sapiosexual (n.) — a person who is sexually attracted to intelligence in others.
For best results, read the journal.
The way to my libido is through my brain. I like my boys whip-smart, successful, fun to be with, and 100% sure they can't live without a Female-led relationship. Good conversation, uncontrollable laughter, a love of dogs, jazz, and life west of the 405, keep me coming back for more. Attach a pic if there isn't one on your profile. Unsolicited dick pix get deleted. If you don't live in Southern CA, and have a problem identifying yourself via cam, move along. NO "online training." No hard core masochists. No dominants, of any stripe. I do not participate in, nor condone the involvement of animals in human sexual gratification. But I'm happy to report your IP.
(C) Copyright 2015: I retain all intellectual copyrights to my writing, journal entries, and this profile. Please do not use any content in this profile for any reason without written permission.
"I do not wish to lose myself in submission, but rather to simply make the life of the woman I love that much better, in whatever way I can manage."
I seek a boy who wants that. Who wishes not to live in a fantasy of 24/7/365 submission/slavery, but who derives joy and a sense of purpose from service in the most vanilla of circumstances.
A boy who has a life, and who's fully capable of surviving without me, but chooses not to.
One might think the author of this quote and I have similar perspectives. I certainly thought so. Reality was something else, entirely.
The quote, above, proved to have nothing whatsoever to do with the individual who published them on their profile. They're merely words. It took me several months of my life to get to know the individual behind them well enough to know he had no personal connection to them. I'll never understand why he bothers.
Everything you read in my profile and journal are written by me, in an attempt to demonstrate something about me, because I want to connect to people who're interested in what they read.
I seek the same in return.
When I want to see your junk, I'll tell you.
Unsolicited dick pix are a non-starter. Yes, exactly like it says in writing, on my profile.
If that's all you've got, I suggest Grindr.
Today a boy wrote: "You seem so classy!"
I haven't seen that word, in that context, in a very long time. Quite possibly before this boy was alive.
OKie boy, your age gets you out of this one, without a public shaming. Aside from that, wasting a dominant woman's time with 4 words of drivel earns you a "delete." Nothing more.
Pay attention. Educate yourself. Demonstrate common courtesy, at a minimum, respect, if you want to be taken seriously.
Or go back to Tinder, and leave the complicated parlor games to the adults.
I accidentally made a porn film in college. I was trying to make a statement about casual T&A representations of women in the media, and what that would look like, if the gender roles were reversed.
I found out about CNFM several years later, after showing my film to a Japanese friend who got very hot watching it.
Today I met a local boy in the course of doing business at the courthouse. I thought I recognized him when I saw him, but due to where I live, I automatically think "actor," and stop wracking my brain, wondering how I know someone.
On my way to my car, it hit me: I was 90% sure I'd seen that face, with a user name matching the one he introduced himself with, on CollarSpace.
I just checked. It's the same boy.
This hasn't happened to me before, in a vanilla environment. I give huge props to anyone authentic enough to be virtually identical to their CS profile, IRT. Any male publicly owning that level of vulnerability is someone worth getting to know, IMO. Even if, as in this case, there are hard limits I won't cross.
So rare is this experience, that I'm infinitely more curious about his core, than put off by the considerable differences.
Tell me your favorite dominant female character, in a film or TV show. Preferably English speaking.
Sherlock season 2, episode 2, is one of the best on-screen depictions of (non-sexual) F/m I've ever seen. Someone on that writing staff knows "what we like."
If you want me to answer your emails, you're going to have to give me a reason to do so that's related to my profile & journal entries (here on my profile).
Prospective boys, I am quite aware of what I want and need. I do not require, nor appreciate, a list of what gets you off (disguised as "suggestions") in an introductory email.
If I desire your participation in any "scene," be it online or IRL, you'll know.
I've had way more agreement with "you look like Sharon Stone" than I anticipated.
I don't see it, at all, but it's virtually impossible to be objective about one's appearance.
Maybe you're just not used to seeing women scowl.
Tell me, boys: how many of you think I "look like Sharon Stone," based on my profile pic?
I haven't spent much time on CS, since the re-birth. So far, so good. It's nice to be contacted by actual humans who are taking the time to read my journal. That didn't happen very often on CM.
Ending 2014 on an upnote is a very good thing. Happy New Year!
Always wonder how many of you with locked cocks on your profile have ever actually been at the mercy of woman who controlled your orgasm?
Locking yourself up on "your honor" isn't even close.
It's MLK day. A day of national service. Who did you serve today?
Some boy wrote: "I will make you my sub."
Once I quit yawning, I felt sorry for any human so desperate to PROVE they're Dominant (sic).
SMH
I don't need a dissertation as an introduction, but I do need to know you've read enough of my journal (here on CM) to identify some compatibilities worth exploring. The fact that you're submissive and I'm dominant doesn't qualify, FYI.
Tip: if you feel you need to provide a list of requirements for dominant women viewing your profile, you're probably not submissive.
Kinky, possibly.
Submissive? Only until orgasm.
Whenever my soul is wounded, you appear. Out of the fog. No warning.
At times it takes weeks for a call back, but when my psyche cries, you materialize without fail.
Like a coastal eddy of cleansing you arrive, amorphous, beyond explanation.
I've written about this before, yet still missed the translation.
I never see it coming.
Until we hang up, then I feel the inflation,
Deep breaths flood my lungs, then glorious exhalation.
Releasing fear, pain, doubt, balancing my equation.
Once again your healing gifts have engendered transformation.
Stirring deep appreciation.
I am grateful.
Effort, boys, not excuses. It speaks volumes about your character.
I'm currently interviewing boys who seek regular service opportunities on the westside. I need manual labor, skilled tradesmen, cleaners, web designers, developers, and more. I have to trust those I invite into my world, so I take my time getting to know a boy, online and in-person, before a decision is made to move forward.
There is no promise of reciprocity beyond the subjugation that will consume you, under my intense direction. I know exactly what I want, and I insist that is what is delivered to me. There will be intense training, but no one but you and I will know the true nature of it. To anyone viewing our interactions, it will appear as though you're helping or working for me. For boys who please me with their service, anything is possible in the future.
I prefer boys on the westside of Los Angeles, or at least those who have no problem meeting me here, who are available regularly, for ongoing service.
If you're interested, email me a list of your available skills, and how you see yourself fitting into the above.
Pictures help. If you cannot or will not provide a clear picture of your face by the time we reach the 2nd email exchange, don't waste my time. This is a real time, real world service position.
Due to the volume of email received on CM, only candidates being considered will receive a reply.
My journal, here on CM, goes back several years. To get to the archived entries, keep clicking on "Next Page" at the bottom of the profile.
I've been called "brutally honest" by boys who know me, and read my writing. Believe what I say.
Some of the stories may be equal parts fact & fiction, but the descriptions of me, my looks, my interests, and my desires, are 100% real.
Today's entry for most inane message from a male:
"Please fuck me over/blackmail the fuck out of me using Teamviewer 899-985-868"
SMH
Why bother contacting anyone, if you aren't stable enough to maintain a CM account for more than 72 hours?
I'm not a goddess. I'm not a mistress. I'm a woman (biologically) who's dominant.
I don't want to know what you want to be, or what you fantasize about.
I want to know who you are, and what serving a dominant (lowercase "d") means to you.
AB
I want to personally thank the submissive males on CM and FL with the graphic and/or do-me driven avatars. Saves so much time, not having to bother with the profile.
I don't dress like other women 99% of the time, and what I play in is no different. I live in shorts & polos when I can get away with it. Jeans & polos, plus a vest as necessary, when it's cold (for CA). I play in black leather jeans, usually, but pants ALWAYS. My preferred evening footwear is a pair of Clark's black leather boots with a 1.5" stacked square heel & square toe.
Comfort is my #1 priority, followed closely by function, and then form/fashion. As such, I don't own a dress, skirt, or pair of heels, let alone a corset or cat suit. I find them extremely uncomfortable, impractical, and dangerously restrictive (if you can't run in what you're wearing, you're vulnerable). Plus it's a look I don't like on me.
When I see women in dungeons or at parties, barely able to shuffle around a chair in their 5" heels, I wonder how it affects submissives to see a dominant so encumbered by their outfit they're no threat to anyone?
I tend to see a woman dressed that way as weakened by choice, and playing into the male sub fantasy. It's very difficult for me to remember these women may love dressing that way as much as I hate it. And I wouldn't hate "femme" + "domme" clothing anywhere near as much as I would hate flashing my tits.
As divergent as our perspectives and respective senses of fashion may be, we all want basically the same thing: the attention and approval of people we're attracted to.
