aMRnomore

Aw... you didn't have to take her profile down.  I would have written that regardless.  No clue if you read this or not and frankly don't care.  I come on here in spurts.  Usually months in between.

And when I say I love you still, not in the way I once did. I am still in love with the fantasy of who I thought you were.  So don't worry, I'm not going to reach out to you and beg.  I wish you peace.

Had a dream about you the other night.  We were civil with each other, which I would hope would happen if our paths cross again.  In the dream I asked you why.  I only want to know why you hurt me so bad.  On purpose.  Why you used me like you did.  Not in the way a Master would use his slave but you used me for nothing more than free sex and someone to grovel at your feet.  Anyway, in the dream you continued to lie to me.

I still love you.  I love who you were when we met.  I hate the man you became.  But I still love you.

All the pain I went through is my crucible and I am emerging from the ashes a strong woman and perhaps someday a strong slave.  *If* I ever serve a Master again I will demand nothing less than integrity and honesty and one that understands trust and respect goes both ways and is earned on both sides.  I have seen it modeled and it is beautiful. And if I never serve again I will expect no less from a vanilla partner.

I only wanted to know why.  Why did you lie and lie and lie and lie and lie and lie and lie and still keep me?  Why?  What did I do to DESERVE that?  NOTHING.  All I wanted was to love you, serve you, be everything for you as you were for me.  Make a home for you.  

Someday a man or a Master will love me as much as I loved you and I will indeed be a lucky and well loved woman or slave.

You know, I will always have a very special place in my heart for the Master I met and knew for the first 11 months.  I don't know what happened to him.  I wish him well.

I'm really okay!  Went through hell and hospitalization to learn what he really is and he is really good at what he does, but not my problem any more.  Loved him with everything I am and a part of me still does.  I do not wish him harm or unhappiness.

I am learning what a healthy relationship looks like, be it vanilla or M/s, so when I am ready to be in any relationship again I will have much more confidence in myself and my decision making abilities and I have a huge new community that has my back and cares about me tremendously. 

Without them I would be dead.  My gratitude to this lifestyle group is unending!