This world grabs me in a stranglehold

Which it thinks I surely cannot break free from.

As if I am as fragile as I appear to be.

Make no mistake my friends:

I am exactly whom I appear to be.

Yet Hate’s nor Hell’s fire can scorch me

While I  prowl this life-span alone

I am not without the protection my innocence awards me;

Albeit not earned through an innocent life.

An award given for intention and will to see some rays of light-

 despite the deep, deep darkness abound.

A demon followed my every move for two long years.

And when he finally put the gun to my head and pulled that trigger,

That weapon he wielded against me misfired.

A worse demon followed me for a few nights each time it grew dark he would appear.

He was there to take me, and he had been there for me before.

Yet one morning broke and he was gone never to return.

So throw your worse at me;

Take everything that is precious.

It won’t be the first time.

I have been lonely before;

I have had the hounds of Hell at my back.

But it’s alright; I been lonely before;

There is nothing this world can throw at me that I cannot handle with great fortitude.

This world has taught me to endure and live to see the inevitable other side.

Angels always at the ready;

Just like your memory rests at the tip of my lips.

I came here unafraid only to be taught truth,

 and to learn like a mystery is unraveled

 that I should be so very wary of men like you.

Reckless actions and dirty off-colored paths through

 the winding way from me to you.

You are like walking compensation for loss;

 so afraid you will break me that you do.

I have been humbled before that one.

I have been down on my knees.

And when I looked over I thought I saw you.

Tripping on the plagues we sent to overtake,

 we listen only to our bleeding moans.

To the sound of hell breaking on our shores

 and you are long gone in the wake.

Perhaps we should not have talked in the heat of the moment,

Not while it was dark and the moon was rising.

Perhaps it was like that car left by the side of the road;

With its windows rolled up and the steam not from love but decomposition.

Some things are best left unsaid;

Especially in the dead of night when you’re tied to the bed.

They say it is not a sin to be forgiven;

That you need my forgiveness just like I need yours.

Delicate and undetermined,

I walk like a shadow

Or a whisper in the wind

Between this world and the next.

I am a bride-in-waiting

For a dead lover to follow the long path home.

I am a vacant mother

Pushing a stillborn in his cradle to and fro.

I am nothing you have ever seen before

Nor are likely to ever see again.

I am a patient waiting nervously,

For the Good Doctor’s diagnosis.

Checking symptoms off a list-

He says I am not so different from him, with a smile.

For the birds that have swooped too low

For dreams that have soared too high.

I am a child in a woman’s body

Anxious for life to begin.

A different narrator tells the same story

And I am not forgiven this time around.

You spin so gently this tale of sorrow,

 just like a curtain draped across a window.

It seems wise, or at best somehow safer

 to be on your mind than anywhere else.

I weep these tears for your broken heart;

Your dreams that cannot be obtained.

For like some precious things;

If you might have one, it will surely be taken away.

So went my lovers one by one-

 down the path to the cave where only bones dwell.

Bones, dust, and the memories with which I reside.

I cannot understand my weakness,

 my give to the tow of your pull.

Why it is that I want so badly to know

 that you desire me above all others?

I do not covet you as my own,

 only that your heart belongs to me.

Winding and spiraling sounds dash about before me,

All colliding within a hemisphere of pure dismal.

I look around at that second to my surroundings,

So vaguely safe and smoldering warm.

I am lost here in this ever-world,

In this world that you gave to me.

I am screaming with pleasure and writhing in pain,

Anticipation has made me feral and you have made me tame.

Locations of the soul, pin-pointed with an x,

Draw out a trail of painful memories,

The ‘how’ of how it came to be that I found myself here.

Sitting in the warm dwelling you have toiled for,

And alerted by your gift, so very kind.

Speaking with your actions not your words

You defy what is happening here in this place.

This world where persuasion and comfort intertwine.

A creative vortex;

Yet a place devoid or at least hidden from, my own insanities.

Unforeseen in the mind’s eye

 comes some retribution: atonement or punishment for my sins.

I know not who you are or why you have come;

Only that you are here and there is no looking away.

I know better than to trust men with knowledge of my mind

 even more those who think they do.

Who do you want me to be?

What do you really think I am capable?

Some do not realize that they are looking at a living doll;

With pain and turmoil within.

A creature in a pretty package with trimmings and such

 is rarely what it seems.

No matter how good my soul,

 there are always dangerous parts.

Just as I have you to fear

 you would be wise not to think me benign.

Life is not without retribution;

May it be reward or punishment coming your way.

I am here for a thousand reasons

I am here for a thousand people in a thousand different ways.

I am my brother’s keeper, I am my father’s burden.

I am the watcher for the blind, and the protector of those with guile.

I am exactly who I appear to be,

And I am not who you think I am.

Unforeseen you came into this place that I am calling home;

This place of hungry souls that wait for me like ideology.

They think like you that I can tend their wounds

 or somehow be some rock of gibralter.

But I am only a whisper in the wind;

I have little substance and less to offer.

I can promise to always be kind

 and I can promise to always be a truthful heart.                           

You can call me anytime, but I may be of no use to you at all.

Terror, like demons of my nightmares

 are running my mind into disarray.

While you are waiting for me,

 I am so silently in haste to run away.

Feeling a prisoner but it is my own creation;

My own cell walls I chose.

Let us run away from your haven,

 let me see you in the light and not the dark.

Let me see if you are something tangible

 outside of the wealth which holds no sway with me,

 and instead in the world of finding pennies to be treasures.

This place is crawling with demons, leeches and whores.

I feel the tension mount as one plays the other to the next.

What foul pit have I wondered into

While looking for a long lost friend?

In a wonderland where only I exist it is this lonely dreamscape of mine.

Distance is what you measure- the spot from your mind

To the place where I catch my glimpse of consciousness.

I’ll evacuate the premises, I’ll leave this house of squalor.

Bedlam is what you made and here you shall dwell indeed.

I describe to you what vacancy was left available

How the sheets are dirty and the stains are there to stay.

But you walk in as if into a castle, for you know no better.

No better at all, pitiful things with claws and agendas.

I’ll be the guard dog; I am your right hand man;

But when the heat forces us apart

You’ll have to make do with the leeches and the whores.

In this state of melancholy just waiting for life to begin,

I have no qualms so long as the eventual tomorrow does come.

I hide outside away from the chaos,

The squabbling bitches in heat.

I don’t know your game, nor do I want to,

Why would I want to play pretty with you?

