HOPING THAT THE MEETING WILL GO WRONG
I was stil completely confused. I was in love with Him, the one I’ve never met in real life. At the same time I was also loving my boyfriend, but knowing that we have big, probably impossible obstacles to overcome not only the geographical one but also beliefs.

I was really hoping that meeting Him will go wrong. That would make my decision so easy.

First we talked about meeting in Grece, but I changed my mind quickly and we started planning meeting in Portugal. After checking several options we decided for an apartment with a kitchen, fire place and a pool.

More then where we will stay He was interested in how we will be. At first I was refusing all of His suggestions. I refused that He covers all the costs, I refused staying together on the day we meet, refused unprotected sex... But persuading me day after day I finally agreed to allow Him anything He wanted. Talking to Him for hours each day also my trust in Him Increased. 

“That’s my pretty whore. I really love you my fucking sexy beautiful whore,” He said when I gave in. 

The rule was: BIG DILDO IN PUSSY AND BIG BUTT PLUGG FROM 9 P.M TO 12. P.M. FOR THE NEXT 10 DAYS.

Following it took more then 10 days, some days I also failed in the sizes.

The first three days I did exactly as I was told. I had hard time falling asleep, the third day it also become very painful. So the forth day I only managed to put small dildo and small plug inside of me.

Then He made me angry. He disappered from the chat without saying. I was so ofended I decided to stop following the rule.

But after two days as we become the sweetest sweethearts again, I inserted the required toys at the designated time. I woke up at 10 a.m. so excited I couldn't control myself. I cumed, but manage to keep both holes full till midday.

I was so satisfied, I forgot about the rule the next day. I told Him about my failure, on my surprise He was not angry at all, He just told me to keep on following the rule for five more days.

Night 6 was normal, on night 7 I woke up at 6 in the morning and couldn't fall back to sleep. I was turning around for two hours, then I removed the toys and finally got some rest.

During the eight night I lost both the toys while I was asleep, so the next day I tied them with a rope. I also turned the dildo on. I had even more troubles falling asleep than the previous days. I also woke up after two hours, vibrating didlo stil making me drip. I somehow managed to get some more rest without cumming.

Before the last night I took the biggest vibrator that it's not comfortable even for pussy and attached it to floor. Imagining I'm about to ride His cock I approached my ass hole to the toy. The tip entered relativly quicly, but it was painful. Riding, I relaxed and let the whole monster inside my butt. Watching His picture I managed to fuck for almost 5 minutes. After getting it out I felt so open... Few minutes of rest then I slided the long butt plug in it's place. After replacing the batteries also the vibrator in wet wet pussy. 

What do I think about the rule? It's very challenging. Doing it day/night after night requires a lot of will. It's also quite humiliating – the reason I find it hot. What I hated most is the fact that I was not able to sleep normaly. I would prefer to follow this rule during day time, even if that means I would be double plugged while business meetings.

Next day the chat with Him started very nicely. We talked about the words game, about my day… When I asked Him if He is mine for the day, He told me He needs to take His slave home and that He has some lunch plans with His friends.

My first consider was if He is coming back to me. He assured it.

Of course immediately after that I noticed first signs of jealousy. She was sleeping in His bed as we were chatting.  

‘I’m not allowed to be jealous,’ I was saying to myself.

So I asked Him what happened, expecting that the details he will share will excite me. But He refused to tell me anything:

“Don’t you think we should respect her privacy honey?”

Jealousy increased a little more. I could handle Him fucking another woman, but only if I’m a part of it. I hold back and only commented:

“In that case I' completely excluded.”

“I think you should ask her personally about yesterday and if she feels ok to tell you than I won’t mind.”

“You're choosing her over me again,” I said, “You should share everything with me, not her.”

“No, honey, I am not. I’m only trying to make a line to avoid any problems.”

“I'm jealous. And You will not break up her today. So she will soon make some new romantic plans for you two.”

“You don’t want me to meet her again?”

“I will need a little time to swallow this. Also to decide if I can ask You to stop seeing her.” 

“You have the right to tell me if you don’t want me to meet her.”

But I didn’t feel I have the right to ask that. I was stil in a relationship with another man, no matter if he was on the other side of the world at that point too. So I only told Him how not sharing His experience affects me: “The last time you were with X slave, you told me about all the details and because of that I felt strong. Now I only feel like she won over me.”

“If you think that love is small word, than you are right, she won me over you. The reality is: I love you and I don’t love her, how could she won me over you?!”

I needed to hear that.

When I openly admitted that I’m jealous He claimed it as His victory.

“Jealousy is a good sign because only a true and honest girlfriend or wife has this tendencies for her boyfriend or husband.”

At that point His slave woke up and wanted to talk to me. We had some nice small talk. I also let her see pictures of me and gave her my e-mail address. She said she will send me a picture of her, but that never happened. She never contacted me after that.

Then they left. Of course He did not return from His lunch appointment before I went to sleep. He failed in His promise to give me a task to earn my pleasure. I was very disappointed, feeling that He doesn’t fulfill His promises and most importantly that He doesn’t really care about my needs and desires.

A day later He described what He did with His slave, taking into account it’s our secret, and I was on the top of the world again.  

Next day He told me He hadn’t been able to talk to me from the office because of unexpectedly long meeting. He apologized. He also told me He hadn’t meet His slave the previous night. I was so pleased, I wrote that I’m all His.  

»I love you honey, I missed you and I want you to be mine forever,« was His response. But I didn't let go. Intuition?

»Please if you did play with her, tell me. I don't want you to hide anything form me, you can share everything, even if I perhaps will not like it at first. And today I will not get angry, I promise«. He got a little angry Himself: »Why you always doubt me, did I ever try to hide anything from you?«. I had to admit that He had shared some things that He could and most of the men would hide.

Only few minutes later - out of the blue - He told me that she was there. She was there! With Him in His apartment!

I was surprised but not angry, on the contrary I got excited in anticipation of mutual play. While she was in the bathroom, I told Him how the words game and the new rule went the previous night. I was expecting to additionally excite Him. He replied with a demand to change the new rule. The change – wear butt plug without using lube was not acceptable for me. Did my brief report turned Him on? Was the new demand result of the arousal? I never asked Him, but the way He reacts to my behavior and words, I hope I did manage to add a little to His excitement, unfortunately at the same time I know that my refusal to accept the changed rule also disappointed Him a lot.

Then He asked: “Would you like to talk to her?” Confused, not knowing what to say, I said no. But she wanted to, so I accepted. He left to get some food and wine for them. Just before leaving He used the word for rubber bands, so throughout the whole conversation with His slave I was feeling pain and excitement.

After saying hello, she immediately started interrogating me: “Where and how did you two meet? Do you really love him?” I answered her and asked her the same. She didn’t reply but I didn’t doubt a bit that she loves Him.

“He talks a lot about you. He was also talking about marriage with you, is that true?”

I decided to answer her questions truthfully but as much gentle as possible. “We talk a lot, so yes, there was also some discussions about marriage. And what is your relationship with Him?”

“I don’t know. What did he say about me?”

I felt her love for Him and her pain. I was happy to be able to repeat some of His words about her: “He likes you a lot. When I asked Him about women in His life he mentioned you and only one other woman.”

She told me He is a beautiful man with very good personality. Muscular. Intelligent, smart and good at heart. But He is also a devil.

“I know. He told me He likes to play with you very harsh.”

She was offended by the fact that He shared that with me. I was surprised that she didn’t know it. If we were to play together, she should have known.

 “That is tricky,” I said when she expressed her wish for privacy. “I want to know about everything that He thinks, everything that He does. On the other hand I understand you.”

She didn’t reply anything so asked her about herself.

“Tell me first, what you know about me?”

“Not much. I know that you are young beautiful widow with perfect body.”

“I think yes,” she replied and returned back to interrogation: “You already have a boyfriend, right?”

“It's true. I've been in a relationship since 2007.”

“You have a boyfriend and also you love Him, how is it possible? Either you are fooling your boyfriend or you are fooling him.”

I felt the attack but answered honestly: “It's a situation I don't wish anybody to be in.” 

She didn’t comment, instead she fired again: “Also he said that you are chubby.”

I don’t think there is a lot of people in the world who likes to hear comments on their overweight, I’m surely not one of them. But I didn’t get angry, I knew it’s her pain talking. I just confirmed the fact even though after losing 10 kg I don’t feel that fat anymore: “Haha. It's true. My body is not completely perfect.” 

But she attacked again: “It’s very strange that he likes a woman like you.”

