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Profile Description? I guess this is where I'm supposed to type what I'm looking for, yes?
To start out, let me say I'm new to the scene. I've read books and browsed a variety of different online forums, but I still consider myself knowing next to nothing.
Currently, at the creation of this profile, I'm not looking to jump right into the lifestyle.
What I'm looking for is.. someone to mold me. I view myself as a diamond in the rough. A piece of art in the making. What I ultimately want in the end is for a caring, firm yet gentle Master to train me, mold me, school me and perfect me. I want to be able to walk into a room with my Master and for the others to envy him for having such a prize. For my Master to take pride in the fact I'm his and his alone. I don't wish to be a mindless servant or drone. I like being able to think for myself.
Mainly I'm simply here to learn all I can. And, perhaps find a Master for the future?
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I was having a conversation with a Dom yesterday who claimed that online D/S relationships never work and it was pointless to try. This spurred a lengthy conversation on the topic. While its true online relationships do have their difficulties I dont think it's impossible. Just like any relationship it takes both parties to come to an understanding and know how to compromise.
One of the issues I see in some of these relationships is subs take the relationship to lightly. It often seems they simply say yes before really taking the time to get to know each other. They are impulsive. In the end one may loose respect for the other and they part way, or they part due to lack of interest or lack of time.
The other issue, and one I've encountered myself, is some Doms seem to treat the relationship like a 24 Hour live in. Often not taking into account things like timezone or the life a submissive has outside the computer such as work or family obligations. I just dont find it practical to demand a submissive be up at midnight every night to talk for hours. Especially when a submissive needs to be up at 6:30am for work. Perhaps that's just me.
In the end though, I suppose that all it takes is people willing to work at it. I think folks just give up to easily.
-A |
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Going without human touch can be excruciating sometimes. You never really know how much you miss it until you don't have. The smell of a lover, the taste of him, the feel of his fingers against your skin. It's been six months at least and the thought of it is starting to drive me mad.
I find myself day dreaming about random men on the street.
How I just want one of them to come up behind me, press me against a wall and touch me. That's all I wanted at first, just to be touched. Then it slowly went down hill. I love to please, but I crave to be broken. That moment of helpless surrender. To just let go and feel the flood of emotions rush over me. To know that I put up one hell of a fight. Bit, scratched, kicked, exhausted myself. But in the end submitted. I never fancied the thought of being raped, that seems to harsh, to violent. It's a curious though, more like forced seduction.
I find myself wanting to put up this fight, to be stubborn, to be teased. Teased until I beg for it..
That's when I start thinking about the rope and the collar and the chains. Waking up to find myself chained in a small room, thick with the smoke of some heady incense. Some big, strong man coming in and seducing me. Being firm, yet gentle, and teasing till I beg for it. Till I break and do everything he wants and he teaches me everything I've ever wanted to know.
It's a nice daydream.
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It seems like years since I've been on this site. So many things have happened and so many things have changed. It's really hard to decide where to begin. So perhaps, it's best to keep this entry brief.
I find myself in a new city, new state, with a new job. Still very curious about the lifestyle and now with twelve months ahead of me to explore it.
And I have to admit, feeling rather.. lost. -An
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Well, since I’ve joined I’ve been contacted by many friendly people. So far I’m enjoying my time here. I have yet to get extremely active in the forums. I just don’t know where to start. There are so many topics. So I sit here drinking a nice cup of tea and listening to Phantom of the Opera while browsing at my leisure.
Many have asked what got me interested in this lifestyle. Some under the impression that Story of O is what caught my interest. This is untrue.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been interested in these things. My earliest memory goes back to my childhood. As children we play games like Doctor. My games were different when I look back on them. I always used to pretend I was being held captive. That a man had tied me to the bed and was doing “naughty” things to me. When I was young I was so convinced that I was going to be kidnapped, I put my favorite blanket and teddy bear into a bag that I could take with me if it happened. I slept with the handles of the bag around my wrist. I try to think back on what caused this behavior, if I was unhappy at home. Though my childhood had rough patches, during the early stages nothing went wrong. I often wonder if perhaps I had walked in on my parents doing something of the nature, or if I walked in on them watching a video. If I did, I can’t recall.
As I got older and began reading, I immediately got my hands on the young adult books. I got such a thrill from reading them. I always steered towards the books about the young pretty girls in love with something or someone dangerous. The first book I ever began to day dream about, or fantasize I was apart of was the Midnight Secret series by R.Y.P Wolf. A story about a young girl fighting for her life. Mesmerized and almost seduced by a handsome mysterious stranger that came to her in her dreams. Then the Forbidden Game trilogy by L.J. Smith joined my reading list. Another series of books, similar in nature to the first. I used to dream I was those girls and never really knew why; I also got so upset when the girls didn’t submit to the men.
When I turned 18 I started dating my first boyfriend. Not very dominate in nature. I found myself taking care of him most days. I loved to make him happy. I practically lived in his bed room and spent most my time cleaning and cooking for him. I was slightly disappointed with his demeanor. He did however, have a sister deeply into the lifestyle. It wasn’t until him and I ever parted ways that I had the courage to ask her about it. We only ever spoke of it once, but that short conversation is what finally prompted me to start doing research on the subject.
Six months after my first boyfriend and I parted ways, I started dating my current boyfriend. Some don’t take me seriously when I say I’m content with him. Protesting that if I was content I wouldn’t be here. My current boyfriend is interested in the lifestyle, the only thing I’m “discontent” with is his lack of experience. We are just starting to try things out, only doing things one day a week. And yes, he is aware that if we ever split ways, I will look for a full time, more experienced master.
-An |
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