A little touch of annoyance is all this is-

For I hold a secret no one knows.

I hold the keys to a place where no one knows the lonely way in.

I am safe and exempt from their child-like ways.

Inside myself there lies another world;

A world where I exist and so too do my lovers,

Both alive and dead they are by my side.

I heard a treaty of peace one time;

It was written on a stone-smoothed scroll.

It made me laugh with all its in discrepancies and foolish jargon.

Let’s learn this made up language and congratulate ourselves!

Let’s gather tidbits and scraps that your petty king leaves behind.

He doesn’t even want you in his kingdom;

He uses you like pawns.

So in my head I dwell and I wait until I am called;

As the favored one, I have nothing to gain from him.

We dine in smaller portions

And we think tiny thoughts about our lives.

I am numb to the contradictions

That are created by my mind and this world.

I am soul-vacant and my heart has been emptied;

You have sucked the very life out of me

And I am close to allowing myself to forget.

Those dreams I had were like storm-clouds,

They were so brutally seductive,

And so very far from my reach.

They passed me by as I looked away,

So busy staring into your eyes.

I will start to think in tiny views

And paint very small pictures of you.

Slowly losing control of anything I once had

It is flowing down the river of need and inequity.

All this chaos; this external insanity wants to leak into my mind

Poison my thoughts of peace and force them to bow down and surrender.

This life may not have been what was meant for me.

This may have been what was meant for someone else.

Some one more like you or them.

Death is grappling hooks piercing my side;

Drawing blood that drips like candle wax  cooling.

You light the wick and watch it pool around the center,

Then you watch it drip slowly onto my flesh.

I will walk away from here

And I will walk so very far from anything that torments me like you.

Crawling the walls with liquid skin;

Wishing the silence would end

because the sound is too loud in my head.

I hear your whispers screaming

And your touch is like scalding venom

Traveling through my veins like a cold wash.

I am miles away from hours ago

When the world was benevolent and sane.

When I was not vicious, hurting, and I was tame.

That sound I hear; that clink,

That crack of metal or breaking skin.

I want to scream for it to stop, please stop-

But there is no one who could hear my shouts.

It doesn’t matter that we are sitting way too close

You would not be able to feel what crawls beneath my skin.

You would not be able to see the way my skin melts

As it tries to remove itself from some alien host.

So I know now that I will be letting go of you;

Just like the others you will be a painful reminder

Of what it could be.

So lovely, they say, so precious, they swear.

But here I am in my time of need

And here I am alone.

So who stands by my side when it all crumbles before me

And I cannot hold the weight of my own emptied dreams?

So beautiful, they say, so sweet, they swear.

So sad they say, that such beauty remains so alone.

And they say what they say and they tell me each time;

As if it didn’t ever matter that they meant not a thing.

My body it withers from lack of what your love could do for me,

You remind me, take care, and then turn your back to leave.

Separate beings combining like colors smearing

In the dampness of sweat.

Likeness of their elders as if they were to remain-

Glossed-over eyes that lock into your own.

Death whispers and groans are like the falling of rain.

Gently washing away sins,

Or forcing the erosion of your integrity.

Forming a river of bloody regrets that breach the shores

And break the foundations of the one and only dam still intact.

Now all of Hell’s whores are a-roam

In the syphilis sores of our minds.

As pretty as can be in the shadows

And just as horrific as the hounds if you chance to see the light. 

The Burial Garden

Semblances of tranquility with but a vital element missing,

 as necessary as the air we breathe.

You laugh at my eyes as they focus on distance,

 both here with you and a place no one else will know.

I travel in this sphere or vortex, which I do not know;

To realms of great beauty and collapsing abysses of our collective soul.

I wandered once into a garden

 left beautifully untended.

It’s strange vines wound all throughout the animate place,

 it’s thorns were soft to the touch and could not draw blood.

I saw your face there-             

I felt your fingers trace a line across my lips.

My heart broke beneath your tenderness

 as I knew what could provide me with some mercy

 could never be persuaded to make a home with me.

In this garden where branches bend and bow

 I stoop to go from one bouquet to the next.

The scent is that of love and of forgiving I can accept,

 the soft grass is cool and winds itself around my bare feet.

I buried him in this garden and marked his place with thistle;

No one but I can tread around his resting place and whisper to his soul.

Little ships come sailing in-

 like paper creations by the hand of children.

Snaking contributions of ancient sea waters

 are choking our entirely too delicate throats.

Air passageways constrict and you are just as frightened

 as I feign to be.

Similarities abound and weave their pretty way through

 the maze of crosses you are trying to bear alone.

Take them down nail by nail,

 and burn those old boards to ashes now.

It has begun again anew with paper ships

 and drenching sea waters.

I am your blank palate.

I am your empty slate.

I am the whisper in your wake,

 and the tender vibration of your step.

You try to enter uninvited with loud warnings,

 and all the inane things you always seem to do.

But I caught your fall and saved you some grace,

 so that your collapse would soften your fall.

I am your memory.

I am an empty glass.

I am the attempts you forgave for something new.

So vicious were your blows,

 that your words went right through.

They pierced my walls and left behind not a trace of you.

Not your whispers nor your cries,

 not all the wasteful and wicked ways you crept.

I am a rushing river.                    

I am a raging force.

I am the thunder of my own wake.

Tactile senses overwhelm your mind,

 when you hear that door open-

 and you feel that familiar breeze.

Mixed gratitude with a need for retribution-

 I can be whoever you need me to be.

And you can be just exactly who are;

 it is all the same to a soul like me.

Lovely adages grow on your walls like decorations-

 an invitation to little replies and small questions.

I have never been afraid of you-

 and I will always tremble in the wake.

Games like these are often found in yards

 overgrown with weeds and slashed grasses.

I came here once with a reaper’s scythe,

 and I cut down all the growth.

I came here once before with my deadly lips,

 and I took all life away from you.

Now here I come to pray,

 and bow down in repentance.

When nothing here is precious,

 at least the scent of emotion is here to stay.

Cannot seem to find a place that I belong,

So I wonder from home to home,

 unsure where to dwell from this moment or the next.

Might I stay just to gather all the other travelers’ dust?

Weary enough on my own,

 yet you know I will carry yours too.

Sitting with the strung-out leftovers of society:

 the daughters who watch over their mothers.

Never ceases to sicken me,

 each time  I come around.

I am like you- a lost soul,

 a spirit in some sort of Karmic limbo:

 Not belonging to this plane, nor to the next.

