- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Hetero Male Master, 51,  Zhengzhou, China
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 Dominant Male



 Willing to Relocate

 6' 1"

 154 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Submissive Female

My purpose being here is to continue to learn and grow. My original profile and journal entries remain intact to help reveal 'who' I am.The best single word deion of me would be - complicated.I am 'different', 'peculiar', and 'cut from a different cloth'.  I do not fit within a tidy box. I am prone to over-analyze virtually everything.  I generally function several moves ahead of other people.  I have an affinity for carefully considered and well constructed thoughts, words, and actions.  This often causes frustration for me because I function at a different level from the general populace and all of my effort is lost on them.I am friendly but reserved.I have extremely high moral standards.I can be distant.I think I have a superb sense of humor ( but I might have difficulty providing references.)  (Just ask me and I will tell you!)When in a particularly good mood, I will sing inappropriate songs from musicals while in the shower, but never with my outback hat on, although now that I have thought of this .......................My favorite place on this planet is the bottom of the ocean !There is a special place in my heart for turtles ?My true name means 'comfort'.My favorite 'album' (see I am dated) is Tea for The Tillerman by Cat Stevens, although I am very much pleased and comforted by Nora Jones and Dianna Krall.  The single song which has touched me most is Sammy's Song by David Bromberg.  (I have never searched for it but good luck finding it!)  I played my copy once, recording it for my use.I have achieved True friendship four times in my life so far!  Two have died.  All four were men.I am always in control of myself.  I am definitely 'dominant'.There is no room in my heart to share dominance in a relationship - internally or externally.I do not seek 'experiences', 'practice', or 'playing' - Real Life Only! I have no interest in satisfying someone's Curiosity or Fantasy - Real Life Only!I am compassionate.I am generous.I enjoy 'shoe shopping'  with a Lady!I go out of my way to show kindness and consideration to others.My life ambition is to be known as a good person.I also want to: Find Myself, Share my World, and Experience Peace.I AM A POSITIVE INFLUENCE ON THIS WORLD  !!!I could never knowingly harm another person (I am not talking about discipline, limit exploration, or playing.)I do not think I am capable of humiliation either - I have too much respect and empathy for others to even pretend convincingly.Drugs have no place in my world.I was a long term smoker and enjoy the smell of a freshly lit cigarette, but I do not think I would be happy around a heavy smoker.  In all of my years of smoking, I never smoked in my house (even when it was 10 degrees below zero.)Lastly, I do not think it is inconsistent for someone Dominant to be vulnerable, or to privately cry, or to have trembling hands.  I am certainly no expert, but I do not think of Dominance and Submission as separate things, merely facets of a single thing shared.  Separate sides of the same coin!  I also think that if a relationship does not have such a thing shared, it will not last, or in the very least, it will not be satisfying for both people ;-) I regard M/s and Dom/sub as a partnership with each member having equal importance.  Each contributes to the whole.I am looking for a Lady who knows herself well and refuses to settle for less than she deserves.I also do not choose to Settle
For Me it is All or NothingI am no fanatic and I am no scholar, but I am of the Jewish faith. If you cannot tolerate a decent and moral person of another faith, we will have no future.My Lady will also need to have the capacity to mentally connect specifically with me and she must have the capacity to forgive.  I will evolve and improve, but I will also make mistakes along the way.Maybe it is just a selfish perspective ........
But it seems to me that my outlook, beliefs, and philosophy may be the best possible ones for the right person .......
I really don't care what every other Dom is like, my objective is to find myself, share my world, and experience Peace and Happiness.
If my outlook and philosophy appeals to you, please contact me.I am Gauis here but Gauis21 when I aim to talk to other people or use the singing cowboy.

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Journal Entries:
7/10/2012 9:42:11 PM

Each of us is Distinguished by our Capacity for Self Deception.

