Just a reminder about the terms CIS and heterosexual 

“Cisgender" refers to gender identity, specifically someone whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth, not sexual orientation, as "heterosexual" does. Heterosexual is a person who is sexually or romantically attracted exclusively to people of the other sex.

Ending a D/s relationship 

Bullshit. It is not always the sub who is left feeling lonely, and ending things is the sub’s choice every bit as often as it is the Domme’s choice. And the pain of the loss is the same. Let’s knock off the toxic cliche that the Domme walks off whistling a jaunty tune with nary a look back and the sub is left a bawling mess curled up in a fetal ball on the bathroom floor. Dommes bleed the same blood as subs.

Of course there are endless numbers of subs that have been hurt by Dommes, good and bad ones alike. People are hurt when relationships end, any kind of relationship…but when a Domme is hurt by the end of a relationship, she/he has the added burden of knowing THEY were supposed to be the one in control, the one who was supposed to know what they were doing and make things better….and they failed.

 One of the hardest things to learn as a Domme type because it goes against a lot of societal programing, is extracting obedience when there is resistance and things are going wrong.

These rules from a military prospective should be kept in mind to help us.

-You can’t expect obedience because someone owes you.
-You can’t expect obedience because you have won a popularity contest.
-You can’t expect obedience because it makes sense to them.
-You can’t request obedience.
-You can’t bargain for obedience.

It is something you must command.

Thought for the day

"Everything will be alright in the end and if it's not alright, then it's not the end."

The best exotic marigold hotel. 

I want to be clear...here are my hard limits...

Kids

Animals

Choking

Guns

Orgies/Gangbangs

Swinger type events. I am into the power exchange not group sex

Cuckold 

Scat

Serious Public Humiliation/ Sarcasm/ Degradation/ and/or blackmail

Diapers

Pacifers

Bottles

Dont ever call me mom or mommy

Age Play

Animal Play, no pony or puppy role play either ( can be done at very infrequent times but not for all the time)

Sissy play (some femme is ok)

Needle Play

Tattoos /brands, unless you are collared I won’t tattoo you ... and even then I probably won't. 

Blood Play

Illegal Drugs and many legal ones

Smoking/smoke

Untruthfulness

Ass to mouth. I will not take things from your ass and expect you to put them in your mouth

Death play

Vomit

Occultism

Paranormal things

Vampirism

Poppers or drugs

Many folks talk about the importance of watching for red flags when searching for a Domme. In truth there are red flags a Domme must watch out for when interacting with a sub. See some below:

-Claims they have no limits

-Pressures the Dominant into playing in ways that violate their personal limits.

-Shows no care or concern for the dominants wants/needs

-Insists on playing with no safe word

-Only talking to the Dominant when they are horny

-Making threats of doing something drastic if the Dominant leaves or does not talk to them

-Calling the dominant names or honorifics without their consent 

-Insists on playing with you when they barely know anything about you

-Demanding money or gifts.

If you think of other red flags to add, please let me know. 

The below is a great place to start..

Rules

1. The male must always practice respect, whether in private or public. Stand when she enters the room. Sit (or kneel) as soon as She is seated.

2. Be totally attentive: open doors, offer her your coat, she sits first, begins to eat first, and always ask permission to leave her presence.

3. The male should never speak unless spoken to, or unless anticipating the needs of his Mistress.

4. The submissive will never sit with legs spread or slouch in a way typical of untrained males. Good posture and decorum is a sign of respect.

5. The male will never stare at a woman without her permission. Unless the woman seeks eye-contact, the submissive will keep his eyes lowered at all times.

6. When walking with his Mistress, or any woman, the submissive will keep his gait in step with hers, which usually means taking smaller steps. The male should always be at least 1-2 steps behind, but not too far because he must open all doors.

7. The submissive must always be pleasant, never argue and never pout.

8. The male surrenders control of how he spends his time, how he dresses, what he eats, where he sleeps, the friends or acquaintances he is allowed to keep.

9. The submissive must remember that his orgasm does not belong to him but to his Mistress. It is Hers to use or deny... however she sees fit.

10. The submissive may never touch his own genitals without the permission of his Mistress. When washing, he must use a wash cloth or brush, never his hands.

11. The submissive should never buy his own clothing without the guidance of his Mistress. He should buy what pleases her, not what he likes.

12. When urinating, the submissive will always sit on the toilet... no exceptions.

13. The submissive must submit to eating only “submissive food” selected by his Mistress whenever she requires it.

14. When a meal is over the submissive must be quick to clear the table and wash the dishes.

15. The submissive must always give his Mistress the first choice of everything — She picks the channel on TV to watch, the restaurant to go to, the movie to see, the friends to entertain, etc.