Floating but un-free; I am not un-tethered.

Instead there are weights like agony

 Which are wrapped with wire cutting into my limbs.

Where is that redemption you spoke of?

And my heart, will it truly reward me one day?

Will I sit forever by the side of the dying,

 recording the sad waste of living they will surely leave behind?

Is this my place in life’s contribution, to play scribe

 to the hopeless and the forsaken?  

Crazy whispers in the dark

People morphing; seams come apart.

The feral beast who stalked me late last night,

This morning curls sleeping by my feet.

I dreamt of you;

So real your arms cradled me in sleep.

The swallows dove and the crows took flight

                             Just before we changed, you guided me to the dawning light.

Sitting in waiting and oh, darling,

Don’t tell me it has begun for us anew.

This game, this cruel song and dance

 has found veritable victims yet again.

Telling me sweet niceties,

 you may as well whisper it to the walls.

I feel it reaching its peak,

 a thunderous crescendo of breaking glass and hearts.

It is written across my hands,

 and branded on my chest.

You know you did nothing to challenge them,

 nor a thing to resist.

I feel the temperature rise,

 and your sick breath at the hind.

I see you coming from the corner of my eye;

I’d whip my head around to catch glimpse,

 but I know you’d be long gone by then.

I’d ask you who it is you are,

 But I know you’d tell me that you are nobody,

 Nobody at all.                 

There is something in the morning air

Something breathed in deeply

before a person could think to stop.

I smelled it after I had tasted it

Scalding my tongue and lungs.

It was putrid coffin air hanging like mist.

Dropping down like Spanish Moss,

And I thought of a favored city.

As it kills me slowly separating my cells,

A beautiful time in my life is recalled.

Straight from your lips to my ears

Are words of comfort or ease.

You create such beautiful pictures,

And you paint me in them all.

Far and few between come the answers,

Half-hearted and incomplete.

Dance with me darling, you say.

Dance with me and slip your arms around my neck.

But I am stumbling over the bare bones picked clean

Clean by the unyielding birds’ beaks.

Still you take me in your arms

And pretend that hell is just another pretty picture

That you can control and remove me from.

But the heat is here and the flames lick at my lips

Like hungry dogs waiting for some meat.

Who speaks words with my mouth?

Who formulates these devious schemes

And calculates these plots?

Who evoked the stormy underbelly’s wrath?

Is it my inner strength as you say,

That will eventually save my soul?

Or am I as doomed as he would lead me to believe

Both in fear and repent?

So who is speaking words with my mouth,

Whispering from these lips of mine;

Tender invitations of olive branches

And salvation for the criminally neglected of human touch?

I am troubled by your ease and your stride

By your ready smile and dismissal of my fears.

Are you the one speaking like a nameless siren

Calling from the crashing waves among the jagged cliffs?

Words that I do not mean,

Yet roll ruthlessly from my tongue?

Who shivers with delight when the door cracks open

And you come sauntering in?

Sauntering in like a lamb to the slaughter.

I smile and say, ‘come in, darling, come inside.’

Hybrid species intertwining;

Laughed at the existence of this plane-

Until it came and cut me ear to ear.

Too many hearts stretched way too thin;

Just who do they like to think I am?

There is no compensation for what you lose-

Whether it is taken or you misplace it does not matter.

I am sleepily dreaming of your arms around me,

On a plane where only touch exists.

Cosmic forces came here to expand horizons,

But blinded I cannot see what I am meant to see.

I cannot learn what you are trying to teach.

Not through the haze of whores and leeches,

Or the European hounds of hell,

And the blatant sex Lords.

Your image taunts me and teases;

A promise for tomorrow may it only be.

I walked away once before,

And will do it again each time I hear that sound.

Approaching armies on war paths

Follow the screams of women.

Like tracking prey they descend,

As if foretold in heavenly portents.

I did not deem this life a blank palate

For you to paint, and assume me in.

I did not name this involuntary existence

A title for you to navigate around like danger.

Flames lick higher around your face,

But you do not seem to feel the burn.

Nor smell what we know to be charred flesh.

How you came to be such a demon in the dark,

Is a mystery like species made by hybrid mates.

It may be a story yet to be told itself,

And laid to rest amongst the beasts.

The hounds of hell, the sex Lords,

The whores, and the leeches.

It is all the same when you forget to see

The color of their souls.

What is forthcoming in this epic tale,

Is sure to be just more stories of woe.

They said to me last night how sad it was,

That such beauty could be so alone.

Thanking them for words spoken,

And tenderly reaching solicitations.

But you’re a step away from here,

And a step away from gaining any understanding.

Just like the hounds of hell,

Just like the leeches and the whores.

Long-winded dialogues,

And games you idly play with me.

Shall we continue what will never be,

And shall we dance the steps we learn each day?

I cannot imagine this deceit;

I cannot fathom how you came to be.

Like hybrid species born of the desert,

From coyotes and wild beasts that roam these hills.

I cannot be responsible for these broken hearts

Any more than I could blame you for your sins.

Lying in wait and betraying your senses,

I detect just a hint of a misnomer.

Stealth becomes a demon child like this one,

Born of anger and reproach.

Dreaming of angel spit and grave disasters.

Mistakes of genetic retribution.

Anomalies in a uniform sea of green.

Lost here in the deadly havens

Where I come to recuperate.

To gain reprieve or some sort of forgiveness;

Some mercy on my soul.

What is looming nearer is like your fear,

Growing by leaps and bounds.

Disproportionate and out of league with your evaluation,

Your rating of this waiting game.

Don’t let it linger on and on,

Don’t let it sour in its fetid air contained coffin.

Leprosy arrives on this island and only I have the cure,

Or so they have come to believe.

It is as sacred as the very air we breathe;

It is as damaging as your fiercest battle blows.

I am all alone in my world of imaginary forests,

Where shelter is plentiful and free of blame.

I am alone in this plane-

So who cuts me ear to ear?

I am living every day

  one less to go before I see you.

I am living every star-lit sky

  missing you more and more.

When I see your picture,

  faded with tears;

 Time has passed

  and you're far and gone.

Still my heart knows you so well.

 We're all departed, we've all passed on-

  forgotten, lonely, lost and abandoned.

Take another down with you-

  feel the guilt in the pain

  feel the bitter in the sweet.

Feel my love whispering your name.

See the incandecsents through the black.

Look into my eyes, through the empty

  through the sin

  through the laughter in the rain.

