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Not everyone can be a goddess, some of us have to be ghosts and demons.
Uhm...curious about anything else just drop me a line.
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I just realized that my profile is fairly vague.
Which means that I ought to clarify a few things.
I'm probably more in the Dominant category than in the submissive one. But both roles can be rather fulfilling if one has an open mind.
I have a S.O. and that means i'm spoken for, so am a lot of talk, and a little game lol.
I'm not really interested in meeting people for R/T encounters, at this time. I'm a bit sour to things at the moment. Also, I do have my own SO atm, and until things are settled with him, i'm not really able to nor do i desire to have rt with anyone outside our relationship on anything except a friendship level.0
I do like to explore new ideas online, and if you want to chat here and discuss anything (and I do mean ANYTHING) let me know.
If you look in the chats, I generally go by Bane or Banish.
and maybe i'll write more here if the spirit moves me.
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So soemtimes when one believes that the hope that nce existed has been extinguished, there is a small ember that burns yet, which then re-ignites the flame that had been so close to dying. There is nothing that i want more than to know that there is someone that is ging t be staying with me forever, and i think that i have that someone now. I just have to wait and continue to test the waters, because if things haven't changed the way that he told me that they did, i am not going to be a happy camper. |
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We are all new to this earth. We are all shards of the universe..but we are not able to do more than what we need to do...
but what do i need to do?
am i always going to feel this lost?
my direction was once known... but where is my compas now? |
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it's so nice to have only gotten 2 hours of sleep*sarcasm*
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I figured as much.
I know what's what, and I know where's where. I know what is and what was.
I refuse to let the fears that belong to others destroy what's left of me.
People may never know who i am, I will only know who i was.
I really don't fucking care anymore either.
You don't know WHO I AM. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE, WHAT I'VE SEEN.
If I Told You You wouldn't believe me anyway.
I'm not going to let other people determine what I am, I KNOW. and you know what, just because they don't have the motivation to do what they need to, doesn't mean that's my fault. It doesn't mean that life itself will pivot and the earth will crash into the sun because I've decided that instead of other people coming first it's time to actually do things that mean something to me.
I want to like myself. I'm tired of hating myself because other people think that I'm bad at something.
I'm sick of feeling like I don't belong. I came to understand that It doesn't matter how hard ya try to fit in, if you're cut from a different roll of cheese cloth than the rest of the lot, you'll never get made into something beautiful.
You never get to be anything more than what people see you as.
But the worse fate is the one that happens when you condemn yourself. I'm tired of condemning myself. I'm tired of thinking about things that would hurt me a little, for a short time, but would hurt other people for a much longer time.
I can hate myself forever, or i can try to learn to like myself for what i have left at this point.
maybe i'll never make it any further than tonight. maybe this is where it all ends.
but if it doesn't... there's going to be something else.
this hate... it never goes away. this frustration and disgust never disappears.
but you wouldn't get that would you?
you don't see me for what i see, and you don't know what i feel.
hopelessness is not the same as helplessness.
remember that the next time someone tries to help them self.
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so today I had some fun, I put some a zipper into a dress, and worked on the other dresses. Tommorrow I HAVE to get the work done on the white ones.
I Got to do some face painting and researched some ideas for my "dream".
I also decided that maybe I ought to take it easy after the current wedding project is done... because there's another in september... and then... I have to figure out how the hell I'm going to deal with my boy.
I hate guys sometimes.
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Sometimes the best things in the world are the ones that mean nothing to everyone else. The only one things need to matter to is oneself. But remember to take care and be mindful of the feelings of others. You're not the last person on the planet. And if you were, you would be a very lonely and near extinct creature.
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So today is one of those days when it just doesn't pay to wake up. Everything moves so slowly and the only things that are look forward to-able, aren't going to happen until after dark(damn).
But I do know that it's ok. I can keep doing things and move on until i run out of breathe or life.
sometimes it doesn't matter which comes first.
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The world looked so beautiful this morning when I went out. There was this...fantastic fog that hung over everything giving the area the apperance of being unreal. It was like something out of a fantasy novel, or a movie. It was so pretty.
But now that the sun is getting higher, the sky is this awful shade of grey. And it's not really as pretty as it was.
Not that I mind, I was just enjoying my thoughts before the planet decided to wake up more. Fie on it.
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Sometimes the sweetest things we have in life are our friends. And I really must admit that we often have a ball. We always seem to have it all.... but once they're out and about and am without them.. I miss them awfully.
But in any case. that's all... Was just thinking about how great my friends are.
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So...
sleep would have been a good thing about now.
But so would have a lot of the other things that seem to be unreachable lately.
poor fool...we make them laugh.
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Dude, if you ask me for a picture, and I do give you one, at least give me the courtesy of a ... "Oh...sorry I'm not interested".
This whole get the pic, and panic thing is so high-school esque.
And you know what?
I know for a fact that I'm fine how I am.
I may not always be comfortable in my skin,
I may not look like everyone else.
BUT I am happy.
oh yes I am, and you know what? I make other people happy just as I am.
So if you can't like(or accept) me for who I am, bugger off.
Want to know why?
Because there's other people that DO like me just the way I am.
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So, today I was thinking about a title a friend of mine gave me. Goddess of Eternity. And while thinking about it, I realized why I didn't protest it. I kind of like the idea of being called Goddess. Makes me feel a bit self-centered too though. But that's ok because a Goddess cares for those around her.
And I do.
So that's my challenge for you today, show someone you don't know that you care, hold a door open, help them, even just smile and look them in the eye, let them know they matter.
Because we all matter in the long run, but we matter more if we help others feel that they matter.
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You know what? it's kind of nice to be somewhere where people don't have a preconstructed idea about who or what I am.
that's all.
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| Age: 26 |
| Cincinnati,
Ohio |
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