6/27/2010 4:12:42 AM
Everyone knows the saying that the cover of a book can be deceiving.  Usually this bit of conventional wisdom is used to imply that the quality of the contents exceeds that suggested by the cover.  But it also applies to very attractive covers and seemingly intriguing books. So in deciding whether to invest a significant amount of time with a new book, it needs to be examined externally and opened to see what is inside.
Perhaps clever marketing was employed to attract interest with the cover but the book is found lacking inside.  Perhaps the title is clever but upon beginning the first chapter, the contents simply fail to sustain interest.  Or perhaps it turns out that the topic is really of no interest, no matter how well written it is.  Some books can surprise and captivate me while others generate no interest from me.  Bad Book?  Certainly not.  Just not the right book at this point in time.

3/31/2008 2:55:38 PM
COIN COLLECTION ~Pick up any coin. Examine one side carefully. Then scrutinize the other side of the coin. Each side of the coin is unique. Each side has its own identity. Yet they complement each other. They go with each other. They cannot be separated.Is one side more valuable than the other? Most would agree that each side has equal value. Each side is unique and different from the other side of the same coin, yet both are equal in worth. That is one message I try to convey in my profile. I believe each member of a Dominant/submissive relationship has equal value.    It should not be a radical position. "I do not think of dominance and submission as separate things, merely facets of a single thing shared. Separate sides of the same coin!" It should not be a controversial or divisive position among Dominants. It should be a fundamental aspect of the relationship. The submissive one is not worth less than the Dominant one. Equality does not detract from the 'value' of the Dominant side. In fact, you cannot have have a Dominant without a submissive, because each identity is relative to the other. Can you have a 'Heads' without a "Tails"? Not unless you are cheating.    To me, this seems obvious. To many submissives, it seems obvious. Why bring it up, then? Because some Dominants do not realize or acknowledge this equality in value. And some do not make sure their submissive knows and feels her value.  So from my viewpoint this community is like a large coin collection. Many different sizes and denominations. Different shapes and metals. But each side of every coin has an equal value to its matching side.

3/5/2008 6:45:22 PM
Tolerance - A Hard Limit     

I recently was engaged in a theological debate. There was no resolution to the conflict in my case, but I did attempt to relate the story of the blind men and the elephant. I had heard the story many years ago in the poem format I provide later here. The debate I was engaged in lasted hours and I used all of the persuasive logic and reason I could summon, to no avail. Tolerance is important to me, and in this instance the lack of it was a hard limit...

The story of the blind men and an elephant appears to have originated in South Asia. It has been attributed to the Muslims, Jainists, Buddhists, and Hindus, and has been used by all those groups. The best-known version attributed to an individual in the modern day is the 19th Century poem by John Godfrey Saxe.

In various versions of the tale, a group of blind men (or men in the dark) touch an elephant to learn what it is like. Each one touches a different part, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then compare notes on what they felt, and learn they are in complete disagreement. The story is used to indicate that reality may be viewed differently depending upon one's perspective, showing how absolute truths may be relative; the deceptive world of half-truths.

A Jain version of the story says that six blind men were asked to determine what an elephant looked like by feeling different parts of the elephant's body.

The blind man who feels a leg says the elephant is like a pillar; the one who feels the tail says the elephant is like a rope; the one who feels the trunk says the elephant is like a tree branch; the one who feels the ear says the elephant is like a hand fan; the one who feels the belly says the elephant is like a wall; and the one who feels the tusk says the elephant is like a solid pipe. A wise man explains that all of the men are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently is because each one touched a different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all the features mentioned.

This is used to illustrate the principle of living in harmony with people who have different belief systems, and that truth can be stated in different ways.

In a Buddhist version of the Blind Men and the Elephant, Buddha tells the story of a raja who had six blind men gathered together to examine the elephant. "When the blind men had felt the elephant, the raja went to each of them and said to each, 'Well, blind man, have you seen the elephant? Tell me, what sort of thing is an elephant?' They assert the elephant is like a pot (head), winnowing basket (ear), ploughshare (tusk), plough (trunk), granary (body), pillar (foot), mortar (back), pestle (tail), or brush (tip of the tail).