A boy wrote...
"I seek a feminine approach in a woman..."
Why contact me?
A boy wrote...
"For as long as i can ever remember i crave being of service, owned and enslaved to a strong Lady who desires a true servant and sub at heart. i am so eager to learn, to grow, to put my life at my Owner's feet...not only to serve but to be there for Her at every moment: night and day; to be her pet in a cage or her guard in public... i am very dedicated and for me this is a life quest to be owned by a Lady like You a Lady who in Her smile or snap of a finger is life for me...i strongly believe in worshiping the ground on which my Owner walks...let alone my Owner... i would put my heart and all my passion in worshiping Her night and day...Please if You feel there is any potential in me, drop me a little line at Your own leisure..."
I have no idea what any of the above has to do with me, and I won't invest the time to find out.
Approaching a dominant woman with a lengthy paragraph about you, your desires and fantasies, but not a single personal reference to the PERSON you're introducing yourself to, isn't worthy of attention.
In the Los Angeles Classifieds group on FL, a boy posted:
"Seeking Mistress. Shoot me a message if you're in the Socal area near LA. Thanks.
SMH
Which part of "submissive" don't you boys get?
A boy wrote: "A true sub loves it when..."
There's no such thing as "true" submission.
The siren's call of a roasting goose seduced me, long before I opened the door. The kitchen beckons; pleasure awaits.
As I round the corner I see him, bathed in the oven's glow, on this chilly Solstice night. The corner of his eye catches me, ear-to-ear grin on my face, enraptured by his talent and obvious enjoyment in his work. Jeans + apron + flour = hot.
I pull up a stool, he pours a Tempranillo, and asks about my day. In minutes we're laughing so loud the dogs leave the room. Conversation flows.
One goose feast and 2 bottles of wine later we're entwined on the couch, watching The Sopranos and riffing off each other, as we are wont to do.
I'm sapiosexual. A boy's intellect is his sexiest attribute, in my book, followed closely by creativity, talent, and a well-stocked larder.
Whip smart, confident, successful submissive boys with a service-oriented nature are rare, as it happens. At least predominantly heterosexual ones.
Happy Merry
I recently received a genuine, respectful introduction from a boy that merits acknowledgment here. The contact made NO mention of his sexual or D/s desires, no references to his body parts, or how he would like to serve me. It was brief, grammatically correct (important!), and left me wanting to know more.
This is how you get a dominant woman's attention, boys. If someone identifying as a dominant female responds to your blatant sexual conversation without having asked for same, don't be surprised when she invites you to her pay site, or has a bigger package than you.
As for this boy, he's earned some of my attention. Well done.
Dear Transpersons:
I am exclusively interested in biological men, who live their lives fully as men, and who fully function as males.
Any males taking female hormones, hoping to take female hormones in the future, or contemplating any form of gender reassignment are not for me.
This is non-negotiable.
I wish you all the best in your search.
Some unknown entity wrote: "I would love to have you dominate me and break me..."
Clue #1: In an introduction, I don't give a flying fuck what *you* want.
Clue #2: boys on CM are a dime a dozen. Offering yourself to me is no prize.
Clue #3: Asking to be "broken" is equivalent to writing "amateur" or "poseur" or "fake" on your forehead.
Women are not "dominate." They're "dominant."
No human can "domme" another human. Humans are "dommes."
If you can't or won't understand the difference, nor apply these terms appropriately, it tells me everything I need to know about your character. No need to contact me.
A boy wrote: "...it does seem that we have a lot in common except... our politics are completely different."
If "different" in this context = you are now or ever have been a registered member of the Republican (OC) Party, then yeah, it "matters."
We'd never get past drinks.
A boy wrote: "ready when you are and so close too"
(Under different circumstances I'd have deleted an email like that, attached to an almost-non-existent profile, without opening. But this wasn't the 1st email from this boy, and he caught me in the mood for a lesson.)
Cheezy pick-up lines & born-dominant women don't mix. Save those for the high-heeled, French-manicured girlies your "switch" half chases.
Aside from that, you benefited from my fully-realized profile, photo gallery, and extensive journal entries (if you read, as requested) when you perved my profile. From yours, I got nada.
Who are you? What do we have in common? What about you will resonate with me, compel me to want more? Why would I decide to risk an IRL meeting?
Attach a (vanilla) pic, boy, if you're serious about wanting my attention.
A 12lb dog I rescued was attacked by an off-leash dog today, during a walk. She was rushed into emergency surgery, and has a good survival prognosis, though I won't know for a couple of days if they can save the leg. The vet bill so far is almost $4K. If my journal entries have had any value to you over the last year, please show your appreciation by donating to her Chip-In. Any amount will be gratefully received and go directly to the Pet Clinic where she's being cared for. Message me for the details.
Wishing you & your animal loves the best 4th ever.
ATTN: Hot "Male Dominant" boy from my home state, who perved my profile today.
What brings you knocking on my door. Looking for training tips? Never told anyone you wear panties to work? Hoping to be commanded to violate a boy in front of me, for my amusement?
Not that there's anything wrong with that. :-)
It's just that when I see your big "D" dominant selves on my "Who's Viewing Me?" list, I can't help but reflect on the fact that I can't recall perving a dominant male's profile on CM, unless he contacted *me* 1st.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. :-)
There are just too many boys who seek surrender to survey in a lifetime. Why waste time on one who doesn't?
So in my mind it comes down to...
D(ominant) boy wants to do a boy, with or for me.
D(ominant) boy wants me to take him, but "isn't submissive (insert chosen adjective or pronoun here)."
There are no doubt a myriad of other "reasons," and a wide variety of truths. Ultimately, it comes down to these 2 core motivations, regardless of how it's justified.
Am I missing something?
She cuts you hard, she cuts you deep
She's got so much skill
She's so fascinating that you're still there waiting
When she comes back for the kill
You've been bought, you've been sold
You've been locked outside the door
But you stand there pleading, with your insides bleeding
'Cause you deep, down want some more
Then she says she wants affection, while she searches for the vein
"I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." - Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903, in Letters to a Young Poet
Desire rumbles.
Soft, low, constant. Unmistakable. Undeniable.
Course altering?
Backing up and punting to gain field advantage (i.e., you're having tech issues with the only chat program on your computer, but would love to chat on the phone), not my hoped-for move.
Phone's awkward until a rapport has been more established than ours has, presently. I love chat for this very purpose, for various reasons. Hopefully you'll find a way to join me there.
In the 21st century.
:-)
A boy wrote...
What's your idea of the perfect evening with you and your submissive?
There's no single perfect evening. Depends on my mood, the company, whether I feel like going out or staying in. A memorable meal, wine, and music tend to be part of the equation.
What happens after that depends on the boy, and whether or not he made it to the dispensary. *heh*
I admit I'm partial to private kink in vanilla setting.
But the hallmarks of a great date are easy, compelling conversation and uncontrollable laughter.
If a boy is good company, the end to a near perfect evening involves my brain, humor, and libido intersecting.
I was carded this afternoon, buying Two Buck Chuck from a 20 something surfer boy.
If you're a boy who wouldn't hesitate to put the thought, time, and effort into pulling something like this off, just to demonstrate the depths of your passion and loyalty, we might have something to talk about: " target="_blank">
At one point in my life, I stopped all "kink" activity for several years, and am currently contemplating another break. Not due to fear of consequences (I'm self-employed, have no living family in my state), nor health issues, nor being too busy. When it happened to me before I really wasn't sure what was happening or why. I'd had a difficult break-up with my 1st post-marriage D/s relationship, and all I knew was EVERYTHING to do with the BDSM scene turned me off.
This time I'm much clearer as to my motives, and what I suspect was behind my previous break: disillusionment with the boys I encounter. What I'm looking for in a partner seems to be beyond the emotional maturity and personal integrity of the males who identify as submissive that I've met or chatted to. So although I have no desire to pursue "vanilla," and steadfastly refuse to sublimate my true nature for even one minute longer (tried that in my 20s and suffered the consequences), my desire to invest my time, energy, and emotion in submissive boys is waning. As a result, I have little interest in attending functions, parties, etc.
Free advice to boys contacting me: Don't call me "mistress" or "miss." I'm neither, and basically stop reading at the sight of either.
If you don't know what you want; if you "crave" submissive sex, are over the age of 35, and have never had a committed relationship with a dominant woman lasting more than 6 months; if you're prone to sending mixed signals from one day to the next - spare me. Please.
I have exclusively pursued 24-7 D/s for almost 20 years. My marriage to a submissive partner lasted 10 years. I don't date vanilla. I don't switch. I know what I want. I know a poseur from a player from a boy. There's no room in my life for your experimentation with D/s, nor anyone who claims to be submissive then spends an entire evening being combative and competitive.
