tuirrcouan on Collarspace


	Back to List			Send Message		Details

	Friends:


	zyanyame1

	UniveralsSlave



	If you received a short online request to read my profile you will soon appreciate that I have put a lot of effort into my post and attached write ups. I am a long time trainer and old world master. Most of my request are delete un-read and I have limited amount of time online to write long letters of interest. Short of cutting and paste of my profile what is bellow will give you a good knowledge about me and my home. Thank you for reading my short message and taking time to read. Please refer my page if you know someone that may wish to come to my home. wishing you well hope to find the woman of my dreams Eclectic earth based Home Stone is looking for permanent female companion/mate 25+ – 45 She is ideally like Sir prefers the and has deep values of home and family life. She see this site as a means to an end and not a 24/7 distraction form real time. She must be willing to relocate to west coast Canada, or have a willingness to open up her home for short term trial then long term; not looking for protracted long term long distance relationship or online only. Willing to train, provide education, travel and separate accommodations. Must be in good physical shape, drug free, disease free, physically active, interested in children down the road, have hobbies and interest which are compatible to the home, enjoy people and outdoor events, walking, camping, health wellness, meta sciences, humanities a bonus Spiritual minded earth based tradition preferred Or searching for a 24/7 shut-in/type or taken by he hand approach.If appropriate slave is found for more extreme forms of bondage and slavery are also possible including more 24/7 but not necessary. The Companion of my dreams would have a creative and imaginative mind willing to role play and enjoy all that a free lifestyle offers but prefer the home time secluded friends and quite functions with close friends and one on one time. She would want to be the apple of my eye.. my Girl. She would know the arts of the Willow Ward and desire to be desired and wanted always. She would know what it takes to maintain a relationship and know how to ask for what she wants and needs knowing she is cherished in her own special way. She would aspire to be transparent. She would like wise give all at all times without expectation or demand No Games. For the right one the sky is the limit as to what is possible. From soft and sententious to deep dark and erotic primal lust and depravity of a triple Scorpio. I am semi-Flexibility in relationship arrangement needs I'm either willing to live a closed poly/sharing type relationship (bi-curious a plus) not looking for a harem or live semi open upon consent and safe sexual practices not interested in swinging.{understanding the obligation thereto in such relationship and be willing to fulfill obligation whole without reservation} *Note that I search for the right One to balance my life and interests both mundane and kinky but accepted perhaps one ideal Companion may not be easily found but prefer small communal living arrangement and or some exploration on occasions. Any Such relationships will be exclusive to the home. Companion must be able to share face time and have private time together and be able to be independently on occasions…unless other terms are agreed to. Must be honest and have done sufficient self development to know limits, boundaries expectations and needs. Be able to communicate openly and use the 4 R’s, Respect, Responsibility, Reassurance and Rights. Must be willing to submit to PRC or Passport security check and be able to maintain confidential information. Must be genuine Real and able to interact in a real world environment in a manner that is dignified and acceptable to the general public. While alternative anything is not always widely accepted there is a fine point of living freely within ones life choices and publicly creating disharmony or making public statement the in your face approach. Our community is fairly accepting but out right flaunting and drama will make living in our community difficult. Home has good work opportunities for right Lass both in the home and out. One is expected to earn and maintain their basic living cost in the house average of $375 per month plus personal expenses and to contribute to the day to day operation of the house. This may be in trade and labor but here are no free rides. It is understood that it is difficult to make such commitments with out security and attachment and I am prepared to be transparent and upfront no games and reasonable security of what is reported can be verified quickly . Consensuses and commitment of a trial period of several months is expected before moving to a year and a day. Looking for a longer term permanent commitment - no rotating subbies and weekend play parties please! Expect to spend some time online and on phone including interviews before any decision is made as to your suitability in the home. A good sense of friendship and binding connection a must!!! If needed a Performance bond can be arranged for safe return home and escrow for travel expenses please don't waste your time if your fake and think I will send wire money plane ticket extra I work in security industry and hate scams. I am willing to provide PRC references and contacts as well as safety net extra and picture upon proper introduction. All polite requests which demonstrate sound reason and judgment grounded in reality will be replied to forthwith. No drones or 24/7 micro-management basket cases please. I wish all well and look forward to the replies from some. If you have not taken the time to read the site please do so as it is here as both a guide and sense of the life we live here. There are a lot of details and guidance for the new and old. I believe in creating a good community and development of all in he lifestyle whether you choose our home or move on else where. ~ See you in the Dreamtime ~

8/12/2007 5:36:15 AM

Mastery

Well I am sure there are a billion pages on Master with the growing sub culture of BDSM and Goreanism thanks to the every popular www umbilical cord. I would like to give you one Scorpio’s thought on the topic: I think it relevant as Scorpio’s fiery wraith is really the out flow of the constant turmoil of primal energies and emotions kept under tight wrap and control until like a super nova the right circumstances occur and Bam-Oh a whole galaxy gets wiped up! Darth Sideous was defiantly role modeled after Scorpio. “Wipe them out… all of them!”