Into the World where we can be whole again.

Follow my trail, take away what you can.

  Don't let the shame win you over

  Don't let my pity weigh you down.

Find this golden light.

Find this never ending height.

Wish away the past,

Travel to the abyss of our fate.

And meet me there.

So many ways to wander this world.

 So many paths are crossed,

 and so many chances are forever missed.

 Such simple twists of fate.

 Little examples of serendipity.

 The most precious things in my life,

they have always been taken away.

 Although I have long lived with this knowledge,

I have yet a way to explain or understand.

 Is this the nature of life?

 Is this simply the fate of mine?

 Not a bitter thought to be had,

 just another curiosity in this contemplation of life’s strange ways.

 It is a beautiful mystery to me,

such thoughts;

 I cannot hold the beauty hostage for the pain.

 Life is too sweet for that.

 You may disagree;

 you may be a bitter one.

 But I will never bow and become disenchanted

 with this chance I have to experience a moment of intimacy.

 What else is does this poor world have to offer? 

Struggling through the empty, through the void

And through the spheres of time and place.

I am not alone here;

We mingle in hordes like beasts,

Passing in endless numbers across the plains.

Teach me to put a stop to it all,

Show me how to halt the ebb and flow.

I will take your words as wisdom,

And follow each and every one.

Lead me astray,           

And I will follow.

Take me down,

And I will pray.

Come and find me here in my dream-world-

Where faith and testimony conspire,

And I will take you somewhere better.

I will not seduce you into this hell I know

I will not take you with me to that blank space.

I will fill the void, I will hold the spheres in place.

I have moved mountains,

And on love great wonders have been built.

Secret words and secret thoughts,

 sitting here alone.

 Time for recompense, I suppose.

 It’s time to pay for the fun I have had.

 Lively ages left me drained.

 Drained, dry, and empty.

 No place like home they say.

 Sorrow for those who sit quietly and wait.

 Like for me, some days never come.

 Sitting sadly by her side.

 We press our faces against the windows,

 wondering if we should venture out.

 Into the cold, into the dark, into the great unknown.

 Driven by wind, blustering and bitter,

crowds stagger by.

 An image of the lost,

 corpses undead and walking our streets.

 Walking my streets.

 Haunting my thoughts

 and tearing down my shelters.

Memories of the past,

I feel myself crawling within,

 and yearn to retreat again.

 To the safe, warm room,

where the sounds are muffled and inoffensive.

 So there I am, and Here I am,

 spinning through time and soul.

 Each time I think I have escaped,

 I have circled back round again.

 Memories, memories-

 no time to go back there again.

 With new life given I’ll waste it all, I know.

  This is where I used to live, this is how I used to live.

 With corpses undead, and long since buried lovers.

I am alone when I come into this world;

 there is no one who has ever reached me.

 So I’ve long since given up the search.

Decrepit dreams where cobwebs and creatures dwell.

 Faces pressed against the glass,

 wondering if I ought stay inside.

 Empty guesses and blank stares,

 I am afraid you have been here before.

 And, so sorry, darling, that you have.

 Leftover ideas on what I should be,

 I am afraid that I cannot meet you there.

 So take your time and leave me here,

 I’m not afraid of being alone.

 I’ve lived here many times,

 and I’m not afraid of being here again.

Sweet in its own way,

 for my comfort is within.

 It is desolate and bare.

 It is vacant and sparsely furnished.

 But it belongs to me alone.

 And you do not know the lonely way in.

Sacrifices made and devils’ surrender,

gods bow down and apologize.

Oh, you have nothing to be sorry for-

Our lives are twisted in ways unpredictable,

 and nothing is left to chance.

So shake it up and build insurmountable cliffs for us to dance under.

 We’ll move to the music he leaves behind,

 chains dragged wearily down his back.

 Leave us here and we will stay immobile,

 below the bloody waterfalls.

 So there I am,

and here I live.

 In my warm room where the sounds are muffled and inoffensive,

I will reluctantly but without a war dwell.

You took me like a lover

Cradled me in my fall.

Yes, I told him;

I love your damaged soul.

Everything is so loud

It is pounding in my ear.

I beg it to go away,

But it doesn’t seem to hear.

It cannot feel,

But it hits me.

It has not sight,

So it blinds me.

What is this thing,

With such a selfish mind?

You will look away,

Or pretend not to hear.

But we all know the nature of this thing.

It came with the very beginning,

And will end with the last.

Stuck in the middle;

We the people who cherish it most.

We the people who know it best;

We are the ones who hide in our laugh.

But someone always spots it,

Deep inside our voice.

Trembling hands clench

Fingers intertwine in angst.

Staring out the window

Terrified of that burning sun.

I hear the muffled sounds through thin walls

Of shouting and chides.

I’ll take you out of here, poor child.

I’ll take you away from here.

Where we will go to I do not know,

Nor how we will survive the heat.

But child I will save you from this place,

And together we will go to a haven

Somewhere made for just me and you.

Here I swim through seas of green and broken glass

Waves crashing vicious and sweet.

With blood and love I take you in wholly;

Screams do not matter, not when it comes to you.

Not when it comes to you my love, when it comes to you.

Torrential and cascading, I am in love with your tomorrow.

Wine and coffee, little bit of serpentine.

Cornered and divine, you pushed our demise.

There is one who takes what I give

And never asks for more.

Unable to give anyone else what they desire

Spewing untruths in all my honesty.

You’ve cornered me, when I am divine.

I’m lost in the shadows of what you’ve deemed

The way I should be.            

And what it is I should give to you.

Couldn’t you have left it,

Un-termed and divine?

To Bring My Love to You

Disarray and dissolution

I am falling into a state of dissatisfaction.

There is no smile to grace these lips

There is no laughter to share with you.

My eyes are heavy and the lids are grey.

A slate board of erased memories.

Unable to separate fact from fiction,

It all seems to run together now.

And i don’t know even who you are.

There is a shadow cast capturing my step

Tracing my each and every move.

I cannot stay here with you.

I cannot be who you want me to be.

Harboring intentions undetermined

I am surely not who you need me to be.

And I’ve lost all concept of who I have become.

I’ve tried and I’ve tried,

I’ve traversed the seas

But I cannot manage to bring my love to you.

What could I give to have this taken away from me?

What would I not forsake to bring some ease?

I am trapped in this soulless place with dead air,

No reason to move from here to there.