Read my journal and believe my words. If you're expecting anything I don't represent there, or you think I'm kidding when I tell you I haven't worn a pair of heels in at least 2 decades, you're going to be disappointed, and you're going to piss me off.
Spare me. Please.
"Total submission, 100% TPE, extreme torture, cruel, strict Mistress... " all of these are clear indicators that the author is pursuing a fantasy. Nothing wrong with that, but if you're honestly, genuinely pursuing a relationship with a dominant woman, these buzzwords mark you as a wanna-be.
I was born dominant. I'm not pretending. I have no desire to exchange the fulfillment of my physical and emotional needs for the balance in your bank account. I'm not going to suddenly submit to your demands because things hit a rough spot between us, or in your daily life.
Believe what you read in my journal, and you won't be surprised or disappointed when you meet me.
I demand the same.
Call a dominant woman "baby," and expect to be "deleted unread."
I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing
It's as if the thing were written
In the constitution of the age
Sooner or later you'll wind up
Pacing the cage
- Bruce Cockburn
If you think contacting me with any kind of sexual offer, let alone a thinly veiled demand is going to result in anything but "Deleted Unread," you're delusional.
Seriously, boys, you whine constantly about how dominants don't respond or only want your $$$, but how many of you even bother to read enough of a profile, let alone a journal, to make meaningful contact? Even the boys I have no interest in get a respectful response when they start from a respectful intro.
you get what you give in this world, boys. Being submissive, or meeting on a site that's geared for D/s doesn't change that.
boys, if the "Domme" of your dreams posts nude/semi-nude pix of herself on her profile, that's your 1st clue she's either mostly looking to "Domme" your bank account OR she's engaging in a fantasy role.
If either one appeals to you, knock yourself out. But never confuse those "Dommes" with a born-dominant woman.
Why such conflict, boys? I'm talking primarily to those of you over the age of 40. Why so much shame and self-hatred associated with being submissive? Why allow what anyone else thinks so profoundly alter the way you think about yourself, your value on this earth, your ability to love and be loved?
How do you benefit from the constant self-flagellation? How do you benefit from committing yourself and a partner to a relationship that will never meet your core need to surrender? A relationship that's frankly built on deception and denial and sublimation?
I struggled, in my 20s, to accept my core nature, and embrace the fact that only a boy who seeks submission will ever appreciate my dominance fully. By my 30s I realized I'm the only one who can or ever will live my life, and so I'm the only one I have to please. That's when I stopped lying to myself, and have never once considered dating a boy who doesn't identify as submissive, since.
I have no interest in "inspiring" your submission. I have no desire to force or coerce you to do or accept anything. If surrender isn't your chosen path, if you're not 100% committed to embracing your core motivations and desires, please keep moving. There's nothing to see here.
Bourcheron w/fig on whole grain flat bread to start. Fettuccine Alfredo w/Tiger shrimp and garlic roasted asparagus for the main course. A 2009 Rubus Chardonnay from the Russian River Valley. Triple Berry Cream cake from Sweet Lady Jane for afters.
The sexiest birthday dinner I've had cooked for me in a long time. Even before the boy got his dessert. ;-)
Being submissive is not an excuse for being lazy. If you're looking for a "Domme" who does all the work in your relationship, call a pro. It's their job to fulfill your fantasies.
Being submissive isn't a justification for a lack of common decency. Just because I don't demand "tributes" or orders from an Amazon wish list doesn't mean I won't notice when you're stingy and cheap.
Being submissive doesn't make you a prize. It's incumbent upon you to demonstrate why I should want to get to know you, invest my time and attention in you.
Being submissive doesn't absolve you of responsibility. Take ownership of your intentions, your actions, and your mistakes.
It's my birthday in a couple of days. Who's sending bully sticks?
;-)
"Someone asked me if I knew what orchiectomy was. I said yeah, its also known as 'Marriage'." - @TheAngryPharm via twitter
Rainy days are meant to be spent in bed with my boy.
Ode to a Future Valentine
Adorable boy,
What a joy it was waking up to breakfast in bed, complete with fresh tulips and your loving note. That's just one of the many things I have to appreciate this Valentine's Day, and every day since you came into my life, such as:
Having a boy who never fails to honor birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays with personal and heartfelt expressions of his devotion.
Having a boy who takes the day off to roast a leg of lamb, select the perfect wines, and bake a flourless chocolate cake with fresh raspberries, instead of relying on a crowded, impersonal restaurant to mark an occasion.
Having a boy who greets me, caged and pantied, in perfect seiza, after a trying day.
Having a boy who finds ways to make my life easier, to anticipate my needs and serve my desires, without waiting to be asked.
Having a boy who understands that bathing the dogs, vacuuming the house, and detailing my car are a demonstration of romance of the highest order.
Having a boy with whom I can spend an entire evening laughing and chatting, enjoying each other's company, without need for external entertainment.
Having a boy who understands it's impossible for one submissive to meet all of my needs, but that the presence of another never diminishes his importance in my life.
Having a boy who derives more pleasure from my orgasm than his own.
Having a boy who trusts me enough explore the boundaries of his sexuality, knowing I will never knowingly put him in harm's way.
Having a boy who truly appreciates how much work I put into in leading our relationship.
Before we met, I'd always hoped there were boys that were comfortable enough in their submission to embrace D/s as the ultimate expression of love and passion. I finally know at least 1 exists, and I'm grateful to know he's mine.
I was very active in my BDSM community for over a decade. During that time, and since online, I've participated in a number of "Domme/Mistress" support groups/forums/social organizations, in which women who identified as dominant freely discussed their personal lives with each other, and sought the input of their "sisters."
With very few exceptions, the women I've met who identified as "Domme" or "Mistress" sought a type of relationship with males that charged the men with the ultimate social responsibility for their well-being. When a serious financial or health issue arose in their world, most of these women no longer saw the males whom they previously enjoyed emasculating as "real men," because the males failed to miraculously morph into what I call "protector/provider man." This wasn't always a result of the male's actions or lack thereof, btw. It was often a matter of the womens' perceptions, based on their D/s relationship, regardless of how the men responded. The women were unable to view these males as capable of riding in on a white horse to save the day, so the men became less attractive to them as partners.
The core world view these women shared was predicated upon their wanting/needing to know their male partners (and in some cases, fathers), would be there to "take care of" them. They sought surrender, ultimately, rather than conquest. This has nothing to do with a sex act or BDSM play. It has to do with who the women saw as being responsible for their safety and security.
In most Western cultures, men and women are socialized to believe males will inhabit this role in family units. I'm referring to what each individual seeks, often subconsciously, as a touchstone in their core cultural/societal values. The vast majority the "Dommes/Mistresses" I've discussed these issues with were essentially living out a fantasy role as it related to their D/s relationships, so their core psycho-sexual urges remained unchanged in their subconscious. They may be sadists, or even tops, but when BDSM is removed from the equation, they have no desire to be the one doing the conquering.
I see this conflict manifested on a daily basis in the profiles of the vast majority of "Domme/Mistress" here and elsewhere. These individuals greatly overcompensate for their own insecurity/discomfort in the role of "dominant," and demand the deference and/or control of total strangers, wholly based on their using the word "Domme" or "Mistress" in their profile.
I see far less of this type of overcompensation in the profiles of males who identify as "Dom/Master." That's probably got at least something to do with peer pressure/political correctness. There's little tolerance for blatant misogyny, online or in person, so the males soon learn to present themselves in a more appealing fashion. When the roles are reversed, however, it appears anything goes. This isn't entirely the "Dommes/Mistresses" doing, as a lot of the males who seek surrender online don't appear to be deterred by this behavior. I suspect if they were, these women would change their tunes.
My intent is not to judge these behaviors/core values as right or wrong. Everyone is entitled to their fantasies/desires. I seek instead to bring awareness, and open a dialog that has long been neglected, IME.
This perfectly describes a couple of boys I know: "Boasting is the response of pride to success. Selfpity is the response of pride to failure." -John Piper
Imagine a world where vanilla chicks are empowered, and vanilla boys are their prey... " target="_blank">
A Dominant boy wrote:
"You have a very particular style about you that I just cannot get out of my head. Something submissive emerging in me when I read your writing."
That pleases me very much. :-)
A boy who makes me laugh is almost instantly attractive to me. I prefer Eddie Izzard to the Marx Bros, and Real Time (w/Bill Maher) to sitcoms, but I'm not difficult to amuse. It also pleases me when I make a boy laugh out loud.