One of the most common claims of Mastery appears in the form of martial arts philosophies such as Bushito Code used in feudal Japan as a code of conduct for the elite. Like the Arthurian times the credo covers some basic principles of living to which are expected to promote stability, order and justice: Chi: Wisdom Jin: Benevolence Yu: Courage were the principle triads used to develop the Samurai code of Bushito,

Parts of the Bushito Code
To develop a sympathetic understanding of people
To preserve the correct ethics
To show loyalty to one's master
To respect and care for one's parents
To show respect for others
To enhance wisdom by broadening one's knowledge
To be truthful at all times
To care for the aged and those of a humble station

Hmm sounds like an Ideal master eh…

Well I wager you this; like Honor and any other idea or philosophy even if its principles are sound and their practitioners however mortal and flawed may believe and practice them to their dying breath and yet fall far short of being Just, Noble, Promote stability or Order. Let us go back to the Sith Sideous example. You know the one that will soon rule the galaxy! (Bet you thought I was just quoting him for shits and giggles). He Follows the rules of Chi, Jin and Yu, his dream is to have a unified system of government under one Imperial leader and he his certainly benevolent to those who he conquers so long as they obey him and he restores justice and he certainly has big balls of courage despite his under handed methods on certain occasion, he is very wise and knowledgeable … just too bad he is so dammed evil!

You're wondering where I am going with this …. Well history has proven no matter the principles and or ideas which help form the philosophy they may not in practical application promoting positive desired results for all concerned. So to the claim of self-master or practitioner of any on belief system or code can not be a Guarantee of their quality and worthiness to lead be trusted or honored.

“Caveat Emptor Nor” Beware the goods you buy for they come with no warranty or refund. In the case of Masters doubly so.

Good Mastery of self or others must therefore be more than code, honor or matter of principle or application or science. For many it is a way of being - a life time of commitment and responsibility - which drives and compels one to be more then they were and to strive beyond expected expectations to exist beyond expected limits to thrive and flourish where others cannot. Anything less is just hot air

Food for thought.

8/12/2007 5:31:50 AM

Attributes Of the Ideal Companion

1. Fidelity

2. The recognition of the supreme importance of LOVE

3. Intelligence

4. Beauty inside and out

5. A sense of humour

6. Sincerity

7. An appreciation of good food

8. A serious interest in some art, trade or hobby

9. Complete Obedience and Surrender (transparency) to her beloved

10. Courage

11. To Be Pleasurable and pleasing at all times

12/14/2006 2:39:56 PM

Welcome to the Home Tuirr Couan ~ the last friendly Canadian home for wayward souls . . .

Tuirr Couan takes its name from an ancient Celtic name given in a tale of the Dale's people and resembles the modern retelling of Rivendell - the last friendly home to travelers and friends. Our Western Canadian home has often been a place where wayward souls take respite, find counsel, healing and some times just a friendly ear; we are an aptly named place of learning and living. It is often difficult in a world of electronic fantasy, a virtual super market of sex and self indulgence, to find real people and places. We are very real and are not interested in online cybering, posers and trolls. While we accept alternative lifestyles coming in many forms and beliefs you will have to excuse some amount of Sinicism as online and now often offline have spawned the often too outrages baseless fluffy bunny information beliefs and practices which are either egotistical, self indulgent, or so fantasy driven as to being impossible. Finding in this mire an enclave of like mind people can be difficult and even more difficult describing or explaining yourself in terms that can be understood; a problem I am sure everyone has experienced. Hence I hope these pages serve not only as a good introduction but also food for thought in your own journey and reminded the reader that real people live behind these keyboards and to govern yourselves accordingly.

Here in we have enclosed what information we hope will be helpful in your journey and for a few perhaps an interest in joining our home. No words can describe what or who we are or what life is about but in these pages find a chance glimpse of some day to day thoughts and hope that the effort and thought put into finding kindred souls will speak more than a brief bio ever can. Please read the scrolls especially on safety and the net and about children. And by all means tell others about these pages.

I would like to thank my friends and family for their support and help in making these pages and you for taking the time to read.

Wishing you well on your journey and look forward to the replies from some.

12/14/2006 2:39:12 PM

About Sir . . .

Sir is a triple born Scorpio…. here is some advice from the sages wise…

Wondering if your Scorpio stings? Unlikely! Wild, exciting, profound and complicated, Scorpios are fascinating companions.

Expect the unexpected. Scorpios' motivations may be difficult to understand, but despite their reputation, they are unlikely to be harsh or vindictive.

Take your Scorpio out for a quiet dinner. A Scorpio enjoys the traditional pleasures.

Scorpio’s red hot passion makes anyone feel extremely wanted; Loyalty, to the point of doing anything to protect his lover and family he is always some what a mysterious and charismatic – but with careful attention his desire is always clear.

Keep in mind that underneath their sometimes odd exteriors, Scorpios crave kindness and understanding, like everyone else.

Ideal partner:

Someone who will take the time to win him over. Not an easy task!
Is able to keep up with his carnal appetite-----lots of stamina needed.
Reassuring their love and loyalty on a daily basis.

Allow Scorpio alone time

Cancer and Pisces are ideal matches however other signs have made home with this reserved water sign. Remember that while you sense he is always watching Scorpio does nothing half way the intensity and focus hold a distinctive point of view and approach to life, go for the unusual the more you can show your uniqueness the better your chances are.

Scorpios are intense, so what is life with out some wild times out with friends It helps balance out the serious and intense nature.

To a Scorpio the thought is more important than the cost. A picnic in a romantic spot with our favourite food will impress us more than the most expensive restaurant or gift in town.

Let Scorpio know that they are important to you. Flowers, cards, and notes on the mirror - it's very simple! Romantic old fashioned woman that speaks to the heart that is the key.

Do not game a Scorpio, do not try to spare there feelings, do not find a way to try and trick them if you think you have fooled them, think again… it is more likely they are playing along don't wait to see what comes next! Few survive the final attack when enraged.