The men come to blows, which delights the raja. The raja says:
O how they cling and wrangle, some who claim
For preacher and monk the honored name!
For, quarreling, each to his view they cling.
Such folk see only one side of a thing.

One of the most famous versions of the 19th Century was the poem "The Blind Men and the Elephant" by John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887).
The poem begins
It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind
They conclude that the elephant is like a wall, snake, spear, tree, fan, or rope, depending upon where they touch. They have a heated debate that does not come to physical violence. But in Saxe's version, the conflict is never resolved.
So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!

I personally do not claim to see and fully understand what the Elephant is. My belief system is true in my mind, but I allow others to have a belief system which may differ from mine which I understand to be true to them. I happen to believe different personal truths can co-exist if they are not exclusive, especially with respect to religion. I realize telling the Story of the Blind Men and the Elephant will not enlighten anyone who cannot think beyond the leg, or ear, or tusk that they 'know' or have been taught encompasses the entirety of the 'truth'. As I said, I failed to teach, guide, mentally expand or enlighten my debate partner although I tried my best. My position was not that I was right and she was wrong, rather that we could both allow others to have different personal truths. What I did prove was that I could not lead or guide her and that she could not follow me, a valuable lesson. And yes, I thought she was well worth the effort. I wish her well in her search for happiness.

3/4/2008 4:11:45 PM
And sometimes you just have to smile and be thankful that their true character became evident so quickly to you.  As you watch the games continue and the carnage unfold...

1/31/2008 12:07:14 PM


One Rose remains, I found it today…

This one was red changing to yellow…

Every room in my house had one…

Each was placed in a tall shot glass…

A rose means different things to different people…

I had carefully selected these roses…

Each one was perfect…

Together they seemed too much…

So I used them to fill my house…

Each would be found in turn…

Each had a message…

Each was fresh and alive…

Each smelled sweet…

Each was beautiful…

Each was vibrant…

Each had soft petals…

Velvet to the touch…

Each hinted of what was possible…

One was delivered in person…

It was the first to be discarded…

The others have since found their way to the city dump…

Only one remains, brittle and shattered…

A dried husk of what it promised…

I sometimes think of the roses in my life…

And wonder how something so beautiful…

Could become something undesirable…

I know the rose itself is fleeting…

It is the plant which must be cherished…

It must be nurtured through the hard times…

It must be protected and cared for…

Effort is needed for it to become all that it can be…

And it will reward me with beauty and satisfaction…

I think of all the roses I have met…

And it must be...

That I have yet to meet the rose that needs my care.

12/6/2007 8:33:52 AM


Just close your eyes for a second...

And feel me standing behind you...

Pressed against you...

With a breast in each hand...

And my hard cock grinding against the crease of
your ass...

And one hand slides up to grab your throat...

And turn your head to make an earlobe accessible to my tongue...

And the side of your neck...

Which I lick, slowly...

And the other hand slides down your belly...

Toward the source of our pleasure...

And holds you, with a firm promise of later!

12/2/2007 12:25:06 PM
This was my first humble attempt at erotica.
It was inspired in my dreams and is dedicated to a Lady I have never met, whose lips I have yet to kiss, whose hand I have yet to touch, whose voice I have yet to hear;

but whose heart has touched mine....


I want to feel your tongue explore me and excite me.

I want to feel your lips pressed around me while your tongue sweetly guides me home.

I want to feel the warmth and lubrication of your watering mouth.

I want to feel your eagerness to please me, as long as it takes tonight.

I want to feel the subtleties and variations of your efforts to earn your reward.

I want to pinch and tweak your nipples to distract you in your work.

I want to feel me grow harder and longer as I am immersed in your mouth and mind.

I want to move more slowly at times to prolong the sensations produced by your tongue and throat.