So it was terribly disheartening to read that university research indicates males are intimidated/turned-off by funny women. I'm used to my intellect and dominant personality overwhelming conventional boys, but it never occurred to me that making a boy laugh could be anything but positive. Is the male gender truly THAT insecure?
What is the point of sending someone an email, then turning off your profile w/in 12 hours? I frankly don't get the need to turn off a profile to begin with, but if you've sent me an email, and I try to respond in a reasonable period of time (48 hours is reasonable, considering the volume of mail I deal with), then your damn profile is turned off/closed, that's obnoxious. Don't waste a dominant's time with your email, if you aren't stable enough to have a visible profile for at least the next 2 days.
Dominate: VERB - To control, govern, or rule by superior authority or power: Successful leaders dominate events rather than react to them.
Dominant: ADJECTIVE - Occupying or being in a commanding or elevated position: She is a dominant woman.
Dominant: NOUN - A dominant thing, in particular: She is a Dominant.
A person cannot BE a "dominate." Is that a difficult concept to grasp? Srlsy?
Tonight Obama risked alienating Republicans by using facts. - Andy Borowitz
A 19 year old female "Dominant" wrote on her CM profile: "Let me be your master I'll please you in every way possible bitch."
Fascinating.
A) At 19 you have zero life experience with which to guide another human being.
B) That you want to "please" your submissive/slave in "every way possible" suggests you're clueless about the definition of "dominant" in a D/s context.
C) No one lets you be their Master. You have to earn that right.
So what does it say about any boy over the age of 21 that seeks someone like this to dominate them?
I took the "BDSM Quiz." These are my results:
Dominant 86%
Experimental 71%
Exhibitionist/Voyeur 71%
Switch 39%
Sadist 39%
Vanilla 29%
Submissive 0%
A boy wrote: I would love to serve you, if I'm worthy.
I don't know if you're worthy, boy, but you're 19. That makes you unsuitable for anything but conversation, and possibly no-strings service, if you're truly dedicated to learning.
More than likely, this is a lark for you. Something that gets you aroused, so you're exploring it. That's your right, and I encourage you to continue, but an established dominant, especially someone decades older than you, doesn't see that as a good thing. Too much work needs to be invested with very little hope of return.
I suggest finding young women who are new to dominance, and do some exploring together. There are groups on for younger LA area kinksters. That might be a good place to look?
Aside from that, read all you can. Once you're legal, attend munches, demos, parties. Meet lots of different types of people, and get yourself a mentor.
I wish you all the best in your BDSM journey, boy.
Congrats! you scored 21 out of 42!
Too bad I didn't read this before I met you. I could have saved myself 2 months of compulsive lying, alcoholic drama, and parasitic consumption of my time, energy, compassion, and guidance.
42 Red Flags for D/s relationships:
1) Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community. 2) Avoids talking about personal details. Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions. 3) Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. 4) Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them. 5) Is inconsistent with details about themselves. 6) Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time. 7) Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times. 8)Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it. 9) Consistently breaks promises. 10) Always finds excuses for not meeting. 11) Always puts blame on others for things going wrong. 12) Does not take personal responsibility. 13) Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members. 14) Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. 15) Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts. 16) Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast. 17) Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you. 18) Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned. 19) Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a "True" sub. 20) Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame. 21) Puts you down in front of other people. 22) Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat. 23) Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next. 24) Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people. 25) Lies or withholds information. Cheats on you or is overly jealous. 26) Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like. 27) Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship. 28) Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. 29) Belittles your ideas. 30) Blames you for your hurt feelings. 31) Abuses alcohol or other drugs. 32) Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others. 33) Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm. 34) Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt. 35) Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others. 36) Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role- playing. 37) Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations. 38) Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role. 39) Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities. 40) Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation. 41) Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors. 42) Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone.
"i hope you get to enjoy many boys..." Good boy. :-)
Best comment of the day so far: "Tomboys are sexy." My kind of boy. ;-)
Leaning over the gorgeous, finely honed torso on all fours before me, my palms glide slowly, from the neck down, tracing the fullness of each convex pec. I pause briefly to engorge the nipples, massaging and taunting them. A wave of anticipation shoots through my loins, when he shudders beneath me.
My hands skip down the happy trail, hungry to caress the smooth, hard, rippled abs, before grasping both hips, and slamming that sweet, perfect bubble against my thrust...
Prospective boys/gurls/cucks: Addressing me as "dear," as in "hello dearhow are you," (sic) will get you deleted, unread.
A boy wrote: "You made me smile today :) "
Then it was a good day.
A boy just wrote: "would like to use me as a whore to serve other men?" (sic)
:: sigh :: Didn't we just go over this?
YES! Yes, boy, I DO want to whore you out to other men. And I'm going to charge them $25 for a blow job, $50 to fuck you senseless. We're going to do it out of the back of a van, so I can drive from bar to bar trolling for cash. you have to wear a hood, and have your ankles and wrists restrained for the duration. 1st I need you to transfer a grand into my account, so I can rent the van, and get the restraints and incidentals. Do this in the next 30 minutes or forget it.
Several boys a week write: "i would love to suck cock for you"
Yeah, you and a large portion of the males on CollarMe ("straight" or bisexual, submissives and dominants alike), based on the email I get. If you think that's unique, or you imagine boys will be falling over each other to get their cock in your mouth, it's time to burst your bubble. you sucking cock is doing *you* a favor. What's in it for me?
Best tweet I've seen today: The only #GoldenGlobes I care about are #EliManning's balls! #GoGiants via @JusPressPlay
Stumbled on this guide, "How to Act Like a Tomboy," on wikiHow. Laughed out loud at some home truths, like: #1 - Start hanging around boys and don't be afraid to talk to them. #4 - Maybe you can learn skateboarding! #6 - Run a lot. You don't want to be left in the dust when you're in the gym and running laps or racing with a friend that's a boy! #7 - Get into sports. #17 - Joke around.. a lot. #18 - Learn how to talk. Don't gush or talk in a really high pitched voice. Find the right volume and pitch, and don't mumble. Make sure you sound confident. #23 - For hair, you can cut it short, but be ready to be called "he." Note: hasn't happened to me since puberty. ::shrug:: #24 - Be the boss. Note: 'Nuff said.
The term "boy" to me refers to any eligible adult male I find attractive, and/or an adult male who has presented himself as a submissive/seeking submission. I'm from Texas, where the word "boy" is commonly used to address males that are obviously younger or lower in social rank, regardless of their legal age. It's frequently a term of endearment. The word "boy" comes naturally to me, and doesn't draw undue attention if it slips out in public. :-)
boys amuse, entertain, comfort, and pamper dominants. boys remember birthdays, and know how to improve a bad day with a note or a tulip or a favorite Iberian red. boys go out of their way to provide pleasure and comfort, merely for the joy of basking in an appreciative dominant's attention and pleasure.
Calling an adult male "boy" is almost always a positive, from my perspective. When I stop calling someone I was previously interested in "boy," I've moved on.
To me, the word "boy" is not synonymous with "child."
I use the term "child" to describe boys who equate submission with dependence. A child in this context is a boy who refuses to grow up. A child is a boy who lacks character and integrity.
boys are responsible, contributing members of society, even when dominants aren't looking. A child engages in parasitic relationships with others.
boys serve a dominant because the desire to serve drives them, at their core. A child presents themselves as a submissive to get their fantasies realized, then avoids/ignores/seeks to "get out of" service, whenever possible.
boys seek a bond. A child seeks attention.
boys protect the bond of trust required in a D/s relationship with rigorous honesty, transparency, and consistency. A child lies whenever it might benefit them, regardless of the impact on others.
boys make certain a dominant's needs and desires are met before considering their own. A child attends to their own comfort, first.
boys crave opportunities to demonstrate their appreciation for a dominant emotionally, spiritually, and materially. A child expects favors, gifts and indulgences, then offers the minimum, or nothing, in return.
boys are financially independent. A child assumes someone else will fix their fuck-ups/take care of them.
boys face the consequences of their actions. A child runs away when confronted with the truth.
"Your profile kites my bubble :-) And chastity on top well I'm ready to kneel. I leave for Florida on the 15th to race sailboats in Biscane Bay. Are I a water person? Good one ha. Hope to chat. Your sexy perfect " - Actual text of a CM email intro.
Google Translate?
Nigerian prince?
Favorite quote, going into a new year: "I thought most relationships were female led?" (from a boy on a predominantly vanilla personals site)
I started referring to myself as an "Alpha Chick" online years ago. I needed a screen name, and thought it was sexier than "predominantly heterosexual, born-dominant woman searching for a submissive needle in the haystack of a patriarchal world." Because as long as I've identified who I am, and sought boys who seek who I am, I've been compelled to own it and express it, without apology.