12/14/2006 2:38:21 PM

Fantasy and Reality . . . A perspective on the differences between Kajira, Subs and slaves and all points in-between

I am not sure if your asking or telling me about your opinion on the topic of what is the difference between a sub....a slave....and a Kajira...girl has her own ideas on it....finds it helps girl weed out those who say they are Gorean and those who are…” as you some what say more latter. “in girls opinion a Kajira has 2 choices to make and that is all.....1) to accept a collar.....2) to walk away from the collar.......”

Greetings:

This is my opinion both from my many years of experience and background and training… I personally have issues with people in general who feel that with one question they can as it were separate the wheat from the chaff and I have seen it many times on web and so I caution you as well, find enclosed my shorten long winded reply to such questions

Part One you can always walk away:

You can always walk a way while some may feel more obligated in debt dependant or feel they need to have someone else in their life no matter how bad the situation. This is bad for many reason

It encourages predators and door mate and foot in ass syndrome which is also bad
It gives a bad reputation to what is otherwise a viable life style
even if a person leaves you have reinforced bad behaviour in another and science shows that that behaviour not only increase in appearance but also in intensity.
It produces a lot of disillusioned fearful and damaged people which leads to a larger population of unhealthy and unhappy individuals. This not to say leave if your in harm or abused extra but simply avoid the rotating subbie circus or at the very least be more selective of the choices you have made. Commitment is just that…

Part two the differences of:

The largest short falling in defining any category is that most often the definition includes only what is inclusive to the category and not what it excludes. Second very few people use the categories in the same way or with the same meaning in other words if you ask a submissive why they self identify with that category you will likely get a different answer then if you ask a Dominate what they define as submissive or submissive qualities. Like wise differing definitions of one sub culture to the next. I will their fore provided some perspective from differing points of view to this answer along with my personal view. I hope it helps.

Ok out side of the obvious separation of fantasy fact myth legend and all that good stuff … which you get in popular fiction and web sites…

Submissive:

There are many ways to be submissive and we have all experienced it in some forms or another from passive to compliant to docile or even meek. Submissive in BDSM community is often referred to as bottom or the opposite of Top or Dominate. I often equate the term to as a “permissive” mean that most often they are consenting (yielding accepting agreeable) unless they state otherwise (hard soft limits safe words all that jazz … limited time for that scene on weekend extra) and in some cases this may be for a measured time to door mate syndrome to a scene to 24/7 way of living. Again in my opinion submissive require much direction and instruction. In some cases they also may be switches or only submissive in certain situation or with certain people. Submissive in my mind is a broad category and has many multi faceted means and complexities depending on the use and person. It is like saying you’re an “Artist” leaving the rest of the world to figure out what that means. One of the unique qualities of this title is that you can be submissive without anyone else’s involvement. In other cases people identify them selves as subbies because they use TPE (Total Power Exchange) type behaviour either full time scenes or play but in my mind it is infringing on the next category and of course the oh so wonderful subspace …which can be achieved during sex and scenes and for the rare few at the hand of their Dom.

Slave:

Likely the most confused title ever used on the web. If you have read any number of profiles on the web you will quickly wonder if slave equals = (door mat, throw toy, pain slut, use, abuses me, for sale … ) again some time ago back slave was used to denote a full time sub who was owed by a Dom in latter day it came to equate many other things such as

having given up all personal say or control ( no safe word, no “no” no limits extra)
Under a contract of sale … this could included a limited time such as 5 months year extra.
Belong to a specific owner again there are many variation depending on culture and context. Generally it is accepted that two people are required owner and owned
It is generally accepted that the properties has little if any rights and say.

The difficulty in slavery is that even in conventional times slavery while an underclass was still in many world settings varying from extremely abusive (see African Americans) to part of the social underclass see (Japanese feudalism) where in slaves were afford many virtues of law and protection within the social structure.

Modern slavery seems to have diverged in to several camps

A. TPE- total power exchange consigning their very identity and say to another for pleasure sub space and fun an extension of their already subbie-hood

B. Those who choose to use it as escapism from life and stress

a) those who no longer wish to be burden with thought what so ever

b) those who wish to be reborn/reformed and feel purposeful to their owner in what ever way they see fit.

c) those who believe their life is already so crappie they might as well be a slave and enjoy the fringe benefits that come with it see (a) see woman-hood and mother-hood extra

C. Exchange of sex and servitude for security (house home steady life style extra) often the financial support of several children and emotional baggage to boot or getting one self out of an undesirable 3^rd or 2^nd world country.

D. Combination of the above categories.

E. In rare case a truly consensual relationship or life style

Kajira:

Now to the tricky topic … Kajira in the words of it creator is female slave and as is suggested by Norman that all if not most women are submissive or waiting to submit to a Master. The difficult part comes in the form of what is said about the slavery and its many forms in the books and how it has latter translated to the world as a whole. Bear in mind again “Fantasy” made from earths not so distant past mixed with sexuality and creative writing. What has become the meaning of Kajira is the subculture of online and real life mingled with already complexes forms of slavery bondages discipline submission, dominances master, masochism and my favourite D&D wannabes!

Kajira has thus become more elevated then a simple slave posing mystical properties of endless sexual desire and appetite hungering to satisfy middle aged men with monstrous egos weak morals and endless imaginations while hiding out in moms basement. Well that’s how it often appears to be online. When in reality many Kajira are trapped lonely desperate for attention, love and nurturing and willing to trade it for the fantasy offer.

On the other hand Kajira represents a type of life style and expression of Life (YIN creation love desire worth Kwanza devotion/commitment) and can encompass many other elements of BDSM or submission mentioned above or else where. Kajira has over the years transformed to a standard of living ones enslavement both spiritually and physically having taken the elements of fiction and adding the colourful and erotic imagery of the novels to produces a meaningful life beyond kink or pure sexuality one that is more hedonistic and one hopes more rewarding enriched then mere presumed slavery (working nag) implied by meaning of slave that of mere property enforced capture or expendable o (zero blank).