“Hm, perhaps I have other qualities that he likes,” I couldn’t stop myself to contra attack.

Then she asked me to leave them alone when He returns. I refused since the two of us agreed we will stay online.

“Please understand and try to give him any silly reason why you are leaving,” she continued and added another slap “I hope you are smart enough.”

I refused to lie, I suggested her that we just tell Him about her wish.

“He says you are understanding and decent women, but you are not.”

“I'm sorry that you think that. But it's understandable. It's not possible to get to know a person in an hour of online chat.”

“I just want you to keep your distance from us, at least for today.”

I agreed.

Few minutes later He returned. I immediately told Him He needs to stop talking to me.

“She doesn't like me that much and I think she's hurting. You have to let me get rid off the rubbers and then take care of her.”

He thought I was joking, then got scared thinking I’m leaving Him. I ensured Him I’m His and told Him about her wish for privacy.  

“What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“As I said: give me the permission to take off the rubbers and then give Your attention to her.”

“I love you not her.”

“I know, my darling. But she is there and I think that You talking to me hurts her. She said that if I will not leave you two alone, she will leave.” 

“She is just jealous.”

“Yes, she loves you.”

“So what? Does it matter?”

“I don't want you to go, but I feel for her.”

And then another surprise:  “We are going out to see some show.”

The most painful slap that evening. I was not hurting thinking that He will fuck her. But to go out on a date? That was something I couldn’t handle.

“You're going out with her? I don't like that at all.”

“She came with tickets for a show - I still don't know where we are going. She planned a surprise.”

With each word He wrote jealousy in me increased.

“I'm no longer prepared to back off for her. You have to choose: it’s her or me.” 

“What should I do?”

“Break up with her.”

“I respect you and I love you. But I also respect her and feel for her because she lost a lot in her life and she is all alone. If you want me to break up with her than let me do it my way.”

“Well, do it your way. But be aware that today you are choosing her over me.”

“Honey please don’t act like any other women. Because you are not like those. I won’t fuck her I promise but I can’t say no to her at this point. Please let me do it my way.”

Pain on my nipples increased to the point I had to ask Him again for permission to take them off. He didn’t give it: “I want you to wear the rubbers for another hour. I want you to miss me and remember me with the pain.”

“I love you, my darling.”

“Love you bitch and she is saying sorry to you.”

He left the chat and she appeared again.

“Hello, it’s X here. I am sorry for my behavior, I am not like you are thinking about me. I hope you will forgive me. Jealousy is something in women which we can’t wipe out too easily from us.”

I felt compassion for her. “Please don't. I have nothing to grudge. I know you are a sweet person, He told me that too.” 

I told her to go already and enjoy the show. But… to put Him back online for a few minutes before they go.

I gave Him the permission to fuck her. 

In our word game we did incorporate the option to set me free if He doesn’t use the word for the second time. I’m allowed to remove the gadget one hour after He leaves or I can ask for permission to remove it if He is stil online and the pain becomes intolerable. That day He used words for rubber bands and clamps at the same time. I slid the sweater above, bra underneath my breasts and pulled my left nipple as far as I could. After making four knots with the rubber band I clamped it. I felt discomfort immidiately. Repeating the same procedure on the right nipple gave me pleasure and excitement, but after half an hour real pain started. I tried to push Him to use the same words again in order to be released from clamps and rubers but I was not successful. After over an hour I asked Him for permission to remove them. He smiled: “Yes, you can beg, but it’s me who decides what you do. So for the now: keep them all or I will make it more uncomfortable and painful.”

I felt I can take a little more so I didn’t argue. Just before I asked Him to have mercy on me He told me His X slave had called Him that morning. My twisted mind knew I will get more excitement and concequencly power to fight the pain talking about her, so I asked Him what had His X slave said. 

“She wants to meet me,” He replied. “I said I will call her back and let her know. Now you tell me what should I do?”

“You should fuck her thinking of me.”

“You want me to fuck her?”

“Yes. Since you stupid man don't want to masturbate.” 

He just couldn’t believe it.

“Say it again honey, you really want me to fuck her tonight?”

Of course I used the opportunity and conditioned it with the permission to take clamps and rubbers off, but He refused: “I can stay away from X.”

The pain at that time was intolerable no matter what the talk was about, no matter of the excitement. I had to plead Him to let me free the nipples.

“On one condition,” He used my manner from before. Knowing Him I begged for a condition I’m able to do. He didn’t listen. He tried to break a limit telling me to go roaming nude in the floor in which my mother sleeps for 10 minutes and additional 10 in my floor. It was unacceptable. I wasn’t able to take 20 more minutes and I decided I will never ever play in my mother’s floor.

“Please make it possible for me,” I pleaded, “and fast, fast, fast.” The pain increased to the point I started shaking and feeling dizzy.

He didn’t listen. “Your choise.You can remove everyhing after an hour or after you do the task.”

“Family and neighbors is what I will not do,” I repited my decision.

“I know,” He replied and kept on pushing.

When I used the f word for the second time (Fuck,I can't take it anymore) He finaly gave up. He let me remove the clamps but demanded that I keep the rubbers for an additional hour.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I was really hurting, “You're giving me too much of this sweet pain today, my darling.”

“You deserve it, you fucking horny bitch.”

“I don't think I will be able to hold for another hour. But I will do my best.”

“If you won’t than I swear I won’t give you any more assignments or tasks ever. I have a right to use my property as I want and you are my property. You belong to me.”

“Yes, Sir,” was the only reply I was able to write.

And then out of the blue:

“BIG DILDO IN PUSSY AND BIG BUTT PLUGG FROM 9 P.M TO 12. P.M. FOR THE NEXT 10 DAYS,” was the new rule He set.

He wanted me to do it without lube, but I managed to negotiate at least that. 

Just before He had to leave He said: “I will also call X slave for tonight.”

I didn’t mind but also at that point I was more worried about me. “If the pain on my nipples grows too much, may I take rubbers off?”  He kept the devilish attitude: “No you can’t. Any doubt?”

“Call her, but involve me! I want you online when she comes.”

“I will.”

“So call her already.”

“Tonight I will make her suffer more than last time, I will make hell for her tonight.”

“Will I have any say?”

“See you from my office bitch.”

Motherfucker didn’t come back online. I suffered with the rubber bands for another more than an hour. Then I took them off, inserted butt plug and dildo and just before going to sleep wrote Him a message that I’m taking the permission to fuck X slave back, since I will not be around to be part of it. 

Before we even set the date for our first meeting in real live, He asked me to marry Him. He still keeps on asking even though I’m not accepting the offer, trying to keep at least one leg on the Earth. I’m very honoured, proud and more and more in love each time He does, but I need to hear His soul and touch His heart before I will be able to make any decision.

“I started to feel like you’re my wife,” he wrote, “the way you order me, doubt me, tell me what to do and what not to do, tell me who to meet or not… We are not married but you act like my wife, honey, and I love it. It makes me strong.”

I didn’t really like His deion, I imagined I’m understanding and tolerant woman, but I loved He felt this way. After analyzing His words, I realized He was half right. I don’t give Him orders regularly, actually I don’t remember giving Him one, I only had asked for some things. Regarding telling Him what to do or not, I hope He was reffering to some thoughts I had shared with Him about His work. But I had tried to control His meetings with His slaves and I am doubting Him. I fell in love because of the words He writes, I don’t really know who I am talking to. If some questions are not answered, I imagine the worse.

I’ve never felt that strong wish for having a child as a “normal” woman does. Additionally I was never in a position to have one. The last 14 year I was single or in long distance relationship, before in a relationship only I was the provider, before… too young.  

He expressed a desire to have a child with me. From what He shared with me I know He will be a caring father. But am I to be a mother? Love and care that I have for my niece doesn’t prove it. My way of living is way off to be suitable for motherhood.

“If I was a man, I would have a kid”, I said years ago and I stil think it’s a huge burdain for a female.

But somehow with Him I started to wish, I started to dream…

I don’t remember how the chat that day turned into a little discussion about body-painting. Neither of us is a huge fan but we both like it. He sent me links to several pictures and asked me to do some body-painting myself. At first I didn't take Him seriously. I’m no artist! I can’t paint nor draw! But He insisted so I grabbed the black eyeliner and become an “artist”. Of course I didn't even try to do anything as artsy as the pictures. I went for simple and possible. After outlining the bra, I took it off and started applying the color. It was no masterpiece – black bra without any decoration on my skin. I sent Him two pictures. One with the painted bra only and one with nipple clamps added since during the talk He used the word for them. He loved the “art” I've created.