Despite my best efforts at full disclosure and rigorous honesty, I regularly engage a boy online, only to find out after a few encounters he's expecting a living fantasy; Barbie-with-a-whip, ready to humbly surrender her dominance/intelligence for the sake of a delicate ego. If you look like Bono or Johnny Depp, and/or cook like Nigel Slater, I can be exceedingly tolerant. Otherwise, you've got to be kidding me.
What part of "adult tomboy," or "gay male top in a woman's body" isn't clear? When I say I haven't owned, let alone worn a dress or a skirt or a pair of pantyhose in about 20 years, does it sound like I'm joking? When I tell you I've lived openly as a dominant woman for around 20 years, 24/7, why would you think I'm not ready, willing, and able to call your bluff?
"Adult tom boy" refers primarily to my appearance, and the way I carry myself. I follow fashion to the degree it works for me. My hair's short but trendy. I wear makeup when I go out, but rarely at work, and never at home. My nails are functional and haven't seen polish since my teens. Keens are my preferred footwear, when it's too cool for Birkenstocks. Oh, and I HATE carrying a purse.
In a nutshell, I reject any female convention that doesn't serve me, but especially those that are uncomfortable, restrictive, or in any way feel like they don't accurately reflect what exists inside me.
When I call myself a "gay male top trapped in a woman's body," I seek to express my core psycho-sexual urges in a witty, easy-to-digest sound bite. :-)
I have no desire to be male, or stop being female. I have what can only be described as a male sex drive, and have always thought about and acted on my cravings more often and more intensely than any female I've talked about this with. And unlike a number of "Dommes" I've talked to, I never hesitate to enjoy every available sex organ exactly as it was designed to perform, whenever it pleases me. And it pleases me a LOT.?
My play is heavily cock-centric, and can range from cages and chastity, to UI (sounds, plugs) and MMF. My hottest fantasies all involve penetration. "Soft" and "gentle" aren't words I tend to associate with pleasurable sex.
I'm territorial, and don't share boys well with others, unless I'm running the scene, and I get to watch. :-) My boy's orgasm is mine, his cock is mine, and everything to do with his sex is mine, and I have every intention of enforcing my property rights. Cock cages make me hot. Me being hot is a very good thing for any boy I'm holding a key for.
This is my life, not a "lifestyle." I don't/can't turn my dominance on and off. That doesn't mean I order strangers to obey me, or carry a riding crop. I make decisions. I take charge of situations. I solve problems. I protect my loved ones. I go after what I want. No different from most of the male population in this society. It's who I am, 24/7/365, and it's right here in black & white.
If you come expecting anything else, that's on you.
Roasting a prime rib, Cowboys on TV, basking in 75 degree sunshine at home. Does it get any better?
Enjoy, kinksters, whatever you're doing, where ever you're doing it, with the one you're with. Life is too short to accept anything less. :-)
What possesses some people to piss all over the gifts in their life? Those same people are quick to whine about how pitiful their existence is, feel sorry for themselves, and wallow in their self-induced pain.
There's a reason you're alone. Look in the mirror.
Direct line to a dominant woman's libido: "Ma'am, my pussy belongs to You to use as You see fit. It is not mine to play with. Please train me."
I can't tell you what I'd say.
Yes, having my collared boy wear my ring in his PA rocks my world. Yes, the conversation about that, in the context of my last committed relationship, precipitated the end of same (ultimately because it was destined to, not because of the ring). Yes, my husband wore my ring in his cock for the duration of our 10 years together. Yes, it meant everything to me.
I can't tell you if, or when, or why I might or might not ask another boy to wear my ring. So there's no way I could tell you what I'd say or feel about you refusing to do so. There are some questions for which there is no plausible hypothetical outcome. Not enough facts exist to form a reliable conclusion. This is one of those questions.
I will tell you I have no single stronger trigger than the sight of my collared boy's cock permanently marked at my request, visibly claimed, adorned in gold. It makes me rock-hard, weak in the knees, and fiercely protective, all at once. It's an image that sears my brain, compelling my every thought and action at my psycho-sexual core, from that point forward.
I will tell you that as long as I've known what a Prince Albert was, I've sought the boy that would be worthy of wearing mine.
I will tell you there's a reason it's only happened once in my life.
I will tell you I kept him for 10 years, despite a cultural Grand Canyon, every imaginable communication barrier, and, eventually, 5,000 miles.
I will tell you that parading my owned cock in public, leashed, is fodder for a killer orgasm.
I will tell you no one has even come close to making me think about this in a very long time.
Dear quarterback boy: Do you really think that God gives a shit about who wins a football game? Oh, and try reading Matthew 6:5-7. - @SazeracLA via twitter Matthew 6:5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full."
Lessons of the day for dominant women: Always trust your instincts; believe them when they tell you to run away; never, under any circumstances, accept explanations for disrespectful, callous behavior. It doesn't matter "why" they did it, they did it and they'll do it again.
If it acts like a dick, lies like a dick, and continually treats you with disrespect and indifference to your feelings, it's a dick, and you're a dick for putting up with it.
A person's true colors will always show over time. You may be fooled for the moment, but be patient and see what happens.
"I want my dark lady. I want my angel. I want my tempter, I want my Freia with her apples. I want the lighter of my seven lamps of beauty, honour, laughter, music, love, life, and immortality. I want my inspiration, my folly, my happiness, my divinity, my madness, my selfishness, my final sanity and sanctification, my transfiguration, my purification, my light across the sea, my palm across the desert, my garden of lovely flowers, my million nameless joys, my day's wage, my night's dream, my darling and my star." - G.B. Shaw, in a letter to his first Eliza Doolittle, Beatrice Stella Tanner (Mrs. Patrick) Campbell.
To be the recipient of such devotion, such a life affirming, all-consuming craving, is the epicenter of a born-dominant woman's desire. Life is too short to settle for anything less.
I'm amazed at some of the submissive boy's profiles I see online, as it's abundantly clear they have no clue how to attract a born-dominant woman's attention. From repulsive pix to "do me" text, I sincerely wonder if it ever occurs to them that the person they hope to attract is not themselves?
boys, if you're not getting any responses to your emails, and/or you're only hearing from 25 year olds in Eastern Europe who talk about "tributes" or "money slaves," seriously consider what your profile says about you.
A few clues for the clueless:
Clue #1: If you have a pic of your dick for an avatar, you're turning all but the Fin Dommes and less reputable pros off. I know what cocks look like. I've seen lots of 'em. Some are more impressive than others. But I've never seen one that compelled me to know more about a boy, if I wasn't already interested. If you feel you must show your ass to total strangers, do so inside your profile, where a woman will have to look (thus giving her consent) to find it. Ditto for any pic that shows your bruises, welts, needle play, etc.
Clue #2: If the 1st 5 sentences in your profile or email detail your kinks, desires, and/or needs, you're a "do me queen." Or you sound like one, at the very least. I delete at least 30 emails a week for that reason alone. I really don't give a fuck what *you* want at 1st contact. If you're not dedicated to learning what *I* want, need, and desire, or you're not ready to back that up with service, you're wasting my time and yours.
Clue #3: If you're married, in a relationship, or seek "online domination," find yourself a similarly married "Domme," a Fin Domme, or a pro. No born-dominant woman wants or needs to waste her time on boys that aren't fully available to her. I get an average of 75 emails a week, sometimes more. Believe me when I tell you that the instant I find out you're not available, you no longer exist to me. And if I find out you've kept any of the above a secret after I've invested my time engaging you, I will not only be pissed, I'll be on a mission to make you pay.
Clue #4: If the only experience you have with D/s is in your fantasies, pursue women who are similarly beginning their exploration, or the aforementioned Fin Dommes or pros. No one learns to drive in a Ferrari, boy. A born-dominant woman with a history of D/s relationships is looking for boys of substance who know mundane/vanilla will never satisfy them, and are ready, willing, and able to do whatever it takes to please their dominant. If you've never once served IRL, you're not a blank canvas, you're a bad risk.
Clue #5: If you're a scammer, liar, or manipulator, a born-dominant woman will out you in no time. We have extensive experience separating the wheat from the chaff, and we know where and how to investigate whatever you tell us. The Internet is an unforgiving place that rarely forgets your contributions, no matter how obscure you might think they are. Expect to be investigated, and if your reality doesn't match what you're telling me, prepare to meet the curb.
Clue #6: One line emails = delete. There are virtually no exceptions. See Clue #3. Born-dominant women are inundated with emails and requests for our time. If you think I'm going to put in the effort to get to know you, when you won't put in the effort to introduce yourself, you're delusional.