I often compare Kajira to the willow ward girls or Geisha the courtesans quarters because there is much more complexity to the expectations and training of a girl then is implied in normal kink like roles this does not mean that other girls do not get trained simple the expectation of training if any will vary on the owner and was primarily sexually orientated… where as on claiming to be Kajira much like Geisha infers on some level a standard of training and expectation and of course with any sane person at the helm some expectation of variance in accordance to real world view of life. For example while karta (a none Gorean word which is now a cyberism everywhere) is often used not many master would expect a girl to crawl on the floors dirt extra … (Blue foamy’s are our friend on Gorean event weekends) and unless you plan to spend many day in jail no one going to get away with wiping and or beating a girl like they describe in savage lands. Hello reality check ….

Differences between Subbies/ Slaves/ Kajira: (MHO)

While as note above there is some slight distinction of the categories here are several key points that make in my mind a difference between slaves and Kajira out side of the obvious choice of personal identity and goes beyond obedience Positions Serves Dances

A Good Kajira?

1. A girl needs to be able to think on her feet and make basic sound decision - this includes:

a) Being able to read others moods and needs and making an offer of use that are appropriate EG. instead of can I bring you some thing to drink … or even worst being order to do it rather the offering do to do it (typical required of a slave) a girl should “we have x and it is chilled I know its your favourite or perhaps some thing else like z…” this requires skill and knowledge plus some amount of desire to it rather then having to do it…

b) Doing task without direction or specific orders in advance (ones post is entrusted) that of being pleasing useful and supportive… and while one is not expected to be a mind reader ones stock value goes up exponentially if your able to do things without supervision.

c) Use a girls creative talents to express in every way her intents and desires. This comes across in body language, style speech action and deeds.

2. Most girls are expected to be transparent:

That is to share every aspect of their soul and being good and bad often in writing, poetry, singing dance and personal expression.

3. Seek to improve ones station and quality:

To develop skills which enhance the life of the home this includes emotional spiritual and physical abilities as well as to serve those around with similar passion and desire.

4. Being release and begging a Collar… a tradition not often followed but in reality many homes on and off line allow a girl to beg a master for his mark or to be released if no longer satisfied something which is generally not practiced in other traditions.

This leads to the final point of course… Masters

This leads to an even more difficult task of explain the differences between BDSM and Kajira and the difference between Masters Mistress and Doms / Dommes.

Fantasy Myth Legend … What is in the name of a Master

Given the fantasy elements and the crossover of BDSM and other fetishes it is far harder to nail down exact qualities which define Gorean Master’s then that of any other traditions if in fact one can accepted or escape a “fantasy view”. I will simple say in short that there are several qualities included and excluded the rest is a matter of taste and common sense as it is total unrealistic to expect that a Gorean can live by Gor standards on earth <as it comes from total fantasy writing>. Such debates as to weather a girl is supported in the home or can work and weather one shares his women or whips them at the home stone post becomes a matter of your personal beliefs and taste. What seems to me that distinguishes the Gorean from BDSM is this they don’t stop being Gorean when the light comes on or when the dungeon is closed. They don’t tend to enjoy inflicting pain or being harsh for its own sake and generally speaking ascribe to some code credo that falls out side the realm of kink or sexual orientation or dominance be it natural order knighthood and chivalry or earth based religions. After all if Master’s do not want cookie cutter girls why should master all be the same?

This raises a very difficult problem of identity because often for many they are neither Dom/Master nor Gorean and yet seek to find like mind among the layers of fantasy and reality….I would suggest that many who identify as some thing other than BDSM are seeking a lifestyle outside the realm of fantasy and the bedroom many in the “Gorean way” find compatibility with ritual, protocol and practices a closes tie to these fantasy books because they are taken from a not so distant paganic point of view that gives a frame work far more practical and clear than simple scene. Just so many Dom would claim it is also a mind set they have on a day to day bases.

In the final analysis it comes to this be sure you can separate fantasy from fact and the myths and lies presented online from the person practices and daily living routine modern day alternative life style is no more consensual living of understood rules limits boundaries and expectations given fancy names and labels.

~Wishing you well

12/14/2006 2:36:08 PM

Safety First . . .

Introduction

Part One - Be smart Online

Part Two - Be smart about who where when and how to meet!

Part Three - The next step - Home visits and weekends

Part Four - BDSM and other alternative Life styles advice

Part 5 - Children: the dater’s dilemma

Final thoughts

Introduction

This letter was originally written for BDSM life stylers and Goreans who were seeking to take their online meetings to real life, but this information is also valuable for any who are online looking for companionship in real life. This article is not meant to contain all of the knowledge needed to be safe. This, in the security business, is called risk management. We apply the basic principles of risk management knowing full well that not all contingency plans will meet all the requirements necessary to be safe but they can cut down or eliminate some of the risk. Having a basic safety plan in many instances can mean the difference between life and death. I will try to be the devil’s advocate here and point out the gains and losses for both parties involved. Not all the information will apply to you or your country. If it seems that I am being a bit of an alarmist or overly paranoid, remember I get paid to be paranoid and while there are many wonderful people on the net there are some real predators as well. Remember, Information and Knowledge are your best allies! Do some reading and research and be sure you know all the facts and are prepared!