Just before He had to leave He asked me if I’m still wearing the clamps. “No,” I answered, “you did use the word the second time too. So I was only allowed to wear the clamps for 8 minutes.” He laughed at the sad face I added to my explanation. “Rules are rules, honey.”

Washing the painted color off took some time but I liked the experience too. He made me at least a little creative.

He told me he had felt very proud knowing that I was writing His name over my body, but that He is releasing me from that rule. I didn’t accept it. I enoyed writing His name over my tits and pussy day after day. It made me feel connected with Him. 

Days, weeks, moths passed. More I learnt about Him, stronger my love was. But at the same time love for my boyfriend didn’t decrease. I was so happy that I had met a man that seemed born for me and so sad knowing that I will in best case lose one of them. That Sunday Dangerous liaisons was on TV. I watched it again even though I know almost every word that characters say in the movie. This time the movie shook me even harder then usual. I completely identified myself with Madame de Tourvel, married woman who falls in love and surrenders herself to another man. The man at first only plays with her; however after spending time with her, also he realizes that she is the love of his life. But due to his prior arranged game, he leaves her. She loses everything, he loses everything, the husband loses everything.

Right after the movie my boyfriend video-called me. Seeing him, talking to him, thinking that I will lose him, thinking that I will lose Him, thinking that I will lose both; tears started sliding down my face. I couldn’t control myself, I cried in front of him, lying that it’s due to the movie.  

After the talk my emotional break down turned into anger. I poured it over Him. I wrote Him an email expressing my disappointment over Him and comparison with my boyfriend. It is true that He left the chat without saying goodbye even though I had asked Him several times not to do that. It is true that He fucked another woman several days before and said He is missing her. My boyfriend didn’t do any of those things. My boyfriend has other faults, but I didn’t mentioned them. Anyway those facts were just an excuse. The other woman was His X slave, whom I knew he didn’t love. Leaving without saying goodbye is also not the biggest offence in the world. The truth is I was angry at my boyfriend, Him and mostly me. Everyone responsible to get me into this awful situation.    

The second I pressed “send” I was sorry. But there was nothing I could do only to face His hurt feelings and anger the next day. I apologized and tried to flush it away by joking. But after saying that He’s not perfect and probably not better then my boyfriend He wrote a heart breaking message: “I found out something about you today. The love you have for your boyfriend is strong and you trust him more than any other man in this world”.

It was heartbreaking because it was true. At the same time it was only one part of the truth. The other was that I was crazy in love with Him. But that day He didn’t see that side. He felt bad for splitting two people who love and care for each other. He felt that I had found my destination and it was not with Him. I asked, begged, pleaded to give us a chance:”Don't try to forget me. Demand me.” 

“You’re not mine. You belong to someone else.”

“I'm not yours yet, but I feel your power to change that.” 

“Don’t get mad if you don’t find me online.”

“Please don't give up. You've already won my heart. Please meet me and make me sure.” 

“Honey I know I won’t find anyone like you again in this crowd but I need some time alone.”

“I will wait for you. Please come back to me.”

“I won’t. At least not today.”

“Come as soon as you feel you can.” 

“Take care honey, I will miss everything we shared, every moment I spent with you, every single word.”

“I feel you are The One for me, please give us a chance. I had to fight a lot with myself, now I can't lose you.” 

“You are the one who made me believe but we should go apart at least for few days. We both need time to think. Believe me it’s not easy for me either, I will die every moment thinking about you whole day and night.”

“I don't need any more time. I made my decision. I need to give us the chance.” 

“I want you to take care my barbie doll and I wish you a good life.” 

“The feelings for you are too strong.”

“Please let go honey.”

“Don't say things like that. Promise me that you will at least come to tell me about your decision.” 

“Bye sweet heart......

He left.

I was completely crushed. I really felt so strong for Him I didn't want to lose Him even though it would in a way solve the fucked situation I was in. I cried again. As the sun was rising I moved to the bedroom. Cried some more til finally exhaustion saved me.

With swollen eyes and pain in my heart I was not able to work the next day. To forget the hurt and feelings of being completely lost I played the games that I usually do when my brains need to relax: scrubble, Sudoku… I was in a state of complete dummy when I heard a noise. It was the notification sound for message from Him. Message from Him!

“Hi honey” he said, “I missed you.”

He come back to me. I was the happiest woman on Earth.

But… the situation wasn't solved – it remained as complicated or even more than it was before the “fight”. 

During our first chats He asked me how I felt about being called names like bitch, slut, whore and cunt. The last was unacceptable, the first three I hated and liked. He kept on using them till the hate feaded. Now I only love being called like that. Especially after all three words entered into the word game. I hit my breasts hard three times every time He calls me bitch or slut and five times when He calls me my whore. I love it. I'm starting to accept my inferiority. 

Simple assignment: “Go to the mall, put clamps on your pussy lips, rubber bands on nipples and walk around with no bra under the top.”

I should’ve known nothing is simple with Him…

Before I left home I put on some make up and re-applied his name on my tits and above pussy. I observed my round shaped breast in the mirror and got very happy when I noticed some bruisers on them. The day before I had managed to select the word for breast spanking, which he had used very often. He smiled when I told Him: “We made the rules together. And they are here to be followed.”

I grabbed the rubber slapper and hit over the bruisers to warm my breast just before I left for the mall. After parking the car I went straight to the toilet. I pulled the pants down to my knees and felt juices all over the pussy lips as I was clamping them. With rubbers knotted four times around them my nipples protruded like ears of the devil. I wore relatively tight sweater and jacket which gave me the option to hide or expose them.

Experience was very similar to the previous one. Even with my jacket completely open, most of the people I passed was observing the shops and only few stared in my extremely erected nipples.  I entered the same computer shop and the shop assistant made me almost laugh. After he noticed my strangely big nipples, he was so embarrassed he didn't look me not even in my eyes. He bent his head and looked at the counter.

Again it was more difficult with the female assistant. I entered jewelry store and browsed around. When she approached me, she immediately took a look at my tits. I felt blush on my cheeks but I managed to overcome the embarrassment this time. I didn't hide and cover the nipples with the jacket even though she lowered her eyes to them several times while she was helping me to try a necklaces I had selected. I actually liked it and ended up buying it.

When I got back to the car (a little more than hour after I put the clamps and rubber), hurt increased to almost intolerable. I was planning on doing one more naughty thing but had to rush straight home. Taking the clamps off hurt like hell, but the pain faded quickly. I had some troubles with the rubber on the right tit. At the end I just grabbed the scissors and cut it. I massaged my nipples few minutes and then couldn't help my self, I had to check how this sort of humiliation and pain makes my pussy feel. I slid right hand under my panties and got very pleased finding out that that my cunt likes this sort of activities – I was soaking. 

He tested me that day. He asked me how was the orgasm that I had had the day before.

“What orgasm?” I replied, “You didn't use the permission word.”

He was pleased to hear that I wasn't breaking the rules and offered me a chance to earn one even if He doesn't uses the cum permission word. I had been waiting on the edge for days, I took His offer without thinking.

He quickly let me know it will not be as easy as I had imagined. He called it a little assignment, but it was beyond my limits. He ordered me to walk around ground and top floor naked for five minutes. The assignment doesn't look like much; the problem is that on the ground floor my mother lives. I argued with Him but He didn't listen to any of my arguments. It was late in the night so I gave up and agreeing to do as ordered I asked Him if I may wear nipple clamps in order to feel some pain for Him while walking around my floor. He gave me the permission to wear the ones with weights.

I took off my clothes. Observing His name written on my tits and crotch my fear grew. What will my mother think if she sees me like this?

Just before I left, He said that I should not do it if my mother was awake and to hide if she wakes up while I’m there.

“I hate you,” was my response, “I love you even more for this craziness,” was His.

I went downstairs without turning the light on. Trying not to make any noise I felt like in my teens when sneaking out. When I opened the door to the ground floor I heard my mother turning on her bed. I was about to run, as I heard her relaxed breathing. She was asleep.  I entered her place, but didn't dare to go into kitchen or living room. I walked up and down the corridor which has the floor that make no noise. I had the phone with me to check the time. I chickened out after 4 minutes and spent the last minute on the stairs before the entrance to her place.

Once I returned to my floor, I put on the clamps, turned all the lights down and walked from one room to another. The pain was harsh, the weights moved with each step I made. I was also very very cold.

When the time was over, I dressed before coming back to Him. He immediately allowed me to take off the clamps. After I told Him what happened He re-confirmed His love for me.