I want to reach a consistent pace reaching deep within your mouth.

I want to feel you coordinate your breathing and swallowing to accommodate my thrusts.

I want to feel the pressure build as the ultimate release approaches.

I want to feel the lust grow as my rhythm becomes more frenetic.

I want to feel the millions of tiny soldiers as they shoot along my shaft.

I want to feel the flood emerge and your struggle to keep them all to yourself.

I want to feel me soften, having satisfied my lust.

I want to feel your fast breath swirling past and around my balls.

I want to feel my tension pass, and all of the bad things in my life.

I want to feel the warmth and glow of just resting in your mouth.

I want to feel your hair and touch the outlines of your face.

I want to feel you settle in, simply holding me safe and warm.

I want to feel peace radiate in my mind.

What I really want, is to know your plans for this evening?

An Admirer

11/17/2007 5:54:17 PM
THE DREAM CATCHER ~ I both appreciate and apologize to the patrons visiting here since my last post. This is my latest humble addition to my museum. I consider it my best endeavor. I am sorry it does not display properly on this site which is not my home site.  It is an endearing love story that took months to take shape. This one was different in formulation. It was not created in final form as were most of my prior posts. When it was time, this one flowed and poured out like tears, welling and falling. It was live and unpolished, created in real time without my knowing the end. And I still do not know how it will end…  
I have often heard it is best to write from personal experience … If it does not become immediately obvious: I am the Spider. My posts are strands of my Blog-web. The butterfly is my Lady. She is my chance to be complete. Only she can make me whole. It is my hope to capture her and share my world with her. The choice is hers…  
The Dream Catcherby Gauis  
She pauses in the shadows, Being warned who waits inside! Yet she is drawn to  venture closer, Knowing that she cannot hide.  
Come play with me, Dear Lady,  Said the calm, hypnotic voice. Come play with me, my Darling, You know you have no choice.  
Come play with me, my Pretty, I’ve prepared a special place. For you and me to tangle, In a wonderful embrace!  
Come play with me, my Lady Your beauty is unsurpassed I've never met another So wonderfully high classed!  
I won’t go near your home, The dainty butterfly had said. I've heard tell they never, ever wake When once upon your bed.  
Give no regard, my Pretty, To those empty husks below. Of ladies who preceded you, Whose eyes no longer glow.  
They meant nothing to me, my Darling, They merely whet my appetite I am a man with basic needs, And must do whatever I might.  
Come play with me, my Sweet, I’ve been waiting for one so wise. For I have been so lonely, Without you, my special prize.  
You’ll be free to fly like ne’er before As you struggle, my wondrous Treasure. You will wiggle to entice me, and I will use you for my pleasure.  
You will wander in my dreams And wonder if I might kill. As I place poison in your mind And drain from you your will.  
Come play with me, my Lady, Let me see that abdomen! You shall dance in my embrace And cease to remember when.  
Come play with me, my Pretty Your wings delight my mind Such luscious color and fantasy Without you, I’d never find!  
My dreams have seen you flutter  And light beyond my warm embrace. Come play with me, my Darling Help me find my destined place!  
Come play with me, my Lady, Step within my emptied soul. Fill me up with your sweet goodness Make my mind and body whole!  
I’ve made silk for you, my Lady Should you venture into this place. Let me wrap you in its warmth And my comfortable embrace.  
Let me wrap you in my Love And make you only mine. Join your body with my soul And soothe my fevered mind!  
Come play with me, my Darling, We will dance a special dance. You’ll dangle from my silken thread Come Darling, take a chance!  
You know that you have wondered What your purpose is to be. You have found where you belong, You are meant to be with me!  
Come play with me, my Dancer, My mind is nearly lost. I have so much more to offer you There is only one small cost...  
Come play with me, my Lady, You need only step within. And we will be together Until time itself will end.