Part One - Be smart Online:

The Internet is NOT anonymous and you CAN be found if you’re not careful about the information you put in your profile or host on the web. This is not meant to scare you away, just a simple fact of life… just because you may not be computer literate or educated; do not assume the other person is ignorant! Your IP, unless it changes because you’re on server that rotates them every time you log on, is static and can be traced to your general neighbourhood. Which means…

There Are Things to avoid or at the very least be aware of:
1. Sending e-mail to strangers … it has your IP attached to it, even Hotmail.
2. Posting on forum boards where the owner may give your IP info to someone else.
3. Hosting Web pages that contain lots of personal information. This includes ICQ and msn profiles, etc. The more details you have up, the easier you are to find.
4. What you say in public rooms, including announcing your e-mail or personal information. You never know who is listening and some times people can come in later and get the information.

Things to do:

1. Use Online services that strip off your IP info. If you’re not sure, check the privacy statements or ask those around you who know … services like msn and collareme.com etc, are good starts. Use their internal mail and Don’t use a Name which can be found easily. I.e. you use Cindy as your nickname and have cindyhotmail, yahoo etc…especially avoid it if it is the nickname you use in real life and it’s uncommon. Unfortunately, many sites require you to list, roughly, where you live. Imagine if you live in Edmonton and go by Bina or Cat (short for Sabrina, Sabina etc). While it seems remote, odds are someone will know someone and so on and bang… you’re found ... not to mention the embarrassment you might face if a co-worker finds you or your mom etc… if your not out of the closet.

2. Use a different e-mail and message service for your dating activities. If you have to cut and run, you don’t lose your friends as well.

3. Be careful with what you host online. The www means anyone can find you if they know where to look. For example, putting a picture up on your Shaw site can be found on Google by selecting ‘search images’ and knowing your name or portion of it… Bang, they now know what you look like etc…

Part Two - Be smart about who where when and how to meet!

Be sure you have checked each other out. Police Record check ups (PRC) are cheap records of where they live … driver’s number, telephone number and place of work, make of car and plate number and state or province etc Passport numbers. If you have not developed a level of trust to share basic information, you can find mediators - trustees, lawyers and other 3rd parties with professional standing. In reality, if you have not developed some level of trust you should not meet period! Or at least meet in public with support of friends family extra in attendance such as munches and or areas where there are security and trust worthy people… Do not leave this safe zone and …

If you do decide to meet
1. Always have an escape plan.
2. Always have two big brutes who know where you are or three sisters with 911 in their speed dial… if you live alone, how long will it be before someone notices you missing??? … it’s always a good idea to have a life line, someone who can watch out for you 24/7 and will notice if you’re missing and call someone… they must know you and your family well enough to make the right calls at the right time. Have safe check in words with them and have preset check in times on a date or home visit.
3. Always have set check in times and safe words and someone who can tell on the phone when you’re compromised and will just show up unannounced and will take action without reservation.
4. Always have random check ups - in person is always better. Camera phones are our friends, in this case a picture IS worth a thousand words.
5. Always Meet In Public Places or better yet with friends. Chapters books is a good example and they usually have security near by as well. Park where you can be seen by the public and heard if in trouble!
6. Use of safe words and codes are good on the phone to indicate your status. It is even better, if you’re compromised, to have ones that don’t require long phrases or replies or that you can respond in simple yes and no’s. Your safety person should know you well enough to ask you questions, judge your replies, and know that you’re ok. Change the codes if meeting in public with similar people. Your lifeline also needs to be 100% reliable.
7. Do not deviate from the plan or decide to move to private surroundings.

There is a ton of info on the net about this part, so do some reading!

Part Three - The next step - Home visits and weekends:

Yeah, you have heard it a hundred times - practice safe positive sex… that means getting tested for STD … it’s your life in your hands and people do some really dumb things … most places offer free testing and birth control methods 3 months is the general safe window and there is no such thing as 100 percent safe. If you test clean for three months you’re in the clear but that does not save you from future exposure! There are many other concerns including a clean bill of health from a doctor… is your loved one on meds, do they have drinking issues etc. No one’s perfect but, again, limit your risk where possible!

1. That lifeline of yours…friend is the key…make sure they know where you are and check in often.
2. Pack extra condoms and other necessary supplies… read the latest information on safe sex on several web sites and be sure to follow their advice, even if you’re not planning for sex. “Be Prepared”!
3. Make sure you have good communication with your partner and that expectations and intentions have been communicated clearly and concisely. In advance, this means talking and being heard as well as listening. The topics of sex, birth control and unplanned pregnancy should be discussed well in advance of any planned activities, even if it is just dinner at home. Be clear about that and what other boundaries or limits may be in effect.
4. No means No and if things do not stop, get out … even if it’s your own home. 911 is your best friend! Lock your self in the car and hit speed dial … make sure you know your neighbours. They can be of help in emergencies.

Do not fall for !!!
I am clean … I don’t use protection…I’m allergic… it’s not needed etc …
I have to have it…you’re a tease…you owe me…it’s expected after…dates…
Don’t do it to keep them in your life or for fear of losing them…
Don’t go to events or parties without knowing the hosts or the guest!!!
Don’t drink or take any drugs … fastest way to be compromised …
Don’t pose for web cameras or allow your self to be photographed … you’d be amazed how many spiteful
people are out there or who hide the dam things in the room…
Watch out for the Honeymoon period - the time where they seem perfect in every way…do all the right things…say all the right words… etc. This list could go on for pages.

Again there are many good resources on the web, follow them…

This next section is more for alternative life styles but some parts may be of interest to others as well …

Part Four - BDSM and other alternative Life styles advice:

You get what you pay for and what you choose… take a minute to look at ads on collareme.com The term Master here or Dom, may like wise refer to feminine forms… and of course these ideas apply towards slaves as well.