It is the same in every corner of this room;

Same view, same taste, and the very same smell.

The Innkeeper earns his keep;

He provides a bed to sleep.

The kitchen worker makes the repast;

He feeds some weary souls.

I create nothing but images-

They are not real, and they are only skin-deep.

I tell stories that are but woes,

 tales to keep you up at night.

Here in this god-forsaken country,

 I walk alone amongst the wilted flowers.

They blossom in my morning,

 and they become fallow by my noon.

Those brief hours I spend with you,

I dream of your comfort;  it’s only a dream of you.

Nothing more than illusion,

 a dance my mind does below the shadeless trees.

I am empty and fallow just like these fields.

I am only a whisper in the dead still air.

Like a light that fades in the mist of the nightly ocean air,

I may appear to be here with the rest,

 but look any deeper and you will see I am far away from here.

I am in the godless desert with the merciless sun,

 the coyotes, and the carcasses decomposing in the heat.

The still air and the fading dreams.             

I thought that I would walk with my head above the dust,

But I have wasted all these futures and traded them for this.

Hidden stories try to tell themselves

 by shadow play behind thin curtains.

We chose to see or to look away,

Either way they will try to speak to us.

I cannot bear to remain like this;

Voiceless and without another heart to bear witness,

Nor comfort the trembling heaves of a pitiful soul.

I am the distance from one pole to the other;

I am the space between our lips; the air that we forget to breath.

Life here is full of vacancy and unkempt homes.

Still smoke lingers in this space we call our own,

Never changing the draft or the force of the flow.

We are like death in walking pose

A mirage of living souls.

Images forsaken, lost to the winds and to the tides;

Ever-changing observations of humanity.

Our history is written with choice words upon earth’s walls.

Written so it can be erased with the swipe of a hand

The changing of a tyrant and the overthrow of one regime.

I left one devotee to take another,

And we got lost in the passing winds.

The sands of time encased us forever in the moment

That you handed your self will to me.

I forgave your broken soul;

As if that were any right of mine.

Write our story on the walls;

In words immemorial and as testament

To pride and to this regime’s downfall.

I’ve taken a step

And now I’m dreaming

Of my day on an island under the sun.

You’re there too, baby

And we sleep soundly in the warmth.

With your effortless ways

And arms around my body.

What is it you are wishing for,

When your eyes close in wistful consideration?

Are you dreaming of a lover’s return,

Or recalling a long since past tryst?

I see in your face the creases of laughter and pain,

Of careful consideration and reckless moments.

I know those wrinkles were not easily earned;

But those of your league would not return them,

Not  even for a single tear back.

Death is not the End

Laying here in the stench of decomposition

Your putrid body is so very still against my own.

I watched your chest heave a last heaving breath,

And then settled in against the painted wall to wait.

Finally it came with a change in the direction of the air,

And I knew it was a concept that had become finalized.

No tears need to be shed over your dead body,

I loved it alive enough to last through eternity.

Closing doors and boarded windows

The crushing oppression in the tenement housing.

Children scamper back and forth

From one shadow to the next.

Another prophecy is coming

And each one of us feels it as it approaches.

We feel the stillness in the humid air,

The solid weight of water in each intake.

Dusk rides in on black horses

Bearing crosses and sharpened maces.

Starvation has run rampant

In this desperate house of hopeless souls.

We have given up our faith

And replaced it with reckless abandon.

Please pray for our souls

When we know not which way to turn.

Passing time and spent moments

Animosity looms where a heart goes unquenched.

I walked in and then out of your life.

                Left you with a gift you couldn’t recognize.

And a truth you wouldn’t learn.

Memories cascade and break-

A scattering of desire’s pearls.

Saw in you a better man.

But we all must save ourselves.

At this point; this place where a crossroad exists,

You must let your trembling hands go

And we must learn to breath into one another.

There is nothing here that is sacred.

It seems there is nothing here that is true.

You held my chin in your hand

As I sat looking up at you.

You asked me is there anything that is sacred?

Is there anything that is true?

I said nothing, darling,

Nothing here but you.

I’m growing weary of this hunt

That lasts so deep into the cold nights.

By dawn I am the predator

Woefully giving up hope for prey.

I had a dream in the forests

That are created by your thoughts and mine.

Where I never went hungering through the night,

And by dawn was warmly back by your side.

There is nothing here that comforts me;

There is nothing here that holds me close.

Into your eyes a thousand worlds unfold,

Each one as distant as the next.

I took you in like a lover,

And comforted you in dark days.

I loved your damaged soul

And cared tenderly to your wounds.

Now i look into your eyes

And all the places I cannot go is the only thing I see.

Burning bridges, wasting time

Taking the kind of person you wish you were

Right down with you in disregard.

Left in the shadows you alone created,

I have no more sympathy for you.

Your sweet nothings are a fading noise

A sound like humming from far away.

Life loses its reason and reason loses its rhyme.

Each and every step I take,

has become a welcome step away from you.

Evolution is a choice you make

The constant revolution that goes on within;

The overturn of one regime,

And the takeover of the new.

So take your last kick now

At any regime, doesn’t matter much which one.

Just so long as you take that kick.

A thousand ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

So too, my dear, are there to walk away.

I remain untainted from those vicious words,

And there is no place for me to turn to

To seek solace or any kind of warmth.

Only illusions don my doorway,

And they are gone within a few breaths.

Window shopping for truth

And a reception of my love.

Taking care to be delicate with your words,

You dance around a truthful meaning

And your play makes me disinterested in what you have to say.

I am not engaged in conversation with light words

unless they darken and carry heavier weight.

While there is no substance to your idles

There is nothing to incite response.

Leaving behind all dreams and aspirations,

I’ve walked into this deadly garden.

With all the ways of circumstance and serendipity,

One must watch their each and every step.

Lest the serpent rear its lethal head.

 Here I lay, this golden bed of all to be desired.

I remember my dream, I remember the sun

  always shining, burning me through.

I'm travelling deeper, deeper into this vision.

  deeper than hate, deeper than memory can take us.

I remember the words I called out-

  I remember my silent tears in the rain.

  The masked armor I wore that could not save me.

"When all is no more than dust,

  see me standing, still,

  reigning in my love

  basking in the sea of divine meaning."

May you stand beside me.

Take my hand, journey through with me,

  or let me go and meet me there.

  Find me where this dream tree drows.

 Find me in the empty city roads of despair.

 Find where you can still love me,

    and meet me there.

Ancient secrets and devotees of despair.