“You are my destination and I am proud to say that I love you, a women with such a caliber. You are my strength, baby. Because of you I feel that I am in charge. I feel confident in my life just because of you, honey and it’s you who is my only inspiration and my honor. I just want to thank you for coming in my life and I want to say that I really love you from the dept of my heart.”

I was just swapped away. Getting more and more addicted to Him.

Afterwards we talked about the experience. I told Him that pleasing Him excites me strongly, that the cold was very annoying (I really hate cold), that the pain of the clamps was harsh... In the heat of the moment I also unfortunately said that I would do it again.

When I cooled off I asked Him to never try to push the family and neighbors limit again, but I was not clear enough and too late. He had already set His mind to push further.

Next day He asked me if I’m ready to go further. I affirmed thinking He will give me an assignment not involving family and neighbors. But He only wanted to expand the assignment from the day before. I was to spend 10 minutes on each floor wearing nothing but rubber bands with 4 knots on each nipple and 5 minutes in the front yard.

I was clearer this time. I told Him that this is the limit I will not cross. I don’t want to spoil my reputation. Even though He understands that, He stil tries to push me over this limit every now and then. I know it’s me to blame, I crossed it the first time. But I will not again. Family and reputation among small town neighbors are just too important and there is enough other areas to play.  

Based on the game I did on my own, He decided to set the rules I’m to follow all the time while we chat. We discussed and negotiated the rules over several days. At one point I doubted them completely. “Just thinking of them makes me excited. But... aren't we turning our relationship too much into lust?” He let me decide. It was just too exciting to skip it. Also I’m the one selecting the words so I have the power to more or less control the game. After I managed to peruse Him to abolish some of His initial requests, like being naked all the time we chat, and to decrease some numbers, the final rules were set as following:

I select 6 words before we start chatting. Whenever He uses word:

1 - I hit my breasts with a slapper 10 times each

2 - I make 4 knots with rubber bands on my nipples and wear them till He uses the same word again

3 - I put clamps on my nipples and wear them until He uses the same word again

4 – I insert butt plug and wear it until He uses the same word again
5 – I put dildo in my sex and remove it only when He uses the same word again
6 - I put vibrator in my sex and keep it there till He uses the same word again

If he uses words 5 or 6 when my pussy is already occupied, I’m to get dildo/vibrator into my throat 5 times and then keep it in my mouth instead of my sex.

If something is still on/in me when we stop chatting, I'm to keep it for one hour after He leaves.

If I get into too much pain, I'm allowed to beg Him permission to break the rule(s).

If He calls me slut or bitch, I hit my breasts 3 times each really hard, and if He calls me my whore 5 times each.

I also get to select the magical 7th word. If He uses it during the chat, I'm allowed to cum (after the chat), but it has to be a word that is not used often.

I started following the rules on October 22nd. There were several days we didn't talk at all and few days I was in a too bad of a mood to play.

During the 39 days of following the rules, I've learned it's very difficult to foresee how the words will work. I never selected words that one really can't expect in conversation (like abomasum). But getting to know Him and His language, I did tried to influence the play. There were days I set the words in a way I hoped He will use all of them many times. But it only worked when my selected words were as common as YOU, AND, ARE, IT – in that occasions I received from 260 to 400 hits on my breasts. 

There were day I selected the words I did not expect Him to use in the next conversation. But it also happened that out of the blue we were talking about something completely different as I had expected and the word come up. Usually only one time, so I had to beg for permission to stop the pain, most commonly caused by rubbers or clamps.

There were days He didn't use any of the 6 words.

Several times I tried to push Him to use some of the selected words, but I only succeeded if I was very direct. And that is the way I don’t like so I use it only in “emergencies”.  

Overview:

I don’t know how long this game will last, I surely like it. It makes me feel surrendered to Him. The mystery makes it interesting day after day. Neither of us know what to expect. I hope He enjoys it as much as I do. 

I did some more cleaning that day. Among other I put clean clothes in the wardrobe. When I saw some of my bf's clothes he left for the next time he comes, I started crying. I was really sad through out the day. It’s so hard to let him go. I stil have strong feelings for him and so many good memories. During days like this I wonder if I’m doing it all wrong. Maybe I should just get on the plane and start building on the old relationship?

Immidiately after we started chatting He noticed I’m abset. When I told Him why, He asked me to never talk about my boyfried again because it hurts Him to much.

Before and after I didn’t really talk much about my boyfriend because it’s something I have to deal on my own. That day I was just hurting so much I let Him know.

He said some bad things about my boyfriend. I was about to defend him but I had to admit that most of what He had said was true. However special he is, my boyfriend is not and doesn’t wish to fullfil my wishes and desires.

I have to let him go and make room for someone who will, hopefully Him.

NEW PUSH

“I want to see tears in your eyes, at least once,” He continued our conversation. He asked me to get some duck tape. I had no idea what was the purpose of the tape so it took me a while to find the one that He approved. He told me to tie each of my breasts separately realy tight. He showed me the pictures of what He wants.   

My first reply was: “It’s so ugly.”  

My second reply was: “It's soooooo ugly.”

He didn’t care, so I tried it. I took off my top and hold my left breast with the left hand while with the right I pressed the duck tape to the bottom of it. Trying to press it all around the breast I failed. The tape was sliding away before I reached all around.

He adviced me to stick the tape below my boob and when it’s properly sticked to start to tie round and round. I tried several times and in one moment I managed to tie the left breast. I knew it’s not as it should be, but at least it was tied.

To tie the right one took me even more time. I was about to give up, when I finally managed. But even worse then the left one.

Looking at them I didn’t find them as ugly as the ones on the picture. The main reason was that mine were not purple. I started to feel some pleasant pain on the left one, but lost the tape from both tits before any serious pain.

He was very understanding: “It’s ok, you need my hands to do this. You were not able to tie your boobs as tight as I want, but I am happy and proud that you tried.”

My first thought waking up was: He.

I opened my eyes and imagined Him lying next to me. Stretching my arm to touch His face I felt warmth spreading all over my body.  

When I got up it was very late, almost two in the afternoon. But I took my time. After long shower I put on some make up. Standing naked in front of the mirror, writing His name over my body got me so excited I noticed pussy juices spreading down my legs.

He had given me the permission to cum, but I felt I need to earn it. I grabbed the rubber bands and put them on my nipples. After lubing it well I pushed the long plug into my ass. Little uncomfortable feeling caused by rubbers and plug made me even more excited. I dressed the negligee I bought thinking of using it when I’ll be cleaning His apartment. In high heels I started cleaning the bathroom. Seeing myself in the mirror every now and then reminded me of Him, I imagined He is observing me in this humiliationg position.

But only after few minutes my phone rang. A friend was cycling and came close to my home. I made my mind in a second. “Great, I said, let’s meet for a drink.”

Fifteen minutes later wearing jeans and collared shirt I sat opposite to him. Sitting with the butt plug was much more uncomfortable then wearing it standing. After a little less than one hour passed since I had put on the rubber bands the pain on my nipples increased so much I couldn’t focus on his words any more. He was talking about complex calculations he was working on and he lost me completely. I tried to cover up my inability to follow his thoughts by asking some more or less general questions. As the pain increased by each second only picture in my mind that He is sitting next to my friend gave me the power to hold on till we finished our drinks.

When I got home I run to the bedroom, undressed completely and almost crying took a picture before removing the bands. I’m proud that I managed to wear them more than the first time. That day four knots were pressing my nipples for an hour and a half.  

I put the negligee on only to slide the straps down and get my breasts uncovered. Standing in front of a mirror with my legs spread I started hitting my left breast with a slapper. After thirty hits there were red marks over it. I repeated the spanking on the right breast watching my body shake with each slap. Dreaming that I’m standing in front of Him, dreaming that it’s His beautiful hand giving me this sweet pain I got crazy of excitement.

Before taking care of the plug I took a break. Made me some coffee and had a cigarette. Taking the plug after two hours was annoying but it gave me a feeling of being open.  Even though I pushed myself a little more. I put a small one in, sat in front of the computer and wrote what happened till then.

Afterwards I finally got some time to return to cleaning. Waiting for Him while doing chores and feeling the pain on the nipples was an experience that I will never forget. Excitement that just wouldn’t decrease because of my thoughts about Him, killed all the boredness that ususally appears when I have to wait. Finally I heard the sweet sound of the messanger I use only with Him. But I was in the middle of my dinner. When I finished it I sat on the floor in front of the computer. I checked - it was 21 minutes after He got online. I grabbed the spanker and hit each of my breasts once for each minute that I made Him wait. It was painful, but I knew I deserve it. Feeling the sweet pain I put a picture of Him in the position I was able to watch Him, while doing "my things" and sort of chat with Him.