You will note several important features are miss from most ads, which any sub with 2 cents and 1/4 of a brain would look for in a home, or Master, should they be considering 24/7 or even just a weekend fling. Now, bear in mind I have been doing security for almost 20 years with a group of roughnecks, and basically it’s like this: what guarantee has been made for your safe return to and from… and who has control to make sure that the agreements are held to. In many many many cases not even this basic consideration is given and what promises are made are held in control of the Dom… or there friends and not a professional or agree upon 3^rd party.

Follow the above advice in parts One Two and Three plus:

For god’s sake, any Master who does not put up a performance bond and let you have 24/7 call out or internet access to your life line is bad bad bad bad news - drop em like the trash they are and run!

This also applies to any who expect instant 24/7 obedience and compliance… if they order you to reveal your codes and expose confidences from others or remove your outside support mechanism, look out… this is not to say that a certain amount of trust and compliance is expected … Caveat Emptor (let the buyer beware) Simply beware! And drop them.

If you are looking for bad Bart who will treat you like a doormat and abuse the hell out of you they are easy to find. If you’re looking for more than that, then develop the skills to screen your applicants. Be sure you know what you want and do not want and be clear about it. Spend the time and money to be sure you are getting what you want.

What is the cost of professional services? Well, out side of a few dollars from your supposed Master - you remember, the one that swears he does not live with mom and makes 35k a year - not all that much, especially if they are keeping you at home. It is not unreasonable that they provide, not only proof of their ability to support you but also provide a security net in case things go wrong. Arranging professional services is cheap, easy and secure, including performance bond, live in contract and assurity funds in trust, as well as insurances of long term planning. Arranged marriages cost anywhere from 15K up and often include travel to other countries and the wedding also offers some legal avenues of recourse. Hopping on a greyhound bus and moving to no-where-ville is just a bad idea.

Cost of travel - Out side of the obvious expense of gas and food, is the cost of a return ticket. One that can be left some where in case of emergency… don’t cash it in no matter what. Now, if you have a mom/dad who is open 24/7 or welfare with $400 monthly rent and damage deposit, you’re set. If not, you better be banking enough for at least 2 to 4 months living expenses ... in other words have a way to get out and be safe. Travel insurance can protect you from unforeseen medical expenses. There are lots of options including returning home if you are in a foreign country. The benefit to both parties is that for a few dollars no one is trapped or obligated. You both can get out at anytime. Trust accounts and contracts can be set up for very little expense and offer peace of mind.

Things to think about:
1. Medical expenses and Insurance (travel insurance is cheap for the first year)…
2. Long term cost of not being employed, job skills, RRSP and pension amounts, credit rating…
3. Maintenance of cost of living, auto, phone, credit debts, hobbies…
4. Cost to resettle if you have to leave…
5. Check up from outside to ensure you’re safe and sound…
6. What happens if Master cannot work or dies suddenly…
7. How well have you looked into your Master’s/slave’s life…
8. Have you limited your financial risk and obligations…
9. Have you discussed or settled issues about children …
10. Have you clearly defined hard and soft limits…
11. Have you discussed issues about public image and public conduct…

***Words of caution***

Not legal advice but things to watch and think about.
While it is easy to rip each other off in these matters, it’s a cheap alternative to other options when it comes to some basic expenses up front.

* Live in /work and slave contracts are a tricky proposition because, depending on your state, several liabilities may come into play:
1- Are you considered legally married
2- Are you legally bound to provide housing wages or benefits
3- Do you have some record of proof if you end up in court over bruises or what might otherwise be seen by the vanilla world as abuse or punishment
4- Will any of it have any weight in the eyes of the law or in public opinion
5- Can you afford the public perception of your life style…are you at risk of being blackmailed etc…
6- Do you keep old records of expenses and cost involved and who pays what where and when … who pays when and where often determines dependence, co-dependence and or partnerships … which has a huge impact in law.

*FME (family maintained and enforcement) and court orders can either ruin people’s lives or save them. In reality it is best not to rely upon strangers making decisions on your behalf. Plan ahead.
*Cost of legal advice… varies but many places offer cheap consultation and articling. There are also several online sites with good information and help columns. Legal aid and support are abundant in most countries.
*Cost of insurance… less then $200 a year for travel. Medical varies state to state and can be very expensive.
*Cost of professional Investigation - that depends on your Master/slave. If they produce PRC, passport and driver’s license, 3 references - 2 of which are family, one of which is work, it will take like 1.5 hours to investigate them and no more than 3 hours, which comes to about $60.
*Cost of phone check up and e-mails and online video cameras - about $200.00 a year.

The real question is - what’s your life worth???

If it sounds too good to be true, or your Dom just loves you so much…as they say in the movies - Show me the money … heck even the Goreans have gotten a bit wiser with registered slave numbers... something else to think about.

Part 5 Children

In reply to your question:

Do not meet at your home ever... especially where kids are involved however I understand eventually you may want to bring Mr. right home for dating or play purposes this is again where some common sense falls in place such as a history check up PRC and such I Know the US is getting much better about these issues working with youth and such and I suggest you use what ever mechanism are availed to you to check up on a persons background. It will not be 100 percent but at least you have taken what precautions were reasonable and available to you.

Here are some tips to think about:

Most assaults to children sexual or physical are done by people they know and or Trust!

Limit the authority others have on them "Just Say No!"

Limit the access others have to them

Limit the risk and exposures

1> Most assaults to children sexual or physical are done by people they know and or Trust!