I felt your loss late last night;

 It came in through the air

 And like a mist,

 It settled deep upon my soul.

You lulled me with your lack of peace

 Into a slumber oh, so sweet.

When I awoke my first thoughts went

 To the stranger who gave me sleep.

To the stranger I left      

 Sitting alone in the dead of night.

We dream the dreams

                Of the waking sleep

Because we say we cannot find what is sturdy

And we cannot find what is deep.

Cannot decide what to hold onto;

                What is ours to keep.

I grab onto nothing,

Not knowing where it starts,

                Nor when it will end

                To leave me adrift.

But I do not care- I refuse that sleep.

I’ll search forever for what is deep,

To discover what is mine to keep.

Dreamt pretty pictures of you

Wrote little odes of love.

The spread of misinformation

The dissemination of lies.

Another rose’s thorn pricked me

And you envied my blood.

I am digging holes in the earth

To bury every memory of you.

So many people broken;

  bent, and hobbled.

Crippled and on their knees.

Praying and pleading and begging,

  asking to be shown mercy,

  or asking to surrender.

What I want to know about you,

  is do your spirits buckle?

  And at what point do you break?

Is it dependant  on the weight you carry,

  or is it the weight life puts upon you?

Our bodies are meant for survival;

We are made to endure and to withstand.

Did you only realize who I was

  at the very moment I walked out that door?

And who are you to determine

  the worth of your pride?

I do believe I heard you say two words,

Deeply into last night’s sleep.

I sensed your arrival

Like thunder over coastal plains.

Strong and assured, knowing you would be recognized.

Flowing across space and time

Knowing you would be safely welcomed home.

Into my eyes, your dreams crept

To flutter at my senses

To subtly let your presence be known.

Last night the horrors that would have woken me,

Were not allowed to enter my now child-like mind.

Instead gentler dreams were woven

By your strong and skillful hands.

I do believe I heard just two words

Deeply in the midst of last night’s abyss.

“Angel, sleep”.

GretaMaria

Sitting sadly by his side,

Soft whimpers meet the morning light.

We are weary, ancient, and bereft.

The days of gently woven tales

Have long since passed us by.

Besides those eerie cries,

There is now just silence.

The same silence we endured all night.

Looking deep into his eyes

So full of sorrow and broken dreams,

I find a joy begin to burgeon

From some long forgotten place inside.

I do recall the Lover,

The Teller of rich tales.

His eyes are worn and they are wrinkled

But I remember just how those creases came to be.

Sitting quietly side by side,

A recollection is shared simply.

And we find ourselves beginning to smile.

Forget the poverty and the squalor in our midst.

Forget the lives we did not manage to live.

And the ease of luxuries we no longer have.

We are sitting still, looking deep into each other’s eyes.

Blessed by our shared intimacies, eye to eye.

The curtains have fallen down on top of me

My head, it has a rod balanced on it

And I can’t seem to decide if i care.

Oh, think I will let it balance there tonight.

To straighten it would only put order

Into a pit that likes to spit order right out.

You’d think that would be something

A body’s digestion could take.

But no, not mine.

So here I sit with regurgitated order,

And a curtain rod balancing upon my head.

Good night regurgitation,

 good night rod,

Good night moon, 

good night all.

GretaMaria

i do actually have a light side to me ;)

Tower of Babel

I could build a wall so tall,

                just like the Tower of Babel

                on the bones of my dead lovers.

A spiral of something so pitiful,

                as femurs laying joint to joint.

I lost them one by one;

Some went to the water, some the earth,

                and some to the fires down below.

Trembling memories remain for some

                but others gone yet still not really forgotten.

Still, I build a Tower like the one of Babel,

                knowing surely their bones will crumble and fall before all gods.

It is only a wall of gospel and despair.

You took your last breath

                as I lay sleeping by your side.

And I continue to build my life

                On the bones of my dead lovers.

And all I ever wanted,

      was to be the softest touch

Of the greatest lover this poor world would ever see.

Tower of Babel

I could build a wall so tall,

                just like the Tower of Babel

                on the bones of my dead lovers.

A spiral of something so pitiful,

                as femurs laying joint to joint.

I lost them one by one;

Some went to the water, some the earth,

                and some to the fires down below.

Trembling memories remain for some

                but others gone yet still not really forgotten.

Still, I build a Tower like the one of Babel,

                knowing surely their bones will crumble and fall before all gods.

It is only a wall of gospel and despair.

You took your last breath

                as I lay sleeping by your side.

And I continue to build my life

                On the bones of my dead lovers.

And all I ever wanted,

      was to be the softest touch

Of the greatest lover this poor world would ever see.

These Secrets are Mine to Keep

Oh there we go, my lonesome stranger;

Chomping at the bit to go, go, go-

But just where, my mare, have we to go to?

Debacles of showmanship and frivolities,

All indecent and circumspect.

Your sticks and stones I know may break my bones,

But nothing that is precious to me will you ever find to take.

These mysteries which ride with me;

Memory trinkets and souvenirs gilded and diamond encrusted.

Bejeweled in their secret hiding places; safe

From prying minds and coveters of my silent world.

My deepest ocean of sorrow I keep.

My wide open skies of dreams I lived and still do,

You can never taint or slightly dim their bright hue.

Rage, rage against the regime-

Beat at my walls and throw your stones.

I only laugh at who stands there casting the first blow.

The irony of hypocrisy that lies complacent within you

It makes me wonder when you last opened your eyes with clarity.

I chose my road, and I choose it with wild abandon;

Came to great pitfalls and poured dirt over many holes in the ground.

I was beaten, raped, and battered. Controlled and confined to a tower;

You’ll find no bitterness in this heart.

Too much grace was bestowed upon my soul , Angels always at the ready.

So I would live each moment again for the nectar I drank each day.

From a fountain came love, and we all drank from and for the same.

There is a reason these days were kept secret;

That memories are never retold.

I know better than to trust another with my heart-keepsakes

And days bathed in sunlight and beauty.

Of naps in the ferns and southern adventures made in the mist.

These details belong to me, and these I will never share. 

You told me you were dangerous;

That my heart would surely shatter.

Never imagined darling,

that you would be first to fall.

I opened the doors for you to come in;

I left you every choice.

I gave you all I had to offer

And let you take your pick.

Now that day has finally arrived

When we shall go our separate ways.

Never imagined darling,

That you would be the one to crawl.

There is a place, so I am told,

Where we can feel our hearts need no guarding.