He asked me about my day, but because of the rules I set for myself before, I was not able to tell Him everything. While we continued our conversation, I tried to make Him use words slut, bitch and my whore. I had no success indirectly so when the opportunity come I asked Him directly: “Tell me how you will call me when you'll be playing with me?”

“Whore,” He answered. Close, but not what I needed. I pushed a little more: “Just whore?”

“My whore,” was His reply. Reading it I started trembling in the extasy of the orgasm I had been building since I had got up. It was so strong I felt dizzy.

After I recuperated I sent Him an email with the deion of my day with all the details I didn’t share with Him during the chat. How I got up, weari rubber bands and butt plug, cleaned in special outfit while waiting for Him...

I also told Him about the rules I set for myself while we talk. Whenever He would use worlds bitch or slut I would spank my breasts 10 times each. Unfortunally He did not use them. The other rule I set for myself was that I’m only allowed to cum when He calls me “my slut”.

“I am smiling right now and I want to cry really. Why didn’t we meet before? I am feeling proud and very very happy. I love you and I want you,” were His words and the reward I dreamed of. 

ADDICTION

Him: “Tell me for how long we’ve been talking today?”

Me: “I don't know, it feels a little. And I want more and more and more.” 

Him: “I know, I wanted to say that you’re a witch. I’m not getting bored on the contrary I want to talk, talk and keep talking.”

And we are still talking and talking and talking every single day. 

FIRST IDENTIFIED OBSTACLES

I knew it was crazy but I did start thinking about the possibilities and options for us to live together. From what He found on internet about my country, He likes it. But it’s an illusion to think that He will move His business here. It’s on me to move to Him.

The greates obsticale is my niece. She is my princess, like a child of mine. She’s my friend, my love, the most important person in my life. I can’t leave her, I want to be around her, especially in this difficult teen years.

We talked about it, but not seriously. First He suggest a “bribe”.  I have to admit that my niece would get crazy about the gift He suggested to give her, but I know she would not “sell” me. Not for that or for any other gift.  

“I will send my army against your niece to capture you,” He joked.

“And she will hide me in her little like a tree house so your army will never find me,” was my reply.

That is still a problem I have no idea how to solve.

The other is my work.

He did offer to take care of me, but I don’t want to be a housewife. I would go crazy not working. What I’m good at and is my source of living is related to the place I live in. I can’t do the same where He lives.

I could be His secretary, He suggested. It’s not how I dreamed to finish my career. Scheduling appointments after all the work I did doesn’t look like a big challenge.  I also don’t believe that mixing private and business life is a good idea. Especially if He wants to be the boss in the bedroom as well. I can’t handle the same boss in so many places. 

There was a lot of romance included in our chats right from the start. Along with expressing His wish to marry me, to live with me and have kids with me he kept on surprising me with poems, romantic emails and words He wrote instantly.

“I can’t explain in words the feelings that I have for you right now, I just don't want to die before meeting you. There is something special in you which attracts me so strong to you.”

“If I would have to define you in one word, there is only one that suits you perfect: inspiration.”

“I don’t understand why you are still alone. You have a boyfriend but you are alone. A woman like you deserve a sweet caring and loving man who won’t leave your hand in any crowd, who will say “I love you” every morning no matter from how many years you stayed together, who will call you every few hours when you are apart just to tell you he’s missing you."

“I can have many women and girls here in my own city but I want you. You have something which attracts me towards you so strong I do things I didn’t before. I am not a usual online chatter but because of you I login daily so that I can talk and share things with you.”

“Will you sleep in my arms whole night? I really want to hug you right now.”

“It feels so amazing that far away there is someone who writes my name over her body and misses me and think about me all the time and care.”

“Why you are so different than other women? Why you are getting in my mind? Tell me why you are so special?”

I’m just honest, sometimes too naive girl, searching for good in everyone and everything. Is that why He thinks I’m special? I’m a hard working, stubborn, towards solutions and innovations oriented girl, but I can’t imagine that my work characteristics make that strong impression in love life. All the rest I think I’m average. Few friends, family, some hobbies, books, art, traveling… Average looks, average knowledge on general things…

I’m sure very proud that He finds inspiration in me. Even though I don’t know why, that shows that I might be he One for Him.

Who would not fall for all this?! But stil I’m trying to keep at least one food on the ground. I will not do anything as crazy as marrying Him on the first date. 

NEW LITTLE ASSIGNMENT – SHOWING HIS NAME IN PUBLIC

Writing His name on my body was as exciting as when I did it for the first time even after doing it day after day, week after week, month after month. That particular day He wanted more. He told me to show at least a part of the signs in public.  I put on a tiny shirt with big cleavage. I did wear black cardigan over it, but opened, not zipped, so the first letters of His name were for all to see.

I entered a crowded shopping center and walked around. Feeling a little embarrassed and excited at the same time I started observing people around me. I caught several people watching me in the eyes, but – on the contrary to my expectations - most of the people didn't pay any attention to me nor to the letters on my breasts. They were too busy watching the shops’ windows. A little disappointed I entered the computer shop. There were four male shop assistants waiting for a customer. They did notice the black letters that the cleavage was revealing. All of them. The one that served me was very professional, he only took a look at my boobs when we started talking, then he managed to look me in the eyes. The one at the cashier had more troubles. He just couldn't keep his eyes from my tits. It was so amusing I laughed inside of me thinking that the men all fell for His little teasing game, doing exactly what He wants.

Continuing the walk in the center I entered a sex shop. There were no customers, only two female shop assistants.They left me alone while I was browsing the lingerie. But when I selected few things to try, they noticed the sign on my breasts and I felt so embarrassed that I pulled the shirt up and hid it.

I don’t know why I feel much more embarrassment in front of women then men. Maybe because it’s more natural for me performing sexual teasing in front of men. Maybe because men accept it with interest and are not appalled by it while in women’s eyes I can see judgment and repulsion.  

Anyway after I left the store, I opened the cardigan, slid the shirt back down and on the way to the car managed to catch several men staring in my cleavage.  

After telling Him about the experience He expressed admiration and pride because I pushed my limits a little further.

MASTER AND SLAVE

He wants master and slave relationship; that is completely clear to me now. I fear that a play only now and then, which is my ideal, will not satisfy Him.

He has been preparing me to serve Him during our chats. He would for example say: “Tell me honestly how far you could go to please me?” Since I like to submit only a little and only in sexual situations, He was not pleased with the answer: “Little is not enough for me.”

Another preparation phrase He used every now and then was comparing me with His X slave: “Honey, I did nothing with you compare to what I did with X, she is much younger than you but she bared all pain just for me, just to please me, just for my honor and pride. Can’t you?”

I was fighting back: “You seem so fucking dominant I can't promise I will satisfy you.” 

“You will just free your mind and sacrifice your soul to me, submit your body to me completely and just obey and follow and see for yourself what will you gain and what will you learn,” He was not giving up.
But He also pleaded me to be honest, He didn’t want to push me into something that I’m not.

He enjoys giving pain when the devil in Him awakes. I met that Devil several times. He made me do things I've never done before and didn't find them attractive at all. But after doing them for Him, I was able to imagine that for example tied breasts and purple nipples can be a turn on for both of the players.

He made me go over my pain limits just over chat. I imagine I can go further with His touches and comforts. But I’m sure I will never ever be able to serve 24/7. I don’t want Master-Slave relationship.

I have no idea how we will cope that.   

He did listen to me. He agreed that I can pull up the shades only to take the picture after I'm done with the hitting. He didn't force me to reattach the clamp and He asked me to send Him the photo of my nipples to decide if I should remove the rubbers.

After He saw the picture, He said my nipples are just fine and that I'm to stretch a little more. I had to start with hits from zero again.

I was hurting so badly I was able to give myself only soft hits. He motivated me all the time, telling me to hit harder, reminding me there are only few left…

It's was so fucking painful I was sweating and feeling very strange. For the last ten He had to encourage me for each hit. Even though I was hitting my nipples only as hard as I could manage each hit made me scream. After 30 hits I was breathing fast, shaking and feeling dizzy and enormously happy receiving the reward; He thanked me and said He loves me like no other woman in His life.

But His good mood didn't last long. I took the picture of my left breast and immediately removed everything from it because I couldn't take the pain any more. I did it without asking His permission.