Is your child street proofed there are many programs out there to help you for almost any age. These programs deal with drugs and alcohol violence and sex and are aimed for different ages.

Just because you choose to live a life style do not exposes your children to its risk they look to you as a role model and for security and safety as a parent it is your job to provide them with such. Make every effort to talk to them and explain what is going on and allow them to be safe and secure in their environment. They may be in danger from family and friends as well people in their inner circle that can betray and harm them. Talk about issues of personal safety including religious beliefs and personal self esteem and trust. Most predators use manipulation like guilt, trust, religion, scare tactics, bribery, coercion and peer pressure all aspect of trust and confidence games…

2> Limit the authority others have on them "Just Say No!"

Do your children know and understand the boundaries of what others authority is on them … School, caregivers, Family friends, what to do when alone what to do in a crowd

Logical and natural consequences of doing what is asked of them

What is the logical consequence of not doing your home work?

What are the natural consequences?

When is it alright to not follow others orders and request if so when and how …

Does your child know when to say no and make sure no is the final answer.

Does your child know you will love them no matter what they do wrong or right and that you trust and support them no matter what?

3> Limit the access others have to them

Have you limited the contact Mr. Right may have with your child?

Children are most at risk because they are often left to their own defences and others care for long and short periods of time which exposes them to a huge host of problems. Many of the assaults and abuses occur at home in private and often with family and friends who could have helped near by. This should be alarming and I hope you realize just how easy it is for other to abuses your children. With that being said do all you can to protect them from others!

a> Does your Child have a safety lock on personal door to room access to phone to call for help (locked doors with keys on room also works cell phones are our friend)

b> Is your child depend on Mr Right for rides shelter food attention

c> Do you use safe words when some one strange picks them up or gives them instructions when your not their (this is where cell phones are so great … 24/7 communication)

d> Is Mr Right left in charge of your children with out supervision? Does he have experience?

e>Does your child have a safe alternative home to go to?

f> does your child have some one they can rely upon 24/7 for care and love?

4> Limit the risk and exposures

Children quick respond to their environment when it changes and may have limited expressive language “sad glad mad happy” syndrome you need to speak to them and coax out what is going on in side them. They will often tell you what they think if they feel it is safe to do so… be careful in the communications you send them if they feel they have no say or must agree to make you happy you’re not likely to get an honest answer. Like wise they are more likely to misbehave or act differently then to out right tell you what the problem is. If they are not safe they will shut down or seek safety if possible else where. Know your children and beware of any changes… ask them what they think of MR RIGHT…and make sure they know what options are open to them.

It is often believed that it is only daughters which are at risk this is plainly false every child suffers these risks.

DATERS DILEMMA: One of the biggest issues to face is when where and how to tell MR Right you have two beautiful blond 8 year old twins girls… who really need a daddy… because one your advertising it out right may surly attract the wrong type of person and not disclosing the fact cuts your credibility latter or waste a lot of time if the other is not interested in having kids in the relationship or moving on to some one with less personal baggage…. Thus the dilemma …

Again I can only stress that it is your job to protect your children and it is my humble Opinion that your kids should not be part of your dating scheme in any way … If they are truly Mr Right or Ms. Right then the rest can be worked out once a real foundation of a relationship is formed with you first and them second.

While I have used Mr right in this document it applies to anyone being brought in to the home including other children young and old grandparents extra girlfriends extra extra…

Again this document is just the tip of the ice burg do some reading and research and play safe.

Final thoughts:

One of the advantages to online is that it offers an endless amount of cheap, low or no cost chatting. Take the time to really get to know each other. If they or you are in a rush, I have to be suspect of the real intention. Despite the belief all slaves and all Masters are not the same, a goodness of fit makes for a happier union …
I wish you well in your search for happiness.

Colt Security Services... you know, the ones your parents hire when you have been missing for 2 years and presumed dead ... guess what, they’re usually right.

Revised 2005/June

12/14/2006 2:25:54 PM

Desire2serve1 on collarme.com

I am re-doing this introduction due to many inquires from men who do not seem a good match. I have a romantic notion I may someday find a man who matches the man of my fantasies. He is an intelligent and clever man who isn't a lifestyler. He has a career he enjoys and interest that he would like to share with his lady love. He has an interest in this site but he isn't looking for musical subs. He is looking for a woman, who likes him, has the same desires and needs.

She raises many important questions and others which are very unanswered it would be hard to answer from her post for many here are some thoughts in helping find the right place for you.

Sex and the city . . .

Some times it seems to boil down to sex and chemistry equates to Love; many have mistakenly forgotten that a long term relationship needs to have more than just kink or physical attraction to go the distance… Fetish and kink have become synonymous with intimacy and exploration but in many day to day instances this does not in fact happen but in reality becomes an exchange on a materialised sexualism. Sexual expression having become the new currency for power and control distantly removed from expression of emotion and spiritualism it once was this comes at no surprises in an often over religious world that seems in capable of discerning faith and belief separate of church and state and the economic market… one need only wander the metaphysical book section to see the price for spiritual attunement and expression in the end it seems to be that everything has a price and this has transcended into out physical emotional and spiritual that is I will meet your x for y. in other circles it is a form of political expression and or a way to be individuals but often it ends up in a leverage of trading power of one form for another in a world of blurred lines and values.. make sure you know what your sign on for and why….

How to find a Master/Mistress or slave what ever online on-line . . .

Taken from a discussion about BDSM – a composition of different learned peoples while the majority of this is written for a sub it equally applies to would be Dom and or those seeking something else…

Know your goal! . . .