10/13/2007 2:29:32 PM
The Point  ~   From time to time I have written about my dreams. Not so long ago, I was asked through a comment whether I thought it was possible for two people to have had the same dream. The answer is a definite yes. In fact, I think if two people cannot create and share the same dreams, they should never meet. That is the whole point of a relationship!

10/11/2007 4:51:54 PM
While checking and performing maintenance on my pool equipment, I became aware that a specific part had failed. There is a small attachment to the pump section called a chlorinator which simply allows an adjustable small amount of chlorine to be automatically included in the water being pumped and filtered. Simple enough right? Well, this device was leaking. When I took it apart, I immediately knew what was wrong. There is a rubber O ring which permits a water-tight seal to be made, and it had failed. HA! I can fix this! HeHeHe I immediately go to the pool store with the part in hand. We look up the part in the almighty swimming pool directory and get its number. Then the computer searches the store's inventory and says they don't have it in stock and it will take 10 days to get it in. But I wanted it to work for a party... This O Ring consists of maybe 2 cents worth of rubber and they're asking $8 bucks for it in the first place. But since I want One, and One does not exist, it is worth even more than that to me. So the computer checks all stores in my city. No, not a single O Ring of my type exists anywhere in my city. I wanted my party to include water ... The value to me has risen still. So, THEN WE USE THE COMPUTER TO CHECK NEARBY CITIES!!!! AHA! A single O Ring exists in a city nearby that would involve a round trip of roughly 50 miles... Too high a price, you ask? Hell no, that O Ring had my name on it now and I was off and running. Some seemingly commonplace rubber had enormous value to me and I was willing to pay a ridiculous amount of money and turn a ten minute trip into a multihour excursion BECAUSE IT HAD A HIGH ECONOMIC VALUE TO ME.

Hmmm, so a great reward is worth considerable effort and even inconvenience to me to get the exact thing I desire ... The amount of effort and inconvenience I am willing to expend is directly influenced by the value of the object of my desire. This leads to my philosophy on a possible Long Distance Relationship. I do not want to play, practice, experiment, or make do with what might be available until something better comes along. I have specific needs and wants and have no interest in settling. I plan to do this only once more. This object of my desire has extreme value to me.

What are the odds that my permanent partner will be physically located next door, or within my neighborhood or on my side of the city? So far pretty slim. I seek a mental connection which is not generic at all. It will be quite specific to a unique individual. Even if my permanent partner is in my city, we will have issues of how to combine or choose between personal possessions, which residence to end up at, and whether one of us has to make a job change for convenience and the good of the pair. But all of those issues exist in any eventual pairing, REGARDLESS OF DISTANCE. The greatest obstacle in my search is finding the right lady, not deciding which couch to keep, or who needs to change a job, or deciding which location will be the best for both of us. Yes there are additional hardships involved with long distance relationships. Additional costs and visits, and less in-person time to get to know each other. But there is also a larger pool of potential candidates and modern methods of communication. I hope I am worth some additional effort and hardship to the Lady of my Dreams. I know she has extreme value to me. And if I am not worth extra effort for her, then I immediately know she is not for me. For the O Ring is the prize of the contest, and to win your quest for peace and happiness, you must secure your prize at all costs.

My Lady is Well Worth any Hardship!