He was very disappointed. I begged Him to not be angry with me, since He had pushed me over my all imaginable limits. He let me take off the clamp from the other nipple too, but made me stay naked with the rubber band. I was to suffer because I offended Him.

I had to do the 30 hits on the right boob in the living room with the shades up and without His help. It was late at night but stil I felt very bad hitting my nipple. The pain was hellish, the thought that one of the neighbors might see me even worse.

After He saw the picture of the right breast, He told me to put the long medium size butt plug in my ass hole without using lube. I asked if I may put at least some saliva or pussy juice on it but he denied. I tried hard, I was watching His picture imagining it's His cock at the entrance, but just didn't relax and open enough to get the plug in without any lube. He took pity on me and let me use lube, while He gets some food.

With lube on it, I managed to get it inside. Even though it was very uncomfortable, it was turning me on. My pussy was all wet. Actually it had been like since He had started playing with me.

First few minutes without Him were easy, but after one hour of freezing naked, feeling the unpleasantness in my ass I was not happy anymore. Three hours later I got the plug out and dressed. I waited another five hours for Him before going to sleep.

He didn't return to me, I got the hardest punishment imaginable.  

PUSHING MY LIMITS, part 1

I woke up so excited that day. Naked in front of a mirror writing His name on my breasts and pussy I felt a need for a little pain. I had never been slapped in my life. Not by parents not by lovers. So the first slap I received on my face was from my own hand that day. It gave me such a pleasant pain I slapped each of my cheek several times.

When I told Him about it He was pleased about the stupidity I do thinking of Him. Right after expressing His approval He told me to get some small but strong rubber bands. Having no idea what He was up to I went for some really small ones, the ones used for little braids. As I returned to the computer, new messages were already waiting for me. He told me He had decided to play hard with me and expressed that He is in title to use me anyway He wants. Just reading His words made me so excited I couldn't write nothing else but »yes, I want it strongly«.

I brought everything He required next to the computer: body oil, long butt plug, nipple clamps with weights, wooden spoon, rope.

I also punt on a new - almost no cup – bra. He was not really excited about it expecting I will not show it to Him. But I went over the limit and promised Him pictures. The first one I sent was only bra with His name over my breasts. I was expecting He will be impressed, but I failed completely. He found it sexy, but the sign was not in the line with His instructions. It should had been more big, thick, strong and bold. It took me several tries to make Him satisfied. When He finally was, He made me promise to make it look like that all the time, no matter how many times per day I have to re-apply the color. Just to satisfy His pride and honor, as a proof that I'm able to follow and obey.

Afterwards He asked me about the environment in which I live. While chatting I addressed Him with Sir, which I think is one of the reasons that He felt more powerful as usual. He felt I was all His, He felt my complete submission. I confirmed that I'm all His and will not fight Him on anything, only follow His orders no matter how hard they will be.  

He set the rules of the play: I have to do things as fast as He commands – He hates waiting. When done with the given instruction I have to write in the chat "DONE". Immediately afterwards I'm to send Him a picture to prove everything is done as He wants.

His first request was… to tie each of my breasts with the rope really tight. »It will be painful but it's safe. I did it many times with my slaves, now I want you to suffer a little pain for me,« He said. I did not and still don't find that sexy at all, on the contrary I find it un-attractive and ugly. Despite my believes I did try to follow His instructions that day. I put the rope around my left breast, but was not able to really tie it. The rope was just sliding away.

»Is it possible that my boobs are too small to do this?« I asked Him.

»No,« He answered, »I tied even smaller boobs than yours.«

Trying with other rope, again and again, I was getting more and more frustrated. I really wanted to please Him. Finally I managed to tie at least a little the left breast.

Before sending Him a picture He made me get naked, unlock the doors and open the windows in order to experience a little fear while I follow His commands. While opening the windows, I lost the rope. I started all over again, almost crying in frustration. I wanted to please Him so bad.  Somehow I managed to tie both at least approximately. Quite soon I felt pain growing on my right tit, but no pain at all on the left one.

When He saw the picture, He noticed that it's not as tight as it should be. While I was trying to tie the left one better, the rope slided off the right one.

I was very sad not being able to fulfill His wish, but He comforted me. He said He is very pleased with me because I did my best. At the end we agreed I need His experienced hands to do this. But this little experience showed me that even if I find tied tits ugly, the sweet pain they give turns me on.

Next thing He made me do was new to me too. Making knots over my nipples with rubber bands. I was afraid of it, but managed to put the rubbers on even with the long nails. At the time He was checking the picture, I was already hurting but at the same time started trembling in excitement. While chatting with Him I felt His eyes observing my nipples, feeling pussy juices sliding down my tights when He finally told me I did a good job.

Not having any experience I got scared only few minutes later when my right nipple started turning dark. He ensured me it's not dangerous and told me not to touch the rubbers. Even more… He ordered me to put weighted clamps on the nipples. Unfortunately they did not fit. But I found the solution. I used the chain connected ones and added the weight ones over them.

His reply on my hurt was: »I know it hurts. This is this experience all about, to see how far you can go to please me no matter how much you suffer and how bad it hurts.«

His comment on the picture I had sent (its looking really beautiful now, want to kiss and bite your nipples) made me strong. I straighten myself, so that the weights were not resting on my body, but really pulling down from my nipples.

He wanted more. Talking to Him, watching pictures of Him gave me the strength to add some more   weight to the clamps.

Pain was getting stronger and stronger, I showed Him what I was taking for Him just to receive Him saying »I want you to stretch for me. Make me feel proud.« I managed to take the pain for a while, when the clamp from my right tit slided down. The weight was too heavy. He made me put it back.

From then on it was just hell. The clamps were not able to carry all the weight. They kept on sliding down my nipples giving me the worse pain imaginable. Reattaching hurt hellishly. I managed to bare all that pain only because of Him, imagining He is next to me.

I begged Him to let me get rid of the clamps and rubbers. Instead He told me to take the wooden spoon and start hitting my left breast as hard as I could, no matter how much it hurts. Every next hit should be harder than the previous.

I begged Him to let me take off the clamps and close the doors, so my neighbors don't hear me. He only allowed me to take the extra weight off. The pressure from my nipples decreased a little but the pain was stil intolerable.

When I realized I will not achieve anything by begging, I started hitting my left nipple as fast as I could. As requested I counted the hits on the chat, which took additional time. Already the second hit was too painful. When I reached 8 He asked me if the windows are open. I put the shades down before so I was at least hidden from the possible looks of my neighbors. He told me to pull them up. During begging not to make me do that the clamp from my right nipple dropped again. I pleaded Him to not make me reattach it, to let me take off the rubbers and let me finish the hitting quick. I just couldn't bare the pain anymore. 

RULE 2

It came up naturally during the chat. I was complaining about the excitement I have to put up with day after day. His response was: “Cum and lose me.” Since then He is in control of my orgasms. 

MORE FEAR

Without wanting I received the information of His tool size. Now I’m really afraid I will not be able to please Him, to accept everything He wants.

SURRENDER

“Promise me and swear that you won’t let me down and you will follow my every given instruction and you will submit yourself to me completely from your mind, body and soul, you won’t say no and never ask why.”

I did promise to surrender myself to Him completely. At the time I believed that the surrender is only about our sexuality. Later on I learned He wants me to surrender all the way.

And that’s an issue. I don’t think women are to serve men, I think we are equal. I don’t think I will ever be able to give Him any superiority in normal life even though it seems He is expecting that.    

FIRST SERIOUS ENCOUNTER WITH HIS X SLAVE

When we met He told me He has no serious relationship only four slaves. After a lot of misunderstanding and talk about women in His life I realized X is an important woman in His life even though He doesn’t love her and considers her as only a slave He uses for lust.  

One of those days He told me S called asking to meet Him. He tried to ignore her but was afraid she might appear on His door.

I asked Him not to open the door for her, changed my mind several times. I felt I had no right to ask Him to stop seeing her since I was stil in a relationship. Confused I said I will sleep it over and tell Him next day. After a very pleasant talk in which He told me He will never fuck another woman if I marry Him, we parted.

But next day it was already too late… I asked Him how often He meets her in order to help me decide if I’m to ask Him to stop it. His reply was: “I met her yesterday.”

My heart beat increased. Half due to jealousy half due to excitement.

At first He didn’t want to talk about it, but I ensured Him I’m not hurting since I know it’s only about lust. He started answering my questions and finally opened up and told me about the night He spent with her. I was asking about the details and as He provided them jealousy kept on vanishing, excitement kept on growing.