16. The submissive will perform all household chores for his Mistress , to include(but not limited to): sweep and vacuum all floors and carpets mop all floors dust and polish all furniture make the beds every day wash and fold all clothing linen scrub bathrooms clean kitchen Cook meals wash dishes set the table shop for groceries take out trash and sort recycled items run all errands. Keep the lawn and grounds in great shape. Fix broken things around the house. Keep things maintained ie change the furnace filter every 3 months. Wash all cars inside and out. 

To be a Domme

This ideology (that you have to peg someone to dominate them) is everything that is wrong with femdom porn.

I don’t need to penetrate anything other than your mind to dominate you.

Dominance is not about penetration.

Exchanging power is not about penetration.

I assert my dominance by being dominant.

I can lay back, have you penetrate me, and I am still in control simply because I am dominant.

I can suck your cock, have your cock penetrate my mouth, and I am still in control simply because I am dominant.

I can go on all fours, have your cock penetrate my ass, and I am still in control simply because I am dominant.

No act is inherently dominant or submissive.  Most especially penetration.

BDSM and D/s is not about the things that you can do - it is how you love.

Many folks have a difficult time trying to figure out if they are submissive and so I thought some definitions maybe helpful. 

Submissive definition 

A submissive:

“one who gives over their rights, their desires, and themselves to another. As a gift” (Urban Dictionary);

“willing to obey someone else” (Merriam Webster).

Some things to think about written by Ms Rika (she writes books about femdom and the power dynamics). I don't always agree with her 100% but I enjoy her thought provoking article.

Rika thoughts

Ms_Rika

SOOO many conflated, fantasy-driven thoughts in one place!

• FLR does not mean femdom. They are different things. They MAY coincide...often times they do...but they do not necessarily have to go together. If you mean Femdom, say Femdom.
• Marriage is an institution that is legal, often religious, and personal - and completely independent of power dynamics. You can layer a power dynamic on ANY type of relationship, "Spouse" is just one of them. The reason to marry someone is the same whether there is a power dynamic or not and it's not a power dynamic decision. Therefore, the reasons a marriage with a power dynamic dissolves are the same as the reasons one without a power dynamic dissolves.
• Femdom (and FLR) does not equate to cuckolding. Cuckolding relates to cuckolding. You can be a cuckold and NOT be a Femdom relationship (or an FLR, for that matter). Sometimes cuckolding is done within a relationship - sometimes it's not. Often the man doesn't know (technically, the man doesn't know).
• While it is possible that some power dynamics limit sexual interaction between the couple, not all do - and power dynamics certainly DO NOT imply a reduction in sexual activity.
• Sexless marriages are due to people whose libidos drift - or who no longer are interested in their spouse sexually. It has nothing to do with power dynamics

Thought for today....

A mediocre Dominant tells,

 a good Dominant teaches, 

a excellent Dominant explains ... 

but a true Dominant Inspires.

What I want...(I did not write this but it rings true for me). 

I want flowers.

I want to whip you.

I want to stroke your cheek and smile into your eyes.

I want respect and awe and understanding and love.

I want foot rubs and leg rubs and back rubs and anywhere rubs.

I want you to know when to reach out to touch and when to kneel and wait.

I want you to want me fiercely, desire me utterly.

I want kisses. Little ones, fast ones, fierce ones, thigh-clenching-good kisses.

I want you to touch me like you’re trying to memorize the texture and shape of me.

I want affection and cuddling.

I want you to drop your eyes when I demand and meet my eyes when we talk.

I want you to miss me terribly when we’re apart.

I want you to know what you mean to me, how I cherish you.

I want humor and debate and dialog.

I want you to kiss the side of my neck while your hands grip my hips, my back.

I want to see you crawl – just for me.

I want to look at you in that special way and see you breathe deeply with desire and anticipation of what you know is to come.

I want to fuck you, penetrate you, tease you, deny you, please you, torture you.

I want....

You.                                                                                              

Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to.

Thoughts on submission....

Submission is not about being used,

submission is about being of use.

Submission is not thinking less of yourself,

Submission is thinking of yourself less.

Submission is not about what is done to you

Submission is what you can do for her.

At Her feet…

…a place to kneel in devotion

…a place to listen attentively

…a place to adore Her mind

…a place to worship Her body

…a place to understand a lesson

…a place to feel home

…a place for so much more…