I am feeling very tired lately..maybe the flip side of investing so much energy..into something..

that is new..who knows...maybe I,m just going down with a cold...8-)

The funny thing is that after I went through what some people class as the struggle..

I have come out feeling a lot stronger..more me...I was told this would make me complete...

maybe it has taught me I am stronger...but it is a wonderful feeling..just leaves you feeling very tired..

But as they say you cannot have everything.

I am learning that my friend is indeed a true friend... if it had not been for her I just might have gotten lost...only someone who has been through this can understand what I am saying..but wow it was worth it...

After writing  nearly a complete page CM decides not to save what I had written....aaaahhhhhh..

the feelings I am going through are a wonderful experience but totally confusing ..after a while I started feeling bratty....and it was all about Me....no one else just me...I want I want...

If you are lucky you will have an experienced Dom/me...who see,s this and cuts it in the bud...if not you are left to sort for yourself..if it is your first experience I can imagine that I would throw you right back..

Ther confusion is really overwhelming...---you are feeling great bettter than ever before and then you start to come back dowm...which really throws you...because you have had a taste of an emotion that is totally alien...

Feeling a little confused today...need to talk..but do not have anyone to talk too...does that not sound silly.

feeling very alone...sorry for myself..will have to take the good with the bad...

I just want to lie down and go to sleep and hope that these new found feelings will go away...but do not have the time...story of my life..hehe..

Feeling a little bit empty today....ho humm..cannot concentrate....I am missing my friend I never though it was possible to feel like this...totally silly...lost and very emotional...and a little bit bratty...boohoo poor old me.....

Wo,nt get me very far feeling sorry for myself...in fact it is very self defeating ....have to go and get my self buried in work...occupational therapy....keeping myself...busy...

Ho hum....

Wow that was something else...

I have been through what is classed as sub frenzy..and thought the feelings could not get better..

I was wrong...My journey as a submissive started a while back..once I had found someone who

would be willing to help me..on this journey to understand what I was going through..

IT is AWSOME.....do we all go through this letting the defences down..

wow!!!!

It is hard to understand that I am learning to become the submissive that I am..I use to think

been a submissive was something not quiet..nice or right...something that would leave a bad taste on my tongue..after I had said it...

But what I am going through at the moment is wonderful..full of emotions which were unknown to me..full of feelings I never knew existed..

Learning to let go to become complete...what I am feeling is something so beautiful..I do not think I can do it justice here with just words.

To try to explain this, if you have never been through it yourself..

I feel as if I would do most things for my friend because she makes me feel this way..I truely believe I was so very very lucky..the day I met her..

It is at times thoughly confusing also mind blowing..wonderful wonderful wonderful..

confusing that I can feel this way about someone..

Confusing because I feel I am getting closer everyday..to giving myself completely..

I now understand how a sub can give him/her self..to someone like this.

how you could hang on every word...how it brings joy into your life a smile on your face, if you are told I am proud of you...

the feelings are so overwhelming..I miss her when she is not there..and enjoy her company so much that it is sometimes painful and very emotional.

I am getting closer to losing myself to her....and to be honest I do not care...She is my dearest friend

she is the person who has helped me..to feel in this way..

I will always be grateful to her no matter where our paths go..I can never forget her..because she was the first person who invested enough time to get to know me and to accept me..

with her I feel special..and very happy..and sad when I do something she does not like..or been called pet..makes me special..inside.

It is just to difficult to explain..to someone who has not been through what I am going through at this present moment in time....i just wish everyone could experience this..really...

Maybe there are submissives out there who will understand.this...and can understand what I am going through..

untill then...be safe.