Today I don’t know how to explain that. I’m quite a possessive woman. Due to things that happened with His X slave later, I’m also very jealous of her now. If I was only trying to impress Him, excitement would not increase in me.  I didn’t love Him as much as I do now? I didn’t know His relation with X slave as I do now?

The strangest thing… I dream of having threesome with Him and His X slave even today.

BUYING SEXY THINGS

That day I went to get my wrist watch repaired in the shopping center. I passes a relatively big sex shop and just couldn’t resist entering. Browsing the lingerie I selected several things and asked the shop assistant if I can try them. She opened everything I went to the wardrobe. I striped to my panties and started trying the items. Every time I changed I saw His name on my breasts. Feeling completely His I observed the lingerie in the mirror as He will see it. I can’t wait to wear the things I bought for Him.

When I told Him about the experience He was pleased. But we got into a little fight who is to buy things for me. I want my independence He wants complete control. It’s an issue we will have to work on.

But He also asked if I had bought any toys as well. I got only one, smallish but plug. He told me to try it as we were chatting.  I lubed it a lot, pushed a little and it went in without troubles. I felt comfortable with it, excitement grew heavily when He told me to keep it in through the whole night with no re-lubing. I woke up and – after removing it – I felt so open, so ready to be fucked by Him.

SHARING EVERYTHING

As His business trip was about to end He told me He had met a women, a participant at the conference. He described her as charming, intelligent and very attractive. They had been sharing their knowledge and had gone together in meetings and conference. Also they had had a dinner together the night before we chatted. His words awoke a little jealousy in me, but just a little. I wanted to know everything. He said he had told me about her because He wants to be honest and don't want to hide anything. He defined her as a good company and friend.

After an hour of pleasant chat He told me He’s meeting her for dinner again. I didn’t want to let Him go, I asked Him to postpone. She was not a friend, she was an interesting woman He wants to spent time with. Jealousy in me increased. I didn’t show understanding for leaving me to go for a dinner with another woman till the last minutes. I got a grip and wished He has fun.

Next day He told me He didn’t go. I was so sorry to spoil His evening. But He said I shouldn’t be. I didn’t spoil His evening, I made Him choose and make a decision. 

FIRST RULE

It come up during the chat. Half joking He suggested to write His name on my left breast, over the heart. I did it. Even though we had a relativly tought discussion later on, the next day I set the picture as my profile one. Google soon deleted it, sending me a warning to bann me if I post more nude pictures, but the result was His increased interest in my breasts. I sent Him a picture of them with His name stil written over my heart. Even though He found them small (bad bad commercial influence – my tits are now medium sized, they were only smallish when I was very skinny, never small), He expressed the wish to not erase His name from it.  »This feels good to me, also it looks good on you, could you please make it dark everyday and don't let it fade? I want to remove it myself when I'll meet you,« he wrote.

Later on He expanded the request to both tits and above pussy. Doing it day after day the thrill didn't decrease at all. We haven't met yet. So I'm – more or less - still following the rule. There were few days when I was angry or sad and didn't re-apply the color. I hope He will understand.

Writing His name over my body makes me shiver and excited. Washing it off even more due to the anticipation to write again on a clean spot in different manner. It makes me feel surrendered, makes me feel I'm His. 

INSURANCE AGENT ASSIGNMENT

I failed the first assignment He gave me. But when I finally did arrange the meeting with the insurance agent, He – few minutes before I had to leave - told me that I have to be hot and tease him really bad if I want a good insurance plan.

I wasn't dressed sexy; I was wearying jeans, collared sweater, jacket, no heels. Fortunately the first time I had met him, I had worn no bra under summer shirt. He had not been able to see me in the eyes most of the time, so I knew he remembers me and my tits.

I didn't have to do much on the assignment meeting to distract him. We were sitting outside, bud I did wore too much. So I stood up and took my jacket off. As I did my breasts were just a little higher then his eyes. Of course he couldn't help himself, he stared at them. While he was filling in the papers, I sat on the chair to his left, in as sexy position as possible. We chatted and he asked me if I went out recently. I told him the old story about visiting the strip bar and getting girl's tits to my face. He started moving his eyes to my boobs more and more often.

When he finished the papers, we just chatted. His eyes up and down my body. I put my hand on my leg and caressed me. His eyes observing every move.

I also made myself look his crotch. But he has to notice, I said to myself. That was quite difficult. I was talking to him, we had eye contact, when I forced myself to look down.

When we were leaving, he stood up very close to me (too close for my personal space), but I didn't move back. With faces almost close enough to kiss, we shake hands and I left.

It was interesting experience. Seeing the power I can have over a man. But what made it special was the thought that I was following His instructions. I had a bracelet that makes a sound every time I move my hand on. I moved a lot and had Him on my mind all the time. 

DREAM VACATIONS

We were talking about sailing alone, doing some adrenalin staff, just normal new sights exploring. The one I wish we will do one day is: hunting. Both of us naked in the wood for a few days. He hunts the food, we make it together and all of the free time we spend playing with each other.  It's crazy, it's romantic, it's sexy. 

DEVIL'S WIFE

He had His fears. He was afraid of love, afraid of losing me. Maybe that's why He proposed marriage less than a month since we had met. He told me He wants a child from me. »I will make you a complete family women. Caring and loving sweet mommy and a sexy wife.« Words that worked like spell on me. I was not to marry someone I don't know, but those words made me start dreaming of Him even stronger.

He did start showing His devilish side too. He told me He likes vanilla and romance, but when the devil inside of Him awakes He is very harsh and brutal on His women. He promised to start slowly with me so I like it as any other woman does. But slowly start to hit more until I beg Him to stop. He promised to do that but only to start again and again, harder and harder pushing my limits till I start loving the sweet pain.

We both were in doubts again. He doubted I will like Him the way He is. I liked Him being dominant but I doubted I will be able to please Him. My biggest doubt arouse when He told me He believes that it’s not just about sex, pain, whip, paddle and torture but about art of living, an ancient culture of submitting mind body and soul to your superior, serving and obeying him. He believes women are made to serve. Even though He saw me as a born slave, I was not sure about that at all. I felt, still do and want to be equal. Except in the bedroom every now and then. 

LOVE

For me there are 2 levels or forms of it. One is being “in love”, the feeling usual (but not necessary) at the beginning of the (potential) relationship. It is a strong feeling of sympathy for somebody, so strong it makes you blind for the reality. You like everything about the other; you do not see the faults he has. If the relationship evolves, being in love can grow into love or the relationship eventually ends. 

Love is therefore more “realistic” feeling, based on the real vision of the other. It is acceptance of the other as he is – acceptance of good and bad things about him. It is a bond between the minds, souls and bodies. It’s the connection of dreams and goals. It is understanding and respect. It is happiness (in spite of the troubles that now and then arise). It is the heart of the living (that doesn't mean that other aspects of life are not important or depended on it). It brings also the feelings of security, belonging and value. 

I told Him I'm in love with Him, but He doesn't share my point of view and at one point wanted me to tell Him if I love Him or not. The first time I did, it was because of His pressure. But then it just become the need. I'm telling Him I love Him day after day since. Because I do love Him.  

EXPLORING FOR THE FIRST TIME

One day in the middle of the chat he asked me to pinch both of my nipples as hard and as brutal as I can. Without hesitation I pulled the sweater up, bra down and did as he asked. He told me to press harder until I start to scream and cry from pain. I pulled as hard as one can on herself, but was not able to inflict enough pain. He made me try several times, the pain increased each time; imagining that His hands are pulling, twisting and pinching, excitement in me increased as well. Even though I was not able to get myselt to cry, he was satisfied.

Of course he wanted more. He told me to get naked, but I refused for two reasons. One was to stop sexual talk before we meet, the other was my flu. I told him about the second one, he understood and let it go.  

DOUBTS

We already started planning the meeting when an unexpected business opportunity appeared for Him. He went on a quite long trip, but come on line for me every day, even though it was not easy for Him. But doubts arose in me again. Do I really throw away what I was building for seven years? How will I live without constant intellectual and creativity pushes that my boyfriend gives me? How will I tell him? How will I tell my family, his family?

When I talked to Him, there was nothing around, just love and strong wish to meet Him. But when I was alone… all this memories come up. Whatever I did, I saw something that reminded me of boyfriend. Picture on the wall. Clothes in the closet. Souvenirs from trips. Bar soup in the bathroom. Pictures of him appeared everywhere I went. Breaking the tire while cycling on this street, smoking a cigarette on the wheel chair with twisted ankle before he pushed me into this UR, talking about drawing while having a coffee in this bar, planting this vegetables on the back yard with him and his mother…  

Even He had his doubts. But His were so un-men like. He felt guilty for destroying a relationship. “I love you and I have no right to spoil your life for my selfishness,« he wrote. »Love is feeling and and caring also sharing but at the same time its more sacrificing your self for whom you love and for her happiness and for her peace. I always want you to live happy no matter where ever you are I want to see you in peace without worry and free of problems.« He even asked me to delete Him from my memory.

