to be doing anyway.

I am Sir_Joe (sir_joe_1211) and I am a real Dom seeking exactly what I stated in my profile and a committed member of this lifestyle, and if you have any comments feel free to let me know. But know this, I am right. Ultimately, respect and trust, will be the only way you get the consent you need to have a real life encounter with a sub.