Clue #7: If you don't respond to a born-dominant woman's emails in a timely manner, we move on. After just 1 day, your emails drop off page 1 of my Inbox (I currently have 26 pages of emails that I haven't answered and haven't deleted). you're going to need a highly compelling reason for me to bother with you, once that happens.
Clue #8: If you score an offer to chat with me, and you feign an inability to load Yahoo on your computer, or worse, try to insist on a phone call, you're kissing your opportunity goodbye. Email is far too cumbersome to get to know someone, and phone calls with people you don't know are just awkward. There are plenty of FREE chat clients out there. Pick one and step up your tech game, or enjoy your solitude.
Clue #9: If there's not a pic of YOU on your profile (anime, illustrations, and stock photos do not count), and you fail to attach one to your introduction after I've specifically requested you do so in my profile, you're wasting my time. Either you failed to read very simple instructions, or you don't give a shit. Prepare to be deleted.
Clue #10: If you claim to have experience domestically serving dominants, but have no references to offer, you're probably lying. I've given honest references for every boy who has ever asked for one, even if we didn't part on amicable terms. Obviously, if he was irresponsible, unreliable, and/or flaky, I said so. On the other hand, if he did what was asked of him, but we were just not compatible, I said that. Trusting a boy with my home address is a very big leap. I want to know whatever I can about him before inviting him over. If a boy claims pertinent experience, but can't produce 1 reference, I'm done
If this was meant as a joke, it succeeded, at the writer's expense. Fucktard email of the year: "I am really looking for a good woman who will support me and let me move in with her. I don't have a job but I am looking. I don't have a car but I finally got my license back. I do like to drink and will admit I have a taste for drugs. I won't try to change you if you don't try to change me. I am a dam good lover and I really like to let go and have a good laugh. I have been married seven times but hey I never said I was perfect. As far as negetive things about me, I really like to sleep late and I am not a fix up everything kind of guy. I am laid back and mellow and know how to throw a great party. I suppose my pet peeve is someone who tells me not to smoke in the house dam that gets me!! I am on this site looking for true love I got a photo but I was pretty drunk and stoned that day. My hair was messed up but you can tell it's me. I am a democrat because some of them at least want pot legalized. Please contact me if your interested and if you want I can call you collect."
I'm a born-dominant woman with a male sex drive, innate sense of direction, and love of all things grilled. I crave being on top, and the raw, primal power exchange that happens when I hit my stride with a boy that pleases me. I seek conquest, and seek boys who seek surrender.
In other words, I'm a gay male top, trapped in a woman's body.
A bear friend from high school (no, I didn't know he was a bear in HS) recently called me a "unicorn," meaning he'd never met another like me. At 1st this amused me. Then it frustrated me. Then, when I realized I haven't, either, it depressed me.
As rare as I may or may not be, meeting an authentic, balanced, born-submissive boy is also uncommon. It shouldn't be, given the ratio of dominant women to submissive males, but it is.
For years I've searched for boys that were my polar opposite. boys who are submissive at their core, with no need to play games that preserve their jealously guarded male privilege. But the Internet breeds pretense, especially where D/s, sex, and romance are concerned, and it seems a great number of boys online are unable or unwilling to inhabit their desire for submission, when their bluffs get called.
In recent weeks, I've met a couple of boys who appear to be the genuine article. Possibly born-submissives who seek surrender in the context of a Female led relationship. Only time will tell if they can walk their talk, but I'm hopeful. I have to be hopeful. Unicorns roam faerie land alone.
Nothing like a steady stream of promising new boys to rid the air of the stench left by online scammers passing as submissives. Three dates in 3 days not only washed the foul taste out of my mouth, it brought 3 infinitely better prospects into focus that might not have been there otherwise. Funny how things work out.
I met a boy online a few weeks ago. Our chats were easy, intellectually stimulating, and fun. This led to a meeting IRL in an unusually short period of time for me, which turned out to be quite enjoyable.
Yesterday, I find out he's been lying all along about his "former" relationship. No, he didn't have the integrity to fess up. I found out on my own. If I hadn't, I have no doubt the deception would have continued.
Why do boys waste a dominant's time like this? When you finally find a born-dominant woman, who doesn't want to fuck your money, who brings you closer to the idea of true surrender than anyone else ever has, why risk that? Better yet, why shit on that opportunity by acting like a common dungeon rat, only out for their own orgasm?
Submissive boys don't have a monopoly on being blind sided by losers online.
Ever notice how quickly boys melt in a pair of lacy panties? How they'll rationalize a pair of pink stretch boy shorts with excuses like "... it fits better with the device... I like the way they make my jeans feel..."
For me, panties are only one step below a chastity device, in terms of the impact on a boy who's out of my immediate jurisdiction. They're also the start of at least 5 portable, deliciously kinky games I can think of, off hand.
My favorite, of course, is getting pix texted to me from a boy who's been ordered to document the panties are on, and he's at work, w/in 5 minutes of receiving a text message from me. The thrill of getting caught in women's underwear is only slightly stronger than the panic of finding a place to take pictures in them, while the clock ticks down.
Yummy.
I'm not a "Domme," I'm a born-dominant woman with what are typically considered "male" personality/sexuality traits. To me this is very different than being a " Domme," which I view as a role, a fantasy, and/or a job. Making this distinction is necessary, because boy after wounded boy has been left skittish and slow to trust by scammers. When I'm trying to understand the nature of a boy who pleases me, and he's constantly looking for sand traps, I have a problem.
In other words, "Dommes" fuck up my game.
The word "Domme" means different things to different women. I get that. In MY parlance, a "Domme" is a woman who made a conscious choice to adopt a role as dominant partner, during some part of her life, in the home or out. She has dominant aspects to her personality. She is possibly a fetishist or sadist.
Every woman I've met that I would call a "Domme" was universally more comfortable having a man to rely on, than being relied upon. They preferred, or at least occasionally sought, sexual surrender.
Frequently, "Dommes" I've met consciously sought a quid pro quo arrangement, as a condition of "Domme-ing" a desperate boy who is only too happy to maintain male privilege under the guise of surrender.
By the time they get to me, boys are so bruised and beaten by the experience, they have trouble believing a born-dominant woman exists. That abject surrender exists. That they will ever fully trust a woman with 100% ownership.
Not only do I have to undo the bad training, I often have to help the boy remember why he sought surrender in the 1st place. If he's truly submissive-hearted, facing that prospect can be daunting. So many expectations have developed over the years, so many dreams shattered, the boy feels consumed by hope and fear in equal measure.
To further complicate the conversation, I also identify as a Top, with regard to sex/BDSM play. Being a top to me is a description of my psycho-sexual desire, and my skill set. I'm not much into ropes, percussive instruments, etc., in and of themselves, but tell any bottom boy you meet you're a Top, he knows EXACTLY what you mean. Vividly.
Tops are always dominant at their core, but born-dominant women are Tops by nature of their dominant sexual drive.
What's a dominant woman's price? A boy's abject surrender, and a whole lot of service until we get there.
What's a "Domme's" price? Depends on her comfort level for whatever it is you want her to do, and how much you're wiling to pay.
So what's a bottom boy to do, when virtually all of the "Dominant" women he meets, online or otherwise, don't want him to surrender? Accept that. Seriously. The sooner you do, the sooner you can determine her price. She has one. Accept that. Seriously. Make it part of your fantasy if you can, but don't get a fucking chip on your shoulder when it happens. The boy enters this negotiation behind the 8 ball.
When you approach a naturally dominant woman with your kinks in her face, you're dismissed as a waste of time. When you approach most online "Dommes/Dominatrix/Mistresses" with your cock out, she wonders what's in it for her. She is NOT driven by the core urge to conquest (dominate/fuck your brains out). She may embrace dominant aspects of her personality as part of the fantasy, but she's not acting on uncontrollable psycho-sexual CRAVINGS. *you* boy, are not the answer to her wet dreams, no matter how good looking you fancy yourself to be.
If she's naturally dominant, that woman has offers from boys you cannot imagine piling up. Regardless of how cute or kinky you are, if you're not coming with respect, don't waste her time.
boys love to complain about the radio silence from dominant women online, and/or bitch about "Domme" women seeking "play for pay." In MY experience, most submissives behave online like potential clients, not potential boys for consideration. What do they expect?