10/9/2007 8:57:18 PM

Some years ago, as a trainee in my long term career, I had to arrange and make my first travel plans by plane. And yes there were jet engines at the time, in fact the workhorse of the industry was the Boeing 727 (So There!). I had to go from Chicago to Washington DC for extended training. My trainer told me there were two airports there and it did not matter which airport I used as a destination. So I called the airline and made my reservations. I carefully explained to the airline person the days I needed and that I wanted to arrive at Dulles airport or Washington National, I really did not care which. The lady I was talking to was from the south and she told me the possible arrival times and confirmed my reservation for a trip to Dulles. I got to the Chicago airport in plenty of time, got my ticket, went to the gate, and waited for the departure. I was looking over my ticket and noticed it departed from Chicago with an arrival at DFW airport. Probably everyone reading this now knows that DFW is Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas. The lady helping me with the initial reservation was from somewhere in the south ~ she pronounced Dallas the same way I pronounced Dulles. So ok, Ha! Ha! I raced and got it corrected and continued on with a long and successful career ... but think about it some more, this person knew the destinations she was talking about ... and she actually thought it did not matter to me whether I was flying East, or West. It made perfect sense to her that I was fine with ending up thousands of miles apart in my two stated potential destinations. What could have possibly been her common denominator with the two destinations? I still have no answer, but I assume she was capable and intelligent enough to have her job and deal with the public. I have often thought about this event though, as it demonstrates differing perspectives and thought processes, with the outcome being a breakdown in communication.

This brings me to an earlier topic concerning my process for separating wheat from chaff. Unless you have somehow acquired knowledge of an individual elsewhere by happenstance in the forums, or chat, or comments in a blog, you only have their own written word of who they are and what they seek. If the profile commentary, for instance, says that the person is actively seeking a Dominant Male, Female, Couple, or 'Other' as a partner, they are using their assessment of commonality and interchangeability of their potential partners. If I do not consider myself interchangeable with a Lady or a couple or a Switch, then I do not meet their objectives or requirements. And I have on occasion responded to messages saying I appreciate the interest, but it is clear we have differing goals and interests. I realize everyone has differing circumstances and viewpoints and that these evolve, but somehow I think you have a responsibility to "say what you mean, and mean what you say". And if we have divergent viewpoints which are important enough to one of us, then we have a defining issue in potential interaction.

I know this issue has been examined in the forums; whether you can accurately base a perception of someone on their words and conduct here. If you have no other source of information though, I think it is indeed a valid reason for determining whether to spend the time and resources required to examine all of the other facets of commonality with an individual. I am trying to be efficient in the 'search' aspect of my presence here. I have received objections with the rationale that they did not mean what they said or that they did mean it and that my perspective was not valid. OK then, Good Luck in Your Search! You may be the best Peach in the orchard, but if I can see you are a Peach and I know that I want an Apple ...

10/6/2007 11:42:38 AM
And then there are times that a dream is only a dream. It fades so quickly as you wake up. The smile on your face is forgotten as reality sinks in. Yup, another fucking day in a seemingly endless progression. Fooled again! Damn, it seemed so real. Make the fucking coffee and pour it down your throat. Hot! Feel your belly warm as it fills with hot liquid. Feel the caffeine provide motivation as it is released at a predestined pace. Only so much help is available there before the motivation is replaced by the buzz. You have to maintain a balance to focus. Too much and you will drift. How long did I sleep? It was so promising! I really thought I was there ... She was there too! Sometimes the drift can be a gift, though. A fleeting glimpse. A possibility. A daydream! A chance to create, to shape the world. To demonstrate to your conscious self what you can do. Alright then, another fucking day ... Try to make it a day moving toward the dream. It is your only hope.

10/3/2007 10:59:44 AM

It is a tedious process ~ separating wheat from chaff. The rewards are obvious. Wheat is desirable for nutritional purposes. Chaff has uses too, but it most often considered a byproduct having lesser value. Some consumers want to remove and avoid 'worthless' refuse like chaff. Other consumers see value in the chaff itself, and desire it for its own characteristics and attributes. Wheat is typically considered to be more desirable. But the consumer wanting wheat is not in any way superior to the consumer desiring chaff. They are simply different people, with differing goals, wants and needs.

Sometimes there are fortuitous events or phenomena which assist in the process of separating the wheat from the chaff. With the natural example, there is the obvious benefit of gravity. All objects are physically drawn to the earth. By causing or allowing the wheat and chaff together 'to fall' to the earth, an opportunity is presented for other factors to influence their physical proximity. A breeze or even strong wind which is present will cause a physical separation. The chaff is moved aside as both comply with gravitational forces. Depending on the strength of the wind, the process must be repeated a number of times ~ or the chaff is more dramatically 'blown away' with a decisive wind in few attempts.