Waking up with swollen eyes was normal in those days. Spending hours on chat our doubts started diminishing, but due to the circumstances we were still not able to set the meeting date.  

MY WILDEST FANTASY

One of those days He asked me to describe my wildest fantasy. This is what I wrote:

“Somewhere in the woods, with not many chances that anyone would see. While taking a normal Sunday walk, Dom suddenly presses me to a three. Kissing, touching my body, caressing it he gets me so aroused I start begging to be fucked. He rips my shirt, undoes the bra and caress my tits while whispering to my ears: "You want me to fuck you? You think you deserve it?" His hands becoming heavier till he pulls from my aroused nipples. "I hope so, I will do whatever you want," I answer feeling his pinches. He pulls my hair so hard, I move my head all the way back and offer my lips to his. Instead of kissing, I receive face slaps.
Still grabbing my hair he pulls pants down to my knees and enters my completely wet pussy. Then he orders me to get completely naked, turn around, spread my legs, lean towards the three and press my tits to it. He grabs my panties and ties my hands on the back with them. I hear him moving around, some noises. But don’t dare ask anything. I keep my position, only some moans which I cannot control come out of my mouth. Soon I find out what he was doing as he strikes over my exposed bottom with a young tree branch. I tremble receiving the spanks but stay in the position. When it becomes too hard to take, I start moving my ass, trying to avoid the most painful spots to be hit again. I do however keep tits pressed to the three since he motivates me all the time by caressing my pussy. When my bottom turns redish, he stops and pushes his cock completely inside of me without any warning. I’m so excited I try to push back to him. But he pulls it out only after few strokes. He unties my hands and orders me to spread the ass cheeks.
“If you really want to deserve to be fucked, you’ll stay in this position till I come back.” I can hear him going away, leaving me alone, naked, feeling warmness under my ass spreading hands, feeling the pulse in my opened pussy. I have no idea how much time has passed. I know it’s just minutes, feels like hours. It’s getting very hard, but I’m afraid to move, he might be watching from a far. I fight boredom with thinking of him, thinking of what he just did to me, thinking of he might do to me.
When he finally returns, he smiles as letting me stand straight in front of him.  
“Are you horny enough for me, BITCH?” You ask. Not waiting for the answer You push my head down. Kneeling in front of You, You let me pull your pants off.

Uf, I have to stop here. My mind included You into this fantasy.” 

POWER OF THE WORDS

Chatting online every day for hours we started learning about each other in depth. What I found the best in Him is His care for others, His devotion to His work and professional standards, His will to expose Himself for the good of others; and His honesty even if sometimes the others don’t like what He says.

Reading the chat history I see we had some misunderstandings. The biggest was about the women in His life. He told me He has four female slaves, three of them from His work. I immediately asked Him to break with them. Not out of jealousy; I was scared for Him. One can lose job for work related sexual relations. Only few weeks later I realized He was in lust relationship with women from His previous work. So no longer work related, no danger.

Other misunderstanding was about threesomes I had. I didn’t tell Him clear enough I had several threesomes with my ex ex boyfriend and different men. I think He still thinks I was involved in a session with my ex ex and 4 men.

In those days I was no longer able to hide Him from my most intimate friends. After telling about Him and my thoughts and feelings for Him my female friend immediately told me to give Him a chance and meet Him.

My male friend was more cautious. He was unhappily in love with me years ago, but even after having a little affair when he was already married we managed to stay good friends. Of course he never liked none of my boyfriends, but for Him he managed to say that it’s the best choice I’ve made so far.  At the same time he commented that my choices are so un-women like. I choose on intelligence, person’s philosophy, ideas, dreams… unlike the others who make the math: Marriage? Kids? Provider?  

But hell, it seems he was wrong this time. I fell for Him for all that, but even deeper when He said "I will make you a caring mummy and sweet, sexy wife". 
Nevertheless I know that at the end the deeds are what actually count. 

ASSIGNMENT 1

That day He asked me to do something for Him. A little too eager I agreed before He let me know what He had in mind. At first He wanted me to do it on a business meeting, but I refused because I was not willing to jeopardize my work. He stepped back and let me do it with an insurance agent. I was to  wear no underwear all day, including during the meeting with the agent. Additionally I was to dress specially for the meeting. Tight top and mini skirt.

When I finally arranged the meeting it was already too cold to go out dressed like that. I begged Him to let me put some warm clothes over, but He refused.

I was negotiating the assignment till He got tired of it and just cancelled it.

I FAILED the first thing He asked me to do. I was very disappointed. Not being able to do what He told me to made me feel I don't deserve Him. I was also disappointed in Him for not listening that wearing summer clothes in cold autumn is too slutty for me and for not being able do adjust the assignment.

LITTLE EXPERIMENT

I had a deadline approaching, I was supposed to work real hard that week. But I couldn't help myself, I kept on chatting with Him every day for hours. When the weekend arrived I had to take my laptop to the family reuinon. During the day while they were picking the grapes I kept on working. I joined them only for the evening party. But when we returned to the house, some of them went to sleep, some kept on chatting in the kitchen. I went out to get internet connection.

Freezing with cold I kept on chating with Him till 5 in the morning. During that chat He asked me why I don't call Him Sir or Master. I've never called anybody like that before so He suggested a little experiment. He asked me to call Him Master for 15 minutes in order to see how it makes me feel. Master was too strong for me, fortunatelly He agreed to Sir. Already reading His idea I started feeling the heart beat in my sex, 15 minutes calling Him Sir made me completely excited.

Since then I call Him Sir every time He gives me an assignement or talks about rules. And even every now and then only to show Him I love and respect Him. 

HEAVEN OR HELL?

Starting point

I opened the account on Collarspace few years ago playing with the thought to search for a female Dom who would assist my boyfriend when he visits me. He was never very dominant I though a woman would spicy things up a little. I didn't put much effort in the search so I never really found one.
Living relatively happy in long distance relationship I already forgot about the account when that day I received a notification about a new message. It was not from a woman; the fact that the man was from the same country as I am, awoke curiosity in me. I logged in.

The message was nothing special but being on the site I started browsing around. And I entered chat room. While I was still learning how to use it, several people started chatting with me. I don’t know why, my profile was empty. Chat with one of the men was so interesting I soon said goodbye to others. I don’t know what we were talking about – at that point it was just a relaxing chat with a stranger – I only remember that he invited me for coffee. Before we parted I gave him my email address.

Falling

Thinking about him and his invitation I checked the account several times the next day. I didn’t have to wait long. Looking back I know I should understand my thoughts and his first email as a warning. He said that he is waiting for me to come, please and serve him. But I was blind. I thought it’s just an innocent chat.
Later he told me that at that point he was thinking he will just play a little with me. So our first chat didn’t go that well. He wanted to play I wanted to chat. He called me slut, bitch, whore… and continued even after I told him I hate it. He left soon, when I answered with an answer.

I don’t know what I was thinking, I wanted him to come back so I sent him an apologize email with a picture as an answer to his question. He did return and started calling me names again but also addressing me as sweet heart.
Few days later I was in love with Him. My life turned around. First thing on my mind when I open my eyes, is He. My heart beat grows when I hear the notification sound of his message. I tremble talking to him, feel butterflies in my stomach. Even when I should work hard, I can’t keep away from Him.  

Decisions, decisions

I started neglecting my boyfriend, hiding from him, hiding him the truth and even lying. I felt very bad doing contra everything I believe in. But His words were too strong. When I realized I have to run away it was too late, I was not able to send the goodbye email. Instead I started thinking about accepting His invitation to meet.
Those days were so difficult. I was thinking about my boyfriend and our relationship. Seven years of good memories is not easy to let go. Boyfriend who makes you grow intellectually and emotionally is not easy to let go. But I knew that the relationship was not perfect and that I will never get what I want. Due to his open mind he questions all of the commonly accepted rules. Including marriage and kids.

He on the other hand seemed like The One even though he lives on the other side of the world too. Intelligent, caring, honest, with similar views on most important things in life. I could not miss this one time in life opportunity. 

I had to decide to change almost heaven for heaven and hell, in which He was inviting me.