I got a recent note sent to me that noted that I hadn't posted anything here in a while, and that left me equally baffled and flattered that someone had noticed!  I suppose it's easier for me to sit back and imagine a world where everyone somehow already knows all this stuff and doesn't need me to pass along my varying wit and witicisms - which I do my very best to make sure are as NON-controversial as they come.

However - the truth is that writing entries like this falls into the same category as actually writing out a letter to relatives.  It's the kind of thing you think about doing, but you never get around to it.  But if actually reminded of it - the words flow out like water about whatever is on your mind.

Today/tonight was Cinco de Mayo -- which turns out NOT to be a celebration of Mexican Independence, but a celebration of a Mexican victory over the French in Puebla.  Don't take my word for it -- look it up.  Either way - I went out with friends to a Cinco de Mayo party (because, as an American, I feel it's my duty to usurp other countries holidays and celebrations as an excuse to go out and drink).

My point is - that while I was out I was again reminded of how ACTUALLY difficult it is to meet someone you're (potentially) attracted to.  As far as I'm concerned, the "bar" has somehow been magically set to be MUCH higher than I remember it ever being in the past.  There's no longer an understood "three strikes" rule -- it's "one mistake and done" now.  Philosophically, I can wonder where/when it was that we all became as cyincal as we are-- but practically, it kind of bums me out.  When I was a kid, there was such a thing as "take-backs' and as an adult they were called "mulligans".  I'd often heard that you never get a second chance at a first impression -- but when I heard it, it at least meant you got that second chance.  Now it seems your first chance at meeting someone is also your last.  What's up with that?

Since I sincerely believe that the worlds of vanilla and bdsm are inextricably linked, this theory works all across the spectrum.  Ask yourself (if you're single and not seeing anyone) if you have been willing to give a "second chance" to someone whose first impression was not what you were hoping it was.  Yes, it's possible that you're JUST THAT GOOD, and that your first impressions are usually spot on.  But for the record -- I'm not talking about the "obvious" ones -- like guys who post pics of their glory days in college 30 years ago in order to attract hot 22-year old bikini models, or girls (or guys) who post pics of themselves that aren't the least but accurate in terms of what they "actually" look like.  In my honest opinion: Anyone who blatantly lies on their profile or posts pics that are not recent (or at the very least LOOK like you do currently) deserves what they get when they meet someone in person for the first time.

But for purposes of this post -- I'm not talking about the somewhat grey world of online postings -- I'm talking about actually meeting another person in real life.  And this goes to the thinking that it doesn't even matter if it's vanilla or bdsm related.  We have all become just a little too cynical... just a little too jaded.  We fall into one of two camps -- either we're in the A: Camp -- where we stay single for lack of any interesting other party that will somehow "bring us out of our reverie", or we are in the B: Camp -- where we jump from relationship to relationship regardless of the ups and downs and goods and bads that may exist.  Somewhere in there, there must (I can only hope) be a middle ground.  A place where our caution intersects with our eagerness to find someone.  We live in a world of extremes right now - and I for one miss the hazy, lazy, days of grey.

I have never bothered to add a journal entry before now, but I have had an experience that made me want to add one now. 

I have been in this lifestyle for years.  I made all the stupid newbie mistakes you could ever imagine, but I grew and learned from those mistakes and vowed not to make them again.  And for the most part, I have been successful.

Fast forward to today.  I'm older, far wiser, but sadly, far too cynical.  The effort of learning, participating in, enjoying, and even missing out on this lifestyle has been very taxing.  It's a little like being punch-drunk.  You're still on your feet, against all odds, but there's no telling if you'll last against another blow.

My very cynical side tells me that if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.  Too many pretty pictures with not enough substance.  Too many instant requests for my email address before bothering to get to know me.  Too many obvious scams - I even saw a picture of Eva Longoria posted as a user's photo once.

Of the very, very few emails I've ever sent out -- only a fraction have ever been returned.  And I have only to look at my own experience to guess why.  After all - the submissive women out there must have the same kinds of thoughts as I do regarding scammers and pinheads and idiots.  While it pains me to think that someone out there might think I fall into any of those categories (yes, even the "too good to be true" one), I suspect it is all too accurate.

And just as well-meaning Doms email submissives they are interested in and receive no reply - so do I get the occasional email from a well-meaning submissive that doesn't fit what I am looking for.

All that compounds to a bit of a conundrum.  What to do when you don't know what to do.  I erred once in reacting too quickly to someone I was interested in and only succeeded in landing in the middle of all-the-other-people-on-this-site-who-don't-stand-out, or worse, who stand out in a poor way.

So another opportunity missed by forgetting that no matter how much I think I know or have learned, there's always something new to discover.