Ok, so what is the nutrition I am really talking about? And who cares what my observation is?

I am also talking about Nutrition for the soul. Seeking a suitable partner is also a tedious process. And often a discouraging one. There are so many factors involved. And not only 'My' factors of what I have learned and know about myself and currently 'think' I want and need. I also have to sort out and identify someone else's factors. Their attributes and characteristics. Their position and placement on their own path of self discovery. How far along are they in knowing themselves? Do they even know enough about themselves to know what their wants and needs really are? The problem is made even more difficult when 'chaff' makes every effort to be perceived as 'wheat'!!! Deceitful chaff??? Unfortunately that is too often the case.

As to who would care what my observation is; well, anyone may care... It is thoughtfully written and hopefully is received as heartfelt. This is a public blog. But the important thing is one person will definitely care! I just do not yet know who she is. She will have been on her own journey of discovery; her own path. I do not know of any specifics yet. And her path will have crossed mine or at least be close enough for her to see me on mine. Most of the things I say or do are carefully considered. My profile is fairly well maintained with my purpose being to reveal something about who I am. My forum posts and comments also are carefully considered. My blog is intended to reveal various aspects of who I really am. I have tried to be concise. I provided windows into my soul. Of course I have hoped to reveal my strengths and desirable qualities, but I also reveal faults and weaknesses. For weaknesses are part of the complete person, and are certainly a part of me.

So today I will stop, simply identifying my 'observation' and I will consider the issue further. I am reluctant to reveal too much of my 'winnowing' process because some 'chaff' can be resourceful, and I don't want any to 'study up' or try to sell the answers on Ebay... And the more precise I become in describing what I consider 'wheat' may cause a hybrid variety to lose potential interest.

But I will make a comment about the concept of 'The One'. I am probably appropriately labelled a Romantic. I do not know if there is a Cosmic 'One' for me. I would never know the answer to that question because I would look no further. I have learned much about who I am and what I seek. My goal is not 'the search' but an evolving relationship that serves the desires and needs of both partners. I want to polish the 'coin' comprised of two sides. My goal is for it to shine!

8/30/2007 7:58:28 AM
Note To Self ~ I have learned not be surprised when someone says what they believe you want to hear too quickly and readily flips from positions already taken.  You first need to know who you are yourself and then remain steadfast in your personal objectives and requirements to hope to achieve them.  Remain vigilant and resourceful in substantiating your developing perceptions.  I really have no interest in accumulating more mistakes to learn from.  False paths are common, destructive, demoralizing, and insistant.  I must try harder to avoid following them.

7/19/2007 3:59:00 PM
Treatise on Friendship (and more) ~ I decided to hitch up my buckboard, leave my hill, and come visit town for a while.  And No, I am not carrying any stone tablets with me on this trip.

I process.  OK? At least that is what I call it.  Little engines run.  A system of gears remain turning.  Algorithms work toward their solutions.  Most issues are processed in real time and at a respectable speed, if I may say so myself.  Many solutions require some time.  Sometimes a lot of time.  Some of my algorithms have been running all of my life.  Quietly and tediously working on the resolution to the problems they were created for.  They are perpetual machines relentlessly working on their assigned task.  I just create them, place them in an assigned space in my mind, and they run.  They don't require any maintenance.  Many of these machines or algorithms are running at the same time.  When one achieves its assigned task, it is immediately presented to me.  So I have been present an answer to a problem or a question....that was posed to me by someone ... hours, days, weeks, or months previously.  So not everyone can readily follow my train of thought in a conversation.  And sometimes I can be physically present yet tending to or checking on my algorithms.  I call this my processing mode.  While in a processing mode I occasionally get lost on the way to work and yes, I have misplaced my house on several occasions.