And our souls are sure to flourish.

Where meaning will be found tenderly

In many strangers’ steady gaze upon you.

Where thoughts will crawl your body,

Like hands upon your flesh.

Inciting you to wisdom once unrevealed,

And knowledge of the Truths.

This is God’s Hotel I am told,

Where no one wanders the halls alone.

And there are no need for windows,

For there are no walls in this place.

She told me there would be days left like this;

Untended and roughly hewn with shredded wires.

Brambles that would pierce my flesh

Draw blood surely as the sun would rise.

I came prepared for all this suffering

I came with plated-armor and a shield.

She never told me that I would meet a man like you,

That my soul could be misguided as easily as guided.

I play between the lines,

Reading both pictures like looking glasses.

Wondering whom I can help the most,

And with whom my allegiances lie.

Laughter was once like your friendship;

Cascading down the falls in wonder and vibrancy.

It filled empty rooms and beckoned others in,

Calling all searching souls to arrive.

Nowadays she leaves me here alone,

To watch the rain make patterns in the sand.

I dream of her and the look in her eyes

When she would hold me close.

I think of her warnings offered to me,

And the ways I could have listened differently each and every time.

Running ragged, always circling the out of reach reward.

Souls circumnavigate this world just like planets lost in time.

When i find you I will not think twice

I will not ponder letting go.

Fiercely they come, and twice as bitter they may turn.

I came here lonely and I’ll leave the same;

Just this time with a taste of what could be.

So torment me with your agony,

Know it will insight mine as well.

I’ll bend and pull to make it happen,

I’ll fight the surf and tow for you.

I’ll break the very ship in two

If it tries to leave this shore with you.

GretaMaria

A Wounded Soldier Like You

Pleasurable incitements, trying to find a way to you.

I’m lost in the tow, cast under the current;

And always just a breath away from you.

Don’t let your eyes focus on the distance

For it stretches vast and far between us.

Instead focus on the intertwining lives that start anew.

I’ll send away all former vows.

I’m forlorn with a demon lover.

If I am to be thrown around like a distant star,

Let me be found by a wounded soldier like you. 

GretaMaria

Found you creeping in the dark

You were seeing vicious things beyond your eyelids.

You were writhing in your self-torture.

And hating yourself for everything you’d done.

I could barely take you in my arms,

You were so full of hate and regret.

Don’t be such a fool to turn from your saving grace.

These lips have been known to soothe the demons,

And make them want to bow before me.

These whispers have tamed the most savage of all beasts.

This touch is of the greatest lover that this poor world will ever see.

GretaMaria

Bare Bones

They are coming nearer to me,

Growing ever closer and approaching reach.

Soon they will touch me-

All those hands upon my soul,

As if they were upon my body.

Asking everything of me

Demanding my devotion.

Each one expecting my heart.

My being is sacrificed,

 For I devote it to one.

After that effort, there is nothing left for more.

They may ask me for many things

And come to me in despair.

But I cannot help them anymore,

So my heart breaks and I watch them slip away.

In sorrow they walk along ,

With each step looking  to see if my mind has changed.

But in this body there lives nothing;

Their hands have picked my bones bare.

Their touch has erased my soul.

I am living neither here nor there.

GretaMaria

I told you of my dreams,

I whispered them in your ear.

Warm breath assured you

And the trembling convinced you.

I’ve been walking these streets alone

In wonder and despair.

Creating secret worlds where only I dwell.

It is not lonely but it is dangerous

When left to my own devices.

You hold me so tight in my midnight home,

I only breath when you let me-

You know I will cling to you in fear.

How you twist my yearnings,

To meet your desires without a care.

Is a pitiful thing to watch

So I’ve already turned to walk away.

I have left you without a care.

GretaMaria

Last image I sought was your breathless eyes,

Fighting in fear against the strongest current.

The force of your love for a Godless man.

I have watched you fall bloody on your knees,

Tears careening down your swollen cheeks.

Saw you last as you bent your head, looking to the ground.

Remembering you like a Queen on her throne,

Stronger than all oncoming armies bent on war.

A force to be reckoned with.

A place where my heart belonged.

Now you sit in the dust while I tend your broken heart.

And wipe the waste of human desperation away.

Nobody Told me There was a Dead Man in Her Bed

Vacant voices and comatose stares;

Do you suspect, my friend, that this might be the end?

Gouging through the rubble in your eyes                                                                                                     

There is blood and lies and deceit everywhere.

One day I danced a thousand dances whirled into one.

One day I held hands around the tree,

And watched with the nymphs as the first rays dawned;

Giggling, we scurried back to our dark nests.

But now life is a grey slate board-

With no pictures or graffiti to read on the walls.

My home has become Nobody’s home,

So we sit always together listening to our own silence.

Oh, the dreamer, I remember your kisses like yesterday!

The exhilaration of everyday being a new flight into the unknown.

Now you wouldn’t recognize me

You probably wouldn’t even see Nobody sitting there in the corner.

She’s always so quiet, her little murmurs you must come close to hear:

‘There is a dead man in my bed’ she says,

And Nobody, well she has never  lied before.

I figure that is why she doesn’t leave the chair;

It’s stiff backing is better than sharing a bed with a dead man.

She murmurs some more and I know

That something is not quite right here.

Here in our desert with our comatose stares

Our vacant voices speak softly;

Although we’ve been sharing the same old stories for years now.

The stench wafts in as you leave and close the door.

Slightly shaken air brings the odor to our attention,

But Nobody and I don’t know quite what to do.

He’s too heavy even for us both she says,

And I choose to believe her rather than check for myself.

There is a dead man in her bed,

And if I checked there may well be one in mine as well.

Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy,

absentminded. Someone sober

will worry about things going badly.

Let the lover be.

Rumi

There is no solid ground here,

And I reach for you like an anchor

 But there is no pull nor impetus.

There is no compassion just requests of gratitude.

Vacant and hollowed memories wake me endlessly

Spinning a web of confusion in my sleep-wake state;

I am told where to go and how, but not given a why.

It whispers my name on humid still air shadows

Tells me I am not and must sever the tie.

Somewhere I am waited for by Fate;

Somewhere far from here, I am waiting to die.

Each shudder for you

Every tremble felt.

Memories flooding through,

And I know your eyes still.

The ways in which the heart yearns,

The yen for something so laden in mystery.

I want to stay up all night

So I can kiss your morning lips

And feel your warm body in my mind.