Unless you look like Bono or Tom Brady, the chance the dominant of your dreams would consider you for play or sexual service right off the bat is slim, at best. In most cases, a born-dominant being greeted with talk of play will delete upon arrival. But most "Dommes" are NOT born-dominant by nature (it's fantasy, not their core). So it shouldn't surprise a boy that when he approaches these women with his desires out front, he sets himself up as an ATM. Someone approaches you wanting to buy your car, you starting calculating how to get the best deal, right?
A boy wrote: Are you looking for a subby hubby?
Yeah. Srsly. Random boy sends me a 1 line email asking what could be the most inane question so far in this process.
What else is there to say.
I'm actively pursuing a poly stable for the 1st time. 3 or 4 boys, plus a slave. Think brother-wives w/dogs. Entourage w/collars.
I envision us living on the same property, but in separate dwellings. Me in the main house with a rotating roster, possibly a house pet. boys' private rooms in the guest house, and a slave in the shed. The Playboy Mansion, sans grotto.
By keeping a stable of boys, I figure I can better balance the demands of mundane life against my needs & desires. Every boy is self-supporting, so when boy "A" is at work, I have boys "B - D" to serve me. Or something like that.
Can boys live in a group with a dominant woman, without jealousy and competition fucking-up the mix? I don't know. In my experience, boys can territorial, tenacious, and hot-tempered. Even those in possession of a submissive heart. That's male privilege, of course, and it's almost impossible to eradicate.
The boys are key to this thing working, so I search for the right blend to bring onboard. It could take years, not months, to manifest. Or not. No doubt some incredible boys will pass through, on the way to their destination. Each one teaching as I teach him, while we work this process.
Perhaps the search *is* the journey for me. Remaining open to possibility and living in the moment, the lessons?
I offered a new boy an opportunity to serve me at my community garden next week. This would be our 1st IRT. What's the point of meeting a service-driven boy for coffee or a meal, unless he's cooking it & serving you? I prefer to meet a boy outdoors for an hour of sweat and conversation, so I can see for myself his work ethic.
Up until the instant I made this offer known, I was quite taken by the level of this young man's training and impeccable manners. Truly a gift to behold. I will be complimenting the dominant who trained him.
When it came time to confirm the day/time, for the 1st time in a very long conversation, he hesitated. He deferred to previous plans he had made, and questioned what time I might want to meet as his friends were meeting him in the evening, so if I didn't need him in the evening, he would be available.
I immediately canceled our date.
I explained that I was quite surprised to hear this answer, that it was clearly a conflict for him between what he wanted to commit to. I suggested he do what his heart called him to, and if that meant the movie with his friends, that's what he should do. I was canceling our date because in our previous conversation his actions suggested an unflinching dedication to service above all. Yet the 1st time we were moving from chat to IRT, it's another story. So instead of confirming our 1st meeting, he got additional assignments to complete before I decide whether he's worthy of IRT.
When your dominant asks you for something, that is a gift she is giving you. The chance to serve, to surrender, is a gift very few others are capable of giving you in your lifetime. Treat it as the precious commodity it is. If she asks what you're doing on Saturday and you've got plans with a friend, tell her. Be honest. But also immediately offer to cancel, reaffirming for her and yourself that service is always your choice, given the opportunity, and you will reschedule anything that is inconvenient for your dominant.
If my boys are committing to doing something with/for me, and they have a non-work related conflict, they are instructed to say: I made plans to (fill in blank), Ma'am, but would much rather serve you, if it pleases you.
In this case, "if it pleases you," tells me they would rather do the other thing, but will serve as requested without hesitation, if i am asking them to do so. I have the option then to get more info about the conflict, accommodate their conflict, or ignore them and do whatever it was I wanted in the 1st place.
Such a convenient little phrase, that solves a lot of irritation and wasted time.
I let a prospective boy know I was considering him last night. So it was time for the talk. He's never before been in this position, so I explained that as long as I was considering him, his contact with other dominants must go through me. That I do not own him, have no claim to him, but in fairness to any who might run across him while we learn more about one another, I state my interest.
He also begins chastity training. I think this came as a surprise. It's not high on his list of kinks, but he's never had me holding his key before. :-)
I feel enforced chastity is vital to the D/s bond. Boys have great difficulty focusing, prioritizing, when overwhelmed by their physiological response to real surrender. Best to harness that energy, focus the drive, and never let an opportunity to use that hard cock for my personal pleasure slip away.
So I've been purving JT's Stockroom and getting positively worked up over the stunning steel chastity devices. I so want to put my little hottie house boy in one, then get texts, proving it's there, under his street clothes, in some outrageously clandestine places.
Ladies (genetic), I'll let you in on a little secret: a LOT of boys love chastity. If you would enjoy having a more obedient boy in your life, consider it. You need to know what you're doing, and find the device that makes it sexy FOR YOU. Then kick back and marvel at the results.
I wrote to a boy....
What do I want in a boy?
Depends on the boy. Some are in my sphere of influence a short time, some are prospects for the long term. 2 boys in my life have proved worthy of commitment. Neither are in my life today.
In a primary boy, I seek what you read about in my journals. My primary boy is the boy I cherish.
Most boys I meet are not destined for that position. So we engage and connect and laugh, for what it's worth. Or not.
Any boy over 21 that pleases me, and declares himself slave-hearted, is worth looking at long enough to figure out if he's lying. To himself.
:-)
I also have something of a a cultural obligation to help train a younger boy, if he pleases me. Boys need training like dogs need training. Neither one knows instinctively how to negotiate the delicate balance between self-driven and selfless. Someone, at some point, has to take the time to translate for them, house train them, teach them basic commands, and coach them on how to grow into service as a self-actualizing process.
If you give a dedicated boy the tools to be productive in the relationship, AND get his own needs met, the dominant is happy, the boy is happy, the knowledge is spread, and more like-minded souls connect. Karma?
:-)
My D/s advice for a gorgeous, baby-bottom boy: the relationship is on faulty ground if you aren't safely expressing your submissive self. Mundane ("vanilla") life sets everyone up for resentment. Passing is a trap.
Seek a connection with a born-dominant woman while you're young, and you will know what to look for, for the rest of your life.
Don't send me Friend requests from someone I've never even communicated with.
Seriously, what arrogance precedes any boy/bottom/submissive/slave/thing making any demand of a dominant they don't know?
Why do I want to further your brand?
I'll let you know if I want you to "friend me."
boy: I'm curious, do you enjoy some degree of "personality enhancement" to the boys who serve you?
AlfaBitch: "personality enhancement?"
boy: I mean, finding areas of weakness, or insecurity and consciously working on those areas
AB: "how is D/s not a personality enhancement, is my 1st thought. it's endemic to the process"
boy: I guess it would be a question of conscious intention. Not necesarily attachment to change or an outcome...
AB: "If the question is, do I set an intention to positively influence my boy's presentation to himself and the world, in the time he is in my sphere of influence?
"Answer: Fuck yeah.
"Why else would I bother? Why invest the overwhelming time & attention necessary to deal with mercurial boys?"
boy: I have bumped into rather selfish motivations for dominance
AB: That's not "dominance." That's Domme-inance, and it's a role. Can be a "lifestyle." Can be a profession.
Domme-inance is costume worn for affectation. Some are absolutely stunning, and manage enviable lives of balanced, "mainstream" D/s. But that's not necessarily a manifestation of a dominant *personality.*
Bottom line for every predominantly heterosexual woman I've met who identified as dominant: Women want to stop "being in charge" at some point in the hour/day/week/year, and will get very, very pissed-off if you (boy) fail to emerge from the phone booth as Protector/Provider Man.
Because their deepest, most organic psycho-sexual triggers are based in surrender. Not conquest. They don't WANT to take you. They want you to earn it, hand it to them in a clean shirt, then pick up the pieces when they bolt for the sidelines, the next time there's trash to deal with.
Because when women face the prospect of being w/out a protector/provider, women are socialized to believe they are vulnerable, unworthy, rejected, destined to be alone/victimized.
They are no more capable of generating dominance in their subconscious urges than you are.
A boy wrote....
What confused me is that while you apparently do not seek a merely D/s relationship..."
"... a merely D/s relationship." What is that? "Merely D/s as opposed to...?"
"...in your journal, you write about the delight of forcing, or at least getting the submission of one who cannot stand to have the world regard him as submissive, and your delight at the idea of having power over men who would not normally accept this.
If there is a question here, it escapes me.
The closet is no place to live. I'm delighted when a submissive heart is able to surrender to me, in ways he has likely never believed possible. The boys whose stories were fresh in my mind when I wrote that are closeted, and suffering because of it. They pay a heavy price for seeking to "appear normal to the outside world." In my embrace, they can finally let go.