One of the issues I have been processing for most of my life concerns the nature of friendship.  And no, I am not announcing the solution.  I am just examining the status of my algorithm.  I believe everyone will agree that a true friend is certainly a rare and precious person.   In fact a true friend is so rare that many people do not have one, have never had one, and very well may never have one. 

A true friend is also so rare that the definitions and requisite qualities of a friend continue to erode.  I will make no attempt to delve into various common definitions and what personal qualities may pass for at least a temporary designation as a friend.  I remember my daughter as a little girl, talking with her classmates.  I heard instances where (for a price!) one or another of the girls would offer 'to be your friend', or even to be your 'best friend'.  They had no idea what being a true friend might entail.  But they knew that it was a rare thing, desired by everyone, and worthy of a high price in exchange.

I do not blame the girls.  The qualities and responsibilities of being a friend are never taught directly.  Partially because so few people have ever had a true friend, or been a true friend to someone.  They cannot teach by example.   Also, the capacity to be a true friend is not a direct attribute that someone has, but the result of other characteristics they have acquired, developed, and live by.  Characteristics like honor, honesty, compassion, commitment, loyalty, patience, devotion, dependability, and a boundless capacity for forgiveness.  A true friend can place your welfare and interests ahead of their own!  All of these characteristics and more are prerequisites for having the ability to be someone's true friend.  If you are lacking or unable to exhibit any of these attributes consistently, you are unable to be someone's true friend.  It is as simple as that.  It is never convenient or easy to be a true friend to someone.  And you can be a true friend to someone who is not a true friend to you.  If both of the parties are true friends to each other, I would call that relationship a friendship.

I 'visualize' books that I enjoy reading.  I can run the 'movies' anytime I like in my mental 'theater', but I also like to physically revisit books that have made an impression on me.  One such book is - Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.  I will not spoil the story if you have not read it.  The book examines the human soul and ultimate friendship.  I am not sure I can be as true a friend as George is to Lenny, but I hope I have the capacity and selflessness that George demonstrates in the final few pages.

I began this by saying that I had not found the solution.  Perhaps I misspoke.  Or perhaps I have made a slight modification to my 'Friendship' algorithm.  Now I shall give it a new name and direct its efforts toward something a little different.  Henceforth, I think I will call it my personal 'Relationship' algorithm.  Because those characteristics I mentioned:  honor, honesty, compassion, commitment, loyalty, patience, devotion, dependability, and a boundless capacity for forgiveness,  are fundamental characteristics for the relationship I seek.  My partner will be my true friend and I want to be a true friend to her.  Each of us will place the welfare and interests of the other ahead of our own.  If either of us is lacking in those characteristics, and if we cannot place another ahead of ourselves, we will not have a relationship.  It is as simple as that.  Yes it takes a lot of time and effort to determine if those characteristics are true and consistent and to build trust in each other.  And no I have not been successful in finding my partner yet.

When I think about it, I can see parallels between a true friendship, a successful marriage, and (What  I consider) a successful bdsm relationship.  Whether it is a friendship ring, a wedding ring on her finger, or a locked ring around her neck, success in my opinion requires those characteristics to be present, practiced, and preserved.  And this may also help explain why lasting friendships, long term bdsm relationships, and successful marriages are so elusive and rare.

While I am 'in town', I thought this would be a good opportunity for a personal disclosure.  I see so many profiles that seek if not require long term experience for consideration as a potential partner.   I do not profess to be seasoned or experienced in relationships.  I have only had one relationship which eventually failed and I claim decades of a successful relationship.   A successful relationship should not end because those personal characteristics are present, practiced and preserved by both partners.  (One side of the coin should not have inherently different characteristics than its opposite side!)  So I have very little experience from the quantity or practice perspective.  I only have significant experience in the successful application of those personal characteristics and I hope that is the ambition and goal of anyone interested in me.   

You may now return to your regularly scheduled Journal reading activities...

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