Take the time to figure out what you want and are willing to commit to. It’s often hard for newbie people to do this because sometimes they lack knowledge of what choices are available to them. SO ARM YOURSELF WITH KNOWLEDGE! There are many fine publications, books, and internet websites that cater to all alternative life styles. So start reading! Learn about the different types of play and how they should be conducted learn the difference between alternative life choices, scene, lifstylers. Learn everything you can about how to set up a Safety Net. Learn all the do’s and don’ts of meeting others and playing safely. Decide what your Limits are and set them down on paper know what and where you are willing to explore beyond these limits and which ones are firm deal breakers this saves everyone a lot of time. You have a career, goals, and a lifestyle make sure they will match your future.

Using scaled questions like this may help but bare in mind that we act different in certain environments and have obvious hard and soft limits. Be careful that such behaviour is not in direct exchange for having your needs meet… in other words trading agreement (especially those ideas or value you hold dear to self) solely for a future hope of security, love extra.. the line between mutual consent and out right sale of self worth and value is often a very thin line.

Scale of natural dominance and submission:

1	Completely submissive to all persons at all times, no matter what the occasion.
2	Mostly submissive. I am submissive and rarely ever dominant, but it has happened once or twice.
3	Usually submissive. I am usually submissive, but can also dominate others when there's a need.
4	Right in the middle. Can be either submissive or dominant depending on the other party's position.
5	Usually dominant. I am more dominant than submissive, although both have taken place.
6	Mostly dominant. I am mostly dominant, but have been submissive with that rare special person.
7	Completely dominant to all persons at all times, no matter what the occasion.

Take time . . .

ABOVE ALL, if you’re prospective Dom seems like a generally ‘nice guy’ you’re likely on the right track! Take the time to get to know him. Don't let the five control freaks on the other side of the chat room demand your attention. Simply place them on "block" and continue speaking with the one who's worthy of your time. A natural Dom isn’t likely to make demands until you both consent to experience your true natures, or if you assume the position of submissive before your Master and he responds accordingly. Remember: Real Doms don't have to ask for titles, they EARN them beware of the ones who instantly try to take control of your life and world while it may appeal. Thos can be true of subs as well do you real want an individual who instantly dumps there entire world in your lap to manage and can not make a decision or pull them selves from the keyboard for even a few minutes without help…

Find the right location to meet your likely match . . .

The tricky part is to find a worthy chat room or internet group to talk with potential Masters and slaves. There are many lists and rooms on-line, but very few contain people worthy of your valuable time and efforts while seeking a mate. Be selective about this process, but don't be afraid to get your feet wet. Experience many rooms and diverse people if your not sure. Once you are in - be as polite as possible towards others in the room, for obvious reasons. If you go around being rude and making others upset this will definitely decrease your odds of meeting a real Dom or sub. Don't allow the jerks in these rooms to ruin things for you. Secondly you never know who's also in the room with you reading your words. There are typically more "lurkers" (people who sit and watch) than active participants. Also note that if you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore, etc.]" This is the mating call of the control freak. Use some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody that’s not even polite? There’s a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn’t your first private message in some chat room!

Avoid quick or shallow promises . . .

If you feel the urge to merge with a potential Dom, remember this: Don't bother with online collars UNTIL you feel you know your potential Master well - like perhaps after a few phone calls. Don't make decisions about a prospective partner based on his online play style alone. It’s a very simple test if you think about it: would a real life Dominant waste time on cyber sex alone? Please take my word for it; the answer is NO. Forget it, once you’ve done the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull! A real Master will eventually wish to meet you in person in order to make your passionate yearnings real and physical. If your looking for online only then be clear on your limits… but don’t hide behind it if your looking for some one.

Reality check! Perfection….

Are all Masters Perfect for me? NO! Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced. Sometimes submissive have limits they don't even know about, and even the most careful and skilled Dom in the world will trip over these occasionally. Get to know your potential mate as well as you can before meeting them in person. Ask them questions in a direct and polite manner and you will do fine. Just don't jump all over a Master with deeply personal questions or you will more than likely piss him off. Take your time to get to know each other. Don't expect perfection or you will be seeking a mate on-line for the rest of your life. Give people a chance to get to know YOU as well.

Avoid gossip about other slaves and/or Masters. People can be very cruel, rude, obnoxious and downright condescending towards others in chat rooms. If you truly wish to stand out as a potential mate for anyone, avoid becoming roped into a game of verbal tag, or "flame wars" as that just makes everyone feel terrible in the end and accomplishes nothing. Don't over-react to political or religious differences - stay calm and centered, as this shows potential partners your inner strength.

Know your own baggage . . .

There is a time and place to discuss issues and personal details some which need to be upfront others over time… finding a match is as much about them as you.

When you are ready to get closer to your potential mate, ask for references! Talk to their references ON THE PHONE. Lots of control freaks have female screen-names set up to act as ‘references’ for them! Many "newbies" seem to have trouble with this concept, which is understandable since in the "vanilla world" its considered rude to talk to a guy’s ex-girlfriend. But in the D/s (or Gor) Scene its OK to accommodate this kind of request when you are ready to meet beware of those who don’t make such accommodation while we all have had the x from hell or a bad online stalker extra… avoiding such assurance no matter there life style choice means trouble latter!

Be safe and wise in your choices and resources.

~Wishing you well

12/14/2006 2:24:18 PM

Pictures and further Details by request

tuierus		tuituity		Tuiat13
tuition		TuitionPai


	Home

	Browse

	Live

	Journals

	Welcome

	Safety

	Resources

	Toys

	Forums

	Mobile

	Join








	Login