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Don't bother messaging me if you're a superficial asshole who just wants to get his dick wet in a girl who is so skinny she needs WD40 to keep her bones from scraping together. Thanks! |
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I dislike being blocked from sending messages after positive conversation and without explanation. If you don't want to talk to me, tell me. Thanks.
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Pet peeve number 4,566: Do not add me to a private messenger, make up lame ass excuses why you haven't spoken to me or at least made the effort to say hello and that you're busy, and then decide to blow me off or deny any further messages.
Really, I'm selective with whom I share my personal info. If you really aren't interested in talking to me, just say so! Is that so hard to ask? Apparently so!
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I got a bit creative in class this morning, so I decided to write a bit of poetry.
Make me Yours
Whip me, beat me, love me
Leave fresh the wounds of love
And clear the depth of devotion.
Take me as I am
A small, frail thing
Build me into something great
And leave me not to wither.
My body, Your body
My heart, Your heart
My world is yours
And I am but a slave to Your love.
Use me as You please
Abuse me as You like
Never stop using me
For I fear I may die.
I am Yours
Totally and completely
I will forever be Your slave
So long as you always guide me.
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It's time for a venting session.
Tonight I had a blow out with a now former friend over religion. Religion is always a delicate topic and must be handled appropriately, but with some it's impossible.
I am an analyst by nature and I find myself looking deeper into traditions to find the roots and such of the traditions. I find it silly to believe that the only way to get to Heaven and an afterlife is by believing and accepting one man. To say that means that no one else who has a different religious belief has a chance at Heaven. I say that's bogus.
Do not ever...EVER...say to me, or anyone, that there is only one right religion and that other religions are wrong. The one that came into play tonight was Christianity and quite frankly I'm sick of the holy rollers. They also condemn our lifestyle choices and other such acts.
To those who are cringing in disgust and thinking "oh my God, this girl is going to Hell and is possessed by Satan," get a clue. I'm making a point and I'm just rather frustrated at the fact that many people claim that one religion is right and all others are wrong.
End of venting session. |
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I've said this nicely and I'm putting this here because I haven't the energy to send individual messages.
I am not interested in any form of a relationship at this time. That does not mean that I am interested in an online relationship possibly leading to real. So, please, for my sake and yours, stop sending messages of the sort.
I am at a point in my life where I am evaluating me and who I am as a person. I'm taking two steps back and watching from the sidelines instead of jumping in head first. I need to take time for myself and fix myself before I can devote myself to one person.
And I'm finally getting some answers in the midst of all this uncertainty. I'm finally getting the medical answers that I have been waiting for and I'm just hoping that they continue to come.
Wake me up when December ends. |
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I love cancelled classes. More time for housework and battling the credit card company.
One thing on my mind this morning. The nightmares are back. Why am I still having them? Why are my dreams still haunted?
I wish I knew... |
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I need to learn how to be less of a brat and start listening the first time around.
I'm working on it, I really am. I'm learning what it's like to be punished too. All stepping stones to becoming better.
And I am not sick anymore. Hoorah! |
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Things just keep getting better and better. I have NEVER laughed so much in my life with anyone. It's awesome when you can just joke with someone and that person GETS you and doesn't get offended. It's nice to laugh and joke in bed before drifting off to sleep.
And damn do I fall for those random kisses :). I appreciate you so very very much, dear Sir, and I hope you realize this through my little acts of affection throughout the day :) |
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I love the way he makes me feel :) I get those butterflies everytime I see him despite having been staying with him for over a week.
I never thought I could be this happy again. |
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I HATE being sick. It's been almost a week and I have shown absolutely no signs of improvement. I've been to the doctor, emergency room, and drugged up, and still I am feverish and coughing my lungs up.
I've been taken care of and I am still being taken care of. I appreciate everything you do for me, dear Sir of mine :) Thank you for helping me along the road to getting well again.
Say a prayer for me, please, so that I can return to my normally scheduled life. |
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It seems that the old addage of "good things come to those who wait" is proving true to my life right now. Just when I thought nothing could get better and everything was going to go down the drain, something happened, something amazing.
After seeing two dear companions the two weekends ago, I met someone I thought never existed in real life and only in my dreams. I didn't know that it was possible to get lost in conversation for over 4 hours and end up cuddling and laughing together until dawn.
I have a reason to smile, to laugh, and there is no sadness in my heart anymore. He has helped me to move on from all the hurt and put my trust into people again. He makes me feel like I am truly appreciated and every time I see his warm smile or hear his laugh at one of my jokes my heart leaps and melts at the same time.
I hope that this journey that He and i have started is a long lasting one. One day at a time, one step at a time. I hope that one day I can gain enough of His trust and love to earn His collar. All in good time. I just know that right now, for the first time in over a year, I am not pretending to be happy. I am sincerely happy and my smile is not a lie.
How wonderful life is indeed, now that you're in the world :) |
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You make me smile. Thank you for helping me to smile again :)
I haven't been this happy in a long while :D |
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This weekend as AMAZING! Good things really do come to those who wait. For the first time in over a year, I got to see a couple I have been extremely fond of and had to end things for a while due to personal reasons. They always make me feel like me, free, energetic, and full of life. Last night I finally felt like I was able to let myself go with no inhibitions and just be. I am thankful to have seen them again and I look forward to seeing them again soon.
They are two amazing individuals and I am blessed that they have given me so much time and effort on their parts with their busy lives. I am grateful to them and thankful for them.
And yes, I meant everything I wrote :P |
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YOU'RE A LIAR! YOU'RE MARRIED! YOU HAVE KIDS!
I am so done with liars and cheaters. No longer collared. I was a fool to believe someone so easily.
Fuck you, Andrew. |
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This is an announcement to the general public. DO NOT EVER TELL ME TO PUT MY MASTER ON HOLD FOR YOU!
Thank you. |
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Still no word from him. Now I'm worried... |
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My time online will be diminishing greatly. Master has put me on a schedule now and I will not have time to hop on every single night.
It feels so good to be controlled. |
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Life has certainly taken a turn for the better and I couldn't be happier or more satisfied. I think this is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am happier for it. I've survived distance and I know I can survive this deployment. My heart is growing more and more fond of him every single day and every moment I am blessed to talk with him adds a ray of sunshine and hope into my life. His protection gets me through all the horrible things going through my life and I long for the day I can just lay in his arms and be. He has captured me completely and I long to wear his collar permanently.
Just a few thoughts on my mind at this early hour. |
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I have finally found someone worthy of my time and effort as well as my loyalty, devotion, and attention. He knows how to control me and gain what he wants from me. I am excited to enter into this new journey with him and am eager to learn more as time progresses and he returns from deployment.
I never knew it could feel this good to finally be able to enhance my submission and let myself go completely. |
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A warning to all. PainKillerVampire is a HUGE fake and will try to play you for a fool, especially if you are involved with anyone. Do not let him bullshit you.
Thank you :) |
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