You are not here,

So the other insomnia takes me instead

And I thank god for the difference between them.

If I sleep I know my dreams;

Dreamt a hundred times.

I’ve stayed up all night and day.

Delirium sets in and I kiss you goodnight.

Night Jungle Shadows

Elusive, and I wonder, frightened:

Is it so devilish, too?

As it taunts me with fatigue

And fires me with the impetus onward.

Even as exhaustion speaks of sorrow,

Deep inside my eyes’ steady gaze at you.

Haunts me in the night jungle shadows

Two yellow eyes meet mine,

Knowing I cannot break its spell. Vicious it must be.

Yes, lover, again. I shall pay for both our sins.

GretaMaria

Follow you into this deep place-

Where you hold my tongue and make me bow.

For you I am hopeless and destitute.

A beautiful tangle of legs and love.       

Oh, what a perfect mess you have made of me.

Well you ask many questions
and you hear me when I speak.
But you never really understand
just how dangerous it can be.
You paint pretty pictures.
You place me in them all.
But you, my friend, are an Angel,
Coming too close to the fall.

GretaMaria

Little bits of twilight sprinkle through upon me.

Linger will the darkness;

                holding on as it mighty as can be.

Grasping at my skin with talons honed.

Skulking shadows prowl;

                Their merciless intentions known.

‘It is the sick breath at my hind’ I know.       

My dear friend the devil in disguise;       

        Each time he whispers, I go to him.       

Sweet quatrains, or odes of hate.

I tell it to your sleeping body,        

                ‘make peace now, before it is too late.’

History's Nephilium

Like history’s Nephilium,

 He comes down to retrieve and devour me.

And in the eternal ravishment

Exists an eye to the world’s storms.

It dwells calmly within us,

 With this raw and merciless consumption

  Creating the walls of our dark realm; our lair.

And it has become a haven to me.

These four walls we’ve made to shelter us

Leave us happily to our stormy debauchery.

GretaMaria

Damsels with no Homes

Products of imagination and misdirection of loyalty.

Knights in shining armor don’t ride into your world

Nor do they rescue damsels with no homes.

They whisper sweet nothings, if anything at all.

Let me shine without your light and fight for what I deem fit.

Wandering graveyards late at night,

Searching for your time-worn stone-

With its ancient etchings and lost dates.

I cannot recall when you came,

Nor I do know for sure when it was you left.

All I know is that when you were buried,

The greatest part of me went along with you.

GretaMaria

Lonely souls and broken hearts

The places we live, the places we dwell.

Inside there are no distinctions,

Between our desire and our needs.

Don’t be afraid to be left behind;

You’ll find strange treasures there, too.

There are some things I will not whisper into your ear.

There will be tears that will fall onto deaf ears.

So I tip toe around and I think very patiently

Of the many ways I might remain unseen.

And I laugh at my caution while I trip again;

These pits were made for my stumbling

And I must go graciously with them.

You must just remember, darling of mine,

The words that I will not whisper to you,

Might one day be heard by another.

And the secrets that I tell you,

Were always meant to be freed.

Just like a flock from their cage

They will disappear into the lonely night.

All of us, in search of some peace.

GretaMaria

The Tower of Babel

I could build a wall so tall,

                just like the Tower of Babel

                on the bones of my dead lovers.

A spiral of something so pitiful,

                as femurs laying joint to joint.

I lost them one by one;

Some went to the water, some the earth,

                and some to the fires down below.

Trembling memories remain for some

                but others gone yet still not really forgotten.

Still, I build a Tower like the one of Babel,

                knowing surely their bones will crumble and fall before all gods.

It is only a wall of gospel and despair.

You took your last breath

                as I lay sleeping by your side.

And I continue to build my life

                On the bones of my dead lovers.

And all I ever wanted,

      was to be the softest touch

Of the greatest lover this poor world would ever see.

These Secrets are Mine to Keep

Oh there we go, my lonesome stranger;

Chomping at the bit to go, go, go-

But just where, my mare, have we to go to?

Debacles of showmanship and frivolities,

All indecent and circumspect.

Your sticks and stones I know may break my bones,

But nothing that is precious to me will you ever find to take.

These mysteries which ride with me;

Memory trinkets and souvenirs gilded and diamond encrusted.

Bejeweled in their secret hiding places; safe

From prying minds and coveters of my silent world.

My deepest ocean of sorrow I keep.

My wide open skies of dreams I lived and still do,

You can never taint or slightly dim their bright hue.

Rage, rage against the regime-

Beat at my walls and throw your stones.

I only laugh at who stands there casting the first blow.

The irony of hypocrisy that lies complacent within you

It makes me wonder when you last opened your eyes with clarity.

I chose my road, and I choose it with wild abandon;

Came to great pitfalls and poured dirt over many holes in the ground.

I was beaten, raped, and battered. Controlled and confined to a tower;

You’ll find no bitterness in this heart.

Too much grace was bestowed upon my soul , Angels always at the ready.

So I would live each moment again for the nectar I drank each day.

From a fountain came love, and we all drank from and for the same.

There is a reason these days were kept secret;

That memories are never retold.

I know better than to trust another with my heart-keepsakes

And days bathed in sunlight and beauty.

Of naps in the ferns and southern adventures made in the mist.

These details belong to me, and these I will never share.

You took me like a lover

Cradled me in my fall.

Yes, I told him;

I love your damaged soul.

I am keeping him young with my desires-

                With every lust that I feed;

                Playing to each fantasy’s need.

I am keeping him young with my body-

                With every subtle moan

                And its roughly-induced tremble.

He thinks he is coming near,

His thoughts go to me,

His conspirator in our sordid affair.

Our dalliances with the Devil-

Wine and slightly serpentine,

We become each other’s to devour.

GretaMaria

Follow you into this deep place-

Where you hold my tongue and make me bow.

For you I am hopeless and destitute.

A beautiful tangle of legs and love.       

Oh, what a perfect mess you have made of me.

-GretaMaria

So I decided to check out the videos people had put out here.  I am straight, for those who are not, this probably does not apply  to you. I saw one video that was pretty enticing.  The rest were women telling you what website to go to to pay them.  Who thinks I should just start putting up free porn of myself or myself and a 'special' friend for everyone? If I do, I think others should too......hint, hint!

To those who are not straight, or may be crossdressers, etc, I saw a few videos that were not just advertisements, I hope that you found better videos than I did!

Lets start a trend. More porn on collarme :)