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Updated 7/10/13 Jeez I hate this part but here it goes... I am 42f who has had a total of 3 sexual relationships. Yep you have read correctly but lets keep in mind I didn't start till I was 23. Ok anyway you slice it it can be either good or bad. But I digress, so with my very limited experiences I felt there was something missing but was never sure what. Then one day I bought a book, a BDSM book. Oh My! Really, people like this stuff! I must be living under a rock. I have gone to other sites and chatted with other like minded people and know that this is what I am and need in my life. I am a submissive in need of a Dominate. Being new to the lifestyle and being shy at first are not a good combination. But I want to meet the one and I know that takes work on my part. So I am trying to step outside my comfort zone. I am looking for that individual who I can give up control to. I know there are various degrees of D/s and that is determined/negotiated and not set in stone. I don't want to be a slave, I do like making some choices, but I find the idea of giving up control in the bedroom and a little outside of it freeing. In my readings what has turned me on the most would be spankings, floggers, canes, anal, bondage, rope, I am fascinated by the whips but not sure I could handle it but with the right person and a healthy dose of trust I may be willing to try. I am also fascinated by fire play and wax. What has turned me off is humiliation, breath play (I have asthma which is under control with inhalers but that just freaks me out) cages (I have a little claustrophobia and that also freaks me out), knives, face slapping. You get the idea. I don't know if I would like role playing, just don't know if I could keep a straight face ;) but with the right person who knows what could happen right. A lot of my insecurities have been because of my weight. I currently weigh 155lbs. I used to weigh 190+. I feel better about the way I look but my goal is to get down to 130 or lower. Its a work in process. I was told that the quickest way to turn a Dom off is by stating I want a long term relationship. I am not daft I know that meeting someone does not mean anything will come of it and even if we hit it off that it may or may not last but I feel that I need to be honest and let you know that that is really what I am looking for. I most certainly will not turn down the opportunity to chat with anyone because you just never know that person could turn out to be a great friend/mentor/guide/etc. I just feel that I am at the stage of my life where I do want to find the one and am praying to the kink god. I want to have someone to come home to besides my dogs. To have someone to care for who wants/needs to do the same. I am not using this site just to hook up, I am not adverse to using my vibrators/toys. So if you got through all that and have any words of wisdom, think I might be someone you would like to hang out with and get to know if for nothing else than friendship and someone to go to functions with, or if you think hey she might just be the one and want to do a little chatting I would love too! Side note: Age....Well I hate putting a restriction on age but I feel I must.  Looking for a Dom between the ages of 35-55. I believe age is a state of mind but honestly I don't want to date someone the age of my father and as young as my nephew. Just keeping it honest! Hope you all understand :-) Also location. I appreciate anyone giving my profile there time I really do. With that being said I live in central IL and the closest major city is St Louis. So now that you have a general idea where I am let me say I am not looking for an online relationship. I am a submissive who needs the emotional and physical relationship. So again while I appreciate your time please do not be offended if I do not respond to your emails. I say that because I have responded with the basic "your to far but thank you" and then I've gotten responses back making me feel like crap for assuming either they where interested or that they were expecting me to travel or whatever. I am not a mind reader and I don't read between the lines either so unless you let me know upfront I have no idea what your thinking if you know I live in IL and you do not. Again I am just keeping it honest!