I "force" only the surrender, and do so because the boy cannot bring himself to it. The desire, the yearning, the physical pain of wanting something desperately that you've never even seen outside of your own emotion? That's all presented to me on a silver platter. I cannot put it there, and have no desire to. By the time a boy has been "forced" to surrender in my care, he has presented his case to me repeatedly. He is most likely not 100% sure the surrender he's read about, fantasized about, even exists. Because he's never experienced it with a woman. Because no woman has ever been capable of taking it.
"... and your delight at the idea of having power over men who would not normally accept this."
Dominant sexual predation for $100, Alex?
Walking through Ralph's today, I couldn't help but smile madly as I passed the westside boys around me, all working their machismo and aloof game faces in one way or another. If only they could see themselves as I was imagining them, as I imagined you last night, kneeling, bowing, seeking, yearning for the ultimate surrender in the hands of a woman powerful enough to take it from you. Whether you want to give it to me or not.
This has been a week of surprises on CM, all good, but none quite as surprising as last night. Engaging with a boy's submission is always a precious gift, but when it comes wrapped in a leather bow, held aloft by a boy that would rather be castrated than have the world regard him as a bottom, well, it engages this dominant woman's neurons like an opiate.
Each boy I passed today became part of our game. They played various roles, without their consent, but all with the same goal: your abject, total surrender.
If you're lucky, I'll give you a guided tour sometime.
AB
Establishing trust online is a nearly impossible task. Made ever harder by those who make commitments, however trivial they might seem, then fail to follow through. Your thought might be that a born-dominant woman is too busy to notice you didn't send the picture, as promised. And you're probably right.
But when she gets around to realizing it, the damage is done. you've shown yourself to be unreliable. Flaky. Lacking in integrity.
Born-dominant women are inundated on CollarMe and similar sites with boys wanting some part of our attention/time. If you want to distinguish yourself from the wankers, be who you say you are. Honor your prospective dominant by showing her you recognize the infinite privilege being bestowed upon you, and respect her requests.
This is an excerpt from a real profile on collarme.com. It's the opening sentence. And it tells every born-dominant woman who comes across it that everything about this encounter will be about the person who wrote that (in this case a boy who identifies as "submissive").
Bet he thought he was handing her the proverbial 'candy store" with that line.
A dominant woman sees that and reads "next..."
Two years is a long time since I last updated. All of the previous entry applies, in that I'm again accepting applications for houseboys. But I'm now in a more open state, and ready to again consider a deeper connection, with the right submissive.
Please be clear that I am NOT seeking a BDSM play thing/abuse toy. I get very little fulfillment from those games at this point in my life. That's not to say I won't find it amusing to "go there" on occasion, but it's little more than "spice" to me. It's definitely NOT the basis of a relationship.
What I seek is a partner who is drawn, inescapably, to strong, confident, born-dominant women. This isn't a role for me, or a "lifestyle." It's who I am at my genetic core. I'm dominant in the same way I'm 5'5" and brunette. I was born this way, and it permeates every level of my being. I don't wear dresses, heels, or pantyhose, tho I do put on make-up on occasion (and I can work a pair of leather jeans). I'm way more Rachel Maddow than Victoria Stilwell, but that's as much of a reference to how I carry myself, as how I look, IMO.
I'm very clear on what I want, and what I don't.
If you can't keep up with me intellectually and politically, you should be exceptionally talented in the kitchen, with a vacuum cleaner, and a circular saw.
If you feel compelled to email me about what *you* want, or send me unsolicited pictures of your genitals, keep moving. There's nothing to see here.
And if, for any reason, you don't adore the company of dogs, we ultimately have little in common.
I wish you all the best in your search.
Alfa
Houseboy(s) / Domestic Slave(s) Wanted
Now accepting applications for boys who are driven to please this born-dominant Alfa BBW through house cleaning, organizing, cooking, grocery shopping, home repairs/maintenance, auto detailing, and/or basic auto maintenance.
THIS IS A NON-SEXUAL POSITION. There will be NO BDSM play in the immediate term beyond the possibility of your performing in costume and/or nude (open to discussion, CDs/girlie maids welcome), and possible discipline if assignments are not completed to my specifications.
This is a part-time, live-out service position in which a select boy(s) will take care of my needs and meet my exacting demands. Ability to commit to weekly service is preferred.
MUST be very comfortable in the company of dogs, large and small. A professional appearance when entering and leaving my property is MANDATORY.
Contact me with a list of your qualifications, experience level, location, availability, and a picture. Put "Houseboy Position" in the subject line of your email.
Serious applicants only.
The search for a partner can be so very draining, and, at times, disheartening.?
I've tried to reveal enough about myself in my profile and journal entries for those who sense mututal resonance to respond in kind.? Unfortunately, the majority of respondents apparently fail to read what I've written, have no idea what I'm saying, or can't be bothered to provide sufficient detail about themselves to inspire me to want to know more.?
If you live more than 30 miles from Santa Monica, CA, it's encumbant upon you to demonstrate sufficient mutual interests BEYOND D/s to warrant the time and emotional investment necessary to get to know someone long distance.?
I have no intention of relocating for at least a decade, probably longer.? That means if you live on the east coast, and don't plan to leave, we're at a stalemate.?
FYI, I have even less desire to invest my time and energy in an "on line" connection.? I seek a real life, real time partnership.? If that isn't your goal, I wish you the best in your search.
What makes some boys think they'll get a response from a REAL (read: non-professional) Alpha Female with one liners about wanting their ass spanked, or being my "bitch?"?? Here's a free clue for those in need of an education:? dominant women on Collar Me who AREN'T trying to get your money don't give a toss about how horney you are, or what perversion you'd like scratched tonight or any other night.? Any woman that gives you a second glance with a line like that is either waiting to ask for your CASH or might not be a biological woman at all.?
Born dominant women are few and far between.? We get a LOT of attention on sites like this as a result.? If you want my attention, or the attention of my sister Dominants, bring your "A" game, and get ready to get real.? We can see through the BS and we won't waste our precious time wading through your fantasies.
For what it's worth.
'Tis the season of festive merrymaking, over indulging, and being acutely aware of the void that exists in one's life, when we long to connect with another.
My 1st few days on Collar Me have been enjoyable, and yielded some unexpected gifts. From the emails and chats I've experienced, there appear to be a number of interesting and genuine people in this community. I've already been blessed to open a dialogue with a few beautiful submissive souls, whom I look forward to getting to know in the coming year. Dominants I've met in the chat rooms have been gracious and welcoming, going so far as to advise me on how to keep the CM software from freezing my screen!
Discovering all of you has been restorative for me, in a way, as I'd become a tad jaded about the intention of those I've met online elsewhere. So while my season won't include quality time with a devoted boy whom I have claimed as my own, I feel appreciative, and happy to have regained a sense of optimism about my journey. I thank you all.
As someone pointed out last night in the subs_for_Dommes chatroom, we must seek our own paths to D/s enlightenment. But paths that wander endlessly in an uninhabited jungle tend to dampen, not bolster the spirit. Each of you is a little light along the way, from my perspective, informing and guiding my travels. My holiday wish is to return the favor, and hope my words might assist another D/s seeker in their journey.
Merry Happy.
Alfa
I joined Collar Me to find what I'm having difficulty locating elsewhere: a submissive male who seeks a life-partnership with a domainat woman. Seems like a simple request. My search has been anything but.
My brand of D/s is my own, and won't appeal to everyone. Specifically, I desire a mutually rewarding female/male connection, with a solid foundation in friendship, healthy communication (vitally important!), and genuine enjoyment of each other's company. I seek an intellectual and emotional bond that's defined by our shared interests and common values. In many ways, this is no different than other forms of female/male relationships, with 2 key differences:
1) I will lead, direct, guide, and control that which is important to me.
2) My submissive will be compelled to serve my needs and desires, and live for my happiness.
I derive no great pleasure from controlling the mundane aspects of another person's life, nor do I expend much effort envisioning ways to punish, humiliate, or cause physical pain to anyone. I'm neither sadistic, nor inherently cruel for the sake of it. Discipline is a component in a D/s relationship, but it's not a past time for me. As a leader, I constantly strive to educate, enlighten, and nurture my submissive. When I've done my job well, corrections are minimal. My dungeon skills and mind game prowess are reserved for playtime.
If the above resonates with you, and you're an unencumbered submissive male, either currently living in Southern California or ready to relocate here, who's emotionally available, financially and mentally stable, and over the age of 30, please present yourself to me. If you don't have a full profile on this site, either provide me with links to profiles elsewhere, or tell me everything you'll learn from reading mine in your initial email.
Responses with pictures will receive priority. A photograph is required no later than your 2nd communication with me.
